Suzie Q

Andrea, You've been given very good suggestions already. You might consider giving the "big brother" gifts anyway. After all, the babies were born and should be acknowledged. Plus, the remaining twin seems to be holding his own. Do they neeed help wrapping any last minute Christmas gifts, buying any last minute groceries? Even something as small as running the vacuum or picking up toys, etc can be a big help. Offer something concrete, as opposed to "if you need anything, call me." I tended to accept the specific offers of help (plus, they are harder to refuse). Bless you for your kind, tender heart! ~Karen

Definitely get your mom to add your name to the people with whom her case can be discussed in regards to the oncologist's office. She may have already done so. While you are home, call and talk to one of the nurses and explain your situation, and that you would like updates from them and how you would like to receive the updates. I do not know how complicated your mom's care is, but just try to be as methodical as you can, writing every med dispensed and the time, etc in a notebook. This is so helpful when there are multiple caregivers, and hopefully someone will be able to relieve you for a few hours. We're always here for you. Bless you for caring for your mom. ~Karen

Crabbyfrown Selfishham, I am!

So glad you have family coming to visit! Please stop stressing out! Call them to find out airport transportation arrangements. Let them handle the details of getting friends to drive them to/from airport if possible. If they can't, and they don't want to rent a car, THEN you can do it. But don't take on extra stuff now if you don't have to. What's wrong with having visiting family cook a meal for YOU? maybe they can show off some skills and impress everyone! Start asking friends and neighbors if they have an extra crib or Pack and Play (playpen). You'd be surprised how many of those are hidden away for "someday." All you gotta do is ask. Give the baby hugs and smother her with kiddes! Enjoy! ~Karen

Sending my condolences for your the pain this loss has created. I know too well how little comfort there was in the well-intended platitudes. The loss is there, whether your loved one is "in a better place" or not..it just plain HURTS. I pray for peace and healing for you. ~Karen

Accepting the new normal doesn't mean we have to like it! I so get what you're saying! hugs, Karen midlife orphan, and not happy about it

My mom always did the Santa duties when we were kids. We always got an orange in our stockings, every year without fail. I was always bummed by the orange! It was a space filler. As adults, my mom would continue to bive us frown kids stockings, which grew into hand-sewn felt bags. She shopped all year for the little things that interested each of us and our spouses - things we collected, pieces of jewelry, gift cards, etc. It was so much fun to see what she came up with each year for 8 individuals...incredible! I will so miss that. She made about 8 kinds of sweets. I think it took until February to finish them off! Dad always took us kids to Mass on Christmas morning, because mom had gone to Midnight Mass so as to be free to cook the Christmas Day meal. I will miss my mom & dad's 42nd wedding anniversary on the 26th of Dec...they loved each other so deeply. BUT...2006 sucked as a year, so I won't be sad to see it go. I welcome the coming year. It has to be better than this one. ~Karen

Deepest condolences and sympathies to you.

You are making me hungry! Spicy shrimp sounds good. Hey, whatever appeals to him is what you go with. Maybe the extra flavoring helps overcome the taste problems. Go ahead and do a happy dance for every small thing that is good news. In fact, I'll start "the wave" right here. WAVE ~Karen

Get a box of disposable masks from the pharmacy. Have your dad keep one handy. Use the antibacterial handwash liquid liberally. Clean hands are probably the most important way to keep the germs at bay. I, myself would hug anyway! ~Karen

Karen, So sorry to hear this sad news. May you find strength to face the coming days. ~Karen

Are you planning to go with her to her first chemo appt? If so, bring some reading material and/or a DVD player. Take along some fruit or snacks your mom may like. Plan on being there ALL DAY for the first visit. They have a lot to do, and probably will start with drawing labs and waiting for the bloodwork to come back before setting her up with the chemo. Watch the IV site carefully. take note if you see a swelling or redness appear, and note if she complains of a burning in that area. Sometimes the vein gets "blown out" and the IV fluids go into the surrounding soft tissues. This needs immediate nurse attention. They will stop the infusion and pick a new IV site. She may doze off during the infusion. She may feel pretty good the first time, but the side effects add up and will be much more pronounced as she goes through more treatments. She will probably notice a pattern to some of the side effects. Everyone reacts differently, so just take note of when things occur. Bless you for being so on the ball! ~Karen

