SDianneB

David, when I first started smoking, I was like lots of kids I guess -- didn't inhale. I didn't inhale for years, in fact!! It was "just for show," mostly. My parents, of course, figured it out, and the only thing my dad said was to let me know how bad it was for me, and that if I was going to smoke, I might as well just smoke in the house and not hide it. Well, I could NOT bring myself to do that, because they would actually SEE me. Once I knew that they knew, the ruse was up, but the forbidden aspect to it was all gone. He knew that I wasn't going to stop from him just telling me to stop. He had smoked and quit - cold turkey - in one day. I, of course, was a young person who was invincible, nothing bad was ever going to happen to me, yada, yada, yada. I will say this for him though -- he confronted me about it, didn't let me just smoke and get away with it, and never failed to "remind" me why I should stop. Di

Ditto what Karen said about parents. And the fact that this is a country where people make choices and take responsibility for them. I understand the sentiment, but the last thing I want is for the government to take control out of my hands for the choices I make in this regard. I'd turn the question around, and rather than ask why the government "allows" this to happen, why do we -- people -- keep finding things that will shorten our lifespan? We drive cars. Some people drive cars while under the influence of drugs/alcohol. We smoke. We eat too much. We don't eat enough. And then expect the government to save us from ourselves? I agree that there should be penalties - and stiff ones - for minors in possession of alcohol, drugs, tobacco, etc., but maybe there should be penalties for their parents as well, IMO. And for those of us who see them on the street and do nothing. Once they grow up and are of legal age, however, they'll do what we all do - make their own choices, and then live with the consequences. Yes, I'd like to have a country where we don't have harmful things, but when it's a country that values liberty and freedom like ours is, there is a price for that, and making bad choices is just part of it. Ban smoking, and something else will come along to replace it. For a long time now, it hasn't been a secret that smoking is harmful and potentially fatal. We have societal evidence of that back to the start of the 20th century, at least. By now, there shouldn't be a human being on our continent who doesn't know that. What they do about it is really up to them rather than the government, IMO. Di

I like the Aquaphor too, but found that A&D ointment relieved the burning/itchy skin much better. A&D is for diaper rash - ha! But it was an immediate relief from the itching when I used it. I've gone back to the Aquaphor now that the itching has subsided, because it is THE best thing for keeping the skin moist, I think. Di

Well, leave it to Fay -- everyone else gets NED, she gets NERD! Whatever -- we'll take 'em! Fay, this is wonderful. Just wonderful. Awesome. Splendid. YAY!! Di

This will be a tough day for you. Hoping you can remember at least one thing to smile about, and then maybe another and another. Di

Becky said this, in part: "I don't think people are taught how to grieve "properly" nor are we taught how to ease someone's grief nor actively support them." Truer words have never been written. I agree, Becky. It's hard to fault people who are groping and trying to just DO something to help you, yet not really knowing what to do or what to say. Been there, done that. In the south, the tradition is food -- lots of it. Just cover the people in food. Enough for days. And some of the people stay in the shadows heating it up, serving it, cleaning up, keeping the coffee pot full, etc. It's like things have a life of their own, and these acts are somehow scripted to occur whenever one of their own passes away. And then when a week or so has passed, you take the empty dishes to the church and leave them in the kitchen for each person who brought something to pick up, until it's time for the next casserole to be made for the next grieving family. And so it goes. When we're little girls, we are brought into this tradition at a certain age, and we observe our mothers and sisters and aunts, and when we are old enough, we take part in the hustle and bustle behind the scenes. God help us when we ourselves lose our dad, and watch these same people doing the same things for us as we've done for them. It's people, sticking together, holding on to the memories and sharing emotions and holding up our friends and loved ones when they are so exhausted it seems as though they can't make it another day. One of the sweetest things said to me when my own dad died many years ago was from one of his patients -- an elderly woman with diabetes. My dad had literally kept her from having both feet amputated for many years, and she just didn't know what was going to happen to her now that he wasn't going to be around. With tears in her eyes, she looked at me and said, "Honey, your father was such a treasure to the world." Wow. Di

