Suzie Q

So sad for your loss. Much sympathy, Karen

I'm gonna quote you here, Don: "Prayers comin'!" ~Karen

Oh, but Connie, it IS an uplifting and inspirational story! It reminds us who believe that the afterlife is nothing to fear, and that our loved ones are ok, happy, and free from suffering and pain. What could be more uplifting than that? ~Karen

Andrea, Quite often, when you have an x-ray, the interpreting doctor will routinely look at the previous x-ray of that body part. Especially in the chest, since they are looking at not only the lungs, but also the heart outline, the diaphragm, the ribs, etc. So don't read any more into the fact that they compared your recent CXR to the previous one. Nonetheless, I think you will be relieved to have everything checked over, even if it all turns out to be no specific problem. You have a high anxiety level. Nothing wrong with that! That is what makes you, YOU! But you are facing so much in your life right now, perhaps you could use something for anxiety? So sorry about the pregnancy failure. ~Karen

Prayers for all. I'm so sad for you. ~Karen

Grace, Stop it, right now! Focus on the consult coming up. There may still be a treatment for your DH! If not, gear yourself up for a second opinion. Start doing some research about clinical trials, etc. Be his advocate! You may, indeed, have to face the truth that not much more can be done, but let's wait until we actually hear those words, and get it confirmed, as long as your DH is willing to fight. I sympathize with you. You are not alone. ~Karen

Lori, I'm so sorry. Like my mom said in her final days, "This is a hell of a way to die." If she doesn't have anxiety, don't give her the Ativan. Take it with you if you have to go to work and if you don't trust SF to not search for it. Many hugs to you and Rocky! ~Karen

Lori, I am so sorry that you are at this point. However, I can read the peace and acceptance in your last post. You have done so much, and done it so remarkably well. Be good to yourself, and soak up all your mom's love in these remaining moments. ~Karen

Just another thought to kick around...maybe he needs an outlet for his anger? Because you are describing anger and a lack of patience more than the sad or flat, unemotional disinterest in life in general usually associated with depression. Increased age and serious illness can amplify our negative behaviors. Your mom could call the onc nurse and express her concerns, including the fact she does not want to present this issue in fromt of him, and perhaps the onc can ask him how he is doing emotionally and ask leading questions or have the opportunity for your mom to say that his personality has changed. I think Carleen has explained a very good way to bring up unpleasant issues without actually saying the words no one wants to hear. And certainly, the onc should know about this as he may want to order a brain scan. Bless you for loving him so much that you want to enable your mom to help him in the least upsetting way. Best wishes to all of you.

Oh, Kathleen, if only I had words that would soothe the ache of your heart! Your intuition is probably correct. Your mom has little time left. She sounds like she's almost at the comatose stage, but she still can hear you, so continue to talk to her. Read her favorite book; pray with her, if you like. Soothe her skin with lotion and moisten her mouth a bit. This is so hard. It is difficult not to feel your siblings are stealing your time with your mom, but although they have issues, let them have their time, too. Don't expect them to be what they are not - the appreciation you deserve may never be expressed from them. Some people continually disappoint me, and I set myself up for it all the time. Don't go there! You have done so much for your parents! It will never be the same, but you and your dad probably will always be close. I wish you well in the days and weeks ahead. ~Karen

Jen, So saddened to hear of your loss, yet relieved that his passing was as he wanted. ~Karen

Tami, I am so sad for your loss. Please accept my condolences. I nearly watched my dad bleed out as well. He was stabilized, but it was an incredibly helpless feeling, waiting for the EMTs to arrive while he vomited blood. The doctor should have let you know of the risks, that much is certain. I imagine the tumor penetrated a blood vessel or the radiation weakened a blood vessel and that resulted in uncontrollable bleeding. There was nothing you could do to prevent this from happening, even if you knew this was a possible risk. It might have happened with no treatment. So feel no guilt about this. Lillian is right. You feel angry, and need to direct it at someone. But in the end, it does not change your loss. Do reach out for counseling and support. It helps so much to talk to others who have lost spouses/significant others. They know EXACTLY how you feel. Many members here have lost like you have, too. I can relate in a general way of losing a loved one, but I did not lose my spouse, and that is a whole other bucket of fish. Anyway, welcome to the site. Glad you found us. ~Karen

If you decide to get the port, keep in mind that CT cannot use it - their contrast material must go in rapidly with too much force for the port. My mom went through 5 or 6 lines of chemo before getting a port. The infusions did go more efficiently, but she also had to wait longer for a blood draw as the lab techs were not certified to draw from the port. Also, my mom was very thin and the port hurt for a few weeks, and it stuck out. She was self-conscious about it and worried the kids would bump it when hugging her, etc. The surgeon who placed it said it could remain indefinitely as long as it was flushed regularly. If you don't want it, tell the nurses to lay off about the subject. It's not open for debate right now. Besides, you can always decide to have a port placed later, if needed. ~Karen

You sound so totally normal to me! I really didn't shed a lot of tears after my dad and mom died. After the initial mourning, there was this huge vacuum, just an emptiness. I mean, I cried when she died, and through all of the funeral stuff, but it felt like I was on auto-pilot for a long time. I actually chided myself for laughing and joking with the neighbors because I thought I should not feel even momentary happiness (silly, but true. And yes, I know better)! But going through some of the "firsts" has brought about some of the loss and sadness. I got pissed at a man in Lowe's parking lot. He was my dad's age, and I was mad that he was alive but my dad wasn't! I was able to let loose one night recently; I just felt the horrible loss weighing me down. Sometimes these things hit you and may seem unreasonable or unexplainable, but it's ok. Do go to the funeral. It may or may not tie up the loose ends, but you will not have second thoughts about "what if I HAD gone" and it might be a bit healing. My best to you. ~Karen

We understand, Betty. Hugs to you, all of you.

