lilyjohn

Good morning Bud. I hope the fishing is good. Where do you fish. Are you going for Crappie or Bass? What is the new alloy you are trying? Boy I am all questions this morning. My son is making them now like his dad did and it kind of worries me now. Let me know how the new ones work. It is damp here this morning and warmer than it has been most of the time sense I got here. I didn't get to go fishing because of the weather and the specks pretty much quit biting. I have gotten to eat plenty though. Today will probably be my last post until next Thursday while I am in Bakersfield. If I come on Monday it will be brief, almost all of my family are off and my train leaves at 1:25pm. I hope you all have agreat week and keep me in your prayers for safe travel. Becky if the bus gets to California after I get home don't forget me. Is Kasey bringing some drinks from the pub? If so I hope you have a Pina Colata with my name on it. All the traveling makes a person thirsty. Before I forget I want to let you know that I heard from Marisa she is doing well and is supposed to call me when I get home. Don't forget to keep her in your prayers. I will be back full time in a week.

It looks like I may be racing you to thr West Coast. Don't forget me.

It iswarner here too. Where is the bus right now? Judy I know what you mean about needing your eyes. I have always had eye problems and I have nuritis in my hands and probably corpral tunnel. Right now my right hand keeps going to sleep. it doesn't help that I always seem to sleep on my hands. Speaking of sleeping I had a rough night.My son in law got home yesterday. As I said my grand daughter has a new puppy. He likes to play at night and so she closes the bedroom door so he doesn't disturb her dad. I sleep in her room. That is the problem. They keep the heat set at 70. Their bedroom on the north side and stays cold. Lera's is a much smaller room so it gets allof the heat. At home I set mine at 60 and leave the window cracked. I am also clastraphoboc. It took about 5 minutes for my head to plug up and about a half hour for me to grab my pillow and head out here to the sofa. I finally fell asleep around midnight. There is always someone here going to the doctor for sinus problems. They don't understand that if they would add covers, turn down the heat and open a window they would probably spend half as much time sick. I won't tell them that. Everyone is different. I don't want them to feel like Iam not comfortable here. I have to run and get dressed then I will take the puppy out. Fresh air will do us both good.

Judy sorry that I jumped in so soon. This past two weeks has been some of the coldest temperatures here in South East Louisiana at least for this long. My son in law left a week ago today and is comming home today. It was raining the day he left then the front came through. The temperature has been below freezing every night sense then. I remember in 1962 this same time of year we had a spell of cold that was even worse but it lasted only about 5 days. Well got to run now for sure. Have a great day all.

Well I guess I am the early bird this morning so I will open the air. It is still pretty cool here but should warm up and rain later. My daughter went to work today. She missed yesterday with a sinus infection and went to the doctor. I wish I had the money that my family spends just on sinus medications. It has to have something to do with the weather. Bud my ex husband used to make his heads for the sparkle beetles we used, they are great for speckaled trout. He used lead and never thought anything about it. Nice that you know better. If you find something that really works let me know because my son is doing it now and I worry about that lead. It took a lot back then when we all fished just about every week or more often. Randy sorry the job didn't work out but you will find another I am sure. Judy good that you got caught up on so many things and I am really sorry about your friend. Michelle I am so glad that you are doing better. There is nothing wrong with taking medication when you need it but sometimes it is overdone and causes more harm than good. When it comes to grieving there is just no easy way around it and you have to be careful not to end up with more serious problems with those meds. I hope everyone is warm this morning and well. We all pray for good outcomes for Bud and everyone who is awaiting test results. I am sorry that I haven't been more supportive but it is very hard while away from home. My time here is winding down. I have really enjoyed being with my family but I am so ready to get back to my own things and surprisingly what I miss most is my routine. I even miss the exercise and diet if you can believe that. Anyway it is time to run and check facebook and a few other sites, Have a great day everyone.

