Remembering Dave

Mary - gosh, I am SO SORRY you lost your wonderful husband. My husband, David C, was crushed by David A's death. If you go into David A', mailbox you might see a few private messages they shared. Your husband was a total sweetheat. I am so glad you got a puppy, and I love the name. In fact, my boss has a dog named Harley! Take care and keep us posted on how you're doing and let us know if anyone can help you in any way we can, support-wise at least, OK? Karen C.

Tina, I'm pretty sure I know how you feel. take a nice break. Hang in there. God Bless, Karen C.

Lesli, you need to come back more often with the good news on your Mom! Everyone needs to hear good stories to get renewed HOPE! Gosh, your own thing was quite a scare. Please keep us posted on you. Don't feel afraid to post good stuff, we need to hear the good stuff!! I love the photo of your mom, how cute is that???? God Bless, Karen C.

TeeTaa, you said it. The good stuff makes it worth coming here and coming back. I decided a long time ago not to let any of the bad stuff in any situation keep me from a situation if that's where I need to be. now I'm not making sense again. I love you all, Karen C.

Fran, PM me if you want. I am a legal secretary. I work for a very large corporation in the legal department after years with a big law firm. Last year when my husband was first diagnosed and went through treatment my bosses kept telling me to hang in there, they were behind me, blah blah blah. I didn't apply for FMLA because I had vacation time and used that. I thought all was fine. Wrong. Had my evaluation early this year and was told because of my numerous unplanned absences which put undue pressure on a certain someone co-worker who complains about everyone and everything, my raise was cut in half. I was totally blindsided. Needless to say when Dave's cancer returned the first thing I did was pick up the phone and call HR and ask for the FMLA application. In fact I didn't even wait for the pathology to come back before I made that call. My advice to you: first of all, apply for FMLA. It protects you and your job. I don't care how supportive you think your company is being, you never know about people's moods and also the mood of the company. In my case one of my bosses was gonig through a traumatic separation from his wife (she left him) and he basically took it out on me. He even told me that he thought his situation was as bad or worse than mine, because, after all, his marriage died. Exact words. It doesn't matter whether you're actually taking a block of time off without pay. Any time you take off to be with your husband or go to appointments with him protects you under FMLA if you've applied for it and been approved. It doesn't matter if you're taking vacation time to go to these appointments. Being protected under FMLA prevents any unforeseen backstabbing. Secondly - if you and your doctors believe it is in your best interest to take short term disability because your own health is suffering right now, AND you can afford 60% of your salary, by all means DO IT. But that can and is totally separate from the FMLA that you get approved for dealing with your husband's issues. The way our company does it and this may be part of the law, is that you get 12 weeks FMLA (480 hours) in every "rolling" 12 month period. So it's also a matter of timing. Like I said, PM me if you want to talk more, etc. Karen C.

Hooray to Betty! Karen C.

This is to John (Mr. Ry) - interesting about conceiving after you quit. Dave and I suffered from infertility as well. I read all kinds of things about smoking affecting a man's fertility. But I had so many problems of my own I didn't think his issue was much of a factor. He did have some abnormalities which could be due to smoking but it wasn't severe . . . Anyway, we got the child God intended for us. Interesting, though. And yes, the money thing is big. Karen C.

To my new friend, YIPEE!!!! Hang in there Beth - your life will be full of baby steps for quite a while - but soon you will appreciate alot of those baby steps as large victories! Karen C.

GREAT POST GAIL. I think the disclaimers and emails from management are there to nip the nasties in the bud. Nip the nasties in the bud and move on. So let's move on all go back to doing what we do best - supporting each other - OK? I think we can all share our feelings and ideas and even debate issues without being nasty. Being nasty takes too much energy away from being positive and fighting this darn disease! Karen C.

I started to write a whole long post on why I think management is doing the right thing here but then I decided I may not be able to make my opinions clear and didn't want to start a whole 'nother discussion or disagreement with anyone. I just agree with how they are handling things and why they are. Bottom line: we need to support each other. we need to share ideas. and we need to debate issues at times. that's what we're here for. and that's what I plan on continuing. God Bless us all, Karen C.

Connie, this is wonderful. Thank you so much for keeping us posted. I'm so happy for your grandson. Isn't that the thing Rush Limbaugh has? God Bless your beautiful grandson, Karen

This is Kaen. Fay, as usual, very well said. Ginny - my gosh, Earl's oncologist sounds so caring, really, and eveything he told you is so intriguing to me. Elaine - Andrea's right - and the Activism forum needs to be used more. As for me, I'm all for activism, but I'm one of those people Earl's oncologist mentioned. I'm too exhausted just fighting my husband's own personal battle and trying to keep my own family together - full time job, toddler child, mother sick with another deadly cancer. I can't manage much activism. I come here for support and sharing of information and experiences. not to say I won't "go along" with real productive activism, I just don't have it in me or have the time to initiate any. The most important thing I think is for everyone to use some restraint and courtesy when posting to this board so that new people who are looking for support and information aren't scared off. That is vitally important if you ask me. I wish I had more substantive things to add but I'm just too tired . . . Karen

Last year and unfortunately now I will be going though chemo. My chemo will be done in six four week cycles. Week one I receive Cisplatin and CPT-11, week two and week three I only receive CPT-11 then I have one week off. I then start the cycle over with the cisplatin and CPT-11. I would describe a cycle as a set of treatments. David C.

