lilyjohn

I know I am early but I have to go pack in a few minutes. I hope all of you are well and safe this morning. I know the weather in many parts is extreme. My sister in law has not been awake sense Sunday night. I am not sure how much is her illness or how much is the drugs. I don't know how she is still going. Thursday night she was supposed to not make it and half of her heart had shut down. Her kidneys have not worked for a couple of days now. Hospice is setting up this morning and she will go home. I am going to help as much as I can. I can at least be there for the family and do some cooking. I know they have been living on little but coffee and nerves. I have been there so I remember only too well. Today will be 57 years ago that she married my brother Harold. I was not quite 10 years old. She was so young that when my niece Jacci was born Mama pretty much raised us all together. She has been sick before with her stroke and sarciadosis 20 years ago but I never really thought about really loosing her. The fear was there but I never put it into words. I hate to start this day off on such a low note. Please know my thoughts are with all of you but I probably won't post much on here for a while. I will try to use my phone to post quick updates on facebook. Katie I hope you get your group meeting place set. You have so much on your plate that you shouldn't have to beg for a room to help people Well take care all and Bruce please let us know if you hear about Marisa. I will email her too. It has been a while..

Wow I hate to see so many people sick. Believe me it is not just on this board. The cold and sinus problems are making their way among my family in Louisiana. I had it for a while while back there. I think I know what the answer is but not sure anyone would believe me or go for what could change it. The worse thing you can do for your health in my opinion is to stay closed up in a house that has not fresh air coming in, especially if you run the heater at night. To me that is a no no too. I believe in blankets and quilts and fresh air. Once I got a window open at my daughter" my sinus cold left me. She had to go to the doctor while I was there for the same thing. Weather is so beautiful I hate to post it because I feel like I am bragging, oh well maybe I am Still watching and waiting with my sister in law. Posted update on all those emotions and her condition in grieving foram. I want to thank everyone for your kind words and wishes. Your prayers mean so much. Ann those children are just precious. I have so many pictures of my great grandbabies from my trip but things have been so up in the air sense I got home that I still haven't taken the time to figure out how to post them on here. Those of you on Facebook have seem some of them but I say when it comes to babies and puppies there are never too many pictures. Judy I hope the work load will allow you some rest and do hope that you feel better soon. If I was closer I would give you a big bowl of the chicken gumbo I made yesterday. It is sure tasty and you know what they say about chicken soup. Everyone else stay warm and safe . Bud you have no idea how much I envy your fishing. I have been in that position where I am catching and no one else is. I had quite a reputation as a fisherman at one time. My son used to tease his dad saying that he wanted to borrow a rod and reel but not just any. He wanted mine because it knew how to catch fish I didn't get to go while I was there because of the holidays and everyone working and it was just downright too cold.

I want to thank all of you for your kind words. I know that you all understand how hard it is to not only watch someone you love slipping away but that it brings back all of the others. I always think it will get easier only to realize it gets harder instead. Not only do I grieve for the loss of the one who is dying but for all I have already lost. I know that the guilt thing is normal. I understand that we all question our actions and non actions. I even realize that with Johnny I was alone and had no help. All of those things my mind and heart know. So I guess I just have to accept that the things I am feeling are normal or as normal as anything can be that is connected to losing someone we love. Sherell slept all night. She is so drugged up with Morphine and Ativan that she is out of it . Not sure if she will stay that way but my nephew seems to think so. They are still taking turns staying with her in pairs. I haven't gone back because I have some issues with my car that keeps me from taking the freeway. Driving around here is alright but when I have a problem I usually call my nephew Clint but he is with his mom and has more than enough on his plate right now. They may send her home with Hospice. Clint thinks today but I know that it won't be that fast because their house needs a lot to be ready. When she goes home I plan on being there. Someone will come for me. I may go even if she is not home but I don't want to be a burden on them right now and their is not much I can do. When she is home I can take a shift watching her and cook for everyone. I hope too that I can be a help for my family. As much as I am aching for myself it is just so much harder to see those you love suffering. I watch my niece Jacci and I know that the only thing keeping her going is love. I look at her and I see me those days Johnny was in the hospital last. I know what it is like to be almost in a zombie state just taking care of business and having your mind and heart screaming NO all of the time. I know what it is like trying to take care of everything and not let anyone see how close to breaking you are. I know too how that pain turns to the other after and how the guilt and anger comsume a person. I saw Sherrell the night they said that she wouldn't make it until morning. I felt that she wouldn't too because she looked so bad. That was Thursday night and now it is Monday and she is still hanging on. She looked so bad and then I remember how good Johnny was before the drugs and all of those issues come rushing back. I know that I am selfish letting that pain and those feelings intrude on my concern and love for her, but how do I stop them? How do you ever separate on love and loss from all of the others. How do you quit reliving it and hoping that somehow you will see something anything that will take you back and change not only the recent past but a chance to change what happened that fatal weekend over 8 years ago? I am so thankful that I have all of you to unburden my heart with. I need to not let them down. My family know me and I know they would understand especially Sherrel but right now when I am with them it has to be all about her and what I can do for them. Later I will have to once again face all of these issues, all of these demons. Until then I need the prayers of this special family I have on this board to give me the strength I need to be there for them and not let these other feelings and emotions keep me from them.

