Darci

What terrific news! Enjoy every minute of your happy dance. We go see the onc on Thurs and it sounds like we will be starting the same kind of regimen - rad and chemo mix!

I am sorry to hear your mom is not doing well. I too wonder if it may be a form of depression...my FIL had started to decline for a while too...just didn't want to eat, didn't want to drink, didn't want to walk...just started laying around. Then he had a weekend of being very sick - I think because he was taking pain pills as he is recovering from surgery, and was not eating. A few days later he had an appointment with his surgeon - and the surgeon basically told him that his lung capacity was not good and wouldn't get better unless he walked...he is weak and won't get stronger unless he eats. I think it kind of got him moving again, and he is doing better...he even talks about being hungry. I hope that your mom starts feeling better...maybe you could start with small goals for her...things she can do and have some success with. Good luck.

Nikki, I am so sorry to hear about your dad. You must be so scared and confused right now. The terrific people here will help you through!! I don't have much experience or wisdom to share, as we are new to this as well. I hope that we can help!

Cindy...prayers coming your way!

Tammy, I don't have any knowledge or advice to send your way, just wanted to say that I hope that your dad is able to have the surgery!! Please stay positive and keep us posted!

Boy, he was doing so terrific after surgery, then late last week he really started slipping backwards. Didn't want to/wouldn't eat...didn't want to drink anything...stopped walking, just wanted to lay around. He got weaker, started having dizzy spells, just really was doing bad. And it is so hard because we don't live close and my BIL and SIL were going on Sunday. So, as I am talking to my MIL on Saturday afternoon she kind of blips through how he was dizzy in the morning and how he was vomiting...then she moves on to how he watched the ball game - so you really really have to listen to what they are saying to determine how he is really doing because they don't want to "bother" anyone. By Sat night he was still sick, weak and dizzy, so we made them call the dr. I think that he was partially dehydrated, sick from taking pain pills and not eating. He had a follow up appt with the surgeon on Tuesday, where they tested his lung capacity and found it to be very low...they told him that it wouldn't get better if he didn't start his walking again. But, they were able to give him a pill for the nausea, and switched him to prescription Tylenol for pain. Now he seems to be doing much better...eating, regaining his strength, walking. He thinks that it is all because of the nausea pills...which is fine, as long as he continues to improve!! We go to the onc on Thursday.

OH Bunny, I sure hope that this works for Suki!! Good luck!

I hope that everything goes well this time around!

OH, i am sorry to hear about that. Hopefully the onc has another plan that will work for you. Keep your spirits high!!

Jumping in to add my hopes that all went well!! Darci

For your help, encouragement and support yesterday. I took all of your suggestions to heart, and as a result, my SIL and I came up with a solution. My SIL is sending a summary of everything that was discussed at my FIL's dr appointment yesterday, and after that she is including a paragraph about how after talking with mom and dad we feel it is important that someone be with them at appointments and also that they have regular help around the house. We have been able to cover most everything to date, but with work and family schedules we need help. We laid out the upcoming schedule, and emphasized the importance of working together for a long term schedule to make sure that they have the help they need and that no one gets overwhelmed with too many responsibilities. We shall see how it works! I think we were able to word it so that we demonstrated how much we have done to date, and how many things are yet to come, without saying anything that could remotely offend anyone - there is nothing that they can argue with. Wish us luck!! Thanks again!

Ralph, I am happy to hear that you are moving right along with your treatments. I hope that you continue to have no major side effects!! This is an amazing group, and I am glad that you were able to work through your feelings of why me to realize that sometimes these things just happen!

Kerry, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. You must be going through a very hard time right now, please be sure to take care of yourself, and reach out to us whenever you need some extra support.

Kelly...I am so glad that you are feeling a little better, and that you were able to talk with your brother and your mom. You will make it through - whatever your mom decides is best. Hang in there!!

Thanks so much for the support. You are so right...we have not contacted "the two" and specifically asked for their help. Kind of hoped that they would come forward, and that is probably childish on our part. My SIL did tell my MIL that there is one specific weekend that none of us can come back, and that unless they felt that they could go through that whole period with no help (other than neighbors) that she would have to call the girls and see if one of them could cover. I don't know...maybe part of us is feeling that they can't do it as well as we can??????? Could that be? I feel like if we go to the appts with them, then we know what is going on...but if someone else does, we may not get accurate information.

