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They have told my mom to call hospice...


bronbear

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Hi all! Sorry I haven't posted in awhile, but things have been quite hectic. It all started last Thursday when my dad was rushed to the emergency room with pneumonia. He was admitted and put in a room and his pulse rate went up to 180. They were afraid he was going to have a heart attack so they put him in ICU for two days. They then flew him out to the city so he could get better and more intensive care. Long story short, he was not expected to make it, but he fought like crazy and surprised everyone. He was told that they might could do a procedure on him that would break up the tumor and he needed to get his strength back for that. He looked so much better and was starting to feel some hope again. I went back to work today after keeping a vigil by his hospital bed for the past week and a half and my mom just called and said that the oncologist said that he would be released soon and that there was nothing more they could do for him. My heart is just breaking for him. He fought so hard just to be told that he is going to die. They said it could be weeks or months, but that my mom should call hospice and line things up for him. We have been on such a roller coaster this past week - I can't believe that doctors can be so cruel. If they just let him believe that he had something to fight for just to do this to him, what is the humanity in that? I just feel sick right now and angry too. The one thing I hoped for him was that when he was so sick with the pneumonia, if he had to pass away that he wouldn't know what was happening and that he would just go to sleep and not wake up. I can't bear the thought of him knowing that this is it. How do you as a loved one put on a brave face for someone when your heart is breaking?

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I wish I had some great advice for you. But, what a very heartbreaking situation you are in.

It has to be so discouraging for your Dad to have them tell him there is nothing else they can do. I can't even imagine how I would react. I'm SURE your strength will come from within when you need to be strong. (It's amazing how much we can really pull off when we need to.)

And I'm sure your father knows how much you love him....but I would continue to let him know how much he means to you and that you will be by his side through the journey ahead.

I will say a prayer for you and your family. Please keep us posted.

Melinda

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I guess my question is are you really sure he is out of options? I mean why not switch the chemo? Have you had a second opinion? I think its worth a shot if he feels like fighting. We have lots of members that were given bad news and are still here laughing their patooties off. Maybe its time to check into trials...think about it.

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I believe that you should keep researching and fighting to see IF there ARE any more options available for him. I wouldn't bank anything on just one doctor.

Also, in regards to your question about putting on a brave face in the midst of the tremendous sadness....honey, you are stronger than you know, You love him so much that you will do anything to help or ease him...you can do this...you be his light when it is dark, you be the one to offer hope and your love. It's the one thing you can do for him- just be there. Just love him, offer support and help and do the things for him he needs or wants right now. You ARE stronger than you know, and the minute you close the door behind you when you leave him, you can lose it, come here, call a friend, cry as much as you need to. Wake up tomorrow and do it all over again.

We understand, and we are here for you.

(((HUG)))

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Bronwen,

What a terrible time. I can feel your frustration, and I can imagine how hard this is for you. I wish there were some magical words I could give you. I pray that you will find the strength you need, but I hope you will remember that it is OK for you to show some emotion as well. Take care of yourself.

:) , Kelly

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My Ten Cents on the subject:

If and when I am told that there isn't anything that can be done I will go out and find another hospital or facility or Physician who has the guts it will take to try to help me stay alive. I've done this several times over the years. Heck, I may have left one place/physician because they were not helpful at some point in time, and if they do something to convince me that they are interested in helping me now I'll go back to them or their facility. I've done that a couple of times, too. I'll do what I must, go where I must, put up with pain and sickness and what ever I must put up with in order to be able to continue living. Because I can still find the good in this life. It isn't easy, but it is WORTH the trouble I go to keep on living.

Ask for clarification on who said to call in hospice, and then ask for a referal to go elsewhere. But only after you've asked the person who has the cancer if they want to continue to be treated or if they are the one who actually wants Hospice called in.

Wishing you all only the best.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am sorry you are in such a tough situation. I agree with others that if your dad has the strength and desire, seek treatment elsewhere. Also, sometimes, people get their strength back and rebound while in hospice and then continue treatment.

In any case you, your dad and the rest of your family have my prayers.

Don M

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