EastCoastLadi

Sophie, I am sorry you have to go thru this mess. It is a very good thing that you are your moms' POA. I would ask you is your mom still "mentally competent"? because if she is, you can pre-arrange with her, funeral arrangements, I know how difficult that can be, but that at least would be one burden off of you and your moms' shoulders. As far as your sisters and dad are concerned, it is very sad and unfortunately you're not alone in this situation, when crisises come you truly see who is there and who isn't, even in your own family. I know you are concerned with what they feel, but it's not about them, it's about your mom, and you just keep on doing what she wants, because you know what is right for her. I want to know are you her Health Care Proxy?, because if you aren't or she hasn't decided, please made sure your mom has you as her HCP, because you don't know exactly what is going to happen to her and you seem to be the sole person who has her best interests in mind. I bet you your mom is appalled at this too, but the best you can do, is get all the legal documents in place, try not to deal w/ your dad and sisters, if you feel your mom is not in a good, safe place, take the measures to get her out. and if she is capable of making decisions, talk to her, not holding back, don't sugar coat it, just be honest and try to work things out with her, and her alone. please let us know, I pray that you can work some things out. Grace

(((Mary))) I know, please know you that you are doing the best you can do for your husband, I pray that he will not suffer. Please if there is anything..... Grace

(((Amanda))) I know how you are feeling, I am very sorry that you have to go thru this, the most important thing now is for your dad to be made comfortable, and to make sure that you take care of you as well. My prayers go out to your family and I hope and pray that your dad will not suffer. Grace

(((Max))) My heart goes out to you and your family today. Grace

I just want to let you know that I'm thinking about you and all you are going thru. I pray for you, your children and husband. I know I speak for many in saying that we are here for you, whenever, where ever you need us.. Grace

Prayers being sent! what an awesome thing your brother is doing! Grace

I lost Carlton, it may be the first day of spring, but I feel so cold and empty. I found the first couple of weeks I was in total numbness, now that has subsided. I find that I am having a more difficult time now, I've cried so many tears, but I know I have many more to come. I can't believe he is gone! Why does life have to be so unfair? I am not as strong as many may think. I think I'm doing all the "right" things one is supposed to do, counseling ( for me and the girls), grief group ( for the girls and me online), trying to make it thru each day. No one knows how this feels until you lose the love of your life, because without your love, what is your life? Grief hurts so bad Grace

(((Heather))) My prayers go out to you and your family today. We are here for you. Grace

(((Nicole))) I am very sorry about your dad, sending my prayers your way this evening. Grace

Mendy, Of course you're tired, look at all you have been thru, there is only one you, but yet you are being "pulled" in so many directions. I used to tell my family, I wasn't Superwoman, so if things weren't perfect, heck no, even just average, too bad, I can only do so much. At the time my husband was going thru all his battle, I knew that we were going to have to live moment to moment, I couldn't plan anything big, it just wasn't possible, in fact when I thought about the future, near or far, it was too much, too overwhelming, so the best thing I could do was to stay in the present. Grace

(((Kimberly))) I am so very sorry about your dad, I know how exhausted you are and you are right to take some time for you, when you can. Sending my prayers tonite to you and your family. Grace

(((Ann)))

(((Don))) What a wonderful way to celebrate such a wonderful woman! Grace

Cheryl, Do I know what you are talking about. I can tell you every med and dosage my husband was on, but I can't get my dates right! Grace

My mom is going into surgery today to have her thyroid removed. There are some questions about suspecious cells. If you could, would you send a little prayer her way today, her name is Joyce. much luv, Grace

(((Melinda))) A very hard decision, as you know, I know, first with the nurse, don't waste the time in your head thinking about what she thinks!, obviously she doesn't know what your husband has and is going thru. Of course, what does he want to do, I know that with Carlton, before he went into the coma, wanted to continue chemotherapy, regardless of what it would do to the quality of his life, at that point it was his decision, and I and his dr. fully explained the pros and cons. Try to get hold of the radiologist, and also remember, you can talk to his oncologist, I don't know anything about your husbands' drs. But my husband had the most incredible oncologist you ever want to meet and there were times when I wanted to talk with him, he would get right on the phone. This is a very critical time in your life, don't worry about what others think of you. Please take care you know I'm here for you. Grace

