MsC1210

Hello James and welcome! Welcome to the boards! You came to the right place for information, support and hope! Have a look around, read through some of the survivor stories and the good news forums. Lots of inspirational posts in those places! Please feel free to ask any and all questions and know that there will always be someone here to help you out. Warmly Christine

Hello Ashaki and welcome I am so sorry you had need to find a site such as this but glad you found us. This is a wonderful site full of knowledgable and caring people who can and will help you out as much as we can. Please keep posting and let us know how your Mom is doing and how YOU are, too. Warmly Christine

I wanted to share this with all of the caregivers. It emphasizes the need for taking care of yourself as well as your loved one(s) I have shared most of the journey with my Mom and Jerry and his battle with lung cancer. What I have not shared with you is my own personal journey that I have been on even before Jerry's cancer diagnosis. Some of you are aware of my health issues, the gall bladder removal that almost killed me, the blood disorders and the severe anemia that is, to this day, still a big issue and still unresolved. I've been on anti depressants/anti anxiety meds since my son enlisted in the military. I just could not cope with the thought of my first born putting himself and his life on the line "over there". Fortunately he is still here, still in the reserves and has been doing only his one weekend a month, 2 weeks a year as well as some other specialized training. I am, we all are, so proud of him but that "unknown" factor is killer. In the meantime, having gotten my panic attacks and fears to subside enough to live a normal life, I began battling high blood pressure. Nothing dietary seemed to work so it was meds for that now too. Because of the combination of medications I am on, as well as the other disorders, I have to have routine blood work ups, which include pretty much everything you can think of. The last battery of tests now have come back and I have been diagnosed as being diabetic. I am sure by this point, if you are still reading this nightmare, you are wondering why I am telling you all about this. Well I sat down with my doctor and asked her, point blank..... WHY WHY WHY is all of this happening and why NOW??? Her answer? I have been so busy putting everybody and everything else ahead of ME that the stress and anxiety and worry have finally taken a toll. Will any of these issues be resolved and/or reversed? That remains to be seen. But I am doing everything in my power to do all that I can to make that happen. Moral of this story? You sincerely HAVE to take care of yourself while caring for your loved ones. YOU are the only one who can do this and if you don't nobody else can. I am living proof of the toll it can and does take.. I am lucky though as I am able to be pro active and make the needed changes to, hopefully, get myself back on my feet. If this post makes a difference for even just one person here, then I am very glad I have taken the time to write it. Please.. take care of yourselves!!! Love and hugs Chris

Kelly Sounds like you are really doing an excellent job of keeping informed and on top of any issues that happen to come up. That is great! I hope things will continue to go well with the treatments and that you can get the insomnia taken care of. You need more that a few hours sleep as I am sure you are aware, in order to fight this. Keep posting and keep that great attitude!!!!! Hugs Christine

Hello Barbara and welcome I am sorry you had reason to find a site such as this, but this IS the place to be. There are so many wonderful and caring people here who will be more than happy to help you through this. Please let us know what you need, ask any and all questions and know that there will always be someone here to lean on. Warmly Christine

Hello Maggie and welcome I am so very sorry about your loss. Please accept my heartfelt condolences. I am glad you have joined us. There are so many wonderful people here who can and will be more than happy to help you through this painful journey. I hope you will find comfort and support here. Shelli, you are such a wonderful person! Thank you so much for setting your Mom up an accout so we can get to know her and help her through! You rock girl!!!! Love and hugs Christine

((((Kate)))) Sending lots of prayers to you today. Remember.. we are here for you. Hugs Christine

Marci Thoughts and prayers for your Mom and your family.. Please keep us posted as you can and know we are here for you! Hugs Christine

Hi Karen! I DO remember you and I am so thilled to read this update!!! I am so happy for Mom and for all of you that she is doing so well. What a lovely trip that must have been for her to see her grandson get married!! Congrats to ALL of you!! Keep in touch!!! Warm Hugs Christine

Kathy Sending lots of prayers and positive thoughts for you as you begin your treatments. We are here for you and will continue to be here, lean on us~ Warmly Christine

Sarah. I just want to say thank you for this touching post. I know that, personally, Mom and I got so caught up in caring for and about Jerry, just doing everything in our power to keep him comfortable and happy, we never stopped to really think about how and what he was thinking or feeling.. I can only pray that his thoughts and feelings were as loving as those that you have shared with us. We are here for you, we will continue to be here. Many hugs, (((((Sarah))))) Warmly Christine

