Remembering Dave

Fay - you're one reason I come to this board at all. You have taught me a whole lot in the last 1.5 years. and you're only a few years older than me. You ROCK, girlfiend, in the making a difference department! We love you, Karen

God Bless (and trust me, ever since our initial "run in" I've been praying for your wife to be healthy). Karen C.

Man, Katie B, if only you knew how many people need a WHOLE lot more than that! Obviously you don't, but after five years of CONSTANT IF treatment, you do learn, you get to know about all of those people who are suffering along with you, just as we all are on this journey on LCHelp. All those folks who need much more than a simple blood test, sperm count and checking their temperature every morning. Andrea - check out www.inciid.org. It's a website similiar to this one but jam packed with info on infertility issues, which QUITE frequently are symptoms of greater underlying physical problems or diseases. I'm on two prescriptions drugs for life right now, directly related to illness/malfunctions that were discovered during my IF journey. And I'm far from unique. Boy, if it were as simple as a sperm count and ovulation function. LOTS of things can make you not ovulate. And lots of those things are symptoms of bigger problems. OK, I'm repeating myself, time to go back to work and QUIT lurking, it's too tempting! Karen C.

Andrea - I HAVE! I had FIVE YEARS of IF treatment. I know more about it than I ever cared to know. So does Dave for that matter. In fact, he became the resident expert of female troubles in his office full of women. PM me and I'll send you my email address. Of course, I think I told you before that store bought is better than homemade anyway. No, seriously, IF testing and even treatment is very important because if your female parts aren't working right, that very well could be symptoms of other illnesses. They found a few things wrong with me, early detection of which is preventing possible bigger problems down the road. Karen

SBeth, Snowflake (Becky) is building a house. Joe B. is building a house. . . and I bet others here are as well. We are THINKING about buying a brand new travel trailer (and only just thinking because of the affordability factor NOW, not the "what if" factor). I agree with Fay A. (Fay A. is the voice of reason in ALL occasions I find!). IF you can afford it on your own (and you may be surprised, SS survivors benefits for my daughter and I would make my paying our mortgage on my own very easy when I thought it would be impossible - not that I want that to happen, but when Dave told me what they would be I quit having panic attacks over the awful "what ifs" in my life and just quit thinking about them). Anyway, I digress, but IF you think you could deal with it IF you had to on your own, and frankly I don't think you will have to - THEN GO FOR IT. You can;t stop your life because he has (or, had) cancer. You've got to continue living it! Don't live with the thought of the next "what if" that waits around the corner. And yes, if they were able to remove the mets and the primary tumor that sounds great, and oncdoc and John are really the experts on this type of thing. Please keep us posted, I would love to see construction site photos in your Avator! Karen c.

From Virginia (and man, you asked for it, look at the responses you got!): My husband got diagnosed, preliminarily, in the ER. The ER doc said it could either be LC or an infection (we had recently returned from China) but in his opinion was looking like LC, so we, at least I, was prepared for the final diagnoses. The oncologist visited Dave in his hospital room a few days later, after the surgical biopsy confirmed it. He did tell us the stats, but in a very gentle manner- he tempered the blow with "but you are young and strong and healthy so you can beat this." He explained what type of LC Dave had (SCLC), the stage (limited) and what the treatment would be. He did not go into alot of details about stats but like I said he did mention them. We had some time, a week or so, to digest everything he told us and do some research, before meeting with him again in his office - an appointment I must say that I called up and brow beat the nurse into giving us - she wasn't going to give Dave another appt. until after his first round of treatment and like I told her - that ain't gonna cut it, honey - one brief conversation with Dave, totally doped up, suffering from lack of sleep and still reeling from the shock of what was happening to him - in his hospital room before he even knows what's going on - wasn't enough. So we got that second appt. and cleared up alot of thing. He had his first chemo in the hospital, the next day after seeing the oncologist there, but then we had questions and questions and questions. I think the oncologist admired our spirit and gladly talked to us in his office. He said that there was a 5% or 10% (I can't remember which) survival rate with SCLC but that there was no reason Dave couldn't be in that 5% or 10%. He also said that a positive attitude, a will to live, a strong support system from family (and looked me straight in the eye), etc., etc., made a ton of difference. So, in other words, he gave us stats, but we never asked "how long to live " (I think that's a stupid question anyway) and the stats he did give us were also given with reminders that stats don't apply to the individual. Now, about talking to the daughter privately . . . I think there are very good instances where you CAN get the feel from the family, the dynamics of what's OK to talk about and to whom. If the man brought his whole darn family with him to the meeting, then obviously he didn't mind them knowing anything you had to say. I think it's OK to talk to the daughters seeing as they were at the meeting, and I think you probably had a feel for how they would treat that information. Were they going to run back to daddy and say "gosh, you only have SIX MONTHS to live" or were they going to take that information and use it for themselves, as a gauge for what to expect and how much they need to tune in to their needs of their dad and mom? I suspect you knew that or otherwise you wouldn't have talked to them. Frankly, Dr. Joe, I don't think you can go wrong, because you obviously CARE. It's the docs who don't care that are going to make people unhappy. I hope this makes sense. From a VERY supportive, hand holding, tell it like it is spouse, Karen C.