Hi Judy I was just catching up with the bus trip. I am still at my daughters and everyone is returning to school/work today after the weekend off. There is always someone coming or going so I won't be alone for long. I just can't believe that all of these busy kids are my grandbabies! There is a heavy frost on the ground this morning but I think the temperature is above the 20s this morning. I keep looking at the weather and home and really instead of being envious I am thinking maybe I didn't miss Winter this year. For some reason ( I think it is because of the lack of humidity) the cold in California doesn/t bother me as much. Ann I bet you are having second thoughts about wishing for some cold weather back in December. I am disappointed because I didn't get the fishing trip I had hoped for while I am here. The second night I spent here it stormed all evening and all night. We had 8 inches of rain and the paper said that the first two weeks of December the rain total to Houma was 25 inches. That is about as much as we have gotten in a year this past few years at home! Judy I have never been a football fan. Baseball has always been my game but this year I have caught the fever. I am really hoping that the Saints will finally have their year. The fans here never gave up on them even when they went to the games with paper bags over their heads. Now they finally stand a chance of taking it all the way and I will be cheering them on. I even bought a t shirt. I know one thing the people are buying anything that says Saints on it and paying a big price for it. As for the Manning kid Ann I guess I am predjudiced against him because of his dad. I remember years ago when he played for the Saints. Everytime they lost he found someone else to blame it on. He was the quarterback and never took the blame. Sorry Ann but my dream is for them to meet in the Super Bowl and the Saints to show Archie Manning that a good quarterback makes a difference and he was never anything near what Drew Brees is or even his own sons.

Hey can I join this group. I have always tried to figure a way to get over there without flying or going on a big ship. I have been waiting for someone to build a bridge but majic sounds even better Who cares if the bus is over crowded and noisy isn't that the whole idea? I just would like to be home for a couple of days before you pick me up though. I have been gone for 5 weeks now and I am very homesick.

Hi it is still very cold here in South Louisiana. Hey will good to see you post. I swear I didn't bring this icy weather with me from California. It is in the 50s there and still very low 30s here. Hope your wife is doing better. Good thing that you can cook. One of my sons loves cooking to relax, lucky he does because his wife is not a cook. I had a short message from Marisa. She is having trouble typing but it was so great to hear from her again. Got to run and have lunch we are going to the show then shopping.

I just saw that it is 27 in New Orleans. Anyway spending the day inside today and maybe making cookies with my daughter. My grand daughter wants me to cook but this year it will be only one thing. It is so hard to get everyone together and none of us need so many special things that are fattening this soon after the holidays. I guess we will settle for fried chicken one night and cole slaw. Michelle cell phones can really cause some hastle. I have Verizon now but before I had to pay to drop companies twice because they didn't work where I lived. I told them if I bought a car I expected it to work no matter where I went. Cell phones should be the same but they are not. It left hard feelings toward both Sprint and Cellular and I won't deal with them again. Cellular is ATT now. I couldn't afford the $400 plus that it cost to drop them but it is well worth it to have a phone that works 99% of the time.

Just stopping by from Iceberg Louisiana to say hello. It is some of the coldest temps in years! The coldest I ever saw it here was on January 9, 1962 and I think it is trying to recreate those days. Anyway I will have access to a computer for a few days so will be in touch. I am pretty much just chilling (do you get it?) right now. Decided not to do any more sewing until I get home. I sure have a hard time just relaxing though. I am enjoying my family but I am getting very homesick. I miss my computer my car my dog my friends my bed my easy chair and my routine not exactly in that order but close. No Ann I have only been to two resturants in New Orleans but a couple here. My son cooks like a chef too, actually both my sons and my son in law are good cooks as well as my daughter so eating hasn't been a problem, trying not to has!!! I did hear from Marisa's husband and her sister. She got home yesterday. I am hoping to hear from her soon. Michelle I do miss all of you but for now my internet time is sparatic most of the time. Soon I will be home and you will all be tired of my. Take care and try not to freeze. If Snowflake drives that bus by here we could all ski over on the ice that is in everyones bones, if not she could pick me up in warm California, can you believe it is warmer there by 30 degrees than it is in the South? Well I need to spend some time with my daughter so will be back on sometime tomorrow. Keep warm everyone.

