lilyjohn

Good morning Judy. I am finally home! Two months is far too long to be away from home no matter how much you are enjoying yourself or how much you love your family. I slept in my own bed last night and I do have to say that I am enjoying the best cup of coffee I have had in over 2 months. I know just the right amount of coffee and water for my pot. I always have such an experience when riding the train, especially once I am back in California. I will try to write some of the thoughts I have later. When you add my love of Nature and History and imagination my thoughts crossing this wonderful country of ours (despite all of the problems we seem to face it is still the best) can make some pretty vivid pictures in my mind. I hope next year to have a lap top or net book so I can write my thoughts and experiences when the happen. Today will be busy. I will go down and have coffee with my neighbors and friends then fitness class for the first time. No matter how much I swear to be good I always gain 10 pounds when I go to Louisiana and this year is certainly no exception!! If anyone has any news from our friends in Australia please let me know. I am very worried about them with all of the flooding that is going on. Have a great day all of you and I will be back here soon. Like Randy I am going to delete all of the games on Facebook. I joined to socialize and I get so tied up in those games that I have no time to do that. I also have a lot to do now that I am home. Take care everyone,

Good morning to all of you. I do love reading about everyone and their weather and adventures though sorry when things cause a problem like your flat Bud. Judy and Ann the weather here in Louisiana is cloudy and cool today as compared to cold and clear yesterday. More rain on the way but not much has fallen while I have been here. Just hope I don't have to fight the rain getting myself and my luggage on the train tomorrow. I am sure looking forward to my California weather. The cold there doen's cut to the bone like it does here and the heat doesn't make you feel like you are weighted down. Main thing is that you don't see saw back and forth everyday. Lived here for 32 years and never could get used to the crazy and violent weather. Eric you asked about retirement. My situation was different than most but beleive me I have not been bored one day. I tend to get bored easier when on vacation when most of the family are working because I just didn't bring any work or reading with me. Next year I hope to have a lap top. I love to write and I love researching things, especially my family tree or History. From the time I was 15 I had someone to take care of. My mom got enjured when I was 15 and I cared for her when not in school. Often getting up at 4:30 to get things settled for her for the day and get my brother off to work before going to school. Then I was married and had a husband and eventualy 3 kids to care for. I nursed my husband through 2 back surgeries and also two of my kids through their back surgeries.. I went to work in retail to help with finances when ever money was short but basicly I was a homemaker and caregiver for the 41 years of my marriage. After my divorce I left for California but before I settled into a job there Johnny and I got in touch and I went to live with him and care for him when he was diagnosed with lung cancer. After he died I was so lost that I wasn't sure what I would do. Turned out the one thing that called me back was what I had done all of my life, take care of people. After I got old enough I retired but moved into a Senior apartment where I do some of what I did while working. I look after people and do things for them. I have orders when I get home for 5 gingerbread houses made from the plastic canvas like I have made this past year. No time ever to be bored. I am excited and hopeful about all of the news about cancer detection in the past few days and one Iheard about some new treatment for lung cancer. I keep praying that our prayers will make this the breakthrough that has been so long awaited. I jus t found out yesterday that the managers I worked for at Dillards several years ago died last year of lung cancer. So many I have known and lost to that monster! Well I am running on far too long. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I travel to home. I will be in touch next week after Monday.

Happy New Year everyone!!! Judy I hope you are feeling better. I had a few stomcahe issues last night but it had nothing to do with medicine. We had pork roast, blackeyed peas and cabbage fixed 3 ways cabbage rolls, smothered cabbage and cole slaw. Add mashed potatoes and my home made bread and that is some serious issues for the stomache. Now only today and two more days of this rich food and a couple on the train then I will get back to my healthy eating. Not vegetarian because I am a meat potatoes and seafood lover. Eric I am so sorry that your day didn't go as planned. I wish we could have shared our dinner with you but that is just too many miles to cross. I will keep praying that 2011 turns out to be better than it started for you. Bud that is quite a bike record. I am glad that you can do that. I hope the fishing is good. None of my family have done much while I am here. One of my sons had a good day with the specks and white trout but for most part the holidays and the weather have thrown things off. I didn't get to catch any but I have enjoyed eating what they had in their freezers!! Had boiled crabs twice and crab stew for New Years eve. I really got to have a lot of fried shrimp. Too early for crawfish but that's alright. Wouldn't mind having some of those crappie though. Bruce stay warm up there. It is cold here this morning but not that cold. One thing I will enjoy when I get home is keeping comfortable. Ever sense I got here almost two months ago I have either frozen or sweated! No inbetween in Louisiana most of the time. Well once again Happy New Year to all and will keep up more once I am home next week.

