kamataca

Jill, I really feel like I should know what to say to you. I've followed your/your mom's story closely and with prayers. Just three months ago I was exactly where you are. You would think experience would give me wisdom. Here's all I can say. It stinks. I am really sorry for the depth of your pain. I wish I could take it away from you. I am here for you, as are so many others. Please take care of yourself along this journey--no taking care of everyone else and neglecting yourself. You are loved here, and you are in my prayers. Kelly

It could be so heart-breaking, reading the names of those who we have lost. I have to say, I had a smile on my face thinking of Addie-tude, and Leslie, and so, so many of the others you have all mentioned. I feel honored to have known these folks...at least as well as you can know people virtually. This really is a special place. I cherish my friends here. God bless all those who have gone on before us. Kelly

Jill, Join my prayers with everyone else's. Your mom is such a fighter, and you are doing such a good job of taking care of her and your dad. PLEASE remember to take care of yourself as well. Kelly

People who think we should get over it, have simply never done it themselves. To h*ll with them. I'm really sorry you had this reminder to sslap you in the face. I agree that it sucks to be an adult orphan. I'm tired of being the head of the family, and I've only been at it for a few months. Hoping for some peace for you today. Kelly

I just don't know enough to give you advice, but I always see it as a good sign when the doctors want to be proactive with treatment. Maybe going ahead with it would be good, but talk to the doctor if you don't feel comfortable with it. We were lucky to have very good drs who would talk things through until we understood their rationales. Hoping the best for you guys. Kelly

I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. The shock of discovery can be so hard. When my mom was diagnosed, they told us there would be no cure for her, and that all care would be palliative...to provide comfort for her. Mom outlived their projections, and had two more very good years. She was on oxygen, and she was slow-moving at times, but I am grateful for those years. As I'm sure every one will tell you, there is no way to know times for your mom. Make the best of the time you hae, whaterver that means. Maybe instead of moving there, take several short trips, if your job and life will allow. If it were me, I'd make the trip now, while you are enjoying each other's company---go and make some more memories. We have several long-term survivors on this board as well. Never give up hope! Prayers for you and your Mom. Kelly

I can almost get to the point of dealing with my own grief, but I am wrecked by my kids' struggles. My 13 year-old daughter has been having a very tough week. She just had a physical last month, so I don't believe there is anything physically wrong with her, but she keps having 'breathing problems' and feeling dizzy. She tells me she thinks she is having panic attacks, and she is afraid she will stop breathing. Last night she was crying in bed, and told me that, although she knows it is ridiculous, she is afraid she will stop breathing in her sleep, and no one will know. The last time Tay saw Mom, mom was unconscious and struggling to breathe. Is that part of her fear? I thought we were helping the kids by letting them say good-bye, but what if it was too traumatic for her psyche? Next week I am taking her back to her dr. for confirmation that she is physically OK, and I have brought up the idea of counseling to her, to help her calm herself down when she is so afraid. Then, also last night, I went in to check on my ten-year old son after he had been in bed for an hour. He was awake, and seemed upset. He finally told me that he had just had a dream about Grandma. The gist of it is he saw her and told her he loved her--she said she loved him too. He told her he missed her--she said she missed him too. He asked her why she had to go away, and she said, "It was just my time." Tears were rolling down his face. I told him I thought it was very lucky that he could dream about Grandma (I've yet to) and talk with her in his dreams. I told him that those words were exactly what she would have said. She would want him to know that she was OK, that she loved him, and that she was watching over him. The kids were so blessed to have Mom a part of their everyday lives. She was our before and after-school care person, and she volunteered daily in the school cafeteria. Maybe starting school again has drudged up some hidden feelings, I don't know. That is the problem--I'm the mom, I'm supposed to know how to handle things. I barely know how to handle myself--I'm so worried I'm messing things up. They were so lucky to be loved so much by Mom, and have that close bond with her. It just hurts so much more now that she is gone. Kelly

Your writing so clealy captures the difference that a year makes for all of us. I'm so sorry that you are struggling with this right now. I'd offer you a hug and a cup of tea if I lived nearby, but you'll have to settle for a virtual one. Take care of your yourself. Kelly

