7 Days

[ronvrens]

Week 1 has passed since my wife Pat passed away. Can it get any harder. So many emotions.

The questions people ask just cause more pains. What are you going to do with the huse. It's not a house it's my home! Are you coping. Can't they see the tears. What are you going to do now. I dont know but I must go back to work and try to pick up the pieces.

I have a special pet, a jackal that is very old and does not adapt easily. She must go with me.

These are all things going round in my head all day.

My son who works in Dubai is with me at present but he goes home to his wife and daughter next week then I am alone. This is when the worst will begin.

Hope I can cope.

I have read some of the other postings and am happy to see tha there is only genuine concern and advice. I know its me that must do the grieving and cope and it helps just to let others who have had the same experiences know how I feel

Thank you for caring

Ronnie

[Joppette]

Hi Ronnie,

I understand grief. Not of a spouse, but of both my parents and my sister. Bottom line is you just have to go through it. It will be hard when your son goes back to his home. I pray that the quiet and solitude bring with them peace as you come to terms with her death. It's so difficult!

((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))

Judy in MI

[ts]

Ronnie,

Do what you can to find yourself surrounded with life affirming people, not the energy depleting ones. Get plenty of rest, eat well, exercise and take care of yourself now. Allow yourself to be taken care of, if opportunities present themselves. Have something to do and something to look forward to.

If you can find a support group that feels right, it might help. Also, if your brain and heart are just overwhelmed right now, a short course of anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medications might be worth a try.

Randy will tell you to go out under the night sky and talk to your wife.

A jackal? Can these be domesticated or do they always remain wild?

[ronvrens]

Thank you for the acceptance and advice. I know that it is me that has to deal with the loss and grieving.

This little girl jackal has been with the family for 12 years. We got her when her mother was killed and the locals in Lesotho sold her.

She is still a wild animal but has been domesticated .

At present she is my companion as she also misses my wife as they were together most of the time until her illness.

She sleeps on the bed with me.

Love her to bits.

[eric byrne]

Hi Ronnie,

Good to hear from you again,it is a blessing that you have your children around you at this time for sharing and support,and although they wont always be in your presence,all the time,they are only a phone call away,you also have your buddies here 24/7.I think your thoughts of returning to work are absolutely right,keeping youself in company is really important and the distraction of being busy at work gives you less time to think about your loss.I know the loss of parents and the grief that brought me,but to lose your spouse,I can appreciate that is on another level.I wish you that the passing of time,will ease the pain you are feeling to-day,and you are able to begin to pick the pieces and feel restored enough to take back the pleasure of living

your life again,as you always did.

[Nick C]

Ronnie,

I'm very sorry.

Folks do ask some of the oddest questions and make some of the most inappropriate comments.

I remember my favorite after Mom passed was, "wow, I bet you wish you had kids and didn't wait huh". That was at the wake...

I have written that off to people don't know what to say but they don't want to say nothing...and I guess for that I give them credit.

It is early...give yourself the time to feel everything you are feeling and take it easy on yourself.

Hang in.

Nick

[fillise]

Ronnie--

We are here for you.

Susan

[Maryanne]

Hi Ronnie,

Don't take it too seriously what people say... sometimes things just come out without that person knowing that it hurt.

Grief works in so many different ways. I am glad your children are with you right now. And like it was mentioned they are always a phone call away.

Please know that we are always here for you. I am so sorry for all you are going through.

Maryanne

[jaminkw]

Ronnie, so sorry for what you are going thru and still need to go thru. Nothing about grieving is easy but I agree it can help to surround yourself with positive people.

Going back to work may be difficult but it may be the best thing for you. I don't know about the jackal--do you mean it will have to go to work with you? Is it not accustomed to being alone? Does it have a cage it is comfortable with that you could take with you to work? In spite of the logistics you may need to work out relative to your pet, I'm happy you have a warm-blooded creature you love to offer you comfort.

Keep us posted.

Judy in kw

Judy in KW

[RandyW]

Ronnie this is a very hard road to walk but Your not alone !! I know how much it hurts right now and understand! I was in your shoes 4 and a half years ago when MY wife of 10 years passed away. Besides posting here and getting things off my mind and everyone here is WONDERFUL!!!!! I have found a couple other things to try and see if they help get you through this!

1) Your home is your home and that is what it always will be even when your not there! I hope your jackal can travel at least to stay near you at work as I understand you have a bit of a commute I think If I remember correctly. She needs you and you need that unconditional love from Your Pup the Jackal! I had my late wife's Pup for almost 3 years before she died of cancer in my arms on the dining room floor one night! that hurt almost as much as losing Deb!! she was my companion and the pup in my avatar is my new pup that I got after 6 months but I digress here so back on track!

2 ) transferal of emotions. Let it out of your system!! Don't keep the grief bottled up as it will consume you and destroy you from inside! grab a box of eggs or something cheap and breakable and start throwing at inanimate objects like trees or wall!! but you have to get it out to move forward sideways or anyways at all!!! yell scream let it out!!

3) the guilt.. Don't let the guilt of your wife's passing consume you! You did everything you could do and so did the doctors. God had a plan and needed your wife for his plan. Someday he will need each and everyone of us for a plan and then we will know what that plan is also.. he reveals the plan as he needs us to help him fulfill it. It was not your fault in any way shape or form at all. You took care of your wife the very best you could and that is all anyone can ask of us.. Do the best we can and make the best of Life while we are doing this!! the Coulda, Shoulda Wouldas" and 5 dollars will get ya a cup af coffee at Starbucks! Not worth it at all!!!

4) the talking! If ya have heard this mentioned before, by someone and I think you have, something I used to do was talk to My late wife and god also.. I am spiritual but not religious! I don't belong to a Church right now. They are materialistic and sometimes lose focus of their core beliefs because of Money! the root of all evil. I pray and have prayed for years under the stars at nite! I yelled at god under the stars and even cursed at him but apologized afterward cause I don't want him to be mad at me!! I used to talk to deb under the stars at nite and sometimes still do when occasion warrants. Tell her the car had a flat tire, She did not tell me the dog does not like things, I had no money to pay the bills on a single income, anything on my mind just let it out! Tell her Ya forgot to pay the water bill and its past due. You get the idea. just let it out! Tell her ya miss her and ya love her! (Getting misty eyed now)

5) Share... Your wife with folks and tell them things about her! We love to know about people ! there is a link to a memory of.com site in my signature and of You click that link you can learn all kids of things and see lots of photos of my late wife! just share with folks like us and we get you!!

We understand how it feels to lose a spouse parent aunt uncle sister brother niece best friend nephew or even a stranger!!

Hope I helped Ya even just a little bit here and apologize for a long read but compared to some of my others this is pretty short If I do say so!! If Ya need an ear or a shoulder PM Me! I am around at least 2 times a day here sometimes more reading and watching!!!! its gets easier but not better!!