Oh my. This is one of those "reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated" moments. People try so very hard to be supportive and helpful, that some of them just can't help but miss the mark at times. Sounds like that's a nice person, even though she didn't have all her facts quite straight! Have fun with your sis! Di

I'm not a legal expert by any means, and haven't kept up with all the litigation recently, but a few years ago, a friend of mine worked here in the AG's office, and told me that the reason a federal ban on tobacco by the FDA isn't done is because tobacco, in and of itself, isn't the problem. It's the additives that go into cigarettes, chewing tobacco, etc., that make it harmful, and not the tobacco itself. What, so far, had kept such a ban from being put into place was that if they banned tobacco, then why not baking soda, since it can be combined with other things and made to be something harmful? Litigation in the states or even on a federal level is a different thing because it is a case built around evidence and the use of tobacco products -- not the tobacco. Even if the US banned smoking, tobacco farmers would still have a lively overseas market, and there aren't many politicians who are ready to look their constituents in the face and tell them they have to stop growing tobacco and selling it to overseas buyers, thereby making money in an economy where many of these people wouldn't survive outside their farms. There is also the knowledge that a thriving underground market would exist for tobacco products, creating an entirely new type of crime and criminals. So, even though it seems like a simple thing to just ban it and make it go away, there are a lot of other issues at play. Things may have changed since then, but that's about what my friend told me when some of the state settlements were being paid out a few years back. Di

Wow - that's impressive! This is SUCH a hard battle, so stories like this mean a lot to all of us. Keep up the good work, both of you! Di

Wow. Nothing like diversity, huh! These are great responses. Just about the time I feel like the lone ranger, here you all come to let me know I'm not! I probably feel so tied to the pulmonologist I have because my PCP was out of town (Memorial Day) when I got sick and wound up in the hospital, and the ER doc got me hooked up with him. He was amazing. Put 2 and 2 together, came up with 4, and we moved right on with it. I was admitted on Monday evening, Memorial Day, left there Friday morning of that same week, and before I left had scans and biopsies under my belt, first round of chemo underway, and was off to the races. Ever since, he has been very straightforward with me, and everything he has told me has been right on accurate. Always. When he doesn't know, he says he doesn't know. The last day of PCI, the Rad. Onc. "signed off," and said if I ever needed them to just call. He asked that I come back and visit, as they like all their patients to come and let them know how they are doing. They have an annual reunion of survivors too, and I'll be going to that. It just sounds like a LOT to me to have to see so many docs forever, but if that's how it should be, then that's the way it will be. Sometimes, I get the feeling that they smell my insurance coming. But the truth is that when they've treated you for something so serious, it is standard to have a period of follow-up. They wouldn't be doing their jobs if they didn't do that, IMO. I do know though that if I'm not actually seeing an Oncologist when I go in there, I won't be going back every 6 weeks. I can have chest x-rays at the Pulmonologist's office, he'll read them on the spot, and have the same lab work, etc., and all for less money. He, as always, will be right on top of anything suspicious looking, and can refer me right back to an Oncologist if I need one. A nurse practitioner is a great thing to have, but every time I go, I see a different one who says, "I'm Dr. X's nurse practitioner." Either she has a lot of them, or they have a big turnover! I'm just not willing to put my care in the hands of someone other than a physician, especially during this really critical first year after treatment period. Oh, the pulmonologist gave me Lasix and potassium today to help with my "still trying to get to menopause" fluid problem. So, guess what I'll be doing all weekend? Aaarrrggghh!!! Di