Hey, Jim, take a break and enjoy a chemo free life for a while! Make sure you get scans - I would say every three months - so if there's a change you can jump right on things. that way you're doing something - you're keeping an eye on it. Best of luck, Karen C.

I think there's got to be an addiction gene. Your brother can't quit either, so that makes me really think so. My husband Dave quit cold turkey upon diagnoses. he'd quit in the time period leading up to diagnoses as he would feel bad, then when he'd start feeling a little better he'd start again. but diagnoses did it for him. I know he still craves them very bad, but he also said he can't stand the smell of 'em any more which is good, at least he can understand why I hated it so much. But he'd rather live than die and the oncologist told him he didn't have a chance if he continued to smoke. I never ever in my wildest dreams ever thought he'd get lung cancer at age 38, though. Don't know what to tell you, I'd love for you to quit, but I sure don't have the magic bullet. Hang in there and God Bless, Karen C.

I'm glad I just saw this so I can bump it up to the top! That is incredible. beautiful. Anna, you're the best. Love, Karen C.

Wishing you the best from the Chapmans! Don't know a thing about those drugs but just want you to know it's good to hear from you. Tell Jack to stop worrying over you and let you sleep! God Bless, Karen C.

first of all don't pay any attention to statistics. Go the the My Story forum on this board and read my husband's story (David C). Click on the link there that takes you to the article "The Median is Not the Message". It's hard to read but basically says don't pay attention to the statistics. why doom yourself (your mom)? If there is a 5% survival rate, for instance, mentally put your mom in that 5%. you probably have to wait until all the tests are done, but it sounds like your mom has limited SCLC. that's good. I don't know a thing about that cancer center, sorry. hang in there and updated us as the test results come in. p.s. please read our story - I really think it will help. Karen C.

Joni, I think I understand. I didn't get married until I was 34 years old and for the entire time between 20 and 34 I lived alone and sometimes in urban areas that had their share of break ins or worse. I was never afraid. I never thought about it. I was a cat person back then and never had a dog. We now live out in the country, never lock our doors (neither one of us is sure about where our house keys are) and I never give it a second thought. but I guarantee you that if I lose Dave those doors will get locked. Do you have a dog? If not, any thoughts on getting one? We have two choc. labs and in addition to being the best companions ever and great with Faith, they're awesome watch dogs. Have a big scary bark and great hearing. Hang in there. and get the new curtains. you probably don't need them but if they make you feel better it's worth it. Karen

Shelly, you are a cutie pie! I've always wondered what you looked like. thanks for posting your smiling face to cheer us all up! Love, Karen C.

Peggy, Peggy, Peggy!! You hit my nail right on the head. When I first joined I posted all the time to everyone here and each and every newcomer......then Bart Ziggy passed. He and I had actually met on another board and eventually both came here. He was initially diagnosed with SCLC just like me (although he was rediagnosed later) and was diagnosed the same week I was or maybe one week apart, can't remember at this point. We had a little special bond going. When he passed he took the wind right out of my soul. I took it very, very hard and found it difficult to post much..........still do. And when someone else passes it is still dificult. I even snapped at a member who I really should have been, and am, thankfull for his support and fellowship. I was so upset at the time I took things and twisted it in my mind but I really regret the words said then (Sorry Joe). This is a rollercoaster ride and when someone you have developed a special relationship with dies it is difficult emotionally, especially if you are one of us here who are fighting this terible disease. If you are a caregiver please don't think I am trying to diminish your feelings. I guess maybe I should just say that It effects me as a fighter very deeply. It really makes me wonder about my determination not to let this get me ( I beat it once and will beat it again). I try not to get involved in any negativity but like you said Peggy, it is human nature. And you are also correct in that we need to make sure that we are there for the newcomers who are just starting thier journey. It may have become old to some of us but they really need our help and support. I, for one, have been terrible in this area and will try to do better. Thank you Peggy for your post. David C

Condolences to you and all of Dans family. David C

Don't stay gone too long. David C

Glad you are here but sorry you have to be. Welcome aboard. David C

Jane, I'm so glad you're back. I was afraid you'd need to leave for good and if you did I'd certainly respect that, but am relieved you're back and with a fresh perspective. Take care, Karen C. '