Treebywater

Michael Jackson.

(((((((Carleen))))))) I'll come to the party, and bring the ice cream. What kind is your favorite? There just aren't any words for me to say. You've been through so much and I hate that you have to face more loss. I hurt with you and I care and I send so many hugs to you.

Carleen--I went to the SAME sort of group and had the SAME feelings. Right down to the "I'm the only one who's not 80 here." And my GOSH I could not STAND the female host on the videos. The only way I could sit still was to watch the scrolling marquee church sign out in the parking lot thorugh the window of the church. I gave it three meetings, and then I left... The worst part of it was--we would start late because our leaders couldn't figure out the VCR, and then... we didn't have time to talk about anything! Drove me nuts! So yes, I did try... it didn't work out. After that, I thought about going to one through Mom's hospice organization, but couldn't really get the gumption to find someone to watch Carolyn during that time. I was already feeling guilty enough about leaving her with Dad at that point. Then I tried to talk to a pastor which was wonderful until the pastor failed to show up for the second meeting. And then... Though I know it was ridiculous and stupid, I felt so crushed that my attempts to step out on the limb and ask for help had gone so poorly, that I just stopped trying. I felt that "supisingly good" thing too at first... I think in my case I HAD to because I was also getting ready for my husband to go on deployment. But... the hard stuff came later for me. Some of it came MUCH later. The moral of Val's story: Don't do what I did and give up if this first group isn't right for you. Do know that the emotions will likely come. Good luck... and let us know how it goes!

Missy. It is hard. It IS so hard. I remember my Mom saying the same thing. She was afraid she wouldn't be strong enough... She didn't want to do it alone. And... I did everything I could to make sure she didn't have to. I know you are doing the same. And I know your Mom is cherishing every moment that you are with her as a beautiful gift. You will cherish those same moments in the same way. Praying for you all so hard. PLEASE use my number anytime you need or PM me. love, Val

AWESOME, AWESOME!!!!

((((Peggy)))) Just wish I could hug you and we could cry together. Sometime I want to hear about you and Don! I want to know how YOU met and what YOU'RE special things to do were. love you and will be hugging extra tight these next few days.

Gathering a few up. I am, I am!

(((((Malou))))) I've missed you and I'm so glad you checked in. I know this time must be so hard for you... But the grace that you are showing walking into it is so beautiful. Praying for gentleness on your journey now. Val

Oh Lori, I so hoped that you would find out better news regarding your son. And darn it, I'm mad for you! It's also tough that Mom is needing it quiet with kids who are needing to be kids. Praying that you will all be able to work with one another. Sending you so many tons of ((((((hugs)))))) all my love and prayers. We ARE here for you.

I'm so glad that hospice has been such a help to you. But so sorry that your Dad's condition has taken a nosedive. Praying for you all.

Just another ((((((Jen)))))) and ((((((Jen's Dad)))))) Praying for all the GOOD time you all can have together.

candle

Awesome, Awesome!!!!

Sounds like you made a very well-informed decision and things are moving in the right direction. As for the attitude thing--Sure it helps, but it takes time to be ready to put those big girl panties on sometimes. Take your time. You aren't crying in your cheerios or staying in bed all day. You're proactively living your life. Keep us posted!

(((((((Sue)))))))) Wish I could give you one in person. Thinking of you.

(((((terrie))))))

Gail, You couldn't have loved or cared for him better. I'm so very sorry that your Dad is gone. It's so hard when the decline comes so fast. You want that precious time to adjust to 'non-fight' mode, but instead you deal with those new horrible things each day. Praying for you and hurting with you. Val

That is just SO AWESOME!!!!

No advice, but many, many prayers. What a difficult, emotional situation to find yourself in.

Welcome Troy! I sure am sorry that you had to find us, but glad you did. I don't have much info or help for you, but I did want to say Hooyah Navy! My hubby is AD right now. In regards to the medical facility--perhaps it is just for active duty, but it's my understanding that you can get a referral for a second opinion? Have you tried that route? I know dealing with TriCare and lack of choices for medical care can be a pain in the butt. Sounds like you are at a good MTF. That's a positive. Praying for your wife, and for you. Do come back often!

Of course you are right. There is another thread here which deals with more of the positives of Hospice care. I think the positive thing about this thread is that it allows us to see that not all hospices are created equally. I know in our case, we were more pleased than not, just not as bowled over by helpfulness as we were expected to believe we would be. The important thing is to investigate options before you need them. We all hope that we never will, but if we're going to, you want to know with as much certainty as possible that it will be a positive experience. I'm really glad that your Dad's experience was so positive! There are MANY positive experiences out there. It also sounds like he and your family did a good job of sticking your neck out when you weren't happy about some aspect or another. That is an important thing as well.

I'm praying!

Jen, I'm so sorry... We're here to support you. Let your Dad know that we are all praying for him and won't stop.

You won't fall apart. In hindsight, you will wonder why you didn't... But somehow you will find the strength to do what needs doing. My best advice right now is this: Don't be a perfectionist. Do what you can and be gentle with yourself. I know there isn't anyone in your main body of family than can help, but if you have church support, neighbors nearby, or ANYONE that you can drag off the street and say--I need help, it's a good thing. Little things like--could you run the dishwasher for me? Or... Could you bring over dinner--even if it's take out? See if you can delegate some of those little responsibilities to some friends and acquaintences who might be willing to lend a hand. (((((hugs))))) to you. This IS hard. But you will find a way to keep putting one foot in front of the other until you get to a point where you can crumble.

Michelle, I'm just so very sorry... As Holly and Erin have mentioned here already there are several of us who lost our Mom's either shortly before or after having a baby born. I'm another. It's hard and it sure complicates the emotions. We care and we are here to support you.