I hope you have a great visit---just nothing like being there. Take care and enjoy your family time! Kelly

Never heard of it myself, but only b/c we didn't face that particular set of circumstances. Sounds like the drs are being very aggressive, which I have always taken as a good sign. Much better than when it seems they have given up the fight! Lots of prayers to you guys. Kelly

How beautiful. I am so impressed with your family. Stay strong. Kelly

I'm so sorry you are facing this right now. I know this time is confusing and rough. I'm glad she had family with her at the end---I really do believe they know we are there. We're here for you when you need us. Take care. Kelly

Cracked me up! Kelly

Just checking in, after my last panicked post. I have been able to start off the school year, mostly successfully. I do believe there is something to the "fake it 'til you make it" philosophy. I'm not emotionally where I should be at school, but I don't think it's adversely affecting the kids. We are following the Great Expectations program this year, which includs the idea of a "neck-up check-up" for the teacher. Am I smiling? Have I left my baggage where it belongs? Am I letting things I can't control, control me? All good questions for me right now. I did go to a grief support group. It is very informal, with a religious background. It was helpful--due to scheduling I haven't been able to go back yet, but I intend to. I need to feel like I am doing something to move forward. Your words of encouragement got me to that first day of school. I thank you all for that. Mom was the one I talked with everyday...the one I told everything to...Moms never get tired of hearing all of the blah-blah-blah, you know? It's been hard, with everything going on with DH's job, to not have that. It's not like I can tell him that I am scared to death about the changes. I mean, I could....but I don't want to put more pressure on him. I'm trying to branch out in talking more to others--I just feel like I don't want to 'burden' them...I never felt like I was burdening Mom. OK...rambling here. Just wanted to thank you all for getting me through a tight spot, and let you know that I'm OK. Kelly

I know this may be hard, but it sounds like a beautiful tribute to your dad. Hold each other tightly--you'll take our love with you. Prayers and hugs. Kelly

I've been teaching for the last week with no AC---and it's hot! Yesterday they did 'something' that caused a small explosion in my closet and filled the room with smoke! I evacuated the kids, and the AC man told me, "You probably just smelled the freon." No, buddy---the room is full of smoke! Freon did spew all over my desk---and my laptop. In the process they blew all the electricity in my room, so I couldn't even have fans on! My life is an episode of "I Love Lucy"! Kelly

I know Bill is proud of you---we are, too. It's so amazing how you keep moving forward, even in your pain. I'd like to think Mom gets the highlight reel of our days. Kelly

I've been off-line for several days, but I've been thinking of you so much. What a blessing Xavier is! I love that you told us about the gas bubbles/angels. My brother is expecting his first child in Nov...I'll have to share that with him. I haven't really 'felt' Mom either--I just take that to mean that she is so happy in heaven, that she doesn't have to reach out to me---that she knows I'll be OK. Maybe that's just what I tell myself... Take good care of yourself---try to get some sleep! Kelly

I just saw this today, Sheri. How lucky your dad was to have you with him during his last hours. He was lucky to have you in his corner through this whole process as well. Take care of yourself. We're here for you. Kelly

It's a bugger, all right. I still refer to much in the present tense---or at least to ownership..."mom's house" is now owned by someone else, but it's still hers. I read that there is no 'time limit' on grief thank you cards. I hope not--I still have one set outstanding. Give yourself a break, and be gentle to yourself. Love to you and the kids. Kelly

Hugs going out to you. I'm so sorry this is a hrad time. Kelly

That just tugs at my heart. Of COURSE you miss him. Sending you Oklahoma hugs. Kelly

I'm just amazed that you can come here to give hope to so many folks. The way you live your life each day is nspiring. Kelly

Jill, I'm glad you are back on your feet. I know those important dates can hit us like a truck. I wish I lived closer and could take you out for a cup of coffee and a good chat, but I'll just have to offer you virtual java instead. Take care, Kelly

Right for me, left for Matt. Both kids are righties. Kelly