I spent time at the hospital today. Sherrell really didn't know I was there. She was sleeping most of the time and when she was awake she seemed a little out of it. Both of my nieces and my nephew were there. My nieces daughter was too. They take turns two at a time staying with her and now her grandson Bryan is here from Texas. Our family is no stranger to loss and heartache. Over the years we have lost so many. When at that hospital all of those memories come back to all of us. I am worried about my niece Jacci. She hasn't slept but little cat naps for days. Her husband is older and has a lot of medical problems too. She worries about him and tries to take care of him and be there for her mom. I saw how close she was to the edge and took her to the waiting room for awhile. I got her to let go and cry and then her daughter came in with us and we had the conversation about guilt. They both have issues that leave them feeling guilty. I tried to tell them that is a part of grief, that it is in the past and forgiven long ago. I tried to make them see that no matter what the avenue death comes marching in on when the time comes it will come no matter what has or has not happened in the past. My mind knew that what I was saying was true but my heart told another story. It got me started on my own guilt feelings again. Guilt that goes with every loss. Now I can't stop those thoughts even knowing the things I said are true. The guilt is always there. I think my first real guilt is that even knowing that Johnny loved me and that I loved him I didn't wait for him when he had disappeared. I should have known then it wasn't his choice. Then when he came back a year later I was getting married in a few days. I brushed off his words of love and married Denis. That was so unfair to both of them. We spent our lives apart and married others who deserved all of our love, even what was by then buried so deep we didn't know it was still there. Then I moved away with my husband and settled in Louisiana. I wasn't happy there and that took it's toll on my marriage. Times were hard and I didn't get to talk to my mom more than a couple of times a year. In 15 years I only saw Mama about 5 times. Seldom did I talk to my brothers or my other family members. Then my brother Harold got sick and I wasn't there until he was dying. Then it was my brother Richard who died so suddenly and I wasn't there for him but most of all I wasn't there for my Mama. I was never there for my brothers or my mama or my daddy. I was living across the country in a place that I didn't like because I didn't have the nerve it took to do anything about it. I wasn't there for my brother Arthur when Johnny's sister Betty was murdered. She was the love of his life and I wasn't there to comfort him and I hadn't been there for Betty when I may have been able to keep him off that road that led to her death. I was never where I should have been and now Sherrell is dying and I can't be there all of the time. I am physically and emotionally too weak. I want to be there for her and for her children and grandchildren. I want to be there for my brother and I want to go back and be at the right place all of the times that I wasn't. I wasn't there for my own kids and grand kids when Denis died. Oh I went back there but I wasn't there for them when he died. Now I am here and I am not with my children because I chose to live here. My life is here for as long as I can travel. I miss them but I have family here too. Family that I have spent too many years away from. So always my heart is torn. Torn between the ones I love and being in one place I love when I know I should be with my family in Louisiana. For now I have both but wonder how and when I will have to chose and what kind of guilt that will leave me with. I shouldn't be saying all of this here. There are so many on this board who are suffering and grieving and I shouldn't be taking you away from them even for one minute but there is no one else that could even come close to understanding. I have seen your stores and I have seen you all open up about your lives. I know you understand and I know you are there. I guess it is just my mood tonight. I am missing so many people and I just can't talk about it with anyone else. Now I am even feeling guilty about that and I know it is wrong but how do I stop it once that door is opened again.