How do you know how best to help someone? My FIL seems to be getting weaker instead of stronger since the first days after his surgery. He "doesn't feel like eating" and "nothing tastes good" so my MIL has really had to work to get him to eat anything. Then over the weekend, he had dizzy spells, and dry heaves - we think he may have gotten slightly dehydrated, plus nauseated from taking pain pills with very little food. The last two days have been a little better - he is eating a little bit and it seems to be staying down. But it is a very little bit. He doesn't seem to want to get out and walk much...he is disgusted by what he can't do instead of being happy at how much progress he has made in the 3 weeks since his surgery. To top it off - there are 4 kids in the family. The two daughters have done NOTHING to help their parents. So, my dh and I, and my BIL and SIL have been calling every day (none of the kids live right by them) and trying as best as we can to make sure one of us is at their dr appts with them. We have been rotating weekends so that one of us can go back and help them with groceries, lawn care, just visiting, etc. But the other two just haven't contributed, nor have they contacted us about working out a schedule - we have been doing it all ourselves. And we all work and between us have 3 kids - age 2, 4 and 7. We live 2 1/2 hours away and my BIL lives 1 1/2 hours away. And...I feel so bad about feeling this way...but I was so mad last night when my MIL told me that one of the sisters finally stopped by to visit dad. And how wonderful it was that she came to cheer up her dad. I wanted to yell - did she help with anything? Did she offer to take you shopping? Did she offer to take a day off for any dr appts? Where was she this weekend when we thought he may end up in the hospital again? This is the first time this daughter has seen him since the day of his surgery, and now she is daughter of the year because she took 2 hours out of her day to stop by to visit. It is not my nature to be this way - I help people because it is in my heart - not too look or feel better than anyone else, but I am disgusted with them. Sorry for my pity party...just frustrated and don't know how to help him help himself. I was always so afraid of this.

Oh Kelly, I am so sorry. I don't know how you make it through these days and these kinds of decisions. Your mom is very lucky to have you to talk these things over with..although it does place a lot of emotional topsy-turvy's in your mind. Do your best to walk her through this...I like the idea of the pros and cons list..sometimes it helps to see it on paper. Hang in there!

Oh my...you do have a lot going on! Who could blame you for needing a little support for yourself. Take a deep breath, do what you can the best you can. Be sure to take care of yourself while you are caring for everyone else. I pray that everyone is feeling better soon.

Jim...I admire your spirit and your courage! You keep right on fishin! I am sorry to hear that you got some bad news along with the good, but hopefully the new meds will take care of things for you!

Hi Ralph, sorry to hear that you had such a scare! Hopefully you just caught a little bug and will be feeling better in no time. You seem to be on a similar schedule as us as far as treatment - just a couple weeks ahead! So, I am finding your updates so useful in knowing what lies ahead!! Glad to hear that the radiation treatment went well...I hope that you have great success!

Snowflake, that you for your suggestions! My FIL did already have surgery - they took almost 50% of his lung, and some of his lymph nodes. I do have a question about the pain from swallowing - he is already having a hard time swallowing food due to a hiatal hernia, but we are hoping that this gets a little better as he recovers from the surgery. Will it get worse again as he goes through the chemo? Also...he has had a greatly decreased appetite since the surgery on 9-7, but is now finally starting to eat a little better again. Should we be pushing him to eat as much as he can to rebuild his strength and regain the weight he lost in anticipation of another weight loss when chemo starts? So many questions.....

My FIL will be meeting with the onc for the first time on Oct 6th. I think I am going to go to the appt with them - my BIL has already gone to a lot of appts with them, and to be honest, this type of thing is just not my dh's strong suit. We both think that I will do better at getting the information and asking the questions, so while part of me feels like my dh should go with his parents, we may get better info if I go. Plus, we have found that if they are talking to their kids, they tend to get sad and emotional, but when talking with me and their other daughter in law, they seem to be stronger and more positive. So, they may get through the appointment better with me. Anyway...what kind of things do we need to be asking? I would like to have a list of questions to take with me. I am sure that you guys will have much good advice for us. They are planning to do chemo/radiation - originally had talked about alternating 5 days rad then 3 days chemo for 4-6 weeks. Thanks in advance! Our family is so appreciative of all the advice we have gotten here!

I am hoping that the Tarceva works for your mom! With no rash!!

I can't imagine what a hard time your family is going through. What a blessing that you have such a strong bond with your brothers - and how comforting to know that you can lift each other up when you need it most. I am sure that this has been a great source of pride and comfort to your mom too. Take care of yourself. Be sure to lean on us if you need it too!

Best wishes...I hope that the chemo goes well for Gary!