Renee, Condolences and God Bless from all us Chapmans. I am so sorry you lost Scott, but am glad it went so well. Christ be with you, Karen, Dave and Faith

Dave and I visited Beth in her room for about 30 minutes. She's feeling alot better today, sitting up in bed and TALKING, she said it was the first day she could talk. You can tell her esophagaus is still bothering her, but she's on the mend. DR. JOE - this is one for you - I told Beth about you, she's going to post her situation for you when she's able to get on line. She just has the hardest time, and the yeast infection in he throat that raises its ugly head every time she has chemo is really weird. Her Mom's with her and I don't think has left her side, Poor thing, she looks pretty beat herself, but she's a peppy one, says they just gotta get through this and then everything will be OK. Everyone needs a mom like that! Keep 'em coming guys, more cheerleading for Beth! Love and Blessings, Karen

Curtis, I wish you could talk to my Aunt Mary. Dave mentioned my cousin who died's sweet parents. That would be Aunt Mary. Aunt Mary and Uncle Bud lost their 38 year old daughter Cindy (Faith is named Cynthia Faith after her) to breast cancer. She and her husband had three small children. The husband is a jerk and started dating a girl he picked up in a bar not three months after Cindy died and they eventually got married. The new wife now makes every effort in the world to keep my Aunt involved in her grandchildren's lives. We all thought she would end up being the Evil Stepmother but so far she is the best thing that could have happened to Aunt Mary and Uncle Bud. They live four hours apart so don't actually see the kids all that much (too involved in soccer, etc. etc.) but the new wife makes sure there's a weekly phone calls, sends photos and email all the time with news on the kids. Now, another of their children, one of their sons, my dear cousin Mark, committed suicide 18 months after his sister died. He was on his second marriage (a VERY dysfunctional one) and had a young daughter with this wife. This wife is very very strange to begin with, long story, but she avoids my aunt and uncle like the plague. but then again she avoids everyone like the plague. she has some sort of mental problem for sure, has never had a job, is very isolated from the world, never answers the telephone, I mean never . . . lives up in the mountains about two hours from my aunt and uncle. they've even made arrangements go to visit and passed this woman driving down the road away from her house as they approached the house for a visit. Anyway, if anyone has been in Georgeanne's place it's my Aunt Mary. She could give you some good advice on how to approach this. But I will tell you right now, that the MOST IMPORTANT thing, no matter if you are dating, remarried, or a loner, is to make sure Katie sees plenty of that grandmother, plenty, and that you keep plenty of communication open with her. Aunt Mary grieves the loss of her son but also the loss of her granddaughter, who has been made very inaccessible to her. She plays with the idea of getting legal help and seeing about what her grandparental rights are, but then again that would be more emotional stress where there is plenty already. Hang in there Curt, I know you will always do the right thing. You're that kind of guy. Karen P.S. you're right, you need at least one more Becky in your life.

Ha!! You have too many Becky's and I have too many Karens, 2 of my close coworkers are named Karen. 1 was my last cube mate and at one time both Karens and I were to share a cube......jeeze. I will be sending my prayers your way. This will be a tough weekend but maybe easier than you think. I am so glad you are taking katie to see Becky's parents. Karen (my Karen) had a close cousin who dies and his widow avoids his parents and it tears their heart out that they cannot be a part of their lives and these ae some sweet people (the parents). Have a safe trip. David C

My husband already welcomed you but I need to as well. Are you welcome here? HELL YES. THANKS FOR COMING. We are lucky, Dave has an awesome oncologist, my mother also now has colon cancer and is seeing him as well, he is a very caring individual, very good, very good guy. But we have room in our hearts for you, too! God Bless! You have a very difficult job! Karen C.

Please respond to my post there - I'd like to print that thread out and take it to her.