I understand about every minute burned into your memory. It is something we will always live with and it does change how we see, feel and think. Right now I am feeling like to world's biggest coward for not being at the hospital every minute with my sister in law. Last night when I took her hand it was so cold and looking at that machine took me back 8 years and as much as I love her I wanted to run screaming from that place. So don't you worry about how it is you take care of you. Feel the pain and the loss but above all don't forget to feel the love. I will remember you this weekend Randy and my heart will ache for you as it does for so many of us.

No Judy no hospice for her. Still not sure if there is any cancer but at this point it seems to not really matter. Her heart is failing. One side shut down completely last night, Didn't expect her to make it 'till morning but she is still hanging in there. Family is gathering. It has just all happened so fast.

Just a minute to day hi. I almost hate to post our weather after seeing all of your temperatures, I feel almost guilty but not quite Temperature all week forecast in high 60s to low 70s and plenty of sunshine. Just trying to keep my mind busy. No word on my sister in law this morning please continue to pray for her and all of us she will be leaving behind. God Bless and have a good day.

Thanks Randy. No news yet today. Waiting is hard.

I just came from the hospital. My sister in law Sherrell is in her last hours. We were told that she may not make it through the night. I didn't want to believe it but after seeing her I know that it is true. My brother Harold died in 1974, she has been my sister longer than he was my brother. They married when she was only 14. I am devastated at the thought of loosing her but I know it is coming. Being there took me back to some places I will always revisit in my mind. I remember the 10 days of waiting in ICU when Harold was dying. I remember being in almost a trance because at the same time my family in Louisiana was being threatened by a major huricane. I remember the fear and disbelief when he was gone. I had never experienced the death of someone as close. I had such a urge to run to run from what was happening I had no idea it was just the beginning. Just a few months later Johnny's sister Betty was murdered and even though I had not seen her in 14 years I felt the loss of her so deeply. Four years later it was my oldest brother and seven years later both my brother Arthur and my mom. Later my dad. I thought when they died that I would get used to the pain. That death wouldn't touch me so deeply again. Then I found and lost Johnny and the world tipped and life has never been the same. Just a few years later it was my ex husband Denis then my oldest friend Carol and then Johnny's brother Harold. There have been so many more. I felt the walls closing in on me in that hospital tonight. I felt that same sense of unreality that I had the morning that I lost Johnny. I know the end is coming for Sherrell and my heart breaks for her and all of us. I know she will be with Harold again and I am glad for that but my heart aches for our loss and so many years that I spend away from her too. My heart is always scattered around in different places, being pulled from one loved one to another and one place to another. I am sorry for rambling. This loss we are facing is weighing heavy on my heart tonight. I also learned that my cousin Ruby who was pronounced cancer free just a couple of weeks ago is in the hospital nothing but a cold and possible phumonia but still very frighting because of her history of lung cancer. Please keep my family in your prayers tonight and say a special one for Sherrell, she is such a dear person and I don't want to have her suffer.

Thanks Katie. I don't know all of the ins and outs just want to make suggestions if something comes up. Again thank you for all that you do. I still plan on doing something in the near future for Lungevity.

I just finished reading what Katie posted about the Dr, Oz show and I have heard about Oprah doing a show about lung cancer in non smokers. The timing was perfect because I came on here to post about a television show once again. I mentioned once before that the soap opera The Bold and The Beautiful was doing a story line about Lung Cancer. I just watched and they are expanding on the original story line. Another character has a spot on his lungs. I am guessing it will turn out to be lung cancer maybe and earlier stage. He is a cigar smoker but remarked that he doesn't smoke much. Another person was talking with main character Stephanie and they discussed that neither of them were smokers. The brought up the issue of non smokers. They also made it clear that smoking is NOT a good thing but it is NOT the ONLY cause of lung cancer. I am hoping they continue to educate their audience. A few months ago when they first brought lung cancer on to their show they were also featuring the homeless. At the end of one of the shows they did a real life sweep of skid row and talked about some of the issues of homelessness that we all tend to ignore. I brought that up about the homeless story because I have an idea of sorts. Katie I may be way off base and I know you are always on the run already but, isn't your job for lungevity promotion? Is it possible that you or someone from Lungevity contact the writers or publishers of the show and see about doing a small segment about lung cancer in the real world? It is great that a show is doing this story but we want everyone to know that what they are seeing is Not just a story but a reality that takes place everyday. The talk shows are great and even this soap getting to another audience just think how much more of an audience one of the night time shows would get especially if one of the leading characters were diagnosed with lung cancer and all aspects of treatment were shown. If people learned the statistics and the part that hope plays and that smoking is not the only cause. A national audience held captive for months might finally make people open their eyes and decide to really stand up and do something! Maybe it is not the best idea but I feel that somehow this could be a real break through in destroying that old attitude that seems to defeat so many of our efforts.