((((Patti))) I am so sorry to read this!!!!! You know I am here for you, just a phone call away... Give Joe and Nick a hug from me and tell them I am so sorry.... Love and hugs Chris xx

Hello Mary and welcome I hope you will find this site to be helpful and supportive. Please let us know how we can hekp and rest assured there will be someone here to do so. Warmly Christine

Hello Susan I cannot add anything to the posts you've already received but wanted to welcome you and send you and your Mom my very best.... Please keep posting and let us know how things go. Warmly Christine

Hello Caty and welcome Please let us know how we can help you as you move forward. We are always here and always willing, able and happy to help! Warmly Christine

I am so very sorry for your loss. Please know that we will continue to be here for you in the coming days and weeks. Come "talk" to us whenever you need to. We care. Christine

I am so very sorry. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Warmly Christine

(((((Connie)))))

Although this is an end of life issue, this post is not typical of the recent end of life posts on here. I hope this will be inspirational and comforting coming from the point of view of a caregiver.This is the experience that Mom and I had. It has been very difficult to write, hard to share those last days and hours but I feel it should be shared. ~Chris ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I really want to share our brief experience with Hospice. I feel it is so important to share this story as it is so positive and just so meaningful to Mom and I. When Jerry was released from the Veterans Hospital in Albany, it was to go home under care of Hospice. I had read some pretty unsettling stories about the care some people had received and I had heard some really sad things about lack of care, lack of compassion, etc, so I was really not sure what to expect. Naturally I did not share those things with Mom, although I am not sure she would have really comprehended much at that point anyway. Jerry came home on the 25th of June. Due to his late discharge we did not have the chance to make arrangements for Hospice to come until the following day. Mom had phoned me and asked if I would come down and take care of that with her (more like for her). I deliberately went down a bit later than she had asked me to as I wanted to give the intake worker chance to sit down with Jerry and Mom and get a feel for what the situation was. When I did get there, the oxygen people had also arrived so I took over with the Hospice worker. This lady, who, coincidentally is named Geri, sat with me and explained the whole organization, the services that Jerry had signed on for and what things were available to Mom 24 hours a day. She was so warm, caring and compassionate! I was absolutely at ease with her and just so grateful that things were going to be taken care of and dealt with in the best possible way. She gave me her business card and told me to call her any time, night or day if there was ANYTHING I had questions about, if I needed help with Mom as at that stage you might remember my telling how Mom was in total denial. I was just overwhelmed with this organization and in all the right ways. I had the good fortune to be at the house on Saturday, June 28th and was able to sit down with the Hospice nurse, Ironically named Christine, as she explained to Mom that Jerry was in the dying process. She very lovingly explained the changes that he was going through, how his body was systematically shutting down. She explained that it was time to stop trying to coax him to take his meds, it was time to just keep him comfortable with the morphine and the xanax and by swabbing his mouth with water to keep it moist. She told us how there is no way of knowing how long the process would take. It could be days, it could be hours but that it was definitely happening and he was leaving us. She gave us copies of the most wonderful booklet, entitled "Gone From My Sight; The Dying Experience: written by Barbara Karnes. (I highly recommend this booklet.. it was such a wonderful source of comfort and information and it really made things comprehendible for Mom especially) I was not there when Jerry passed. I wish in some ways that I had been but am grateful for having been able to spend much of his last week with him and Mom. It was 1:05am on June 29th and Mom had been woken up about 20 minutes earlier by a phone call from Jerry's sister. (Don't ask my why ANYONE would call the home of a dying man at that hour of the night but it was a blessing..) Mom was laying next to Jerry, listening to him breathe, or fighting to breathe. She gave him his morphine and xanax, she swabbed his mouth and lips and she laid there next to him. He grew a little restless and she moved over closer to hold him. She had him in her arms as he drew his last breath. She told me it was the single most painful moment of her life as well as one of the most peaceful. The Hospice nurse was called. She came immediately. I am not sure if all Hospice nurses are able to pronounce time of death or not but in this case she was. She went in to the bedroom while Mom dealt with the funeral director and took great care to make sure Jerry was "presentable". She straightened his pajamas, pulled the covers up and folded them back, and cleared away the meds and appliances that were there. She set about destroying the drugs that were left over, took care of tidying up the remaining supplies and when the hearse arrived to remove Jerry, she stayed with Mom and made sure she was okay. (Mom wanted me to wait to come down until morning and I had to respect her wishes.) The following day we had phone calls from Hospice to check on us, to see if we needed anything and just in general to let us know they were and are there for us. It was just such a comfort. Although we did not have an extensive experience with Hospice, the few days that they were a part of our lives they showed time and time again that they were wonderful, compassionate and caring people. I am so glad that we had the chance to have Jerry at home where he wanted to be and without the help of these dedicated and caring people, that would not have been possible. I felt that this story needed to be shared. So often we hear the bad things, the horror stories and the bad aspects of Hospice, but it is rare to be able to share such a wonderful experience even in the face of grief and loss. As hard as this has been to share, I feel it was worth the effort. Love and hugs to you all, Chris

