SDianneB

Wow, Cindi! This means you aren't a slacker any more? (KIDDING!!!) Would that be "work" as in "work," or as in the Maynard G. Krebbs version -- "WERK???" (Or maybe you're not old enough to even remember that!!!!) Whatever. It's a great feeling to do something "normal," huh. Hopefully, we'll all get back to some kind of normal sooner or later. It sounds like such a little thing, but I know it is monumental to you -- and then some. Way to go!! Di

Well, here's hoping it's something easily fixed. If it were me, you know I'd have devoured all the popsicles in Davidson County already! I really want you to feel better. It isn't realistic to expect to ever be like I was, and I know that, but I just want to have more good days than bad if I can. Not much to ask, huh! At my house, I do the eating, and my cats do the barfing (fur balls! -- eeuuu! ) Di

I'll try and remember the people affected by the tsunami. This is difficult for me to wrap my mind around -- so many people killed, and still counting. So very tragic. Now, think of what we would experience if something like this happened here in the U.S. Yes, there would be some chaos, but people would have access to the best health care possible, in droves, and would be transported wherever they needed to be. A good portion of those severely injured would survive because of our abilities in that regard. The next time one of us decides to take off for parts unknown and we leave the sanctuary of the U.S., remember this. Remember that once we leave our borders, our medical care and health concerns move way down on the totem pole. In some of the areas hardest hit by the tsunami, on a good day, they have little or no access to the most basic health care that we take for granted. Not only am I grateful to be alive, I'm grateful to have been born an American. It's something I take pride in daily. I grieve for the people suffering now, and hope that all the dollars and supplies everyone is fussing about offer them some comfort and much needed assistance. May God hold them close. Di

Happy New Year to you, sweet Alice! Looks to me like you're doing lots better! And heck -- at 13, you had one more PCI than I did! Good for you! Now, work on feeling better. I think you're already on your way there! Di

Hey there, Schmaydee! Happy New Year! Yes, I'm feeling good -- as of yesterday, REALLY good! Can't believe it. Hair still comes out in little bits unless I wash it, then a good size plug will come out in a tangle - ha! Amazingly with my thin hair to begin with, that it still covers my head. Barely, but it does! Loving this cap though. Yesterday seemed to be one of those "zowie" days -- as it was on the very day I felt better after the chemo and chest radiation were over. I'd been kinda droopy, and then all of a sudden one day - BOOM -- I felt good! Maybe it was just that the holidays were over and it was back to "normal" today, or something else, I don't know. All I know is that yesterday was a good day! Hope we have a 2005 full of good days! Di

Beth, I got one of those small electric throw thingies and LOVE it! I gave one to a friend and one to my mother as well. The only problem with mine is that the cats love it too, so I have a hard time keeping them off of it when I need it! I hope for the best for you with the lower dose of Tarceva. Keep us posted, ok? Happy New Year to ya! Di

Cheryl, hang in there kiddo. Listen to what these others have told you -- this too shall pass. Get some help -- you CAN do whatever it takes. I have faith in you. (Cindi & Peggy -- I had the sweetest aunt ever. I loved her to pieces. But she was always a little ditzy. As she got older, her daughter told us they were afraid she was suffering from Alzheimer's, and we all said in unison -- "How could they tell?" LOL!! No, Alzheimer's isn't funny, but to get through it, you have to laugh sometimes. I was fortunate to share what turned out to be one of her last Christmases with her, and loved every minute of it.) Di

I agree - it's amazing what technology can do today. And imagine in 20 years, 30, 50. Wow! A while back, I read an article where they have these little plastic disks that hold chemo. They are implanted next to tumors in the brain, and the disk delivers chemotherapy right to the tumor so that it gets to it in enough quantity to treat it, and it is localized to that one spot. Amazing. There are things, I'm sure, on the designing tables as we are typing here that will continue to amaze us as they become more and more common. And aren't we fortunate to be able to take advantage of them. Di

Carolyn, when my dad died (1975), it was on Dec. 12th. That very night, I'd been out Christmas shopping - he and my mom were out of town for the weekend. That day, I found myself really in the Christmas spirit, so went shopping after work. In the middle of the night I was awakened by the police telling me my dad had died of an apparent heart attack and had been found by the side of I-35 between Denton and Dallas, TX. BOOM. My life was changed. We had friends upon friends -- he'd been a small town country doctor for years, and had patients from all over. Many of them came just to pay their respects, and when we had his funeral, they had to set up a speaker outside the chapel, as it was standing room only. After it was over and everyone left, it was my mother and I -- just the 2 of us. And the day we found ourselves alone for the first time was a Sunday. We played lazy all day -- spent all day in our robes! We talked. We cried. We hugged. It's what we needed to do. The noise faded and the 2 of us grieved. I saw what grief she was going through. I bet your kids see that too. As difficult as it is for a child to lose a parent, it's something else entirely to lose your spouse, huh. It's something I didn't really think about much until that day. Now, I realize what a loss she suffered. I don't think you can really get to the place where you get stronger and get along better without him unless you can go through all the stages of grief. It isn't something to hide. Look at grief as a tribute -- the more we grieve, the more we loved the person. It's a way we show that, and a way we help get our emotions out and let ourselves learn to adapt to a different kind of life. You'll make it through this. Guaranteed. Di