Great Pictures Eric. You and your sister sure can't deny your relationship. You look a lot alike.

Never heard that name either but it sounds special to me. I hope everyone has a very Happy and Healthy New Year. I hope 2011 is the year that we see all cancers on the decline and a cure found for Lung Cancer. I have seen a few things on the news lately that look promising. I look back to New Years Eve 1999 and all of the fear and uncertainy about the millinium change and can't believe we are already going into 2011. This decade has been a major life chnge for me as so many of you know. I have had much loss and heartache and known more joy than I ever dreamed possible even if it did last such a short time. I also have found so many wonderful friends, Many because of the changes I made and many more because of the loss I suffered. To all of you who have become a part of my life in this past 8 years I am thankful every day. When I look at my life I know that beyond a doubt miracles happen. I never would have made such changes if they didn't. Now I wish the greatest miracle of all to all of us, A CURE, HEALTH, HAPPINESS and above all PEACE!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE AROUND THE WORLD AND ESPECIALLY HERE!!!

Many prayers will continue and the news I recieved about my cousin who was stage 4 should bolster your positive thoughs, NED and hoping and praying your sister shows the same.

I have to chime in on this one.Sometimes the only thing that really helps is the sadness, if that makes any sense. Losing anyone is painful and hard to get past but when that someone is your soulmate it is so much harder. I agree with Randy about letting the anger out and the journal. At anytime her loss would be devistating but so close to the holidays is much harder. You look around and people are celebrating and you want to scream at them to stop, Don't they know the world has ended? Your mom is going to be sad and angry. Not sure why the anger at the doctors but I had a lot of issues with the doctors who were supposed to take care of my Johnny. You have to realize one thing. Your mom loves you and the rest of your family but she feels alone. Someone on this board once made a remark that I have never forgotten because it is so true. When you lose your soulmate you are no longer the most important person in someones life. You may have children and grandchildren but they have others, maybe a spouse of their own or children. Everything she once did or thought about was shared with her soulmate or spouse now they are alone. When you are alone for the first time or for the first time in many years you have a lot of adjusting to do. Looking forwrd that seems impossible. It feels much safer to live in the past where our loved one shared life with us and where the future wasn't so frightening. Time helps but it will not end her grieving. It will only make it more a part of everyday life and she will notice it less. Give her time and let her grieve. Sadness and grief now may keep her from having a lot of serious problems later. As Randy said throwing things and shouting are good and keeping a journal is really one of the biggest helps. You can say things there that no one ever has to see. You can write a letter to your lost soulmate and somehow feel less alone. There is no majic pill to get her through this. In the end it is the one thing that she had that will see her through, their love for one another. I hope that we have helped but if not her maybe you will understand a little better. Love her, be there and let her grieve in her own way. I promise some day it will get better.

Once again my cousin Ruby has been pronounced cancer free after stage 4 about 3 years ago.