Lynn I am so very sorry to learn of Larry's passing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers Warmly Christine

Randy. No wods because I know that there are no adequate ones. Just lots and lots of love and hugs. Chris

Hello Everyone.. Well, after taking some time for myself and getting Mom back on her feet so to speak I am going to try and get caught up with the posts here and hopefully be back and stronger than before. Lots of crap going on with my Mom and Jerry's kids. I never bothered to mention them much, if at all before as they had NOTHING at all to do with him or my Mom until the day after he died. Then of cour$e they came running. It has been sickening to see the greed and the cold heartedness. It all came to a head over this past week and my Mom packed up her belongings and moved back to her own place that she had not sold or done anything with over the years she was with Jerry. THANK GOD FOR THAT. Anyway, Jerry's son began saying some incredibly mean and nasty things to my mom, in front of me and it got very, very ugly and almost came to blows. He had us trapped in a small pantry, shoved me against the refrigerator and began to raise his hand to me. Only once would that happen, and of that I am 110% sure. My husband heard the shouting from out side and came in and finally got the moron to move away and Mom and I just got out. Not at all what any of us needed and not at all how we had wanted this to end, but greed and grief, hand in hand are a dangerous and volatile pair for some people. I know this is far from over but now it will go through legal channels and that is the only way it will be handled. Mom did not need this crap. She had not even had a chance to begin to grieve. I am staying close by but also giving her the time and space that I know are so vitally important right now. I check on her every day and if I have any reason to think there is ANYTHING wrong I pop in and say hi. She is amazing me with her strength. I am going to be around a bit now and will do my best to get caught up. I am sure I will never be able to read every post and reply but please know that this whole "family" here has been in my thoughts and prayers and will continue to be.. Love and hugs to all Chris

Again, thank you ALL so much.. I just cannot believe she died so soon after Jerry even though I KNEW she was really failing in the past month. Just unbelievable timing..... The funeral is this afternoon and I feel absolutely HORRIBLE but I cannot bring myself to go. I feel sick to my stomach when I even think about attending a funeral, no matter who's it is and I just cannot do it. I will send my condolences and will make sure her son knows that I am here for him and his wife if I can be of any help. My Dad is going and he told me he understands and that nobody would hold it against me but I still feel so badly about it. I hate cancer, all cancer but most especially this damn lung cancer. It has stolen too many loved ones from us and it just has to stop. Sorry.. I did not mean to go off on a tirade I just needed to thank you all so much, yet again.... Love Chris

Some of you may remember me posting about my friend Laurie last fall and asking for prayers as she had been diagnosed with lung cancer in both lungs as well as many mets throughout her body. This was after losing her beloved husband to lung cancer. I just had a phone call that she has lost her battle. Like Jerry, her pain and suffering has now ended.... I hate cancer. I just hate it. My heart is just broken... Christine.. who needs a break so desperately.

I finally got to read through all of these wonderful messages and will print them out to share with Mom. Thank you all for your love and support and your prayers and condolences. And, Katie thank you for making the initial post about Jerry's passing for me. The site was down that morning and I was not able to do it before I left. Everything happened so fast that we never really had chance to make peace with the cancer issues and now we are thrown into the grieving thing with no real chance to prepare, if you can ever really do such a thing. Life is just so unpredictable but so precious. I guess that is one of the lessons I've taken from this. I'm really at such a loss for words here..... Again, our sincere thanks for all of the support and prayers and love.... Christine