Remembering Dave

Pamela, I'm so so very sorry for what is happening to you and your Dad. And to be honest with you, our situation is nowhere near that bad - so it's a wake up call to me. Things could be worse. My heart is breaking for you and him. I wish he could go on that fishing trip. God Bless, Karen C.

Dave's getting the little pimples now, just showed up this week, and it's been a couple of weeks since he had the cisplatin. they're not bad and he didn't even know they were there, I saw them - on his chest and face. A pretty minor thing, considering the alternative, as we like to say . . . Karen C.

Wow, Kel, amazing story! You are the ideal daughter, your brother is the ideal son, and your mother is the ideal patient! A big welcome here, I hate that you HAVE to be here, but already I'm getting some inspiration from you. This is a hard thing, but you guys all have the right attitude and will do well. So glad you got your Mom to the right treatment place. Thank you for telling us this story, I'm getting some much needed strength from you already! Karen C.

Thanks, Fay. I appreciate the description of what the steroids do to you. I KNOW that they do SOMETHING to Dave that makes him unable to control anything about himself because I witness it - he can't stop eating, yelling, he can't sleep, he can't stop certain thoughts . . . he buys too much junk food and then eats it like there's no tomorrow. But he's been unable to describe to me exactly what it is that he is feeling. I try to remind him that the steroids are making him nuts and ask him nicely to try to control himself but usually that just makes him rant more. He told me this morning that he's been tapering off the decadron and today he is not taking them any more. I think I should fax a note to his oncologist to alert him to make sure he's doing it right and that he really doesn't need it. Meanwhile, I'm trying to limp through this week and next, because on Friday August 6 we fly to Montana and will be with his whole family there, and then his parents are driving to Virginia to stay with us again for the duration of Dave's treatment, so they'll be here around August 21. and please rest assured, Fay, that I am trying as hard as I possibly can to be tolerate of him. It's one reason I come here to vent. Thanks everyone, Karen

David - you're being paranoid about nothing. I think it's from lack of sleep. I see similar weirdness in my own David. TAKE A NAP. By the way, you LOVE you new car? Really? I love your poetic way of speaking about it and especially the way your describe your own body parts . . . kinda like you're not deserving of such a beautiful thing, ha. You are so very funny. OK, soo, take a nap, then take a nice long drive in that beautiful machine, and stop worrying. I think you're just being looked after by some very thorough and thoughtful doctors. God Bless, Karen

More screaming tonight, after it took me two hours to get home in the worst storm I've ever driven in, driving rain, flooded roads, thunder and lightening. The steroids have gotta go. Thanks for listening. Karen

Yeah, know what you mean. Not long after I started working at this place, I ended up working for six lawyers, in four different practice areas. Needless to say I did a pretty crappy job, after a while I just sorta quit trying to please everyone and just more or less showed up, ha. Well, I knew it was temporary, except that I didn't know this company's definition of temporary, ha. After that, they did another reorg of the department and I ended up with just two. Everyone else supports more lawyers than I do right now but that's ok because (a) I did my part; and ( considering my personal circumstances, I think it's just fine I have less to keep up with at work. see ya! Karen

Andrea - the cool boss is lower on the totem pole than the weinie boss - of course. But she doesn't report to him. I'm sorta split between two practice areas - corporate and litigation. he's a litigator. I guess he only knows how to have adversarial relationships with people. Must be why his wife left him (cheap shot). The cool boss, in addition to just plain ole' being a neat person, also suffered a terrible loss of her husband, so she actually knows what I'm going through (sorta - the difference being hers was VERY sudden and total, mine is dragging out for years and hopefully is not so "total" if you know what I mean). see ya, Karen (geez, gotta get some work done, but I can't get through the day without you guys!)

Hey guys, OK, first of all, Heather - SWEET? Dave???? Hmmm. new adjective for Dave that's for sure (haha). Curtis - thanks - I know you've been there, done that. Mary Ann - good story about your friend. I know Dave sees himself sometimes like this and cringes. J.C. - LOVE YOUR TURNING DOWN THE HEARING AID!! I want a hearing aid so I can do that, ha! Norme - don't even know why I even had a conversation with this lady. She's really pathetic. Elaine - I've thought about taking Faith over to my folks' house and staying there some but I really don't want to leave Dave alone. He needs us more than we need him to be sane. and to everyone, yes, I think I am going to first discuss this with Dave, then send a fax note to his oncologist asking him to advise Dave on getting off the steroids (I know you have to step down from them gradually). The side effects from them are far worse than his symptoms I think, but I do want to have a serious discussion with him first. thanks everyone. I feel better. I also want to say that I told my boss, the cool one who understands (her husband died suddenly two years ago of a heart attack at age 37 and she has three small children) yesterday that I was apologizing in advnce for being moody this week, and she told me that (a) she didn't think I was so terribly moody; and ( I was certainly justified in being in any kind of mood I felt necessary. How about that for an understanding person? Karen C.