Please say a prayer for my sister in law Sherrell. As those of you on Facebook have seen she is in the hospital. She had several problems not the least of them being oxygen saturation at 71. A couple of days ago they drained 4+liters of fluids from her body. The pressure in her lungs has been reading very high as well. I just found out that the fluid contained high tumor markers for Ovarian cancer. I can't help but wonder if she could have Ovarian cancer when her ovaries were removed years ago. Does any one know the answer to that question? Anyway they have moved her here to Redding where she will undergo more tests. I am thinking that one my be a Pet Scan sense non of the other scans showed a tumor. They did say that if it is cancer it is end stage and even knowing as much as I have learned about cancer and statisics it still scares me. Please say an extra prayer for her and all of us who love her. I lost my brother in 1974 and they married very young. She is not just my sister in law. She is my sister. I just hate to think that I may lose another loved one to cancer. When is enough enough? I won't mention this on facebook because her sister lives in Tennessee and will not been told until more information is available.

Good morning Judy sorry that things are getting you down. I understand completely those days when we just don't want to move. I try to keep moving but there are times I just don't feel like it. I have a lot of allergy problems and add the tmj issue and it seems my head is always messed up in one way or another. So I have to really push myself to move at all on some days. Anyway I hope you get on top of it all soon. Our weather here is beautiful right now. Temperatures range in the mid to high 60s, Yesterday we got up to 71 degrees and more of the same forecast for the next several days. I am enjoying it but know that we need to get rain now because in a few months that chance of rain will end until next Winter. That can be bad anywhere but especially around here. I am still working trying to get the word out to my friends and family on Facebook about the Rockathon. We are paying our team registration fee from our general funds, money that we raise through out the year in various ways. We also have some ideas about raising money to get each of us a little start. Our first thing will be a soup and sandwich lunch sometime in February. We also plan on having a couple hot dog sales and maybe another lunch of some kind. Pepsi has donated drinks in the past and we hope they will again. We want to keep it simple and affordable for our neighbors who are all on Social Security or SSI. I am still trying to find something that I can get people interested in for Lungevity in November. I don't think we can use the Rockathon sense it was suggest by Relay for Life/ I will have to check into that. Well I guess it is time to get breakfast then do a few exercises. I need to do some stretches and then I hope I can get some time in dancing and doing stairs. Have a great day and Eric you can not make a trip to the US and not visit California. Yosemite is one of the most spectacular places you will ever see but California is very diversified. You will find a little of everything here, from the mountains to DeathValley. There are dry areas and hot springs and some of the most abundant crops you will ever see. There are also marshes and the worlds largest living things, the great redwoods and Sequoia. There are flat sand beaches in the southern part of the state and cliffs overlooking the sea on the ragged central coast. There are 4 national parks, Yosemite, Seguoia/Kings canyon. Death Valley and Redwoods. There are some of the US biggest cities and there are quaint little towns and communities tucked away in the mountains. There are also numerous other national monuments in fact I think I my of shorted on National part. Joshua trees may be one too. There are still places in California that no human has ever set foot. So while you are exploring this great country don't forget California Wow I sound like a travel agent. Can anyone tell I love my state?

I am just seeing this and I want to say how sorry I am. It really sucks that sense I lost my mom in 1985 to lung cancer there are still people loosing their loved ones everyday. My heart goes out to you and I pray that one day soon no one will loose someone they love to that monster of a disease.

