HumbledByHerStr8nth Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Hello, I am new here and am trying my best to deal with this terrible disease. On 1/31/06 my wife passed out. We thought she had a stroke. After 10 days in the hospital running many tests it was found that she has non small cell lung cancer that has spread to 5 spots on her brain, one on her liver, one on her lymph nodes,one on her kidney and one at the base of her spine. The only symptom she had was a slight headache and she has always had headaches so we thought nothing of it. The doctor told us that it is inoperable and that with treatments she has 6 months to live. She did 10 radiation treatments to the brain and has had 2 chemo treatments so far. She is only 50yrs old. We were both married before and have 3 grown children each and a son together that is soon 8yrs old. He doesnt quite understand what is going on with mom and turns his head if she enters the room without her hat on because he doesnt like seeing her with no hair. Most of the 8yr we have been married has been complicated by teenage children and all that comes with teens and step-parents and have had very little time to ourselves and now that time is being cut short. We wanted a chance to marry again, have a child and do things different than our 1st marriages by learning from past mistakes. I have been spending as much time at home with her as I can since my business is slow right now. It hard to keep the boat afloat though because we have no health insurance and the doctor visits and meds keep us broke. She will get social security disability but not until July and the social sevices department are quite a joke. The lights,water and phone about to be turned off and the rent is due next week. Anyone know where one can get a little help? Im at wits end. Even if I had work to do, it is hard because she has dizzy spells,weakness,memory loss and does some strange things like messing up every room in the house for no reason and washing 3 loads of laundry without even putting the clothes in. Steroids and Ambien dont mix well with chemo as a chaser. Im rattling on I know, but I have no other outlet. I cry alone just about every day but try and look strong for her and my son, I work when I can and do my best to keep the housework done and see that our son gets off to school. Not quite at the breaking point yet, but close. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jodi Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Words can't express, how much I feel for you! It was a complete shocker, to me, about my mother, so I know this first phase is brutal! Your wife can defy all of the odds! I just found out my mother's tumor has shrunk in half, and she's not even done with chemo (her main tumor was close to 8 inches, now close to 4)! Honestly, don't listen to life expectancy quotes. Just live and spend wonderful time, with your wife. She sounds like a fighter, and my prayers are with your entire family! Hugs, Jodi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jodi Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Also, I have heard that the American Cancer Society will reimburse patients, in need, for mileage to and from treatment and help with prescription costs. A neighbor of mine, who has cancer, told me of this, the other day, so I am going to look into it. Do you have a case manager, with your oncologist, who can give you other options? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P.S. I Love You Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Sorry for all you are going through, but you've found a good place here. Many here have gotten the same diagnosis/ prognosis and turned things around. It sounds like your wife has the strength to endure the effects of the treatments. The treatments do work. One of the mottoes of this site is "Reject Statistics"! I hope you can get some breathing room and perservere. Don't give up. There is definitely hope. The people here will give it to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 I am so sorry for the diagnosis of your wife and all the heavy load you are carrying on your shouldes. I know how scared you must be. You feel like your world is falling apart Please do not listen to stastistics as there are so many people on here who have beaten the odds who were told the same stastistics as your wife. I do not have any answers for you as far as your financial situation. Hopefully someone here will have an answer for you. Please know that I am thinking of you both and sending very needed prayers your way. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Sorry to see your post here but you will be feeling better after the answers from some knowledgeble members about the financial help offered in the States. Statistics always are mentioned by doctors, but so many members that had a small chance of getting better are here after many years. Wishing the best for your wife, son and you. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 OH my. It sounds like you have your hands very full. You guys need help. I would start reacing out to the ACS or try to get medicaid to help with the financials. You can also call the Patient Advocate Foundation and see if they have any referrals for you. The PAF takes a long time to get back to you. I am not sure if it is bc they are overwhelmed or if it bc our loved ones have lung cancer. There is a stigma to fight, but well worth it. I will say a prayer for you guys. Hang in there. Take care of yourself and your little boy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Sorry to hear this.I know the horrible feeling,as I was diagnosed and given 3 to 6 months to live almost 3 years ago.At the time I had no insurance to boot. There are a couple web addresses in the survivors forum.One is for help for those with no insurance and the other is for help with medicine.They are both near the top of the forum with a sticky in front of them. There are many here outliving the dr.given odds and doing well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 This is First Link I have found for financial assistance; http://www.lungcancer.org/patients/support/support.htm 2nd Link is;http://www.cancerlinksusa.com/financial_aid.htm 3rd Link and probably the best!! http://www.welcomefunds.com/cancer-links.htm 4th Link and very good to Comprehensive; http://www.welcomefunds.com/cancer-links.htm Good Luck and I hope that this may be a start to solving or helping with one problem. Another though that I saw on tv was local family was on tv telling their story. They werer able to get som donations from friends and family. LOOK INTO BLUE CROSS BLUE SHIELD IF AT ALL POSSIBLE FOR INSURANCE! sending prayers and if you need info just ask we will do what we can for you even if it is not much!Sending prayers and positive thoughts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jyoung20 Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 I had a friend that was able to start Social Security immediately. It wasn't disabilty, it was something else. You may want to ask if there are any other options for now. Good Luck and let me know if you need any more info. GOD BLESS and I will be praying for you and your family. Jamie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplelady47 Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Oh my! What a difficult time you are experiencing!! I can empathize - I am 47 years old, diagnosed 12/05 with Stage IV NSCLC and my son is 10 years old. I also did not have health insurance when diagnosed. My disability will start in August, but in the meantime I receive SSI. It's not much, but it is a great help. Here's the link for that - http://www.ssa.gov/notices/supplemental ... ty-income/ Once I was approved for disability, SSI was approved and I received it immediately. Also, the American Cancer Society will provide financial assistance for pain medications along with giving your wife a free wig. RandyW gave you a whole bunch of good links (Thanks Randy - the third link is AWESOME!!) and I would like to suggest that you speak to an oncology social worker. My oncologist does not provide this service, but I found one to help me via my local cancer center. You can find one in your area by going to this link: http://www.aosw.org/ and clicking on "Contact AOSW". When I contacted the AOSW, I received a phone call within 24 hours and was given local contact information. The social worker I spoke with was EXTREMELY helpful. My son hates my bald look too. His buddies think it is cool, but Mikey is not fond of it at all. I've learned that kids don't like to be different and having a bald mom most certainly is different. I am not sure how much my son comprehends about the whole cancer diagnosis, but he does understand the chemotherapy treatment. I used this "kemo shark" book to assist in explaining chemotherapy to him: www.kidscope.org/Kemoshark.doc This helped a great deal. Even without any health insurance upon diagnosis, I have not paid for any of my health care. I know I have been extremely fortunate in this aspect. Since your wife was hospitalized, the hospital should have social workers on staff that will assist you in applying for Medicaid through your state. The staff at your wife's oncologist's office are aware of the patient assistance programs offered by a majority of the drug companies. I suggest that you speak to her oncologist or the chemotherapy nurse there. At this time of your life, you do not need the additional stress of worrying about paying for medical care. I can only imagine the mental and emotional burdens that you are living with. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. This support group is ready and willing to be your partner as you deal with this stressful time. Everyone here, whether they are the caregiver or cancer survivor, is *L*I*V*I*N*G* with cancer. With a gentle hug, Pam in FL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 I just want to tell you that Ambien made my husband do very weird things. He did much better when NOT on it. He took Benadryl to sleep and did fine. Check w/ her doc. I will pray. P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelliemacs Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 PLEASE do not let any doctor tell you when your wife will die. They are speculating with old statistics. Spend your time focusing on Today. What can I do today to make life better, happier, enjoyable. For your self as well as your wife. Who says your wife won't out live you? What I have learned is that Time is just the measure of how many happy moments we can squeeze in. Dont watch the clock or the calendar, they are man made items. Live through your heart and open it wide. If and when it feels like its breaking, well at least you know what you experianced was worth the pain. Let the treatments do their thing and you do yours, kiss her every day, hold her everyday, not just for her but for yourself. Miracles do happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trish2418 Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Praying for you, your wife and your family. Trish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 My heart goes out to you. Glad you found this site and are able to express yourself. Post anytime you need. I know some of your frustration. It is hard to be the primary caregiver when you are called upon to do what you normally do, do what she normally would do, and take care of her. It is a tall order, but doable. But, you have to take care of yourself as well. If you neglect yourself, your chances of being sick go up and you would be no good to anyone. So, please take care of yourself, including emotional needs. My wife was given 9 months (Stage IV NSCLC, with multiple bone mets) and she has lived 3 1/2 years beyond diagnosis, and still going. Take care. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 My heart goes out to you. Glad you found this site and are able to express yourself. Post anytime you need. I know some of your frustration. It is hard to be the primary caregiver when you are called upon to do what you normally do, do what she normally would do, and take care of her. It is a tall order, but doable. But, you have to take care of yourself as well. If you neglect yourself, your chances of being sick go up and you would be no good to anyone. So, please take care of yourself, including emotional needs. My wife was given 9 months (Stage IV NSCLC, with multiple bone mets) and she has lived 3 1/2 years beyond diagnosis, and still going. Take care. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kreed70 Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 My heart goes out to you and your family. You have been given great advice for financial resources but don't forget the churches in your area that may be looking to be a blessing to a family in need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MalouDP Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 Wow, I am so heart broken with what you are going thru. I will be praying for your wife and your entire family. Hang in there. God knows our pain and he answers all our prayers. Love, Malou Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 You and your wife and the rest of your family have my prayers. Don M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mskim Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 You and your wife are in my prayers, and speaking of prayers, often our church will pay peoples rent or utilities in times of need even if they don't belong to the church. I would contact the local Church of Christ or Lutheran Services or Catholic Services in addtion to those already mentioned. Your wife sounds much like my mom and i know this is not the same but my son is 8 (and we spen alot of time with my 56 yo mom) and the way he reacts to my mom is odd at times and sometimes hurtful. Much of it is just age appropriate with an 8 year olds level of understanding and emotional maturity. He often has very little reaction to news and will change the subject quickly to somthing he is more interested in. My mom is very sensitive (with whole brain radiation, decadron, and chemo side effects) so this is often hurtful to her. I wish I had good advice on how to help him. I am kind of just feeling my way and trying to convince Mom that my son doesn't mean anythign he is just at an odd age especailly for a boy. I really am so sorry, this is just so unfair. Prayers and hugs, Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.