Well. Dang it all to heck! Here's to hoping for a responsive treatment for you and that you feel reasonably well. Prayers to you, ~Karen

The point of having Hospice is so that the patient can remain in the home with the comfort of familiar surroundings and dear ones. It does require, however, much care be given by the family at home, with the assistance of the Hospice team. It is far better for your Mom to be at home. The hospital bed is a non-issue. It is far better for your dad that Mom be at home if he can safely take care of her during the day. Think how much it would wear both of you out to be at the facility, going back and forth to your respective homes? At least in the house, you both have access to all the comforts of home. Sooner of later in the dying process, she will lose her desire to take nourishment. This is normal, and does NOT mean she should be taken to a facility. Sounds like she's content. The primary caregivers are content. So why change things? As a side note, why is Medicare not paying for all Hospice bills? At 84, your mother certainly should be covered. We never got one bill from Hospice; Medicare covered all of it and my mom was just 65. You are doing a great service to your parents. What a beautiful gift YOU are! ~Karen

Gosh, Kimberlie, I can remember vividly my dad's horrible diarrhea, although his was related to intestinal surgery. But it lasted for a few weeks, and while it did improve, he did have to live with loose stools, mostly a result of the surgery and feeding tube. Irrelevant to your case, but I wanted to let you know that it can take a while for it to get better. Get a GI specialist to consult if not already done. Insist they check for everything, including c. diff as Randy mentioned, as well as Giardia. Sometimes several tests are needed, especially for parasites as the ova are not present in every sample. I thought they tried to get dad back on regular food too soon. He had one or two meals of soft foods, then right to a regular menu. Surprise! The diarrhea returned! Sure hope yor mom feels better soon. That is simply miserable! ~Karen

Deepest sympathies to you and your family. You are indeed blessed to have had such a dear brother, though his time here was much too short. ~Karen

Lori, I am a believer that sometimes God DOES throw more than we can handle at us. And that's usually when we find out what our friends and family are made of, and what WE are made of. It is usually when angels appear, when we least expect them. It may be someone offering to care for your mom while you take care of other business; it may be someone bringing a meal over; it may be a dear friend calling at just the right time. Go ahead and rage...you have a right to. Then put on your big girl panties and face it head on. But Lori, don't assume what you do not know to be fact. You don't know that your son has Althorp syndrome. Just face the facts as they come in. I am praying for the lord to give you strength. ~Karen

It doesn't sound like she was slamming your mom for getting LC, she just was ineptly expressing her hopes that your mom's cancer was of the type that had a better prognosis. I always have a stammering response at the time of the question, then think of a great response later. Not gifted with wit, sad to say. But I guess I would have thanked her for the kind words and just left it at that. You did fine. ~Karen

Sometimes the tumors can cause fever/chills cycles. Either way, I sure hope he feels better soon. ~Karen

Dear, sweet Lori, Never, never doubt the huge role you have played in your mother's cancer journey. You've been her tireless advocate and your love shows through clear as day. You are the best daughter any mother could ask for; be assured of that. You've played your role with such moxie I stand in awe of you! You will doubtless have second thoughts or even guilt about the decisions you've made on your mother's behalf. Let this be your mantra: "I did the best I could with the information I had at that time." It's so easy for us to second-guess our decision-making process with the clear vision of hindsight, but it serves no useful purpose. Steer clear of that junk! Hospice is not the same as giving up! It IS all about making the transition to the next stage in our existence as peaceful as possible. It is so heart-wrenching to go through, yet so wonderful and even beautiful at the same time. I was (and still am) honored to have had the opportunity to care for my mom in her final days. Peace and strength to all of you during this time. ~Karen

Count me in as a member of the club! I have a tendency to be more honest than what makes people comfortable, and I really did respond with, "Yes, I know mom & dad are in a better place, but that doesn't lessen the pain." And the "At least your mom & dad are together now." Yeah, and I rejoice for that, but I am at a LOSS now that I am a middle-aged orphan! I lost mom & dad within three months, and it sucks. Do I take comfort in the knowledge that they are together and with god? Absolutely, but my heart is rent in two when my 4-year-old asks nearly daily, "Why did Grandma and Grandpa have to die?" Yet from all of this, I know that it is my calling to say to others in mourning the right things. Or to just listen. Cindy (stand4hope) was SO RIGHT to say what she did to her co-worker. I know that these things are said out of ignorance and the awkwardness of the moment. But now that we are the "enlightened" ones, I hope we can honestly give they type of sympathy that only comes from having been there. Bless you all, Karen

Fentanyl made my dad hallucinate and have spasms. took a while to figure it out as he had a lot of things going on at once (elevated liver enzymes, morphine pump, Fentanyl patch, intractable diarrhea, feeding tube problems just to list a few). Let us know what you find out. ~Karen