Another beautiful day expected. Yesterday we reached 71. It is supposed to be a couple degrees cooler today with a good wind but that is alright. I just love being able to have my windows opened. That is one of the first things I do when I get back from my trip. No one back in Louisiana or down in Bakersfield believes in open windows. Thanks for the encouragement Judy. I can't hear music and not move. It is in my blood. Getting up and dancing is harder but I hope in time it will get easier again. I did dance a couple at my grandson's wedding and those were both fast dances. Wore me out Now I just dance to any music I put on and try to do a few flights of stairs. When I just go down stairs for something I try to go down and come back up then go down. I figure every time I do that I am burning calories and the object is to burn more than I take in. Not easy sense I love food. I have no problem with snacks but put a good meal in front of me and I have a hard time resisting. I have gone back to my healthy eating habits sense I got home so sooner or later something should start to show. I am both excited and disappointed about our rockathon. Excited because for so long I have been wanting to do something in the fight against cancer. Disappointed because sense it was set up through Relay For Life the money we raise will go to the American Cancer Society not Lungevity as I wanted. The whole thing was set in motion while I was gone and actually the idea came from someone on the Relay for Life committee . One way or another I am very committed. I am the person to plan our activities while our event is going on. We will also have advertisement with the local media and a place on line so friends and family can donate to us. Though the funds will not go to Lungevity I plan on using this as a chance to educate people. Breast Cancer awareness gets so much publicity even during Lung Cancer awareness month. It is time that people learn that lung cancer is NOT just a smokers disease and that more research is needed to find the cause so a cure can be found. I really believe that finding other causes could go along way in finding a cure. In the mean time people need to know that Lung Cancer kills more people than all the other cancers. They need to know that not only smokers get lung cancer and so many other facts and I plan on taking advantage of this to get the word out Maybe if this is a big success it can lead to getting a walk or something organized in this area for Lungevity in the future. I would love something like that but people need to be aware or they will never commit. So I will keep you all up to date on how it goes. Soon I will post the website and am not too shy to ask for even the smallest of donations. Now off to the shower then do some stairs and other exercise and down to coffee with my neighbors before I get started on some paper work I have been putting off. Judy glad you had a great anniversary and hoping you will see many many more. Keep warm and safe everyone. The weather just doesn't seem to know what it wants to do these days. Got to run and give a quick check to facebook then I am off.

Unfortunately Ronnie there are many of us here who understand only too well what you are going through. I don't even have to have a calender to tell me when it is the anniversary of some important event in the time of my Johnny's illness and treatment or the when it is getting near the date that took him away from me. Those dates seem to be written on my heart and there is no escape. Time does make it easier to cope but you are still too early to even imagine that it will get better or I should say easier to handle. Randy's post about moving on got me to thinking about this very thing. As I told him moving on is a state of mind but the heart always wants to go back to the time when we could hold our loved one again and hear their laughter and see their tears. Grief is not something that just heads out toward a time when the pain is gone. Grief gets us to a point where the loss is bearable, a point where it has become so much a part of who we are that we don't always notice it. Sometimes it is 10 steps forward and then one or two steps back, other times it seems like we are always moving back instead of ahead. I know beyond a doubt that there are no words to comfort you. I wouldn't even try because I have been where you are. There are no words to take the pain away. Right now I am sure you feel there is no hope of it ever being less but it will when the time is right for you. I wish you well and I wish you only those good memories and I want to remind you that guilt is a natural part of grieving. The should've, would've and could've have no place in your life. Let them go and know that you are not alone. We do understand.

Good morning everyone. We are right on the edge of the clouds this morning. North of here the rain has been heavy so far here no rain. Like Bud said the forcast changes each time someone goes outside and looks up I was up early and did a few exercises to loosen up then danced a few minutes. I am sure if anyone saw me they would think I am nuts but I find that is a good way to loosen up. I always feel better after exercise but my good intentions always seem to get side tracked. After I finish this post I will try to do a few flights of stairs then go have morning coffee and chit chat with my neighbors. Fitness class is later and I am hoping eventually I will be able to do more. You mentioned exercise first thing in the morning. My daughter started walking in her neighborhood the beginning of summer. It is two miles to do all of the streets. As time passed she started doing two rounds then later 3. That put her walking 6 miles each morning. Being a teacher she had to cut back so she could be to school on time so during the week she sets her clock for 5:15 and walks 2 miles on her eliptical and does some exercise with the WII. I wish I had her will power but she is still in her 40s. By the time I left there she was wearing skinny jeans!! And she looked good in them. I can only dream Well if I don't run I will get nothing done especially exercise. Have a good day everyone and don't worry about feeling guilty I think we are all in the same boat when it comes to getting out there and working at it.