I pretty much knew when I first heard my diagnosis that I was in for a "lifetime" of scans and tests and doctor visits (whatever "lifetime" means now!), but it's now becoming reality. I'm about 7 months past diagnosis, done with first line treatments, and NED. Can't ask for more than that, given the circumstances, except for the new goal of keeping the monster in the closet and OUT of my body. Last week, I saw the Oncologist and saw the Pulmonologist yesterday. The Onc. wants me back in 6 wks, and will do a chest x-ray. I asked the Pulmonologist if I'm supposed to see 3 doctors every 3 months from now on, and if so, why? What he says will happen (and he's been right every time so far) is that I'll have the chest x-ray, see the Onc., they'll see the radiation damage and think it's pneumonia, then order a CT scan just to "make sure." (Remember too that this Pulmonologist actually LOOKS AT the scans -- I bring him copies on a CD after I have them. The Onc. just looks at the report.) That sounds about right, so he says that if I don't have another CT scan by April or so, that he'll order it, and he'll call the Onc. and smooth it all out with her. He says that I should wait until about June/July which will put me about a year out from diagnosis, see how things look then, and if all is stable, I can just follow with my PCP and Pulmonologist. He will also smooth this all out with the Oncologist. My thoughts were that if I don't have active cancer, why see an Oncologist so often, since I have a great Pulmonologist who has seemed to be more on top of this all along anyway? Plus, when I go to the Onc. office, I wait a LONG time, so it takes a LOT out of my day. When I finally get back there, they do my lab work, and I sit in an exam room for another LONG time (making them leave the door open now so they can SEE there is a person in there and not just a closed door). Then, a nurse practitioner comes in, asks me questions off a typed list, listens to my chest, and leaves. I wait some more. The Onc. pokes her head in, says hello, things look good, see you in 6 weeks, then outta there. Not even 2 actual minutes (yes I timed it this last time). But, of course, the office visit costs the same whether I see a doctor or a nurse practitioner. (Not that there's anything wrong with nurse practitioners either, but having lung cancer just makes me think I should be seeing doctors, especially if that's what I'm paying for.) She is a truly nice person, great doctor, but is a breast cancer specialist, doesn't seem to really understand lung cancer protocols, and is SO busy. I feel like I get the best care from the Pulmonologist, so I'll probably stick with him like glue. I also follow with my PCP because he's a friend, and is good to tell me when he thinks I'm not thinking something through adequately, and helps me through things like that. (He told me yesterday that I'm the kind of patient they like -- was feeling bad when he first saw me, and all I've done since then is to keep getting better!) So, all is still well for now, and I begin the first year of frequent follow ups, followed probably by another year of just about the same! Oh joy! (NOT!) I would bet a lot of people (most?) follow with an Oncologist, but how many have three docs -- PCP, Pulmonologist, AND Oncologist that you follow with frequently? It just seems like WAY too much to me, but some of you have been down this road before me, and I'm sure there are reasons I'm not even aware of that may have some bearing on this. Di

Well, it's good to hear from you, but sorry you're still sick. Bummer. I'm tellin' ya -- popsicles are lots of help if you like them! Seriously, take care of yourself. We need you back here! Di

I am so very sorry. I can just picture you walking down the aisle though. What a great memory you will have. Di

Marilyn, that's wonderful! What an inspiration to those of us going through the PCI, and hoping to get to where you are! Here's hoping you continue to improve. Di

Oh now, Cindi -- don't worry about me -- I'm fine! Don't think having these kinds of fusses even hold a candle to our ongoing physical battles! And as to words, I said what I believe and I'll always do that. Call it "opinionated" or whatever -- I call it honesty. It isn't unusual for those saying they "take the high road" to do exactly what they rail against -- I'm used to that. And if I want my right to say what I believe, then they get that too. Interesting comments about "support" here though. One of the definitions of "support" is this: "Something providing immaterial support or assistance to a person or cause or interest." Sometimes, wouldn't you think that "support" means telling someone the truth as you see it? Say, for example, someone can't move from their easy chair in the living room, and are in for a bout of serious depression. What do you tell that person -- "Oh, stay in that chair and mope. It's ok." or, this: "Get up out of that chair and get on with your life." If you're really supporting that person and trying to help, then you'll tell them to get up and out. Otherwise, you're just a rubber stamp, and not helping anyone. The truth often hurts. It doesn't always fall into the "safe zone" we like when we expect the kind of "support" that says "I want people to help me justify what I do, even if it's not so great." Most interestingly, I've not yet heard one reasonable word of dissent about *what* I said, only about *how* I said it. Quite telling on both fronts. (Oh, and Rick, you and I both know what your exact words were.) I'll continue to say what I think, because that's me. If it causes posts to be removed, so be it. If it causes me to be booted out of here, so be it. But I will NOT change who I am and become a Stepford poster who can only write "good boy" when I feel like writing "get over it." I'd hope to get the same kind of honesty from others here as well. Now, I wonder how sincere some of the words I read here are, if there is some kind of "unwritten rule" that one can only offer platitudes and go easy on the reality. What I had to say yesterday was the truth -- as I see it. If that brings out a response that attacks me, fine. Just don't do it yourself and then tell me I'm out of line when I clearly did NOT attack anyone personally. IMO, my words were supportive and they were true. They just weren't candy coated, and that was apparently where I went wrong. And that will more than likely happen again. This is a wonderful forum. It's full of amazing people. We're not all the same. I try not to treat you all that way, and just ask for the same courtesy in return. Di

