Treebywater

I'm so glad you're back!

Gina, I'm sorry you had a need for this place, but glad that you've found us.

I'm just a 'kid' in all this, but after watching how my Dad is handling things, I have to say that only *you* know if it's time. And it's ok either way. You *aren't* cheating on your dear husband.... you're living life as he, I'm sure, would want you to. And good for you for being open to that. And at the same time, if it doesn't feel right, that's ok too. I think it's very ok to be honest about that with this guy too--and even, perhaps, open the door to a friendship until you're ready for more. If that's something you'd feel 'ok' with. The one caveat I will add is this: I don't know if you have kids, but if you do,expect them to have feelings about this. That does NOT mean you should hesitate to pursue a relationship, but.... just know that this is going to be difficult for them to swallow at first. It's something my Dad has yet to acknowledge with me, and THAT has been hard. I am so happy for him (he's getting married in March), but it is still hard for *Me.* However, from day one I have tried to support HIM all the way in his new relationship. I want him to be happy, and if this new woman (who is wonderful by the way) makes him happy, then that is what is important. That may be more than you bargained for.... I hope I didn't cross a line being that I'm not a bereaved spouse, but it's a subject I've become very familiar with from this side of things. And regardless--you're not a freak. All this new relationshipy stuff is scary and hard no matter what. I freaked out when my husband and I started being 'more than friends.' So I think it's hard in the best of circumstances. Even more so when dealing with the loss of a much loved husband. Take your time and do things at your own pace. (((((hugs))))) for you as you work through this. And I wish you so much happiness no matter what you decide.

I'm so sorry Betty.

((((Nancy)))) I can't understand entirely, but I think I can a little.... I hate the feeling of losing 'home.' I'm sorry it hurts.

Jen, I'm just so happy for you guys.

Rochelle--I think Geri is saying something really important here. I so admire you, and love you for wanting to care for them so, but.... I don't think your Mom would expect you to keep them from making poor choices. I mean, not even a parent can do that. You don't have to be "Mom" now in any way. Just be the best Rochelle you can be. Be there... and do the cool sister stuff. Send care packages or goofy comic strips or whatever is their thing and keep talking to them even if they just want to talk about XBoxes. And, I would say, don't be afraid to keep your Mom in your lives by just talking about her--without even trying to get into the 'how are you feeling' stuff. And don't lose track of Rochelle in all of this either. Take care of you, and even though you've just been dealt this incredibly terrible blow.... try to soak into this part of your life (in the moments when the grief isn't in charge) too.

Heather-- For what it's worth, I didn't 'feel' like I thought I should for a long, long time with my mom. I had a lot going on immediately after even aside from the funeral and it took a while before I had 'space' to deal with it like I needed to, and that was part of it for me, but it was also just a numbness. Our brains try to protect us, and sometimes that means some of us only feel it in bits and pieces at first. I can remember having the same feeling of why can't I feel my Mom in the weeks after her death. The first two days she was so THERE still. I felt her laughing and smiling.... And then I couldn't feel that anymore. It doesn't mean she's not there... It's just... grief and the way we are. Nobody does this the same way as anybody else. Give yourself permission to be where you're at. (((((hugs))))) to you.

Grace...... I just ache for you and Carlton and your girls. I hate this stuff, and I just hate what it is doing to your family. Just thinking out loud here... but maybe a bedside commode would help? That way it's not such a huge transport issue and maybe that will feel like a little more dignity. So many, many (((((hugs)))))) to all of you.

(((((Erin))))) I guess, now your Mama and our Frank share a birthday in Heaven. I'm so sorry that this day had to be this day for you. Val

I hate this disease and the treasure it steals from us. And Frank was the most precious kind of treasure.

I'm so glad you're home and I hope the recovery time will be as easy as it possibly can be!

I'm so sorry.

lewellen! Thank you for reminding me about resources for finances! I may be wrong, but I do believe that the Navy Marine Corps Relief Society provides interest free loans for family emergencies when needed.... Or try calling Fleet and Family Support and see what they may have. Or check out military one source. All of those places *might* have resources to get you there without breaking your bank. Praying for you.

You know, I hated the 'time will heal you' addage. And I still do. Because I still can't conceive of NOT hurting with a dreadful unbearable ache at my Mom's absense from my life. Time will change things. And you will learn how to walk around with the hurt and not focus on it so much, but I still don't subscribe to the 'time heals all wounds' theory by a long-shot. You are so FRESH to this whole journey. It is so new. For me it hurt a lot. And then it hurt a lot more. And then it hurt a lot more a lot more. And then I had to go, "Screw it. Ok. I guess I'll feel the hurt." And now.... well, it still hurts... but I can walk around with it. (((((hugs))))) to you. So many of us 'get it.' At least from our own shoes, we do. Just know that it is ok to feel WHATEVER right now. Nothing is normal and everything is normal if that makes any sense. Val

((((Betty)))) Many prayers for your sister and you.

(((((dani)))))

~~~~~~~~~~<--good vibes sent Debi's way.

It may actually be best to *not* force him to eat. Don't deprive him of food... Always provide it and certainly go for ANYTHING that might be appealing to him, but.... it could be that his body is getting to the point when eating is just too hard. Follow his lead, and keep fixing and serving him meals, but don't try to wrestle the food into him. ((((((((hugs)))))))) I'm so sorry you are at this point.

We love you Frank.

(((((Grace))))) ((((((Carlton))))) ((((((Kiddos)))))) I'm glad you're all under one roof again.

Wonderful news...

Yep... It's time to go be with your Daddy. My husband is in the Navy too and I know how difficult it is to judge what to do when you're so far away and have all of the 'Navy variables' hanging in the balance too... But, it sounds like your gut says go. I know that's not an easy thing, as if I remember correctly--aren't you in Japan? But if you can make it happen... Do it. Do it for YOU as much as for him and let your Dad know that is the case. (((((hugs))))) to you. If you ever need the ear of someone with the 'Navy wife perspective' on things, shoot me a PM. Val

Grace... Still praying for you both and thinking of you almost non-stop.

((((((Erin)))))) One year is so hard.... It just is. And the reality of all the other years yet to face. My friend, Amanda, who lost her husband just about a month after you Mom posted a haiku on her blog the other day: You think that their dying is the worst thing that could happen. Then they stay dead. — “Distressed Haiku,” written by Donald Hall shortly after the death of his wife, poet Jane Kenyon. It just hurts. And I'm sorry. And I hope you know how much I care, and support you. Val