I understand Randy. With me it was and still is the snuggling. Johnny loved to snuggle. At times I find myself talking to him. Something happens that is funny or sad or interesting that I think he would feel like I do about and I talk to him about it. I ache to have him answer me out loud but most of the time he answers in my heart. We knew each other so well that I can hear his answers or comments. So I move on in my way but it takes very little to take me back to that feeling like something is eating away at my insides, that need that no one or nothing can fill except a man who has been gone for 8 years now. I don't remember the exact date but I know it was sometime the end of January or first of February 1959 when I walked into my brother's house to take part in night of country music. I was just a few days shy of 15 and I heard a voice that captured my attention and before the night was over, the man who owned it captured my heart and has never let it go these past 52 years. Yesterday I went to see Country Strong. The movie opened with the co star singing in a honky tonk and my heart got that old ache for what should have been, for what never had a chance. Johnny had a talent that could have compared or surpassed so many of the country singers and song writers who have come along over the years. He had followers but never any one to support him so he never realized his dream and because someone else thought they know what was best for me and him we never had a chance for more than those precious 5 months that would prove to be the last days of his life. As I said I have found my place in this life but it is a precarious place. Everyday I fight to hold on to it. Moving on is a state of mind but the heart always wants to go back.

I guess it depends on what you call moving on. For me moving on was realizing that I am alive. I lost a part of myself when Johnny died and then again when my ex husband died. They were both so much a part of my life that they were a part of me. I have found my place in this life. I can honestly say that I am happy most of the time. I get lonely but I am lonely even with people around me. I am lonely for what I have lost. Realizing that life goes on and one door closes and others open is not easy. I thought about having another man in my life but realized how unfair that would be to so many. Any man would be second best to Johnny and I lived a lot of my life that way. Any other man would be cheated because I could never give him the kind of love I have for Johnny. The memory of Johnny and even Denis would be cheated because I would know that I gave up the person I have become to belong to someone who could never be what they had. I am older than you are Randy so it is easier for me. That doesn't mean that there haven't been times when I was desperate for someone to just hold me again. To know what it is like to be the most important person in someones life. There are times I have ached to share my dreams and my heartaches with someone and let's be honest even times I would want to share my bed. I know that Johnny would want me to be happy but I also know that he would never want me to settle so I moved on doing things that are dear to my heart. For the first time in my life I am really free. I have no one to answer to if I want to go somewhere. I don't have to hurry home or wonder what to cook or eat because it is time to have a meal that someone else chooses. I like being independent but Always inside of me is that hole. That empty spot that reminds me of what I had and what I was never fortunate enough to have. It reminds me of how precious every moment of love is and it reminds me of how lucky I am to have known a love so special as I had with Johnny. I was also lucky that when we were separated all of those years ago to meet and marry a good man. My marriage wasn't the best. A lot of issues but still Denis was a good man. I could have done so much worse. I live every day with hope. Hope that someday I will meet everyone I have loved and lost. There have been so many from my parents and brothers to dear friends and Denis and last but not least my heart , my dream and my hope that was Johnny. I know someday I will be with them again and in the mean time I strive to do things that I hope would make them proud of me and I try to be true to myself. Moving on is a state of mind not always a state of circumstances. One time while I was traveling with my husband I started thinking of all the things that could go wrong while on the road. I was very frightened and almost wanted to go home. Then in a little gift shop in Pigeon Forge Tennessee I came across a plaque that read. " Hello, this is God. Today I am in charge and you need to worry about nothing. What you need I will provide and your life and health are in my hands. I love you so be at peace and leave today to me." What better advice could anyone ask for When it is right and if it is meant to be someone will come along or you will find something that fills that place in your heart to hold it for Deb when you are reunited. Best wishes and care to you Randy.

Good afternoon all. I was late because today is a very busy day. I had to pick up donuts early for our monthly town hall meeting. The meeting took in a lot of things but the one closest to my heart is our rockathon that will be held in May. Details are still a little sketchy but I am hoping that sense it is through Relay For Life it does not mean that funds can't go to Lungevity.. At any rate it will be for Lung Cancer donations. Sense it will be in May it gives us time to make plans and raise money We will have our own website to take donations starting in a few days. My responsibility it to organize games and activities and to get as much information as I can about Lung Cancer. I am hoping that not only will this be just the first for us but the beginning of a trend. So many seniors have been touched by Lung Cancer as well as other forms of Cancer. Often many like myself would love to take part in an event but many are unable to walk for various reasons. Almost everyone can rock. So I challenge everyone to get the word out that there is something that everyone can do to make a difference. Maybe you know someone who lives in senior housing or attends a senior center. If we could have just one fund raiser in each state once a year it may be all it takes to send us over the edge toward the cure we all pray for. Ok now that I have spouted off about that I guess I had better just get off of here. Leaving in a few minutes to go see Country Strong. I have heard that it is a good movie. By the way all of you weather watchers, eat your hearts out. It is low to mid 60s here and plenty of sunshine. Ann all of the rain is North of me in Washington and Oregon. I do need to check with Johnny's daughter in law and make sure they are alright in Washington. Well better run or I will be late for the movie. Have a great evening everyone.

