Remembering Dave

Kate, One caregiver to another, I really really "feel your pain" first of all, I'm sure most of your frustation is from lack of sleep. I can pinpoint that right away. Is there any way you can consolidate your working time so that you can sleep at least 4 or 6 hours at a time? Can J's mother take him to chemo? Can the three of you sit down and discuss a game plan to help him? and to help you? Is it perhaps time to start communicating, call a truce, clear the air on whatever makes your relationship bad? It's time for everyone to come together and do what's best for J. and that requires some good open communication. Keep us posted, Karen C.

THEY'RE HERE!!! THEY'RE HERE!!! Dave's folks go there yesterday afternoon. I know they are exhausted from their cross country marathon to get here. we had a nice steak dinner last night and everyone went to bed early. well, they did. Faith stayed up an hour past bedtime to hang out with MomMom and DadDad (which she is now calling them). nothing is easy with a toddler in the house but you can manage to do things, you just do them piecemeal. you wouldn't believe how long it takes to empty the dishwasher. we got Faith when she was 14 months old. you can't really shower when alone with a child at that age because you don't know what they'll get into. it's possible now, at almost three years old. now you just get peppered with questions while in the shower. the hardest thing for me is taking faith into any retail establishment when she is tired. she doesn't want to be there and makes sure everyone is aware of that. and she is so strong willed that no threat works. she LOves her big girl watch that dave got her and so for a while that worked. "if you're a bad girl in the store mommy will take your watch away." well, finally, when I used that threat Faith defiantely took off the watch and handed it to me, LOL! Melinda, don't be that scared. having a child alone is not so bad. having a toddler, a very sick husband, a full time job with a two hour daily commute, and a mom with stage iv colon cancer all at the same time, THAT makes parenthood a little challenging! And again, let me say, (Andrea's heard this before) - when you start seriously considering starting your family, store bought is better than home made! Karen c.

Tee Taa, this is Karen first of all let me tell you that I had a Stage II melanoma removed last summer right in the middle of dave's treatment. but I'd never heard of this kind of skin cancer. I wish I did. I did a little research when I got diagnosed but don't remember coming acoss this. Secondly: as you probably know, my mom right now has a stage iv colon cancer. my husband is battling lung cancer in his sinus bones. my parents live about 45 minutes from us, and I can barely be there for my mom. your FIL is so far away I don't see how you've done what you have so far for him. I"m not saying don't beat yourself up. I'm just saying you're dealing with a really tough situation here. I agree about the doctors and seeing that oncologist. I think it is a generational thing, people around the age of your FIL have it deeply ingrained in them not to challenge authority. my mom tends to do the same thing with her own treatment, although I am seeing her challenging the doctors a little bit with this latest bought but that's another story (you go, mom!). I don't know what else to say but do what you gotta do, fight for him, ask him if you can speak to the doctor on his behalf, etc. by the way, dave's family is the same way as your inlaws. spread all over the place. but they've really rallied and been here, literally, for dave's disease (you go, BeckyCW!) so I kinda get what you're saying about that, too, on the other hand, my siblings and parents all live within an hour or so of each other. hang in there and please keep us posted. Karen C.

I don't know either but I agree with Cindy--Let the Doc. know. David C

David, thanks for the update. Good luck with the race, you are always an inspiration. David C

Cindy, don't worry, the seed never falls far from the tree. It is a phase which she probably feels she must do, BELIEVE ME, I did the same sort of thing.I think we all do in one way or another. Prayers coming on the tets and the job. David C

Amen Dean David C

Dean, thanks. I sent you a PM and I'm so glad to hear from you, please don't take any energy to reply to that. I just care about you and was a little concerned. TeeTaa - I think I'm with you, for some reason I needed to hear these wise words myself, too! Dean - you know, I think sometimes I'll be more than sad and really miss you when you're gone, but then I remind myself the only reason I know you at all is because of this darn disease . . . . so the reason we have you in our lives is the very reason you may be taken from us. Kinda weird. God Bless, Karen C.

Dawn, my husband's diagnoses was SCLC Limited at the beginning, too, and let me tell you, that oncologist IS FULL OF IT. Buy her some time? What? Of course this is curable! I don't like him and I think you should find your mom a better oncologist! You need someone who will fight with you! About your question about chemo - I took my husband to the emergency room on a Saturday night and he had his first chemo while still in the hospital that Thursday. 14 days is a bit long to start chemo if you ask me but maybe not totally unreasonable. Dave had a tumor ON his lymph nodes and they knew they couldn't waste any time to catch any cells that might have gotten out of his lymph nodes. I'd reschedule the chemo and go to that appt. at Markey. My two cents worth. Maybe I over-reacted here, but I do not like to hear about oncologists with a negative attitude. Keep us posted, Karen C.

