Geri Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Good Thursday morning everyone. Tomorrow I have my test appts, my first onc visit in 6 months and my first brain MRI and chest CT in a year and today I'm getting down to the wire in the anticipation department. I've not yet turned into the wicked witch of the west - my husband has been spared that onslaught this time. I have absolutely no reason to think that these test results will any different to any of the countless others I have worried about, but this time I think it's because I'm out of the test habit. When I was going through tx I really didn't give the tests a thought except for the inconvenience of having them. They were so regular that I guess it didn't occur to me that another problem might be found. Now however, it's been a year since I had them and the 'what ifs' are surfacing. I opted not to have PCI after my initial tx but having read these boards for the last year I've spent a lot of time second guessing my decision (mostly I don't think about it except when someone posts about a brain met). Sooooo, if you could send some positive thoughts my way I'd appreciate it. Can't make up my mind whether to have a nervous breakdown or just turn catatonic for a day!!!! Of course in 36 hours I fully expect to feel like a real chump for worrying about it all. As everyone with cancer can relate to this I feel very safe in voicing my fears.........non cancer people just give reassurance but don't understand. Thanks for listening Geri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 I hear ya, Geri! And I comiserate with ya too! All the what if's!!! All of us here can identify so well. You are right....others "say" the right things...but WE here "live" it with you. Of course my thoughts and prayers will be for you and your good results. Here's a what if.....what if Cindi's pub isn't open for celebrating?? Now there IS something to worry about. Best of luck and I will be thinking of you. My scans are coming up and I am already getting in that mode. Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Geri,wishing you all clean results on all your tests. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terriep Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Prayers and good wishes for your clean scans - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chloesmom Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Geri, I don't know what to tell you because I always fall in the catatonic category. In fact, I just had my tests last week, and I took vacation time that week and the week before because I just couldn't function well enough to be at work and worry about the doctor too. But, hey, it seems like a common thread for all of us here to worry, and it's not like we don't have a reason. I have no cure for this anxiety. I sure wish I did. One thing I try to think about is that if I'm feeling good, there shouldn't be any major problems. I hope you get the news you want and get to feel like a chump after you get the results!!!!! You will be in my thoughts. Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Addie Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 You stinker...you didn't email me that it was coming up this soon! OF COURSE, you have my good vibes, best thoughts...all things positive heading your way. You know...I think sometimes the farther out we get...the more the angst increases when it's test time. My next scan is Tuesday. I should be all done with chemo...but of course, it will depend. But more of those "iffy" thoughts are tracking thru my brain...so I keep looking for positives to offset them. You can do this too! How are you feeling? Energy good? Any weird aches and pains (or Aches and Paynes, as they are known around THIS household! ) that cannot just be attributed to....ahem (and I apologize in advance) burgeoning age? Any headaches? Losing your car keys is okay...but when you FIND them, do you know what they are FOR? When Dudley the Studley comes home from work, do you recognize him or must you check his ID daily? Seek the positives dearie. I know you're good at that. Yesterday, the golf pro at our club said, "By looking at you, no one would know you were sick unless you told them!" I said, "Yeah, except for my bald head!" And I wanted also say, but didn't, "And...I'm not sick. I feel pretty darn good. Oh, I have (or maybe HAD) cancer, but so far it's Addie 2 - Cancer 0, as far as I'm concerned!" Anyway, dear Geri...suck in a good deep breath, one foot ahead of the other...and go and ACE your tests. I know you will. Email will follow....I'm off for a Neulasta shot soon! Love you..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Prayers for good results. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Prayers all goes well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Hi Geri.. Your statement involving catatonia or nervous breakdown was so funny and so true! I lean more toward catatonic... I have tried both. There is no emotional release with the catatonia, but the end is more controlled. Good luck, with the tests. You have a crew rooting for you! Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kel M Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Sending good thoughts and lots of prayers for an excellent outcome to the tests! Kel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Geri, Sending prayers for good scan results. Next time you will be positing in the Good News section. Keep us posted, Good luck to you. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geri Posted June 10, 2005 Author Share Posted June 10, 2005 Thanks everyone for your good thoughts. It's now 11pm and I've made it through the day without any serious damage to anyone or anything. Kept very busy today and even tried very seriously to spend money - I need a mother of the bride dress in 7 weeks (only found out last week) and have now exhausted all avenues in small town VT. I am, however, sure that I can do mastercard a big favor next week when I look in Boston!! So you see I managed to avoid both catatonia and the looney bin today (and even kept the bank account intact) whilst fighting the mother of all headaches.......no this is not a tumor I tell myself just a common or garden migraine which I've been prone to for years! Imagination is a wonderful thing isn't it when you're not a cancer survivor. Thanks again for all the support, Geri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail p-m Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 Adding my good thoughts and prayers -- albeit a bit late. Hope your mother of the bride dress shopping goes well. I'm in the same boat and haven't had much luck yet! Everything seems to be made for 25 year olds who are size 6's -- not me. Wishing you luck, Geri. Gail p-m Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geri Posted June 10, 2005 Author Share Posted June 10, 2005 Gail you are so right, saw the perfect little number........had to be for a size two person who wanted to be mutton dressed as lamb! Way too young for any M-O-B I've ever seen. Of course the outfit I have in my mind needs me to be 40lbs lighter and about 8 inches taller - then I'd look the perfect mother of the bride - so I have 7 weeks to transform myself into this tall svelte person, Hah! Oh well, the mother of the groom isn't a size two either so I'm sure that we'll match up just fine. Geri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doughnut Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 Geri, you're funny My vote is for catatonic - I can't back that up with any science and have no idea what I'm talking about but I liked the sound of it better Wishing you the very best of luck - you'll post as soon as you know, right? Dee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trishnmiller Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 You just go ahead and handle the waiting game the best way you can. I certainly identify with you. I go "robotic" when waiting for my husbands results. Somehow I manage to get through the day and do all the stuff that no meaning but must be done. Sometimes I feel like I'm holding my breath for days at a time. Positive enenergy and prayers to you, Trish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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