I want to think you Ann and to wish each and everyone of my dear friends a very safe and Happy New Year. May each day bring new hope and healing for those fighting the battle. May it bring each of us who grieve the loss of a loved one a little more peace and each day may the cure come closer so that by the time 2010 ends no one will ever have to know the fear and the loss of Lung Cancer. Happy New Year everyone

Dear Michelle I'm sorry that I have not been here for you the past few days. I know only too well how hard it is especially during the holidays. I can remember feeling and thinking the same things as you are. I even asked what is the purpose of anything if there would not be a future life to share with my Johnny. The truth is there are no simple answers. We have shared a lot and you know that I had to deal with the panic and anxiety attacks that Johnny had, I know too that you dealt with them too so maybe your attacks are a way of experiencing some of what Don did. I know I have felt many times like some of the things that have happened to me was to show me how bad it was for him. I felt like I was going through all that he did. It is very scary. I really do question them giving you so many medications at one time. Are you sure that you are not supposed to stop one before you start the other? It is possible that the medication is causing more problems , not easing them. You really need to start questioning your doctors. Write down questions and the answers. I fear for you my friend. Grief is a terrible thing to go through but you will get through it maybe battered and bruised but still alive and waiting to meet Don again someday. Please my friend be careful. The holidays are terrible I know. Ann and I both suffered our loss just before Christmas. The was no joy for us either and a lot of pain. We still made it through and you will too. You are so lucky to have your son with you. I was all alone and felt so much of what you are feeling but I made it. It wasn't easy and at times it still isn't. There is no alternative that is acceptable if you want to see Don again in the next life. So my friend cry kick and scream. Write him letters and write God letters. Tell them both how unfair it is that you are alone blame them and curse them because they know that you need that. You can not stop the grief and the more you try the longer it will be out of control and the harder it will be for you. Let the anger out Michelle and let the frustration out. A lot of what you are feeling is frustration because he is gone and there was NOTHING you could do to save him. I was told to buy an old doll at a used merchandise store and beat the crap out of it. That advice came before Johnny died but it worked after. I didn't exactly get the doll but I found other ways to take out my anger and frustration. Then afterwards I started feeling the love. If you think it happens over night you need to read some of the old posts of mine and many others. You will see that you are not alone. Please be careful with all of those meds. I will be praying for you my dear friend. I did get my cell phone updated too so I can get and send calls. It was not working hardly at all when I got here. Call me if it gets too bad just remember it is 2 hours later here and they all go to bed around 10pm. Take care and keep in touch.

Hello everyone I take it that most of you had a good Christmas. I had a very nice Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my family. My little great grand babies are growing so fast and come August there will be another when Caroline has a little brother or sister. The weather here is yuk again. So humid that everything is sweating. I guess that means more rain on the way. At least we had a clear cold Christmas. I found some more decorations for my gingerbread houses at Hobby Lobby where my grand daughter works. I bought me a Saints t shirt while I could find one. After the game today if all goes right they will either be sold out or too expensive for my blood. They are just about above my afordabilty already. At least last night I had salad and turkey sandwich. My son in law went with us on the first leg of our shopping trip yesterday so we had chinese for lunch, Still thinking I will roll home like a big ball. I am trying but the food is all so tempting. You should see my grand daughter Lera's little baby. He is a Morky and about 9 weeks old. She named him Coal because he is as black as coal. At first you couldn't see any other color or his eyes but now you can see some white and tell that he has legs when he runs. He has the whole house hold at his command. She has wanted another dog ever sense hers was killed by another dog last year. This one is a house dog and as cute as a bug. Well I guess I will run for now. My daughter and her husband have gone out to eat and to a movie. He leaves on his job Wednesday for another 2 weeks so they wanted some time alone. There house is always full. All of the kids work and go to school so there is always someone either comming or going.

I just want to wish you all a very Peaceful and gentle Christmas. May you know peace, love and hope. I will be MIA for a couple of days as I am sure many more of you will be. To those of you who have just recently lost someone or have had a loved one diagnosed I want you to know that you are in my prayers and my biggest prayer for you is that you can see there is still hope and love no matter what else the future holds. God Bless you all and Merry Christmas. Thanksgiving always for our many blessings and this very special (family). Lillian

Not sure if this is cancer related or not. My daughter's neighbor just came over and asked if we know anything about blood clots. Her dad has a blood clot in his lung and last night they found one in his leg. No indication as to what caused them and the clot is all that shows on the CT scan. So far all they are doing for him is blood thinners in the hospital. Does this sound right? Does anyone know anything about this kind of thing? I am sure I may have seen a post about blood clots at one time but just can't seem to remember. Any info will be appreciated.