Mary Ann, you are so right about the family thing. also, Faith already wants to steer. that's another big part of the grocery shopping problem. She can be pretty insistent. she will go far in life because once she gets an idea in her head there is no stopping her. I mean nothing. she is totally blind to any indication that she can't do something. that's my girl. Karen

P.S. YOU AND FAITH ALMOST HAVE THE SAME BIRTHDAY! You know, they really had to "assign" her a birthday - maybe you do have the same birthday!!!!!! Happy Birthday, Ray! Also, Dave's parents will be celebrating 50 years of marriage on your birthday! Karen

RAY - NOTHING BAD CAN POSSIBLY HAPPEN ON FAITH'S BIRTHDAY, ok? That being said, don't think about the comparisons with David A. I have to stop myself every time something bad happens with someone young on this board when I start making comparisons to Dave. Each individual's situation is UNIQUE. You are doing the right thing I'm sure. You keep that positive, Christ based attitude of yours and you will be fine! God Bless you my brother! Karen C.

Ray!!!!!!! WOW. It is great that the surgeon took the time to explain why he thinks you should have it removed. I bet you are scared but that is natural. Just remember that we are all here fo you. You know you will be operated on an our daughters bithday. Big prayers coming your way. David

You'll find lots of stories on this board such as you ask for. We have patients here of all different ages, marital status, religions, and with all of us life has to go on and so does the good stuff. We adopted our baby girl from China in Oct/Nov 2002 and in March 2003 my husband was diagnosed, but he was sick when we got back from China and never got well. So we've been mixing the happiness of new parenthood with fighting the disease. Don't reschedule or put off your wedding or anything - because even if a person in the family has cancer, you can't say that because they're diagnosed now that in 2 months or 6 months or even a year what they're capable of doing or celebrating. It's a real up and down process. Hopefully you can stick with us and let us celebrate along with you! Best wishes, Karen C.

Cindy, With your daughter - it's definitely just a phase. Be patient, it might last a while . . . take it from me, I was definitely there in my 20's. it's going to be pretty tough considering she's living in the house, but hang in there. and don't worry about trying to talk to her about it, just be yourself and live your life, and she will see on her own how that is the better way. I think you have the job if you were the only call back - that is great, because I bet you'll be great at that! keep us posted on your hubby - prayers for him. God Bless, Karen

TeeTaa, If you REALLY want to know the wench's name PM me. (know you're just kidding . . . trust me, I'd like to get some sense and compassion inserted into her thinking, that's for sure). Karen

Ginny, I'm so sorry. About everything. I want to fix it all for you and bring Earl back. OK, for some good news from the Chapmans - Dave's parents will be here tomorrow!!! Help is almost here! That's selfish good news. Country Girl (Margaret) - love the bird nest story, that's great! Ginny, hang in there. We all love you. You are an inspiration to us all, Karen C.

Shellie, stay strong for Katie, OK? I'm very fond of you both. She will be OK. My mom had breast cancer six years ago and they had to "redo" her lumptectomy, too. It's OK, they're just trying to be on the safe side. My mom probably didn't HAVE to have the redo but they wanted to be sure. I think Katie's surgeon is really looking out for her. Hang tough. You should have never told us about the xanax chaser. now we're all going to worry about you. My sleep remedy: one benadryl. take it about an hour before you go to bed. if it's not enough, take 1 mg of melatonin (found with the vitamins and herbs in the drugstore). Hang tough, kiddo. Karen C.

YIPEE!!! Glad to hear about the lung too! It's it great to be a member of the Empty Headed Club? Karen C.

Lyn and Fran, it sounds to me like FMLA is interpreted slightly differently in different places. We have this funky sick leave policy. I have four weeks of sick leave to use every four years. This is for sick, doctor's appt., etc. HOWEVER, if I go six months without using a FULL sick day, I get the whole four weeks back. Say I go six months and don't use a full sick day, but I use 40 hours for doctors appointmenets or partial days out sick, like I go home early several days in a row feeling bad. At the end of that six month period without using a full sick day, I get that 40 hours back. Nothing is counted against our FMLA time unless we actually apply for FMLA time. One reason I didn't apply for FMLA time last year was because I used eight weeks of FMLA at the end of 2002 to adopt our daughter from China. Since we can only use 12 weeks of FMLA in a "rolling" 12 month period I only had four more weeks to use until the next October. So I prefered to "save" the time and start fresh the following October. I had vacation time to use and I didn't want to use up all my FMLA time in case Dave's situation got worse. Let's say I had applied for FMLA for Dave and got approved, even my vacation time I used to be with him would have counted against my FMLA. Does that make sense? Bottom line, sounds like every company treats FMLA differently. I have to wonder in a strong technical and legal sense if some of the interpretations are incorrect. Karen

