wyogirl

So very sorry for the loss of your mom. Peace be with you.

I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband. No one should have to go through losing a loved one this way. Peace be with you during the holidays, and all the days of your new journey.

Stephanie, I can SO relate to what you are going thru! When we found out my dad had LC, I remember thinking it was like a death sentence had been put on him. Those first holidays after diagnosis were happy but a little scary too. The "what if" this is the last Christmas was there in the back of my mind....I'm just glad I didn't let it steal the joy from the holidays. As it turned out, my dad had two Thanksgivings and two Christmases before he died. I'm struggling this year, knowing he won't be here to make his famous Thanksgiving stuffing, or watch his grandson open his Christmas gifts. It is awful. But we had those last two holidays full of love and togetherness, and that is what I wish for you. Blessings on you and your family, and peace and joy to you during this holiday season. I really do understand your pain and fear. Laura

That's awesome! I will write to my gov. and see what happens. Thanks for the inspiration!

Kathleen, I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is so hard, it truly IS losing part of yourself. I am sorry your mother's passing wasn't more peaceful. I can relate, because when my dad passed earlier this year, his last hours weren't very peaceful seeming either. His chest was very congested, and his breathing sounded awful, almost like he was drowning. There was also some bleeding we had to clean from his mouth (came from his esophagus). Needless to say, it wasn't a peaceful fading away. Not for the family anyway. Maybe he was at peace, I'd sure like to think so. I think that we can never really be prepared to watch someone we love pass away, no matter what we are told to expect. Knowing what was happening sure didn't make it any easier for me to watch. It is just hard. It does get harder with time, at least it has for me. It's not supposed to be easy. Not when you love someone so much. Hang in there, and you'll make it through. My thoughts are with you today. Laura

So very sorry for your loss, Kathleen.

I'm so sorry that you are having to go through not only your mama going through LC, but with a SF who is obviously not helping the situation. Maybe all of this is beyond his coping abilities and he just can't function in the way that your mama needs. Whatever the reason, it is one more worry on your shoulders. Stay strong, and lean on whomever you can. Big Hugs, Laura

Oh, Grace, I'm so sorry. I remember feeling the same way when my dad's treatments weren't working and his tumors were growing. It's awful. I will send up prayers for you and your family. Wish I could do more. Laura

All I can say is how sorry I am, and I understand about the feeling that it isn't real. A lot of times, it doesn't feel like my dad is really gone, either. Again, I am just so very sorry for your loss.

I know you want to do whatever you can for your dad, even if it means staying away......BUT.....listen to your heart. This is a hard, awful time no matter what.....whether blankets need washing every weekend or not. You and your family staying away honestly doesn't make this process any less painful and exhausing. When my dad started to really decline, he told us kids not to come back (I live in Wyoming and he was in Florida). When we knew he only had days left, I did come back, even though he said not to. And thank God I did! His grandson made him smile for the last time, and he called me "pumpkin," which was one of his nicknames for me since I was a little girl. He had been pretty confused for several days, but he knew us. He was glad I was there, no matter what he had said before. I know I don't know anything about your situation, and I am so sorry for butting in, but this is something I feel strongly about. I know how much I miss my dad now, and I know how grateful I am that I had those last couple of days with him. Maybe there is another solution. Can you bring your own bed linens with you to use while you're there, and then remake their beds before you leave (just an example)? I truly hope you can spend as much time with your dad as possible. And again, please forgive me if I have offended you by writing this. I do tend to be blunt, not one of my best qualities! Best wishes,

I am so sorry!

None of us can be absolutely positive what really goes on inside our bodies during illness, but we did see some similar symptoms when my dad was passing. From what we read, it was "normal disease process," and the hospice nurse confirmed this. Whatever the cause of your husband's death truly was, it was a traumatic, awful, horrible thing for you to have to go through. Try not to look back on those awful memories, they only tarnish the happy ones that are painful now, but will someday start to become precious. Remember him the way he was before he got sick. Best wishes and deepest sympathies to you. I am so sorry you have to post here with the rest of us! Laura

I can very much relate to what you're going through. It has been almost 5 months since we lost my dad, and most of the time I still can't really connect with the grief. I think it must be a protective thing our amazing minds do to preserve sanity until we are really and truly ready to face the reality of our loss, and all of the pain that goes with it. It used to bother me that I felt so numb about losing my dad, but now I just let my feelings come and go as they will. I wish you the best in this new life without your mom. Big Hugs! Laura

Wow, all of the stories shared here are amazing, and give a sense of hope and peace! I also had an experience with my mom after we burried my dad's ashes in May. We burried the ashes in a family plot in NC (none of the family lives there full time, it is a vacation spot in the Blue Ridge Mountains). It is high up on a mountain, and in a very beautiful, peaceful spot. The day after the interrment service, my mom and I were visiting dad's grave one last time before we had to leave for home. As we were walking back out to the main road, we looked up and saw a large whitetail deer buck only 20 or 30 feet away from us. He was looking at us, and didn't move for several seconds. It was the first deer I have ever seen in many years of vacationing there. We knew it was my dad saying goodbye. My mom's mother had a similar experience there after my grandfather died (he is also burried there). She had a close encounter with a deer as well. It was very comforting, and also very cool.