Kim, I'm sorry you have to go through all this, especially without the support of your siblings. You are blessed with a kind and caring husband, though. Take comfort in knowing that this move, although hard, is the right thing to do. I was homored to have taken care of my mom in our home. My DH and two little girls were absolutely great and handled it all so well. Have you contacted Hospice yet? They will offer some assistance, but very little nursing. If you feel the need, you can hire a private-duty nurse or nurse aide. Best wishes to you, Karen

Don't you have a Michael's store out there? I used to live in South Jersey, but I can't think of any craft stores by name, but any craft supplies store will have them. ~Karen

Ali, If he is really having a hard time with the weight loss, ask his doctor about prescribing Megace. It enhances the appetite, though it won't make the food taste better. That's not a slam against your cooking skills, but the taste sense is usually affected by chemo. ~Karen

Needhope, It's so strange, because her onc and the nurse looked at her like she had sprouted another head when she described the feeling!

Congratulations! Congratulations!

My mom did Carbo and Gemzar with Velcade in a clinical trial. She tolerated it well, but did have some diarrhea and could not drink orange juice while on it (Gemzar) because it caused a burning sensation in her mouth. Not acid reflux in the throat, just a weird sensation in the mouth. Carbo caused a metallic taste in the mouth. She had Avastin with either Taxol or Taxotere and Carboplatin. Avastin caused severe headaches and high blood pressure, and she had to be taken off the Avastin. But many others have had good success with Avastin and few side effects. Fatigue was always a side effect, as was the blood count dip. Most all side effects occured 7-10 days after administration of chemo, except the diarrhea. My mom also said that she always knew if a chemo was going to work, because she could feel something happening in her chest within the first hour or so. She described it as almost a tingle. Must be true, because every ineffective chemo did not cause this sensation. She, too, had multiple mets in both lungs, and the primary was in the left upper lobe. No radiation possible for her, either. Depending on how ofted he goes in for chemo, Jim might want to consider having a port placed for IV access. Best wishes to all of you! ~Karen

Kim, I am so sorry for your losses. I am at a loss for any further words of comfort. ~Karen

Oh, Ellie, I am so saddend to hear this news. I am glad, however, that your kind brother-in-law called so you could speak to her. Boot those "if only..." thoughts. they serve no purpose. Wishing you much strength and comfort in your loss. ~Karen

A green axe...ok, WHY did that come to mind?

Karen, If your dad is throwing up blood, he likely has a bleed somewhere in his GI tract. If he wants to be treated for that, get him to an emergency room now! If he refuses treatment (his choice) then he may eventually pass from the bleed. ~Karen not a doc, but my dad had a GI bleed

I'll echo the sentiment of "living as if today is the last day." True, this may be your dad's last holiday season, but it may OOT be, either. Regardless, do things to make happy memories. You have an opportunity here to do things the average person pays no attention to, like record his voice, go through family photos and write down who everyone is, recall family stories long forgotten (and maybe find out details and stories you never knew!), and so on. My best friend lost her mom in a carr accident and no longer remembers what her mom's voice sounded like. Too often, old family photos get discarded because no one is alive any more to identify the people posing in them. Look for the silver lining. Plan for the worst, then go ahead and hope for and expect the best! ~Karen

My deepest sympathies to you in your loss. What a sweet memory - of the love she put in your pocket. ~Karen

Laurey, So saddened to hear this news. Please accept my heartfelt sympathies. It is not OK, and it never will be the same, but all three of you WILL make it and be all right. ~Karen