Treebywater Posted July 16, 2005 Share Posted July 16, 2005 Of all of the many expected and unexpected difficult things we are dealing with now, the family tensions that are cropping up are particularly difficult. I didn't expect so much conflict and tension. It hurts so badly on top of everything else. My aunt left early today feeling hurt and angry at us. Daddy and I didn't mean to hurt her or upset her. She seemed to think Daddy thought she had purposely over-medicated Mom. She thought we thought she was in the way. In reality, I was feeling grateful she was here (I got my head on straight eventually), Mom was really leaning on her for support. She had given us a much needed break. But... she was also having a hard time letting us be 'in the lead.' She switched into social worker/I've been here before mode and wouldn't let us in. Even with hospice. She took a lead role in discussions so that I wanted to say, "Hello... We're the ones who live here!" When the CNA came to help Mom get her bath, she took over instead and wouldn't take the suggestions the CNA gave for how to help Mom. I think it was best that she left in many ways, but it hurts me so much that she was hurt. And I was so angry at her, because while I needed to be focusing my energies on Mom, I was having to worry about her being hurt. I was left trying to smooth things over, while she was, perhaps coping with feeling she needed to leave by being angry at us. Dad and I have had flare-ups too. Daddy is afraid Mom is being over-medicated. While I don't want Mom to be comatose, I do want to be assured her pain is managed. So we approach the pain medicine differently, and worry about the same things in different ways. We also cope in tremendously different ways. He focuses on little things to be busy with--housework being the biggie. I on the other hand grow still. IT is all I can do to do what I need to for Mom and Carolyn. All of me is focused there and housework is the farthest thing from my mind (though I am trying so hard to keep up on some of it). Dad and I are both trying to choose the ground of peace. With the high level of emotion, it is a challenge to stay rational. It's not something I thought we would have to struggle so hard with. So far, Daddy and I are able to get to the REAL issues at hand even when things flare up: The fact that we both love Mom and want the best for her. The fact that we need each other right now, and will need each other all the way through this. The fact that we need this house to be full of peace and love for Mom's sake. Overall with all of the family (and more will be coming through soon) I have to remember we are all DOING THE BEST THAT WE CAN with this awful, painful situation. Anyway, it's just a pitfall of all this I didn't see coming. Mom seems to be slipping away so fast... It already feels like she is just a shell. She is completely bed-ridden and sleeps most of the time. It's scary. I am praying for more Mom-like moments... and if the Mom parts of her have to be gone and pain and confusion must be in their place I pray she doesn't have to linger long... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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