When my Mom was sick and I was here in WA, she did NOT want to talk on the phone much at all. It was REALLY hard to not take that personally. I needed to talk to her... because we didn't know how much time we would have.
When I got back to IL I came to realize that Mom's breathing changed so much when she was on the phone that it made her very, very tired. Then I got it. Then it didn't hurt quite so much.
I know it is a different situation... But I feel it relates some because that was my ONE LINK to my Mom for five long months.
Maybe there is more to this than you are seeing. Maybe it is hard on your Dad.
I think keeping the lines of communication open right now is really important. Try not to be offended. DO TRY to work with them. If it means staying in a hotel, bringing your own linens, only being there for one day during the weekend and doing something else the other, going less frequently, bringing along a responsible teenager or adult to babysit, or what... see if there is a compromise that can be made.
And if your relationship is good with your SM, you might (gently) share with her that you are struggling with this. That you are worried about your Daddy and you want to see him as much as you are able to. See if there is a middle ground. See if there is more at work here. Maybe visits are really taking a physical toll on your Dad? Maybe they are both just out of sorts right now and trying to grab at any means of control over their life that they can. I don't know.
I do know how much it stings, and I'm sorry. I hope there will be a good solution for all of you found.
Val