Suzie Q

You can relieve the pain by talking, talking, talking! Not everyone is a "joiner" and is comfortable joining support groups. Some get their support right here, in an anonymous forum. Some need to physically be with others in their situations. Whatever...find out what is best for you. I lost my dad to melanoma in Jan of this year, and my mom to NSCLC in April of this year. I KNOW what it's like to lose both parents close together. I also know that my mom was relieved that dad passed first...he was never a nurterer and did not have a clue as to the finances, so she was relieved to know that he would not be saddled with those things...Yet she never did really grieve for him. Not enough time, I guess. There is so much to do as the surviving spouse. That alone will keep one's mind off the cancer thing a bit. But if I may give a bit of advice...have your mom put everything in trust. Consult an estate attorney and get all the financial matters in order. No kidding, probate is NOT where you want to go! I wish you the best. PM me if you like! ~Karen

Lori, I had so hoped that things would work out, moving your mom into your home, and indeed they have! I am so glad you are all doing so well. As to the extra cereal and ice cream, I say, well, you only go 'round this life once. Might as well enjoy it! (especiall y if it's cookie dough ice cream!) ~Karen

Oh, Linda, I am so saddened to hear this news. May God give you strength in the days and weeks ahead. ~Karen

Any chance of a day trip to see the horses?

I agree with the meds issue. She definitely needs something for her agitation. Can you get a plan of care that requires the nursing home social worker NOT be working on her case? She should have adequate social work services through Hospice. No sense doubling up on services (not to mention the additional charges!). Go check in to a local hotel for a few days. You can have the ability to do all of your correspondence wothout interruption. Take a bath...get your nails done...get a massage. Whatever it takes to rejuvenate! You can leave an emergency contact number with a friend and they could decinde if you need to be disturbed. I'm so sorry this is being loaded on to your shoulders. Please do look after yourself. Be firm in getting a firm plan in place with the home. You KNOW it's not possible for her to be released from there, and let the Hospice social worker intervene with your mom to get her to understand that it's just not going to happen. Hugs, Karen

Deepest condolences to Carleen and her family and Keith's family. Heaven surely is rejoicing to receive such a pure soul. ~Karen

GOOD

Carleen, My dad had this type of swelling when he got overhydrated on IV fluids. He had developed ascites (fluid in the abdomen) and the fluid slid sown into the scrotum. He was quite uncomfortable, and found a towel to support that area while lying down helped. The hospital also increased his protein intake to help the body get rid of the excess fluid, as well as gave him Lasix. Does Keith have abdominal fluid? Did they check a CT or abdomen ultrasound? Still praying for you. Sure wish Keith could catch a break soon! ~Karen

My mom had a very rapid decline and resisted the idea of hospice, though she consented to live in my home. My siblings and I called her onc and had a referral set up for Hospice. Hospice then made an appointment when we all could meet along with my mom and Hospice. She still remained unconvinced, but the social worker was so good at reading people that she handled her deftly, and ultimately convinced mom that it would benefit me as caregiver to have the help. Plus, she said, "Give us 2 weeks. If you still don't think you want us here, you can kick us out the door!" Mom peacefully passed 8 days later. It is possible that a good social worker might be in order to help your dad accept Hospice care. But it's hard. It's like admitting defeat to them; that there's no more fighting the beast. And in part, that's true. But try to focus on the next leg of the journey - the glorious afterlife! My best to you, Karen (aka Suzie Q)

Carleen, I cannot add anything more eloquent than what has already been said. My God continue to support ans suatain both you and Keith. ~Karen

Deepest condolences to you and your family at this time of sorrow. ~Karen

Missy, Having recently lost my mom in a swift decline, I know what you are going through. I will offer prayers to you and a special one for your daughter as well as prayers for peace and release for your dear mom. ~Karen

Grab it! It's no accident that cancer funding exploded with the advocacy of the Komen Foundation, started by a WOMAN. Women are, in my opinion, the most tenacious bulldogs in advocating an issue. I don't mean to exclude the men, but in the end, they will benefit as well, and we certainly welcome any and all assistance in promoting our cause! ~Karen

Hopeful thoughts to you and your family.

The port is plavced under the skin in the OR. It is an outpatient procedure done under conscious sedation if possible. My mom loved having one, but sometimes had to wait for a RN for a blood draw as the lab techs were not trained to draw from ports. Ports cannot be used for the injection of CT contrast because it has to be injected with too much force. Mom waited far too long to get one...it was such a relief to know she wouldn't get stuck multiple times... ~Karen

Deepest sympathies to you and your family during this difficult time. ~Karen aka "Suzie Q"

Lori, Any chance you can videotape your mom and get her to say in her own words how much SHE desires the therapy and has the will to do this?

Jim, Sorry about the rash, but YEEHAW that your cough is improving and you feel good!

Teri, I am so saddened to hear this news. I wish you release from your pain and peace and love with your dear ones in the time ahead. Suz

I get plenty stamed about the pink thing. I mean...a pink breast cancer KitchenAid Mixer?????? But then I realize that many of the new chemotherapies out there are often tested on breast cancer patients as well as other types of cancer, so we all do benefit in the end. Plus we can now take lessons from the Komen Foundation and learn how to promote cancer research for "our" cancer. I have to leave now to polish my white wrist band. Suz

Be careful about drinking too much water too quickly...there is such a thing as water toxicity. Basically you act like you are drunk, and it can be serious in the sodium levels get too diluted. So drink up, just don't overdo it. ~Suz

Much peace and comfort to you and your family in the days and weeks ahead. ~Suz

Thank you all. The funeral home partners with the website. It is fabulous and very healing. When we went to the funeral home to make arrangements, first for Dad, then for Mom, the first thing the funeral director said was, "Let's talk a bit about ________." He asked lots of history, and my brothers remembered different things than I did, and it was so wonderful to share those memories. He asked for 20 photos; they scan them and send the info to LifeStory who puts it all together. they make a video presentation to play at the funeral home as well. Only after we were done with that part did we get into the "arrangements." It was handled so beautifully...I wish all funeral homes could do this! ~Suz

So sorry for your loss. I hate cancer, too!

I lost my mom this week, but I want to emphasise that she did have 2 very GOOD years post-diagnosis. While we all wish it had been longer, it was time well spent. Maybe it willl give hope to others to know that treatment can still work even if it doesn't cure.