....When Carlton died, I made the decision to donate his corneas to the New England Organ Bank, it wasn't a difficult decision at all, I knew that Carlton would not have argued with me. ...A few hrs after he died the Organ Bank called me, and I answered several questions about Carltons' health and various life history. I knew his corneas were the only thing that could be donated due to the cancer. ...I wanted them to let me know if they were transplanted and if they weren't able to I didn't want to know... Today in the mail, I received a letter from the organ bank, they wrote to tell me that both of Carltons' corneas were given to 2 women from Florida. It was both joyful and sadness. Because of Carltons' death 2 people were given the wonderful gift of sight. Yet, it hit me hard as a reminder of him being gone. I showed my girls the letter when they got home, my oldest was so happy, she had tears in her eyes, my youngest, while still kind of young to comprehend, I knew she was proud of her daddy too. Grace

(((Sonia))) I am very sorry, your dad is truly at peace, my prayers go out to you and your family today. Grace

(((Heather))) I wish I could give you some answers, I know with my husband his prognosis was poor. All I can say, is be with him, putting my husband in the hospital, was one of the hardest thing I had to do, he was mad, but he couldn't understand, I told him the doctors wanted him there. It was the right decision, less then 3 days later, he had a major seizure and went into a coma, for 10 days, before he passed. I don't know what will happen to your husband, but from my experiences, my husband needed the constant 24 hr care, that I as one person, even with some help, couldn't do. I can tell you my husband wasn't in pain either, which is comforting to me. ... I'm here for you Grace

Since Carlton death, I have come across some revelations that I quite didn't get while Carlton was sick until he was gone. I learned that while I was caught up in my own active "anticipatory grief" that Carlton was slowly going downhill, not in obvious ways, but in what he did "behind the scenes" - meaning his own ways of taking care of things. ..His tools he would always take such metaculous care of I found some that were totally ruined ...The pellet stove that he wanted for so long and when we got loved so much, he over used it to the point that it broke down due to his inability to use common sense, the Carlton I knew would "baby" that stove. ....the clothes that he wrecked, because he was incontinent and didn't want me to know, until it was too late ..I've also learned ( up to this point ) that even though we are all unique, with our own circumstances and "stories", our grief is so similar, there are words written by others about the pain and sorrow, that I could have written myself ...I've learnt that my girls put on a better "game face" than their mom, but I've learnt that it doesn't equate to the amount of pain they are going thru... ..I've learned that people want to help you when they first find out, but then life goes on, for them. I still have many things to learn Grace

Ann, It doesn't sound nuts to me. But in a similar way, when the day Carlton had died, my mom and sister ( now in two different cities, states ) saw a red cardinal ( remind you, winter in New England) and I knew that was a sign from my dad. I truly believe my dad was waiting for Carlton and I know Carlton will definitely tell my dad, hello and all kinds of things going on in the family.. Grace

(((Marco Jo))) I am so very sorry about Jeannine, I know the emotions you must be going thru. No more pain, no more struggle, she is at peace. My prayers to you and your family this evening. Grace

(((Sue))) It is so difficult, isn't it? But you have shown to me and others such strength and courage. Your support for me has been a blessing. I want to send you big hugs and know that I am thinking about you today... Grace

Lisa, I am so sorry about your mom, I know how difficult it must of been for you to tell your children. I also wasn't by my husbands' side when he passed away last week, but his oncologist told me something what was very comforting and valuable to how my husband passed. He told me that if I go home and Carlton passes away and I am not there to not feel guilty. He said that he has seen it happen alot, even the nurses told me the same thing. This helped me alot when Carlton died because, I don't think I would of been able to function at all, if I didn't know that. Lisa, my prayers are going out to you, your dad and family this evening... Grace

(((Ann))) God bless you for all that you have been through. I know the pain all too well, please stay strong and brave! Grace