Eric you are truly a ray of sunshine to us all. I am sorry that your personal life is not as it should be but Ido understand. Christmas is hard for me in many ways. Not only do I miss all of my family that have gone but all of the times when the children were growing up. I miss too all of the Christmases that Johnny and I never got the chance to share. He died just 3 weeks before what should have been our first I too have a big family and we are all getting together at my daughters tomorrow for Christmas Dinner and most of us tonight at my granddaughters for a party. I have 3 childran and their spouses, 8 grandchildren and 3 of them are married and I also have 3 great grandchildren. It is hard to get them all together because of obligations to the in laws in some cases but we do manage at least on Christmas day. This year my son in law is missing because he is on his shift offshore and my granddaugher's husband is in Afghanstan. Nest year she and 2 of my great grand children will be stationed with him in Italy so this is a special time for us to be together. I think all of us have some family problems but all we can do is make the best of what we have. I know that my children and grand children really miss Denis and I understand. Despite having divorced him and our problems I miss him too. I am the one who left and I have one daughter in law who has subtle ways of not letting it be forgotten. Don't get me wrong. We are very close. She looks at me more as her mama that her real mom or her stepmom. She just never got over that I am the one who left her and the rest of them to start a seoerate life for me instead of everyone else!! Anyway Judy you sound busy and I had better get off of here or I won't get all of my cooking done. I have about 70 chicken and chesse empanadas to make for tonight along with a batch of cinnamon pecan danish and a banana nut whip cream cake for tomorrow, Once more Merry Christmas to all of you .I hope we all make new special memories for the future years.

I just want to take a minute before I get too busy and it gets too hectic , to wish each and everyone one of you a very Merry and Peaceful Christmas. May those of you who are weary of cancer find blue skies ahead and a cure in the near future. May those of us who have lost loved ones know the joy of the best memories and the hope of being reunited someday. God Bless and keep us all. Once again Merry Christmas.

Errors on my last post They will not be here for Christmas the next 3 years. May God grant you all Peace and love!!! Oh I do miss my own computer but for now this will do.

Well I guess I will try again. Wrote a post and when I hit post it got lost. Warm and humid in Southeast Louisiana this morning. Weather here is always a rollercoaster. Another blast of cold air expected for Christmas Day. Having a good time but am really missing my home, my things and my routine. I enjoy my family but there really is no place like home. I guess I am too set in my ways. Going out a lot this week, Chuck E Cheese last night and tonight Osaka for my grand daughter Erica's birthday celebration. Caroline and her share their birthday. Next year and the next 3 they will not be here. When Jack gets back from Afghanstan they will move a few months later. He is being stationed in Italy for 3 years. The babies will be grown when I see them again. I will be doing some of my favorite and my families favorite dishes for Christmas eve at my grand daughter Alison's house and to add to Christmas dinner, Christmas eve chicken and cheese empanadas and cinnamon pecan danish. I will make my banana nut whip cream cake and cole slaw for Christmas day. Two weeks from tomorrow I will be heading home. I will miss my family but so look forward to having my own things again. So for now I want to wish you all a safe, healthy and Merry Christmas. May our loses not weigh too heavy on our hearts and may a cure be found in the New Year. I saw a story on a vaccine trial last night that does sound hopeful. No matter where you live or what your customs may God grant you Pease and love.

I haven't had much computer time sense I left home in November but I do want to say how sorry I am that so much has gone wrong for you Dawn I know how it feels when life seems to gang up on you all at once. Eric I am afraid that our system will continue to do harm to many needy people. Politicians are more interested in bashing one another than helping the people who are so desperate. Unfortunately ( sorry Katie and the rest of you Texans) Texas is a true Southern state. They are still fighting the civil war as far as trying to prove that their way is better than the federal government's way. Having lived in Louisiana for 32 years and visiting here every year I know that much of it is based on those old pre Civil War ideas. You must be familiar with the old saying " cutting off you nose to spite your face". Not sure if Texas did but Louisiana refused the federal stimulas money. It seems they would rather rob higher education and family health than agree with any thing our President was behind. Sorry didn't mean to get politcal but I think your situation really stinks Dawn and unfortunately you are not alone. I just hope things turn around for you soon.

I haven't had much computer time sense I left home in November but I do want to say how sorry I am that so much has gone wrong for you Dawn I know how it feels when life seems to gang up on you all at once. Eric I am afraid that our system will continue to do harm to many needy people. Politicians are more interested in bashing one another than helping the people who are so desperate. Unfortunately ( sorry Katie and the rest of you Texans) Texas is a true Southern state. They are still fighting the civil war as far as trying to prove that their way is better than the federal government's way. Having lived in Louisiana for 32 years and visiting here every year I know that much of it is based on those old pre Civil War ideas. You must be familiar with the old saying " cutting off you nose to spite your face". Not sure if Texas did but Louisiana refused the federal stimulas money. It seems they would rather rob higher education and family health than agree with any thing our President was behind. Sorry didn't mean to get politcal but I think your situation really stinks Dawn and unfortunately you are not alone. I just hope things turn around for you soon.

