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bunny

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so you're a caregiver. you need a better-safe-than-sorry test for a certain kind of cancer. do you tell your loved one with LC?

I had a breast biopsy in September and didn't tell my mom until after I got the results (normal 8) ) which, although she protested, I still think was the right thing to do. what do you other caregivers think?

xoxo

bunny

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I would have done the exact same thing and have in fact done it with my Mom (she's not ill but is a world class worry wart :) ).

Anticipatory anxiety is the worst and should be avoided whenever possible. What good would it have done if she had known? She would have had it on her mind, possibly causing her great stress and that wouldn't have been good for her health.

I think you did the right thing and thank goodness that your results were normal.

Sincerely,

Antoinette

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I do that too.

I had a cancer 10 years ago. After two outpatient surgeries, I was ok- just follow ups that now are only once a year.

i don't tell my mom about those.

I also just had a physical and some heart tests done and I didn't tell her about those either.

I know I would have if it had turned into "something" but I am ok.

The other's have said, they have more than enough on their shoulders already.

Hugs,

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I think you did the right thing. During the unknown with both of my cancer escapades, I kept the bad news from my mom as long as I possibly could.

I felt like, why make her worry when there's nothing known yet, and she can't do anything about it anyway.

I also don't mention when I have dr appts coming up. Just when I'm done and have my results. Again, why cause another person unnecessary anxiety?

You got my vote for doing the right thing, Miss bunny!!!

Cindy

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Well, I have to say it is okay because I have done it myself. Last April I began to have arm pains infrequently -- not a good sign for a heart patient. We were ready to go on a cruise to the Virgin Islands and I did not tell Lucie because I knew that would mean a trip to the cardiologist, a placement in the hospital for tests and the end of the cruise plans. I told her after we got back, went to the cardiologist, was hospitalized for tests, and a stent was placed. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat! I think we have to take all we know into account and not worry people needlessly. Don

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I think you were absolutely wrong.

Well, OK, I don't think that at all, but I hate to just jump on everyone's bandwagon. :wink:

You did the right thing (I guess if I'm agreeing with these fine folks, I'm in good compnay). If that's the worst 'daughter-thing' you've done to your mom in awhile, she's probably counting herself lucky. Oh wait, that would be my mom's way of thinking.

:) Kelly

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all right, thank you. of course, she told me dont; EVER not tell her something again. but if it happens again, well, I'd probably do it the same way. thanks guys.

oh, and Kelly you make an excellent point. if you ONLY KNEW what I put this woman through in my early years. :roll: oy!

xoxo

bunny

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Bunny...I would have done just as you did. Why worry someone that is already stressed to the max with something that may be nothing at all. As a mom of three grown sons, I know that I worry about anything and everything in thewir lives. My youngest son just had pain all weekend from an impacted wisdom tooth. You should have seen me calling and cooking soup...lol!

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Bunny,

I would have told my mother - not to worry her, but to not hurt her when she found out about it later. She would think I thought she was suddenly "too fragile" to play her role as mother if I didn't tell her what was going on when it was going on. Now, were I the mother and my (fictional) daughter the one with cancer, I wouldn't share the trip with her until I had results.

If you told her that next time you would tell her, you should probably honor that promise to her if/when there is a next time. It's not nice to lie to your mother, mothers can set some wicked curses into motion "someday you'll have kids just like you" "your face will freeze like that"...

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I'm with Snowflake on this one. I did what you did (Kept the breast tumor biopsy situation to myself) and my Mother found out. She was very hurt (and not a little angry with me) that I didn't share this with her, even though she was quite ill by this point. A big part of my Mother's identity was as a Mother. And we Moms don't like it when our kids keep things from us.

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Bunny...

I'm going to tell you...i did the complete opposite. I went in not long ago, got a chest xray, had a kidney ultrasound, had my thyroid checked, etc etc...all was normal, of course, but i DID tell Mom i was having it all done. It made her feel BETTER to know that i was looking out for ME, too.

Just my little tid-bit.

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I agree that you did the right thing..I can really identify with this because right in the middle of my mom being dx'd our home burned to the ground. She lives far enough away from us that I have managed to keep the nitty gritty details from her..all I have told her (so far) is that we were robbed and had a fire and are in the process of remodeling. Had to tell her something because the only way to reach us is by cell phone.

There was nothing saved and I KNOW her heart would break and I just cannot tell her at this point.

Libby

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I think I did the right thing with the breast biopsy, as it was still pretty close to her 'stuff' from this summer but I guess returning to normal means I have stuff happen in my life, too.

besides, snowflake scared me with that 'mother curse' thing so I will seriously consider talking to my mom about the next "cautionary" test my doc wants. that said, I will wait until after her surgeon appointment on Monday as we are in the pre-visit jitters.

libby, that's awful. I am so, so sorry.

xoxo

bunny

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Maybe the right thing to do is whatever you would do if cancer weren't in the picture.

We all want to "take care" of those who are ill, and not stress them, but sometimes (especially if it's a mom) it hurts them more to feel we treat them differently. Believing in one's strength and normalcy can be just as important as stess levels.

If your loved one feels you made the wrong choice, apologize and move on. We are all just doing the best we can.

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