Hey Bruce - where are you in Tennessee? Could you make it to the Richmond Virginia area for a get together? Dave and I are in the thinking about it stages, but I'm not sure we have enough people close enough to come. We're the only people I know of on the board in Virginia. I think we have some folks in Maryland. Karen C.

Dave is taking steroids for the sinus mets causing some inflammation where it pushes into his brain (he's taking decadron). Steroids always make Dave manic and psycho. To top it off, yesterday he overdid it, so last night he was overly tired AND psycho. He YELLED, I mean LOUD, all evening at Faith and I. It was weird. I didn't feel well to begin with, sinus headache (yeah, no bonkitis for me, I really do have allergy/sinus problems). I took Faith up to bed, and she kept asking for Daddy, she wanted him to read her bedtime story to her so bad, but he wouldn't do it, he wouldn't come upstairs, he just stayed downstairs steaming like some old bull. When I went downstairs he yelled at me some more (for not getting on the treadmill because he thought I should get on the treadmill, period). So I just took my meds and went upstairs and laid down with Faith, I was crying, I thought she was asleep but she wasn't, so we both just laid there for a while and finally I composed myself and went to our bed so I wouldn't keep her awake. She is so sweet, just laid there holding my hand. Mama, boo boo? Then, this morning, I'm walking into work with a co-worker, after going to one of Dave's doctor appts. with him. This co-worker is a bit of a sad sack, there is nothing in her life I can see that is so horrible, she's divorced and has no one in her life, but is always so down, like everyone else's life is so much better than hers, she is just depressed and also has a really bad "can't do" attitude. Never ask her to do anything that is not exactly right in her job description, she can't do that. Anyway, she asks me how's it going and I say, well, Dave's cancer is back. We say a few things back and forth, just small talk, and then she says "well, you know, Karen, everyone has problems in their life." WHAT? Everyone? Yeah, I guess if you walk around thinking that everyone else's life is much better than yours and you yourself are some pathetic lonely person oh woe is me, yeah, I guess so. I told her, yeah, Brenda, I guess you're right, everyone's got a spouse who could DIE from CANCER at age 40 and have a young child and who's mother who helps her more than anyone else might also DIE because she has COLON cancer, yeah, EVERYONE's got it at least this bad right now!!!!! Now, this is NOT me. I am not like this, but after spending the evening being screamed at and then hearing this, I just about lost it. GRRRRRR. OK, I feel better now. see ya, Karen C.

oh, this is way too funny! my mom always did this to me until I got around 40, then she quit fussing over my attire for these events. Thank Goodness! And I am following the line of thinking on both your ends just perfectly. chuckle chuckle. glad you gave her some incentive and a mission! 7:00 for a 12:30 shower? That is way out of control! geez, I think leaving at 4:15 was plenty late enough!!! I hope there was plenty of booze there, ha! Karen

thanks, Elaine. I had been wondering about Dan. Dan - is anyone with you at all except for hospice folks? Karen C.

Jen - Dave never had anything like this to help his esophogus and he had daily radiation for 35 days along with his chemo. He never had THAT much trouble with swallowing. He did get to the point that it was difficult to eat steak and anything too chewy like that, and he did drink a heck of alot of Ensure shakes and eat cottage cheese . . . but he never got a shot and it never got terrible, either. I will leave it to him to elaborate more. Karen

Andrea - how was your date with your Mom Saturday? Did you make it to Nordstrums? Are you doing better today? I have to agree with Mary Ann - a newlywed shouldn't be so consumed with these awful thoughts! I know your Mom wants to see you happy and not worried all the time, doesn't she? Sooo, relax, and start working on grandchildren for her, OK? I bet Brian would appreciate that I, like you, feel like cancer is EVERYWHERE (since my husband and my mom both have it) and I can't believe I actually lived my life oblivious to cancer - but MOST people do, I THINK, ha! Hope you're doing OK today. your buddy, Karen

Do it next year and maybe we can come, AFTER Dave has beaten back this nasty bout of cancer! We owe Becky a visit anyway, right? And I hear rumors that JetBlue may come to Richmond - cheap flights to California here we come! Karen C.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR DEANCARL, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! May all your days be as blessed as the present one, and may you continue to spread your optimism throughout the world via the wonderful internet! Karen C.