That just goes to show that no matter how much you have to deal with something else can come along. It also reminds us that even as we grieve the same things that have always gone on continue around us. I hope they find the culpret and not too much damage is done other than to your belief in mankind.

When Johnny passed 8 years ago on December 2nd I became like a zombie. I passed the holidays in a fog of pain and loss. It is always hard that first few years but to tell the truth the pain will always come with the holiday memories. I was all alone and in a place I had only lived for 5 months. Despite my pain I chose to do something I think my Johnny would have been proud of. His son had a new baby and they were moving. Christmas was something they had no time or energy for but there were the children. So I cooked the dinner I had planned for our first Christmas together and took it to his son's house so they could have a Christmas, it was not only my gift to them but to my Johnny. It didn't help my pain but looking back now I am so proud I did that. Ronnie maybe you can find something to do in memory of Pat and make it your gift to her. Just an idea but something to think about. Again to all who are in pain I hope the holidays pass gently and please remember those people who are lauging and singing are making memories that maybe someday they will need to treasure and get them through this time of year.

Good morning everyone. I thought I would drop in for a minute while I have computer access. I use my daughter's lap top and the battery doesn't work so need the cord. Only one cord so when my son in law is home I don't get it much. He left to go offshore this morning for 14 days. I hate that he will be gone for Christmas, but do like having the computer more. I am enjoying my time with my family but I am getting homesick. I am set in my routine and miss that and all of my own things. I think what I miss most is having control of the temperature in my home. Here I freeze during the day no matter how high the heat is set then at night I get too hot and cough. My sinuses give me fits everyday. I am used to having no heat on at night and a window cracked. Just the way I am comfortable and can't expect everyone to be the same, Weather here swings back and forth. Almost hot and humid one day then freezing and windy the next. I try to keep up with what is going on here but afraid until I get home I will stay behind on all of the news. So for now in case I don't get back here before Christmas I want to wish you all good health and happy thoughs for Christmas and every day. God bless you all.

I did hear from her a few weeks ago and she told me pretty much the same thing that Bruce has said. I remember when we first started to comunicate a couple of years before her latest diagnosis. At that time she questioned her faith. Now I look back at that time and then at her today and I know that she is a true picture of what faith and courage are like. If you read this Marisa please know how much I look up to you. Thanks again Bruce.

I feel your pain Ann. As you know I just passed my eight year mark 2 weeks ago. It doesn't get any easier does it? Sad thing to make it even worse for me was that my friend Vicke buried her husband on the aniversary of my Johnny's death. He died of LC too. Anyway I just want you to know that I am thinking about you today. Love you girl!!

I meant t say not started smoking instead of not stopped.

Thanks everyone. I do try to keep busy but that is not always a cure as many of you know. The pain and memories are still there. It is always hard dealing with these dates but this year there is more. Many years ago I found a hairdresser who has also been my friend, Just a few weeks ago for my grandson's wedding she cut and styled my hair. I always try to see her each year when I come for a visit. Her husband has been fighting lung cancer for several years. Last night I learned that he lost the battle, his funeral is today. Please say an extra prayer for Vickie and her family. You know sometimes in the past I have said that the reason so many people stay away from the issue of lung cancer awareness and refuse to become envolved is because they are afraid that if they get too close it will some how seek them or a loved one out and attack. We all know how silly it is to think like that but lately I have been tempted to feel like that myself. Just a few weeks before I left to come here my friend Ida lost her husband Earl and now Vickie has lost her husband. Where most cancers seem to be subsiding lung cancer seems to be on the increase. With all of the people who have quit smoking and those who have been warned and not stopped you would think that people would finally start to see that there are other causes and get serious about seeking them out Again thanks for you love and understanding. I still find it hard to believe that tomorrw it will be 8 years sense I lost the love of my life.

