bunny Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 so you're a caregiver. you need a better-safe-than-sorry test for a certain kind of cancer. do you tell your loved one with LC? I had a breast biopsy in September and didn't tell my mom until after I got the results (normal ) which, although she protested, I still think was the right thing to do. what do you other caregivers think? xoxo bunny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melindasue37 Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 I think you did the right thing. Here is the way I look at it......they have enough on their shoulders, why worry them anymore than need be??? I'm soooooooo glad to hear your results came back normal. Warm Hugs, Melinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antoinettev3 Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 I would have done the exact same thing and have in fact done it with my Mom (she's not ill but is a world class worry wart ). Anticipatory anxiety is the worst and should be avoided whenever possible. What good would it have done if she had known? She would have had it on her mind, possibly causing her great stress and that wouldn't have been good for her health. I think you did the right thing and thank goodness that your results were normal. Sincerely, Antoinette Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 I think you did the right thing, Bunster. But I would be on your side if you held up a bank............. Honestly, I have kept a couple worries from Bri and will continue to protect him as I can from extra burdens. After all, Caretaker says it all. Lots of love P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 I have been in your shoes and done the exact same thing. Why add more burden? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daggiesmom Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 You did the right thing. Why worry her more than she already is. Thank goodness all turned out well for you. You're still there by her side! Joanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chloesmom Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 I think you did the right thing. During the unknown with both of my cancer escapades, I kept the bad news from my mom as long as I possibly could. I felt like, why make her worry when there's nothing known yet, and she can't do anything about it anyway. I also don't mention when I have dr appts coming up. Just when I'm done and have my results. Again, why cause another person unnecessary anxiety? You got my vote for doing the right thing, Miss bunny!!! Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 Well, I have to say it is okay because I have done it myself. Last April I began to have arm pains infrequently -- not a good sign for a heart patient. We were ready to go on a cruise to the Virgin Islands and I did not tell Lucie because I knew that would mean a trip to the cardiologist, a placement in the hospital for tests and the end of the cruise plans. I told her after we got back, went to the cardiologist, was hospitalized for tests, and a stent was placed. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat! I think we have to take all we know into account and not worry people needlessly. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamataca Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 I think you were absolutely wrong. Well, OK, I don't think that at all, but I hate to just jump on everyone's bandwagon. You did the right thing (I guess if I'm agreeing with these fine folks, I'm in good compnay). If that's the worst 'daughter-thing' you've done to your mom in awhile, she's probably counting herself lucky. Oh wait, that would be my mom's way of thinking. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 I would have have definitely done the same thing. You know she would have been out of her mind with worry. I know I would if it was my daughter. Mom"s worry, that is what we do. You did right. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunny Posted November 29, 2005 Author Share Posted November 29, 2005 all right, thank you. of course, she told me dont; EVER not tell her something again. but if it happens again, well, I'd probably do it the same way. thanks guys. oh, and Kelly you make an excellent point. if you ONLY KNEW what I put this woman through in my early years. oy! xoxo bunny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
palves Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 I did the same exact thing as you. Same situation with same results thankfully. Followup in January. So bottom line is I agree. Paula Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 Bunny...I would have done just as you did. Why worry someone that is already stressed to the max with something that may be nothing at all. As a mom of three grown sons, I know that I worry about anything and everything in thewir lives. My youngest son just had pain all weekend from an impacted wisdom tooth. You should have seen me calling and cooking soup...lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Bunny, I would have told my mother - not to worry her, but to not hurt her when she found out about it later. She would think I thought she was suddenly "too fragile" to play her role as mother if I didn't tell her what was going on when it was going on. Now, were I the mother and my (fictional) daughter the one with cancer, I wouldn't share the trip with her until I had results. If you told her that next time you would tell her, you should probably honor that promise to her if/when there is a next time. It's not nice to lie to your mother, mothers can set some wicked curses into motion "someday you'll have kids just like you" "your face will freeze like that"... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 I'm with Snowflake on this one. I did what you did (Kept the breast tumor biopsy situation to myself) and my Mother found out. She was very hurt (and not a little angry with me) that I didn't share this with her, even though she was quite ill by this point. A big part of my Mother's identity was as a Mother. And we Moms don't like it when our kids keep things from us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missyk Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Bunny... I'm going to tell you...i did the complete opposite. I went in not long ago, got a chest xray, had a kidney ultrasound, had my thyroid checked, etc etc...all was normal, of course, but i DID tell Mom i was having it all done. It made her feel BETTER to know that i was looking out for ME, too. Just my little tid-bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma's kid Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 I agree that you did the right thing..I can really identify with this because right in the middle of my mom being dx'd our home burned to the ground. She lives far enough away from us that I have managed to keep the nitty gritty details from her..all I have told her (so far) is that we were robbed and had a fire and are in the process of remodeling. Had to tell her something because the only way to reach us is by cell phone. There was nothing saved and I KNOW her heart would break and I just cannot tell her at this point. Libby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunny Posted December 2, 2005 Author Share Posted December 2, 2005 I think I did the right thing with the breast biopsy, as it was still pretty close to her 'stuff' from this summer but I guess returning to normal means I have stuff happen in my life, too. besides, snowflake scared me with that 'mother curse' thing so I will seriously consider talking to my mom about the next "cautionary" test my doc wants. that said, I will wait until after her surgeon appointment on Monday as we are in the pre-visit jitters. libby, that's awful. I am so, so sorry. xoxo bunny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gerbil runner Posted December 3, 2005 Share Posted December 3, 2005 Maybe the right thing to do is whatever you would do if cancer weren't in the picture. We all want to "take care" of those who are ill, and not stress them, but sometimes (especially if it's a mom) it hurts them more to feel we treat them differently. Believing in one's strength and normalcy can be just as important as stess levels. If your loved one feels you made the wrong choice, apologize and move on. We are all just doing the best we can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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