I have to agree with Elaine. The worst thing you can do right now is dwell on the why. The most important thing is to help him fight the cancer and get rid of it. At this point it's obvious certain things are not good to do now that he knows he has lung cancer. No more smoking, get house tested for radon, no working in a smoke filled environment, in an environment with toxic chemicals in the air, as a cook in a BBQ restaurant . . . other than that, you just can't spend valuable energy worrying about it. But one day the researchers and scientists will know for sure. You can't figure it out with a poll. My husband has SCLC. The oncologist said it is almost always caused by smoking. But I don't think that is necessarily so with NSCLC. Our new good friend from this board, JUSTAKID, smoked and got NSCLC at age 37. But she also grew up in a house with alot of second hand smoke from her parents. Was it those first 21 years inhaling second hand smoke or was it her own smoking, or was it something else, or was it just bad luck? Who knows, no one ever will, but the important thing is, she and her husband both quit, and she now is in the fight of her life. That is the most important thing, that she get well. I made the mistake when my husband was first diagnosed to be very angry about it. I had nagged him and nagged him to quit smoking for our entire marriage. But guess what? my anger wasn't going to make him better, and at that point I no longer cared that he smoked. He doesn't any more, and he just wants to get this darn cancer out of his body so we can have our life back. and that's all I care about now. I'm not trying to scold you for asking, I think it is a perfectly natural stage to go through, but you have to put it behind you and focus on what's important now. It's valuable energy being wasted that needs to be used for the big fight. Best of luck and God Bless, Karen

We hadn't heard from Beth all week . . . knew she was feeling bad, she and her family were going to come out to our house last weekend but she felt too bad. Anyway, heard from her husband this evening, she's been in the hospital since Wednesday, the yeast infection in her esophagus is so bad she could not swallow at all and has had a persistent fever of 101. Was so weak she couldn't even walk with husband's assistance, so went by ambulance to the hospital. Her Mom is with her 24/7 and her husband is holding down the fort at home with their two kids. Prayers, please, for Beth, she's had an awfully rough time with her treatment ever since diagnoses, a very difficult time, very bad physical reactions not in her control, and despite what anyone says, if anyone needs a hand held right now, or a prayer offered up for them, it is our dear new friend Beth. If she is up to visitors we will go see her tomorrow and will print this thread to take to her. She can't have flowers, fresh fruit, etc., due to the severity of her infection so maybe lots of well wishes from the board will help cheer her up. God Bless us all, David and Karen and Faith of course

Bill, I hope and pray that the docs can get her on another drug maybe or that they can get the side effects under control and that your wife feels better soon. David C

Awesome news!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations !!!!!!!! Go out and celebrate. David C

I am sorry to hear this but am thankfulhe did not have any permanent effects from the stroke. My prayers are with you and David. David C

My sincere condolences go out to you and your family. David C

I am so sorry to hear this news. My prayers are with you in this time of need. David C

Welcome, welcome,welcome!!!!!!!!!!! By all means we would love to have you on board and would love to get your insight/input to some of our questions. Thanks fo the intrest and I hope we can offer you as much help with you patients as we hope you can be of help to us. David C

hey, Rachel, do you still have that boat? I hope so, it sounds great! We've been doing alot of thinking and research and soul searching. this whole TT thing has led us to think alot about the future. We're probably going to buy one, similar in floor plan to the one we initially thought, but much much less expensive . . .and probably won't get it right away. But we're going to try to make some major changes in investments, etc., the goal is for Dave eventually to just work part time and keep the stress level, thus the potential for yhet another occurrence - go away. Take care everyone, Karen

Bruce, first of all, I just LOVE the photo of your granddaughter! she IS an angel! I hope they find out what's causing that anemia, it's got to be something. My mom's colon cancer diagnoses started with severe anemia, but the docs didn't think it was that, they thought she had a bleeding ulcer. so get those unpleasant exams of your digestive system done. But I'm voting for the nurses just plain ole' draining your blood too much, vampires! keep that sense of humor, it's your key to keeping the fight strong! God Bless, Karen

Thank you, thank you, thank you fo all your suppot and prayers. It means a lot to have all of you behind m. I am sleeping and drinking, sleeping and drinking. I do feel better today than I did yesterday. I drove myself to radiation, my dad came along with me but I drove. I will be going to sleep here shortly. These side effects suck but at least I know it is killing the cancer, it has to be!!!! Again, thank you everybody. David C

Oh my. Surely sounds like somebody dropped the ball on this one. I think I might consult with an attorney also. David C

That is wonderful news!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You need to celebrate!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations. David C