Oh Christine this makes me so sad. Yes you are in funeral mode but you are also in shock. Even when we expect the worst it is still a shock. I think that is so we can get through those first days and do what we have to do. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you as you travel this road that no one wants but far too many of us have had to travel.

Wow Bud you found a policeman who hasn't had his day ruined yet by someone who should be locked away somewhere. Sounds like he is really quite fair. From what you have been posting 42 sounds down right balmy. I hope you get your tail light fixed soon. It can be pretty dangerous out there especially this time of year. Here in South East Louisiana it is cool right now. Early this morning it was both foggy and icy. The last time I saw both was when I was living in Washington. Have a great day everyone. I have to get busy. I am working another gingerbread house and I have orders from my grandkids for other things they want me to make. For those of you who didn't see those are things made out of plastic canvas. My daughter and I are going to be baking my cream cheese cookies soon. We are going to make the key lime pie I came up with and we are going to try something a little different. My grandson suggested that sense they have a lot of fresh grapefruit juice maybe we can try a grapefruit pie. I will let you know how that turns out. Who knows it may really be something good.

Thank you Kasey. Those of us who knew Dean will never forget him. He touched our hearts in so many ways. God Bless that special man and may you know all the joys of those wishes Kasey as well as everyone on this board.

I have been in contact with a family member about Marisa. She emailed me that Marisa is in the hospital but is in no pain. She is also hoping to be home soon. This is a very hard time for her family knowing that it will most likely be her last Christmas. She is doing alright so far but does have a few issues as you can imagine. She is thankful for all of our thoughts and prayers. Please everyone keep her and her family in your prayers. She is very courageous as we all know. She also has a lot of faith but it doesn't hurt to have a few extra prayers. As I learn more I will post here.

Michelle you know that when we talked we discovered how much of what we experienced was the same. The one difference is that I was terrified of any medication and couldn't afford it anyway. I did try to use wine to help me sleep for a couple of weeks but it didn't work. It just gave me a headache. The only thing that really helped those first months was facing my grief and having something to do that seemed like a purpose. I kept a journal and I also did a lot of research. My research was about medications because of the roll they had played in Johnny's death. It was hard but I made it. It didn't happen over night. It took weeks months and yes even years and as you saw a few weeks ago, I still have my meltdowns. You need help my friend. Please get some kind of counciling and try to wean yourself from the drinks and the meds at least a little. They could be responsible for the episode of memory lapse. You have to realize that you spent most of your life being a caregiver. As women most or us are. It may not be as intense as caring for someone with cancer or who is disabled but still we are caregivers. We care for our children and spouses and sometimes parents or siblings. Then all of a sudden no one needs that specal care and we are adrift in a whold that just seems to have no place for us. We have to have a purpose and a place to focus that energy we spent on our loved ones., If we don't we have serious problems. Also make no mistake. You are helpfull to others on this board. So many times I honestly thought the same. Then months or even years later someone will write telling me that I have helped them in some way. Those things give me the strength to face each day and in time to ease some of the pain. Don't look for life to be the same. It never will. It was Ry who made the comment that we have to rebuild our lives from the bottom up and she was so right. Please take care my friend and be kinder to yourself. I will be thinking about you and praying for you. Lillian