I started to say then got side tracked, with all of my projects I am backing out of all the games on facebook. I just don't have time for them. Sense I got so far behind on my vacation I decided this is a good time to back out. So if I don't respond to your requests please don't be offended, I would rather have time for this board and to communicate with friends and family. I also want to work more on my family tree and some of my writing projects. I am getting back into the groove here too but now we have formed a group to help with some of those projects and take the burden off of me. Please say prayers for my sister in law Sherrell. We are still waiting on scan results. She had Sarciadosis 20 years ago and is having problems again. Last night she was rushed to the ER. For those of you who don't know it too attacks the lungs. Now I really do have to run.

Have a safe trip and stay warm Annette. Our weather here in Northern California is wonderful right now. Temperature yesterday climbed into the mid 60s and it is supposed to stay that warm all week. Slight chance of a shower today and so far no more on the horizon. Yesterday I had my windows open all day and can't wait to keep them open again. Not my kids or my cousins believe in open windows. I can't help but wonder if that is not why they all have colds and sinus problems so often. I started to get it then started opening the bedroom window at night and got better. It has been a busy week sense I got home. Finally got everything pretty much put away and caught up with all of my annual paperwork for my rent and now need to take care of some for my insurance. Yesterday thanks to a neighbor I got my car running again. He had to fight to get the battery out because it fits so tight then we took it to the parts store and when it checked bad they gave me a new one. I drove around the corner to get gas. That was the first I drove in two and a half months and it felt good. Just hope the price of gas doesn't keep me from driving. Yesterday I decided to use up some tomatoes that I had in my freezer. I don't eat them and when given to me I just cooked them and froze them knowing something would come up to use them for. Well I made a slow cooker full of home made bar b que sauce. Don't ask what all I put in it I just started putting spices and such and it turned out pretty good. Today I will try it on some chicken drum sticks in the oven. Had lunch at Red Lobster yesterday but today it is back to watching what and how much I eat. I started walking the stairs again just a few flights at a time. I hope to increase it gradually and start dancing again. They are both good exercise for me and I really need it, not just to lose the weight but to help my back get stronger. Between the weight and lack of exercise my back is giving me a lot of problems when I just stand in one place for more than a minute. With all of my sewing projects (I have orders for more gingerbread houses and more to make for my grandkids) and I have one quilt I have been trying to finish quilting for 4 years now and numerous embroidery projects started. I also am crocheting bottle carriers to try and sell to raise money at Relay for Life in June.. Speaking of Relay for Life the lady Katie put in touch with me called and we are going to discuss our rockathon on Tuesday. We were told we could pick the kind of cancer we want to donate to and we have chosen Lung Cancer. I just hope that means the money will go to Lungevity. That is one of the things we need to discuss. That is where I want it to go but in any case it will go to Lung Cancer research no matter what group it goes to. More when I know more. Well time to get another cup of coffee and get on the phone with my kids. Haven't talked to them sense I left other than on Facebook.

Good day all. Late coming on today because I have had a busy morning. Did a few times up and down the stairs trying to get back into that then while having morning coffee with neighbors I put my laundry to wash. Had to take care of some annual paper work with my landlady then fitness class. Big disappointment with my car. Battery won't even turn over when jumped or with the machine my neighbor has. It is in really hard to reach place so not sure if they were getting it hooked up properly. It is really dead I really don't think my neighbor ran it while I was gone. Anyway the battery is only a little over a year old so I need to get someone to take it out and bring it back where I bought it so they can test it. I don't want to pay for a new one when that one has over 5 years warrenty left on it. Eric I ride Amtrack all of the time and I love it. It is the only way to really see all of this great country. I know too that they have special multiple city packages and even better ones for people who are here from another country. Have you checked out their website? My granddaughter's little dog doesn't know he is a dog. He thinks he is human. When he sees another dog no matter how small it is he runs and hides in terror. He is so smart it is unbelievable. He has a whole collection of toys and he knows them all by name. You tell him to go get one and he will look until he finds the right one. My grandson taught him how to give a high 5 and he does it for a treat, well I decided to get him to shake hands so now he does that too and when you tell him what you want him to do he knows the difference! He has one toy that he has had sense a small puppy and it has a squeaker in it. He loves it. Well he got toys in his Christmas stocking(Oh yes he has the biggest one) and one has a squeaker. He was fine with it until my other grand daughter took her puppy there Christmas day. Well her little dog is about 1/10th his size but he was afraid of her. After that he wouldn't touch the new toy if it squeaked. I think it sounded like the puppy and he wanted no part of that Oh well guess I will fix some lunch and hope my nephew comes to town soon so he can help with my car. I was without it so long I really was looking forward to going places on my own. I hate having to depend on someone else or have them wait while I am shopping. I always feel like I have to hurry. Take care and everyone have a great weekend.