I started a post but lost it. This computer has a tendancy to throw me off on to something else really easy. All of my family have either gone back to school, work or both andI find myself with a lot of alone time on one of the days that I try to keep busy and not think. Eight years ago today was the Friday after Thanksgiving, the day I call the Friday from hell and the beginning of the end of my life with Johnny. I can't talk to my family so I come here to this family that has supported me for so long. You understand what they never could because they haven't been there and because they could never understand my pain over the loss of someone they didn't know. Just keep me in your thoughts please for the next 4 days and know that you are all always in my thoughts and prayers. Have a wonderful Christmas and holiday season. I will see most of you on Facebook.

Judy glad to hear that you are not sick so far. Hope you get the insurance issues straightened out soon. It is bad enough to need medication without worrying about paying for it. I want to tell you all about something that I just watched on television. A couple of weeks ago I had posted that the soap The Bold and The Beautiful was running a story about Lung Cancer. They have made some of it very unrealistic but today's show was very special. Today they addressed those feelings that set lung cancer patients apart. That attitude that can be so heartless and cruel. They addressed the fact that people with LC are not only misunderstood but looked at as "the walking dead". The actual story for today was on the homeless but it did a great job of addressing Lung Cancer issues and those of the homeless, abused and users of both drugs and liquor. Unlike a lot of shows this was a real reality show. They were actually on the streets of LA talking to the homeless people. It was at the least a very informative show and at it's best a very emotional one. We all know how lung cancer is portrayed and how often that hurts our cause to raise funds and get attention. Watching that show I began to realize that I and I am sure many others look at homeless people with many misconceptions as well. I just never really thought about them as a group of people who had real stories. I hope now that I will be as understanding of their plight as I am hoping others will be of people with lung cancer and their loved ones. We watch so many shows that are called Reality Shows. It is too bad that more of these real reality shows aren't made. What a world we would have if more people understood before they made a judgement on others. If you don't watch the soaps try to find the time to at least look up this episode on the web and watch it. I am sure that if nothing else you will find something to relate to.

Good morning everyone. It is clear and cool here after a nice slow soaking rain all night the night before last and all morning yesterday. It was one of those stay in pjs kind of days. I didn't get dressed until after 10am. It has been years sense I did that, either I had to be to work or needed to take Misty out. It requires cool temperatures and rain to make me feel like staying in my pjs all day. I love this kind of weather and am hoping that in the next few days I get a chance to see a little more color in the trees . There has been some but not as much as the past few years and I know once I head South I can forget about that. I have always loved to fish. My ex would get so mad because I would always say just one more worm or one more shrimp that he would throw the bait away so I would have to quit. I do understand the heat and the mosquitoes and don't forget the knats they are much worse than mosquitoes. I had a problem last Summer with the no see ums and yes they did the same to me. I was miserable and because I leave my windows open and the creek is right below, I got them in my apartment. I had a major job to get rid of them. Thank goodness they didn't come back this year. Well time to get off and see what I can fix for lunch. I am kind of letting everything run out with just a week left until I leave. Have a good day everyone.

God morning everyone. I guess it is just a weekend for being lazy or at loose ends. It is 9:30 here and I am still in my pjs. I talked to my daughter in law and my daughter this morning. Bud my son is gone fishing today. Going for Specks and Reds. This is the time of year that those speckled trout really turn on. I am still hoping that I get a shot at some while I am there. I will be leaving a week from tomorrow. I am really looking forward to seeing my family and being there for the wedding. Her shower is today and I am missing that but that can't be helped. I am so happy for my grandson because he found a very special girl. My biggest worry is that he is so much like his grandpa that it could cause some problems down the road if he doesn't loosen up. No one wants to be told all that they can or can't do. I am hoping that he learned enough from my divorce to do a better job. Like Denis he is a really good person and he has grown up in a house where women do have freedom so hopefully that will help. Well I am just going on again so I guess I will read a little on Facebook and then read for a while. Don't know how you feel about it for sure Bud but I can pretty much guess but let me warn you, your Rangers are going down!! It is time that the GIANTS bring home a world series title.