Hey - MaryAnn - when I say go to the grocery store alone, I guess you feel my pain. Do you remember going with a two year old? YIKES! I can't think straight! All I'm doing is running after her, snatching stuff from her hands, that's when she's not in the cart. when she's in the cart I'm trying to keep her in the cart, or I'm picking everything off the floor that she is tossing out of the cart! Dave can't understand why I can't manage that. He says I'm not showing Faith that I'm the parent and I'm in charge. I challenge him, after he is in remission again, to try a big grocery shopping trip with Faith. Oh, I forgot, she'll be older then . . . and it won't count. Yeah, she'll be doing other hijinks in the grocery by then . . . . Andrea - you just wait. Yeah, I was you at one time. I thought the sound of a small child saying Mama would be golden music to my ears. It is. Except on a 45 minute car ride to daycare when it is repeated about 100 times. You wait, dear, your time is coming! Best to all, Karen

Missy, welcome, I pray that you do not have LC. I am glad you ae going to the doc. soon. Please let us know what is going on. We ae all here for you. David C

Prayers are with Tom and for you interview. You will be a great teacher. Good luck. David C

Hello everyone, David here. Yes Karen does need a break. She has been stretched petty thin. Faith is the most wonderful gift fom God and we love her moe yhan is humanly possible but a 2 year old is a rather clingy, whiny creature no matter how you put it ha,ha. I am trying to help as much as possible and do pretty good unless it is my Cisplatin week. Last Monday I received Cisplatin and CPT-11 and went home and slept all day Monday, Tuesday, Wednsday and 1/2 the day on Thursday. I finally started feeling better on Friday.......we went out Saturday and I overdid it so ested all day Sunday. This Monday I had CPT-11 only and felt the chemoscuzzies for a day or 2 but am feeling petty good. My folks will be here tomorrow and will be able to help out tremendously. I am supposed to start Radiation this coming Monday. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. David C

Hey, Andrea. Heck, I saw your PM to me and I forgot to reply. well, Dave will be starting radiation on Monday since the bonkitis isn't getting any smaller and is pushing on his eye. He also has chemo #3 of Round 2 on Monday. Mom has surgery on Monday to remove the part of her liver where the tumor is. She just recovered from the colon surgery and related trauma (heart catherization, etc.), poor thing. Dave's parents are on the way here and should be here this weekend. I need some help!!! Work is OK, no one is hassling me but I have the sacred FMLA approval so they can't. My lawyer friend got back and looked at the mean adoption lady email and said that she'd actually seen this happen from one other adoption agency lately and that, more or less, it is their interpretation of what is required and if that is what they think is required that's what they can make me do, UNLESS I wanted to call the Judge and the court clerk and/or the social services agency in my county and ask what the judge actually wants himself. I thought about doing that but then decided screw it, I'm just going to drop the whole thing until Dave is well. I just don't have the time or energy for that fight right now. So I'm going to withdraw the adoption petition for now. All this is, is applying for the adoption to be final in Virginia as well as China so that we get a Virginia birth certificate (written in English) to use when Faith registers for school or whatever. We don't HAVE to have it. I can just make people in the school system read the Chinese one, haha (we actually have a certified translation of it I think). Also, doing the adoption in Virginia registers Faith with the Virginia Dept. of Health and their vital stats so if anyone 100 years from now is doing geneaology they'll have record of her. Not important to me right now . . . . I had the bladder inflection from hell last week and I realized I've probably been walking around with it for weeks (lower back pain) so I self treated myself with a big bottle of 500 mg Cipro Dave had. Then my doctor's office called me about some bloodwork I was due to have to check my thyroid, so I made the nurse tell me if Cipro is used for bladder infections (it is) but when I went in for the bloodwork she had me do the lovely urine test for that. By then, though, I think the Cipro did it's thing. I'm tired tired tired. Can't wait for Dave's parents to get here. I want a break! I want to go shopping! I want to go to the grocery store (by myself). I want to go to a movie! I want to go out to dinner! I want to go visit my mom some place other than in a hospital!!! I want our life back! I want us to take a weekend trip in our trailer to the mountains! I want my husband back the way he was for those lovely first five months that we were a family before his diagnoses!!! But I'm hanging in there. Thanks for asking! Karen C.