Good morning everyone! I woke to the sound of a light rain falling outside my window. Tried to go back to sleep but it was already 5:30 so decided to get up and face my busy day. Still basking in the pleasure of being home. I have to go today and pick up the brown bags (extra food from the Senior Nutrition program) for myself and a few of my neighbors. I have someone to take me. Still didn't get my car started. One neighbor tried her jumper cables but they are not good anymore. Another neighbor has one of those machines like AAA has and he is charging it over night to start it but I guess I need to wait and see what happens with the rain before I get too excited. Ann I gained 10 pounds the two months I was away. Not just the food but not much exercise. Really no stairs and the weather back there just keeps me down. I am either freezing or sweating the whole time I am there. I went for a short walk a few times but really that was nothing. So now I am getting back into my routine. I have the stairs right outside my door so I try to use them all of the time instead of the elevator and I do a few extra climbs when I go out. I am trying to work up to doing the climbing like I did several months ago but boy are my legs sore I tried dieting but I never stick to it. So I do some simple things. I eat mostly vegetables and fruit and chicken. I buy low cal bread and mayo made with olive oil. I buy little or nothing no fat but try to do everything light. If I can just keep my feet and legs from giving me problems I should be able to get in a little better shape and hope to keep it up and lose all of this extra weight. I can sure tell a difference in my back when I gain or don't exercise. Oh yea if no one has tried them you will be surprised how good Bocca Burgers are. I don't like the veggie burgers and am not crazy about the turkey burgers so the Bocca Burger is a good choice for me. Last night I finally finished going through and disposing of all of the junk mail. I may have had a dozen pieces of important mail and the other 3 waste baskets full was just junk I hate that they can send all of that unsolicited junk and do it for little postage and our rates just keep climbing. I had at least 30 applications for insurance most from people I have already told that I am not interested and another 30 or more credit card applications and several from banks wanting me to switch to them. Took a lot of my time to destroy it all but finally did. Well it is time to get dressed and get busy. I am hoping to get my car started and finish up some business so I can take out some sewing and get started on my 30 something books I have yet to read Still haven't heard from anyone at Lungevity but hope to soon. I am anxious for them to talk to Karleen and give us what we need. If all goes right this could be a good fund raiser and may inspire others to do the same thing. Have a great day everyone.

Good morning from Northern California! Some would call it a dreary day but after being gone for over 2 months I call it pure sunshine Trying to get caught up and back into my routine. Exercise is a much because I gained 10 pounds while away and I am already overweight. Starting out slow just making extra trips up and down the stairs each time I go out. Went to fitness class yesterday and it was not that strenuous, seems while I was gone they all got slack with exercise too. Talking about your cold weather in Florida really makes me feel silly but the way I live is with fresh air. When I came up from our morning coffee clutch the first thing I did was turn the heater off and open the windows. It is a balmy 50 degrees or so right now. I starved for fresh air while away. No one in my family either in Louisiana or Bakersfield believe in opening windows!! I got some great news this morning. We have talked about doing a rockathon in May because most of the people who live in our apartment complex are either too old or have medical problems that keep us from participating in relay for life. Wasn't sure until this morning if we could designate what kind of cancer we want to raise funds for. I asked for Lungevity and it seems like that will be our charity. I am so excited. Already contacted Katie and she is going to put me in touch with the right person to get the information we need. I will get our service co ordinater in the loop because she is handling it all through relay for life. There will even be a link where we can have our sponsers donate on line. Well I have to run for now hoping everyone is staying safe and warm.