http://www.cincinnati.com/text/local/20 ... 5main.html I THINK this will take you directly to the article. Which I just read. Very good article. I like the part about the National Cancer Institute funding the research behind this because until lung cancer deaths drop the overall cancer rate won't look any better. OK, I'm paraphrasing but that's pretty much what it said. What an incentive, but we'll take it, right? I have wondered, and asked Dave's oncologist this question: OK, so he smoked, fairly heavily, for 20 years, but doesn't it seem so YOUNG to get lung cancer at age 38? I asked him, is there a gene or something that makes people more susceptible to it than other people? and he said, yep, probably is . . . but we don't have a way of knowing about that yet. Thanks, Norme, for posting this. Karen

May God be with you Bruce, and we look forward to hearing about a successful surgery! Karen C.

My heart breaks to think that T-bone might be going on a final journey from his wonderful family. I will pray for something wonderful to change so that he can go home and stay home. Thanks for the update. What a great family. God Bless, Karen C. and family

It took me two "looks" but I think I figured everyone out! Wow, great photo, and it looks like a beautiful spot! OK, I'm starting to get inspired to through a Virginia/Eastern bash! Karen C.

I think everyone has given you some good advice and all from very relevant perspectives. I do have one suggestion which I hope might work, but it depends on her doctor. Can you make an appt. to see her primary doctor for the cancer, I guess that would be the oncologist, and just ASK what her basic, physical problem is? why she isn't breathing well, etc.? maybe if you understood the dynamics of her illness it might help you understand more what might be going on in her head. of course, some oncologists are more open and willing to talk about this sort of thing than others, and you also have to make sure your mom has given the doctor permission in writing to talk to you. could be she's too sick to fight right now, and maybe she IS fighting as best as she's able, and you are worrying over that part for nothing. or maybe she has given up the fight, mentally, but to me that is the patient's choice and a way of winning, if she has decided it's time to step back and just live the best she can. I hope that makes sense. Please keep us posted! Karen

Good thoughts to Tbone from the Chapman family. I bet being home will make him feel so much better without any pain meds! And I bet sitting on that back deck will do worlds for him! God Bless a wonderful family, Karen Dave and Faith

If ya'll have a Texas shindig maybe Dave Faith and I can come, Dave's parents live in Paris, a lovely city comparable only to the French Paris (haha) - it's about 1.5 hours north of Dallas, they are currently full time RV'ing it this year and have rented their house out and after we all go to Glacier in two weeks they're heading to our house for the second time in two years to help Dave fight the Beast. But next year they should be home and we'll owe them a visit anyway. We were supposed to go down there in April 2003 so Faith could meet all of her Texas relatives but Dave got diagnosed in March and then we couldn't get our money back from Priceline despite some pretty pathetic pleas from Dave and his Dad. So I don't recommend Priceline any more. Yeah, so about a month about we book plane tickets for Glacier he gets diagnosed again. No more advance airline tickets purchases for us! Cheryl and Jack, we have a pontoon boat, too - and unlike Ry and Mr. Ry we don't live on a lake but on a pretty decent river. I'm thinking us Chapmans should host an east coast shin dig, we are sorta centrally located - either in the fall or next spring/summer after Dave is well again. or heck, maybe before this fall . . . so what if he's in chemo? We can even put up some folks, we have a small house, relatively, but our much underused 26' travel trailer has made quite a good guest house recently and we do have a guest room and someone could use Faith's room. Ok, 'nuff rambling from me, Dave and I were just wishing we could have been there in Michigan. Darn it all. If it weren't for this disease we would have been there. Oh, I almost forgot, if it weren't for this disease we would never have met all you fine folks! Karen C.

Andrea - I'm confused - is it time for her to get new scans? Otherwise, it sounds like the Iressa to me. Dave doesn't take it (since he has SCLC) etc. but from what everyone else on the board has said about it, it sounds like the typical side effects. And YOU are fine, your scan told you so! So don't worry about your lungs my dear! I don't know what else to say to you, can Brian give back massages? You just have to know that if your mom is doing everything she should do, and is getting her scans and stuff on schedule, then you just have to accept the status quo and live your life. We are TRYING to do that here at Chapman Acres. We get upset and freak out a little about a week after a set back, then we try to settle as much into a routine as we can. PM me if I can help you more, or if you want my phone number PM me, OK? God Bless, Karen C.