IMO, there's something else at play in this forum and probably others like it. Having been online for many years now, I've posted in lots of different kinds of message boards. Mostly, I think people go for the ones that hold their interest -- there are boards for hobbies, politics, religion, and all kinds of things. But, they go by choice, based on their interests, education, background, etc. Here, we've all been thrust into a group that NONE of us wanted to be in. Ever. We choose to be here, and we share common interests, but it isn't a fun, "let's share crocheted TP cover patterns" type of place. This is a place where people come who are often devastated to know they or a loved one has an awful disease. They come for support and information and for whatever - just like Bo and others have pointed out. But, cancer does not discriminate. It hits us all, and we, the fortunate ones, find such a place as this forum. Many of you, including myself, say this to new people -- that we're sorry they have to be here, yet glad they are. As with everything, nothing lasts forever. Even the little funsy boards have a big turnover in participants. People move on. They may feel better or move away or just be so busy living they don't have time to be here any more. But what's so very different in this kind of forum is that we actually lose more people than the normal boards do -- and those people die. And we grieve along with their families. Then someone else comes along, because this disease continues to run wild. And on and on it goes. We're here because we want/need to be. We chose to be here. We would all choose NOT to have to be here if we could. But we can't. And we aren't here because we all like to crochet or build model airplanes or whatever. We come from all walks of life, many different places on the map, and with different backgrounds and values. No wonder we have disagreements now and then. Di

Sharon, that is SO true. I lost my dad a long time ago -- Dec. 12, 1975. There are still so many times that I miss him SO much, and wish I could pick up the phone and talk to him. One thing I've done that has made me feel so much closer to him was to spend the last few years doing research into my family history. He tried many times to do that -- to track down some uncles and cousins he knew he had, but back then, there weren't computer databases to make it as easy as it is now. I've put together a decent family tree with references, photos, documents, and all kinds of things that he would have been thrilled to know about. It's my testament to him and the many things he gave to me. I'll always love and miss him. Di

Cheryl, to jump right into a cliche, it's darkest just before dawn. We all know here how these battles go -- we get to where we're feeling decent, then something comes and trips us up so we have to go back under the knife or the needle or the brain toaster, and we don't feel good any more, and have to fight our way back -- again and again. You have a terrific spirit. It's probably just a bit wounded right now, but it's still there. Hang in there. Di

Jen -- sounds like this can't hurt! FYI -- my wheeze is acting like it's about to go away. (My chest radiation stopped Sept. 9th, so this is almost 4 months out for me.) The Rad. Onc. recommended a room humidifier for where I sleep -- says the moisture will help regenerate the little "thingies" (highly technical term, dontchano! ) up and down the windpipe that help keep the airway clean. I had minor esophagitis that lasted only a week or two - the wheeze has been the thing to last the longest, and with any luck, won't be around much longer. Keep us posted! Di

Amen to that -- thanks for the post. Di

Erin, maybe you should go and talk to someone and get some help knowing how to deal with this. Sometimes, the "tough love" approach works with my mother, sometimes not. I know nothing about your mother, so wouldn't have a clue what might work, but a professional might help you cope better -- especially since you have a family of your own to worry about. Good to see you venting here -- I bet that helps you in its own way to just express your thoughts. Di

Wow!! That's a lot of pixels! Here's to another 2,000 and fast -- I LOVE that little doggie!! Di

Erin, I don't know how old your mother is, but my mother is 91, still very active, and can be royal pain at times about her health. My dad was a doctor, and after he died, she became very wary of medical care because he was no longer around to direct her. We were lucky to get her in with an internist I worked for, so all was fine until he retired (yes, she is outliving not only all her friends, but all her doctors too!). Since then, she has another good internist, but doesn't seem to trust them much. I'm the one with lung cancer and I'm doing fine, but she is having a real problem with one of her legs, and won't get anything done for it. For the first time ever, she seems to feel (and says) that she's too old to have it fixed surgically, and there is "no use" worrying about it, because she'll be dead soon anyway. The truth is that if she really gets where she can't use that leg, she'll be bound to a wheelchair, and it will be over for all practical purposes, because she'll require someone to be with her at all times, and that means nursing home --- one of her greatest fears. I haven't played that card yet, but I'm not far from suggesting it to her to see if it gets her out of this awful attitude. The point is that our mothers, (and sometimes ourselves) get into these emotional ditches and it's difficult for them to dig their way out -- they require our help. I'm not always sure what to say or do. I have told her that I am fighting this cancer like a demon, and doing it a whole lot for her, so I'd kinda like for her to fight for herself more and do it at least a little for me. This is a hard battle to fight, Erin, and I know where your mother is emotionally -- been there, done that. I came out of it though, and your mother needs to do that too. I think you can help her do that, but just realize it probably won't happen overnight. A lot of love and support and hugs, whether she wants them or not (!) may go a long way to changing her attitude back to the one she started out with. You have my best wishes ... Di