LOLOL!!! An old bull and a young bull are standing on top of a hill, looking down over a herd of cows, grazing in the shade of a big tree. The young bulls says, "Why don't we run down this hill and (censored) a few of those cows?" The old bull mulls it over a minute, then says, "No, why don't we WALK down this hill and (censored) one of them?"

Melanie, I am so sorry you have to go through all this. Truly. The only thing I could advise would be that you check with the people where you are being treated and get the name of a counselor for both you and your husband. It sounds like you need a LOT of talking to happen so that he can begin to understand and help you. (Might not hurt too to remind him that you could very well outlive him. He could walk out the door tomorrow and get hit by Becky's beer truck for all we know.) It's a tough time, full of hurt and disappointment, but I know people who have turned it into a time of new understanding and closeness. I wish you the very best. Di

So, that ol' NED has found someone else - YAY!! Ouchie for the other thing, but that will be better soon. Wonderful news!! Di

Well Amy, we like stable around here a lot! How wonderful for your mom that she is doing well AND has you! And if that's sappy, just keep it up! What a nice post. Di

Jim -- fantastic!! Way to go!! Di

Oh, Ginny. That is a beautiful place! You are going to love it, I just know it! And how wonderful that Earl got it for you! My mother is now 91 and lives in the same house they moved into in 1955. After my dad died, we talked of an apartment for her, but she'd have none of that. She wanted the security of a paid-for house, understandably, but how it's more of a burden, so we are in the LONG process of getting her to move. I think she not only has tied herself to memories of my dad in that house, but to the security she's had all that time. I think she believes that if she leaves the house, it's all over for her. (NOT!) You're some lady, Ms. Ginny. I'm in awe of your new house and your strength. Di

Well, Alice - wow! Just a word or two is all I needed -- wanted to know that you're hanging in there, and it looks like you are! Just come back when you feel like it. Di

Ok, so this woman fights off an evil employer by email, cooks pot roast in the middle of the night, counsels kids, AND carries out the fight against the cancer beast with the rest of us? Sheesh. Tell her to STOP!! She's making me look way bad! (KIDDING!) Whatever you're doing, keep doing it -- looks like it's working! Thanks for letting me know this too -- I'm thrilled for you. Di

Well, good! What goes around, comes around. I left a job (voluntarily) a while back, after having watched the company merge with one that didn't care about anything other than the almighty $$. Then, I watched as the VP over my deparment and his assistant began to systematically wipe out everyone who had come over in the merger, doing them in by threatening their severance pay (that had been contracted prior to the merger). I acted before they could get to me and got out of there with my money and most of my hide. Fast forward to a year later, and the woman who tried to make my life a living hell was fired, and so was her boss (asst. to the VP). Someone asked if I didn't feel sorry for them, and I said that they just got what they'd been handing out for almost 2 years, and that if they hadn't thought of the possibility it would happen to them, then they hadn't been thinking. I'd never go back there, but it was great to have that feeling of vindication, and "I told you so!" Cheryl should be very proud now for sticking up for herself and at least letting them know she was NOT going to take this lying down! Bravo!! Di

Sounds about like the PCI, Jack -- except, did she see the lights? Some of us who had PCI saw streaks of light while the radiation was going in -- did Cheryl? It was really strange! I didn't go quite as high as the ceiling, but they did raise the table, and the radiation machine went around me. Except for the bleepin' mask, the treatments aren't so bad, huh. Di