mirrell

I can't believe it LIsa. My heart goes out to you. I am in complete and utter shock and despair. MIrrell

Heather, don't worry so much about trying to keep up a facade of being strong. Your mother knows this isn't easy for you. Love her, talk to her, pray for her, just be there for her. Everything else will happen as it should. SEnding you strength and positive thoughts. MIrrell

i remember ada, and i know how difficult this day will be for you. i am thinking of you Jim. mirrell

i have a dream, and it comes to me in different entities. but in each of the dreams my dad is sick. he is very sick. just like he was. and then he dies. just like he died. i am heartbroken all over again. i cry and i scream in my ddream. and then, by some miracle, at the lasst moment , even after he is deamed dead, he comes back. and i wonder how will i tell all these people that he didn't actually die. and then i wake up. and i have to convince myself it'slf it is a dream, and that he really is dead, because i would like it so much to be other way. sounds silly i think. but these dreams are regular and i think he is reaching oout to me. mirre3ll

curtis, although this weekend will be difficult, i know that becky will be there with you, and hopefully it will be another step on your healing journey. lots of love and positive energy flowing your way. mirrell

hi david, your camping trip sounds exciting and fun. wow, more cisplatin. you must be really strong. i hope for some great results. mirrell

Pam, I sure hope you start to feel better soon. Mirrell

jc, i am at a loss as to what to write, but wanted you to know that i read your post and that it touched me deeply. these days i dream about my dad more and more and the dreams always seem to be that he is still alive and beat the cancer. then i wake up and remember he truly is gone. sending you strength and love. mirrell

thanks fay and tiny

i'm so sorry angie. sending you strength for this next part of your journey. mirrell

dollfan, i am sending you strength and love and hope that this will help you on your journey now. mirrell

you are lucky to have loved so deeply. i know the pain can be so intense. wishing you strength during this dificult time. mirrell

one day at a time is right, rock on, rocker!!!!!!!!!!!!

if you come back with any less than a full a suitcase and a carry on baaag filled to the brim, i will be disapointed. wishing you all the best. mirrell

debaroo, inspiring message. i think i'll make some chili the way my dad did and sit down with his picture also. enjoy your mallowmars. mirrell

sometimes, a canine friend can be the best comfort one could ask for. i know nicoya was definitely mine. would love o hear stories. mirrell

what a wonderful story. i wish many more for you and your father. "do not seek time to waste with your friends, but take time to live". wishing you all the best. mirrell

i'm sorry i didn't reply sooner. i don't know bobennet or what happened. i do think emotions run very high when dealing with an illness and that it is more courageous to forgive than to hold on to grudges. hope all is well with everyone. mirrell

i think you should stop worrying about becoming addicted and relieve your pain. i think donna g is right. the pain is real. mirrell

thanks deb and cathy, i may not have posted alot over the last few months, but i have been here. i don't think i could ever leave. cheers, mirrell

i live in south korea, and it was very difficult when my father was sick. i would spend hours a day on the computer( this web site, looking up cancer information, and writing him emails), i would call home three times a day, and i went home to visit more days in total than my other sisters who lived 8 hours away(one by car, one by plane). it think it is hard to be away, but it is also hard to be around. the pain of not knowing or the pain of knowing. i did my best to support my mom who was my fathers primary caregiver, and then his brothers and sisters took turns sitting with him and helping him when my mom needed a break or had to work. in short, it is a difficult time no matter what. phone often, write often, email often, and don't hold back. when i got the phone call to go home, i was home hours before my other two sisters. weird huh, seen as i live half way around the world. it doesn't matter how far away you are, you can show your support, love, and you will be able to get home if you have to.

it will soon be two years since my father died. and in the words of mike myers, i have been so completely devestated i didn't even know how devestated i was. the past few years has been filled with alot of heartache, alot of anger, alot of bitterness...........and a lot of mistakes/regrets. and there is no way i think i am over that mountain yet. however the past few months i have been coming alive again. the most influential thing i think is a trip to turkey that my husband, me and my mother took just a month ago. it has been essential but hard to spend alot of time with my mom since my dad died. it was especially hard for me to see her upset. during our trip to turkey, i think she had a phenomenal uplift. and although she is still grieving i think she knows now that it is going to be possible to have fun, to have a life, to be excited about something again. you could see her confidence growing during the course of the trip, and it was so wonderful to see. and this of course, affected me. so much so, that i have just begun to talk to my sister who i have not spoken to in almost three years. i became so angry when my father was diagnosed and i directed alot of it at her. i talked to her last night for the first time, and this is what she told me: when she visited me 3.5 years ago in korea, we went to this restaurant where she picked up one of their package of matches. since that time she has moved, moved offices, cleaned, etc. in april, she went to her office and in front of my dads picture was THAT pack of matches. i think it was my dad........and i'm keeping my eyes open! i ran the terry fox run today in korea. i didn''t have a great time, but i'm hoping to improve it on the next run i participate in. sure do miss my dad, and still think about him every day, and in all my dreams he still has cancer. but i am healing, it doesn't mean i have to forget.....................mirrell

dolly, i don't know if things get better, but they do get easier. there is no time line for grief, and it is so different for everybody. i spent the first year and a half drunk after my father passed away, and was drunk while he was sick as well. my point is, we all deal with grief in different ways and there is no right or wrong way. my mom went to a grief support group that was organized through the hospital for 2 months. they still see each other once a month, but after the period of two months they had to initiate the meetings. you are not alone dolly. i wish you strength during this difficult time and know we are feeling and crying with you. mirrell

you take it one day at a time and you must go THROUGH it, there is no way around it. thinnking of you peg.

berisa, i really enjoyed looking at your pictures. your dads smile was fantastic. i am thinking of you and hope that you are taking care of yourself. mirrell