Welcome! Sorry you find yourself in need of such a forum, but if you're already going down this path, you couldn't ask for a better bunch of people to be right there with you. Glad you found us, and hope to hear lots more from you. Di

That reminded me of this one -- I love it, being a native Texan! A guy from Tennessee is driving through Texas, going way too fast, when he's pulled over by a Texas Highway Patrol Officer. The Officer takes his time walking to the driver's side of the car, the driver rolls down the window and looks up into the officer's sunglasses. The officer says, "Got any ID?" The driver replies, "'bout whut?"

Now, that made me laugh really big! I'm the office/business manager for an art gallery that my sister owns. When we were discussing the PCI, I kept telling her that I'd make sure I got the books done before I had it, so I wouldn't put her in the poor house! Fortunately for us both, the timing was such that I could get the month of November closed out, bank statement reconciled, bills paid, and sales tax done before I started the PCI! As it turned out, I was fine, I am fine. Just a little groggy, but that seems to be going away now, and I have the cutest cap to wear -- it's a knit cap with long ties that you wrap around like a turban. I may decide I like this better than messing with hair! Take care. We're all pulling for you! Di

Cindi -- did you lose your hair from chemo or radiation? From chemo, I can understand some hair loss or thinning from all over the body, but I didn't lose mine from chemo -- it's coming out from the PCI, so just from the head, and it appears to just be from a few spots. This morning, only a few (maybe 10) hairs came out in the comb - and I thought it was going to be a few hunks of hair a day for a week or so and be done -- but now I wonder if it's slowing down? Oh well ... I'll know that day to day! As to the Aquaphor, that is what I was using at first -- it kept the skin good and gooey, but didn't seem to be doing anything to help the itch and soreness, so I changed to the A&D and it did the trick -- immediately. It's great -- I've used it all my life! In the summer I used to get itchy places, and A&D fixed them right up. My dad was a "country doctor," and he used to have me put it on sunburn and it worked well for that too. Last night was the 2nd night of using the A&D, and this morning, my face is looking MUCH better, and isn't itchy even when I put makeup on. Di

Deb, I'm sure not an expert about all this, but just remember that the human body works in incredibly complex ways, and putting things like chemo drugs and radiation into it on purpose was NOT part of the game plan! Also, you don't just get stuff like that inside you and have it go away magically once the radiation machine stops churning. It continues to work and do its thing -- killing cells -- for a while after treatment stops. About a month is what I was told when I had chest radiation. Chemo and radiation can't tell the difference between healthy cells and icky cells, so they are all in the line of fire, so to speak. The body is busy trying to fix itself, and the blood counts are going down and down and down, and it's trying to fix that too, and it's a huge battle. And while the battle is going on, all you want to do is to just lay down and cover up! Eventually, one thing gets better, then 2, then 3, then you start feeling better. I remember being in sort of a "fog" while having chemo and radiation -- I didn't really get sick during all this, but would have to stop every day around 4:00 and rest for an hour or so. I remember how great it was when that heavy-headed feeling started going away and I began to feel GOOD again -- for the first time in a long time - yay! This is just really a war if you get down to it. Sometimes we win a lot of battles, then have a setback, but don't count us down and out too soon! Give your mom a BIG hug from me, and tell her to hang in there. I think this WILL get better for her soon. Di

Cheryl, this sucks BIG time. I hate it that you got this news, hate it that you are having to go through so much, and hate it that we all have to be here for support against this scourge called cancer. But, try to dust yourself off and look where you've been and what you've done already - awesome! You can do what it takes to get through this, and we'll all be right here. If you need a phone number and want to call and talk, just PM me and you've got it. Hang in there and take care of yourself. This is a big blow, I'm sure, but you CAN get through this. I just know you can. Di

Alice -- here's to a restful week and New Year for you -- and one that sees you continue to improve. You're a true inspiration. Di

Reading what Don wrote led me to another thought -- about *etiquette* I guess! I don't want THE topic of conversation to be me and my cancer, but I'm happy to talk about it to people when they ask. I also love getting opportunities to tell people about lung cancer, and encourage them to insist on being checked periodically. I'm getting a little better at it, I think, but it was difficult at first for me to find a happy medium -- somewhere in between being an obnoxious "sick" person, and just discussing my situation with those who are interested! Now, I don't bring it up, but the button I wear all the time ("Cancer Sucks") is rather a hint! I try to guage interest by facial expression -- if they are yawning and about to go belly up, I figure I've bored them enough. Seriously though, it takes some time to go from having *cancer* on your mind ALL the time and wanting it to be the sole topic of discussion to just having it come up as a part of conversation. I guess that would make a good New Year's resolution -- to work on that and improve it somewhat. Di