Good morning from Louisiana. Judy I am hoping the eye problem will be at least milder this time and that your dinner tonight goes well. I went shopping with my daughter yesterday. It was a mad house here. I can't believe that the traffic is worse and the prices are higher than in California where I live. Things have sure changed here sense Katrina. Bud you sure have my admiration. I am trying to make myself do at least some of my exercises while on vacation but so far it hasn't really worked. Then of coarse there is all of the sea food and the best way to eat it is fried or boiled with a good high calorie dipping sauce. So again I will say how much I admire you and think you deserve a days rest. Snowflake don't you feel good to have everything done? Baking sounds like fun. My daughter and I will do some Christmas eve. My granddaughter is here from Kentucky and she wants some of my peanut butter cookies. We are also going to make the cream cheese spritz that all of the family are crazy about. I made up a key lime pie before I left home and will make that but I also want to try one that my grandson suggested. I will use the same recipe and use grapefruit juice instead of lime juice. You never know how it will come out unless you try. Could be a reall winner. Well we will be leaving after while to go to my great grand daughter's third birthday party. They have been down from Kentuky sense Wednesday but I haven't seen them yet. Her father in law had heart surgery in New Orleans and they have been up there everyday. I also haven't seen my oldest son yet. He was off shore out of Galveston on a job until Thursday then had to go to Alabama to do a job. He called a while ago and said he has to leave tonight to go to a cruise ship in Mexico and work on the life boat. So I will only see him for a short while. His oldest daughter has been sick and the weather has kept most of us in until yesterday. We had about 8 inches of rain Monday night and Tuesday morning. The total here fro the month of December is 25 inches. I don't think we saw that much where I live in the whole last year or more. Well I need to run. I have something to post about Marisa in the General forum. Take care and have a very gentle and loving Christmas even if it will not be so happy for many . My thoughts, prayers and love are with all of you.

Oh Barbb I am sorry that I haven't responded sooner but being away from home it is not always easy to get to the computer. I so understand what you are going through. I even had Johnny's case manager tell me that there was no way she could handle things like I did. Still I felt like I failed him in so many ways. Truth is the human body and spirit can only take so many blows before something has to give. Johnny actually went into the hospital so I could rest because he was keeping me up all night. The thing is I slept even less when away from him. There are just no answers. No right thing or wrong thing except to pray every day that soon no one will ever have to face the ups and downs and heartbreak that we did because of lung cancer. Take care and I will be praying that you can somehow have a very special Christmas dispite all you have to deal with.

Hi Judy and everyone. I couldn't check in because my daughte in law's computer got a virus. I am at my daughters now. I have been thinking about all of you. Ann you know I was thinking about you. Sorry we coudn't connect when I called you. Randy I just saw the post about Deb's birthday. I hope the day passed gently for you. Judy don't you just hate it when people mess up something like that for you? I know your grandson will still love the computer but not having it so you can share it really sucks. I am having a good visit but will be getting to visit more now. The grandkids are all out of school but my daughter and daughter in law will both have to go back Monday. Teachers never get the same time off as the kids. My grand daughter teaches in another parish so I am not sure when she will be off for the holidays. I haven't seem my oldest son or my two grand daughters and great grandbabies yet. As I said the oldest is a teacher and we had bad rain Monday night and Tuesday, about 7 inches fell and there were a lot of places flooded. My other grand daughter got down from Kentuky day before yesterday but her father in law had open heart surgery so she has been at the hospital. The baby is at my oldest son's house. He finally got home from his off shore job yesterday but had to go to the shop today and to Alabama tomorrow. I should see them all Sunday at Carolines third birthday party. Right now I am with my son in law and my daughter and her kids are all at work right now. They will be home later. I enjoyed my time with my son Denny. We had a lot of time alone to visit and cook. He sure loves to cook even more than I do. He fed me well, too well. Tonight my son in law is frying some of the big redfish that he caught. When I get home or maybe when I get caught up I will post a picture my son's neighbors yard. You would really think it was a lake after all of the rain. My grandson Chris rode their dog Bullet around in a perogue. Once the rain stopped it dried up fast. It rained again all day yesterday but it was a slow gentle rain so there was no more flooding. Michelle I will catch up with you later. I see my cousin posted explaining that she wasn't picking on my about my weight. She thought my friends were upset with her. She and I had a ball going to the book store and just visiting. By the way my other cousin was supposed to get results from her scans today. Last checkup was NED but she has been having a few problems that she thinks may be kidney infections. I sure hope it is not cancer again. Please say a prayer. I will find out later tonight. Well I have to run off the facebook. Will be back in a day or so. Take care everyone. Oh one more thing before I leave. My grand daughter got a little dog. He is a Morky and Maltese and half Yorkie. I don't think he weighs more than a pound right now and is as black as a lump of coal, in fact his name is Coal. He sure is cute.

I am on vacation but still would like to know if anyone has heard from Marissa or from Carleen. It would be nice to hear from either of you.

These are all great ideas but I didn't have those options. It would have been so much easier if I had.