I think that it makes people feel safe to assume that only smokers get LC. Who would want to know they take care of themselves, don't smoke, are otherwise healthy, and can STILL get LC? It is such a scary disease, especially to the people who don't know much about it. LC is extremely misunderstood by the general population, and I think that contributes greatly to the unfair stigma. We all need to do what we can to educate those around us about LC and spread the word that no one is safe from this monster. Maybe if more nonsmokers knew they too were at risk, LC would be better funded. In any case, we need to find a way to stop this awful killer from taking any more lives. Sorry this is so long, I'm afraid I got on my soapbox.

Oh Carleen, I know there is nothing I can say that will make anything different for you, and so many people have already said many wonderful things. I just want to tell you how very sorry I am about your losses. I know how much it may seem like God has forsaken you, but he hasn't, I promise. HE PROMISES us all that very thing. Hang on, Carleen. Hang on to all the people that love you. Warm Hugs, Laura

Carleen, I am so sorry. I hope for both your sakes' that you can find some sort of mercy and peace during this awful, awful process. Prayers for you both, and for the life you are hoping to create together. I am just so sorry. Laura

I have a question, and you all are the best ones to give me an answer.....we've all dealt with a major loss here. Lately (since my Dad was diagnosed with NSCLC 10/04) I have been afraid that everyone I love, or me, is going to get cancer and die. (Sorry for the bluntness, I know there are LOTS of survivors!) I don't think about it every minute of every day, just usually at night when I'm having my nightly discussion with God. I always ask for protection for the people I love, but sometimes I'm just so scared. Dad only died about 3 1/2 months ago. Is this part of the grieving process, or am I just going crazy? Is this loss of innocence and loss of feeling secure going to be forever? How do you not be afraid? I know my dad would tell me not to worry about the things in life I can't control, and mostly I can do that. Just sometimes at night..... Any thoughts would be appreciated! Thanks everyone for the great support. I don't have a lot of time for posting (I have a young baby), but I do follow what's happening here. Warm wishes go out to everyone!

Oh, Carleen.....I'm so sorry! From what I've read of your posts, you have a great faith in God. Cling to that now. Are you familiar with the footsteps in the sand story? That when there is only one set of footprints, it is not because we walk alone, but because God is carrying us, and our burdens. I don't know God's plan for any of us, but I have to believe that he has one. I am praying for peace for you and Keith. Big hug, s

Thanks Ann, I do love that song too! It really hits home, doesn't it? And Randy, I also cry like a baby every time I hear the song "Skin." I used to HATE that song, while Dad was sick, but it isn't as bad now. Hope country keeps those inspirational and healing songs coming!

Prayers, hugs, and deepest sympathies for you and your family. May God hold you all close to Him during this sad time.

I believe that God hears and listens to, and answers all prayers, Carleen, even if it may not seem like it right away. I read once somewhere that God never says 'no' to a request made in prayer. His answers are either, "Yes.....not quite yet.....or, I know something even better than what you asked for." Or anyway it went something like that. I'm not great at quotes. Anyway, I found some peace in that, and it reminded me that God does have a plan, and truly does have our best interests at heart (even when it doesn't look like it at face value). Much love and many prayers for you and your Keith. I hope you both find some peace and comfort soon.

I know from personal experience, it IS hard to lose a parent so young. I know I feel cheated, and I wouldn't be surprised if you do as well. (I'm only 27, and my dad died almost 3 months ago). Give yourself the time, space, and energy to grieve. Life does go on, but that doesn't mean that grieving isn't living. It is a part of life we all go through, whether we are young or older. Be easy on yourself, and please don't feel like you have to explain your grieving process to anyone. It is different for us all. Big hugs, and please let me know if you ever want/need to talk. Laura

Welcome, Ben! So sorry you have reason to be here, but glad you found this site. The members here are a wonderful resource for information and support. I know that deciding whether or not to undergo treatment can be empowering, no matter what way you decide to go. It is totally your decision to make, and that gives you a sense of control (even if just a little bit!) over your life. That being said, I hope you will arm yourself with all of the knowledge that is out there, and then feel good about whatever decision you make. Just know that we are all here for you NO MATTER WHAT you decide to do. Take care, and I will be praying for you! Hugs,

Please don't feel bad for having feelings of sadness and fear and anger. All of these are so very normal for what you are going through. There are no words that can take away the pain you are feeling, so I will just say that I am sorry you (and all of us) have to go through this awful disease. Remember to breathe, and feel free to vent any time. Big Hugs,