Treebywater

Peg--you've gotten some great advice. Do get her to another doc and know that we're here to support you and help you to help your Mom.

I am so sorry that your Daddy is gone.

Susan--It sounds like you're doing a great job at finding the balance. It is *so* hard when you are so far away to know exactly how to do that. I think for my Mom talking to someone who wasn't there was a chance to talk about 'non-cancer stuff' so I'd try to get caught up on what was new and then just chat like we always had. Your involvement and research WILL BE an asset for her and I'm sure she knows how lucky she is to have you in her corner. Praying for you and her.

Gotta be honest here.... Your Mom's dealing with Lung Cancer. Yes, diet and exercise can have positive effects for everybody, and some folks have had really positive results from both while dealing with LC... and I agree with the 'no stone unturned' idea, but... diet and exercise choices are small potatoes right now. I'm sure they seem that way to her. She's likely doing her best just to get through each day with the fatigue and side-effects of treatment. If she's NOT eating then certainly continue to encourage her to do so... And let her know that it's ok to be creative--popcorn or pancakes or ice cream with ensure... whatever works. What she eats though needs to be her choice. As her daughter your job isn't necessarily to jump start her in all the possible directions, but rather to support the decisions she does make. Definitely, present options to her. But then, let her call the shots and make the choices without nagging her about what she's not doing. Maybe she just doesn't feel like exercising or eating leafy crunchy things. And doing chemo and radiation--from my limited sidelines knowledge--causes a person's appetite to be pretty crazy. Same goes for support groups. Some just aren't into that sort of thing. That's ok. It doesn't mean that they care any less about getting better, just that it's not their thing. As for the oncologist situation I would certainly encourage her to go get a second opinion. It sounds like her onc. is twiddling his thumbs and she needs someone to be proactive for her and with her. That *is* something worth bringing her attention to, and advocating for her to go get more information. I can't imagine how powerless a diagnosis like LC would make me feel--and then how powerless the treatments and what they did to my body would make me feel. I think I'd grasp at ANYTHING that I could CONTROL to make me feel more balanced. Maybe that's what your Mom is doing? Overall, I guess what I'm saying is pick your battles and let your Mom be the Mom. For the sake of your sanity and for the sake of your relationship with her. It sounds like she's doing the best she can and she's trying to gather all the information she can. That's A LOT! Prayers for her and for you. She is lucky to have a daughter who is so proactive in looking for options on her side.

I'll give it to husband. He can have a ball buying tools.

(((((Ann))))))

(((((Shauna)))))) So much on your plate. And I so know how hard it is to have it overflowing and not have your Mama to run to with it all. I'm sorry.

Happy Birthday, Lucie.... (((((Don)))))

I so relate to your post. I really, really do. I was 24 when Mom died... I'm 26 now. "Just a baby." Exactly. ((((hugs)))) to you. We'll hurt through it together. I'm sorry that right now the pain is so deep... I wish there was something I could say to ease it, but... there just isn't. Our Mom's want us to keep going and do our best to be happy, but I think they get why it's so hard some days too.

(((((Kim))))))) I'm here for you, dear. It sucks. It hurts. I hate all those things that people say too. I'm starting to not be quite so sensitive, but it's taken me this long to get to a point where not EVERYTHING that people tried to say hits me the wrong way. I know that all you want is your Mom here. And I *hate* the message that people are intent on sending that since losing one's parents is a 'normal' loss that it should necessarily be an easy one.... It's NOT. Especially when our Mom's were young and we are still young. I 'expected' it to happen, sure but not until I was much older... a 'real grown-up' with kids who had known their gramma for a long time. People don't get that. As for the new wife just.... more (((((hugs)))))) I'm sorry you're hurting and know that we sure don't expect a happy face from you. You ARE doing the best you can for yourself and for your kids.

I have absolutely no insight, and I'm sorry for that, but I do offer you all of my support. I'm so sorry that your husband is going through all of this, and I pray that things will get easier and turn around positively ASAP. ((((hugs)))) to you.

I can totally understand your point. And so many things that people say well-meaningly really hit me in a raw way too. But I have to admit that even though I think it is the more accurate term and I think that words like 'left us' and 'lost' are misnomers..... I still usually say, "My Mom left" or "I lost my Mom." For whatever reason my brain is hung up on saying the 'd' word. It is certainly more of a theft than a losing though, you're right.

Thinking of you both Laura and Karen.... Rest assured that Ken is remembered here, and that your loss is known and grieved for still.

I just hurt for you. I pray that the pain will dissipate and I pray for a lot of really special time for you all to be together.

(((((lewellen))))) Gosh my heart just goes out to you with the pregnancy and missing your Daddy and being so far away from everything.... Our scenarios with our parents were really similar and I just know how hard it is to have all those balls in the air and no time to process it. I'm so very sorry that your Daddy is gone, and that you were in transit at the time. I can't imagine how that hurts. We're here for you to lean on.

I'm so sorry that on top of dealing with these difficult decisions and new routes of dealing with this that you are encountering such uncompassionate dimwits. You DON'T need that. And I would mention her behavior to your doctor. You guys made an excruciatingly hard decision, and you feel it's the right one. That's ALL they need to know. For what it's worth--we support you, here.

Oh Michele, I so just know.... I hate the alone wonderings too. I'm an only child... and as things have changed with Dad, well it's been hard. Plus, I feel like if I lose Dad then there goes my buffer, you know? There goes MY family as I know it. And then the stuff with the kids.... I have cried all those tears right with you. My mom was only with us for the first four months of Carolyn's life and here she is turning two. She'll never know this new little one. And every day I wish I could pick up the phone and tell her what she's doing or ask for advice or find out what I was like at her age or ask how she made it through staying at home with a toddler without losing her mind or her identity. I long for all those talks with her. I know there is *neveR* a good time to lose one's Mom. I know that. But it just seems such a cruel time when we're still so young, when we're raising our babies. These are the things I see other women bonding with their Mom's over. And I so just long for that. (((((hugs))))) to you. And I'd love to PM you my number. We can share those milestones and frustrations and cry together over our Moms missing them.

Sonia, I am so sorry things have progressed to this point. Praying for peace for your Daddy and you.

Oh yes.... We had several significant deaths the year Mom died, and each time I hoped that they would give Mom a hug. And everytime we lose someone special from here, I always thing--Mom--Go meet, such and such. Show 'em the ropes. Andy and I also think a lot about his Dad and my Mom maybe knowing one another. They didn't at the time of his dad's death... but we've found so many things that they have in common--weird things like phrases they always used and musicians they loved. That always makes me smile too.

WONDERFUL NEWS!!!!

Yep, it is a worry of mine too. Especially because Mom had a family history and she was the 4th fo 7 children to have cancer.

I'm so sorry.

Wonderful news!!!!

Lisa, I'm so very, very sorry.

I'm sorry you had to take another trip to the ER, but I am so glad to hear that the treatments have been so successful so far!