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Caring for Mom


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Hi Guys. I am going to home to stay with my Mom for about 2 weeks. I am really glad to see her but nervous to see her in the condition she is in. The family members that are staying with her now are rude, negetive, and plain mean to mean. They have been been to my little brothers who have been living there and have failed to share information with me about my mom's condition with me. I was informed that during the 2 weeks i am there that i must be the primary caregiver for my mom (according to my aunt). I am ok with this but i am not sure i am prepared to do this. I am responsible but i am only 22 years old. I am just nervous to be completely alone with her. Also, how do i deal with this family members that want to keep me "out of the loop".

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Hey. I don't have too many answers for you about "how" but can say if everything you do is done out of love, then you are doing the right thing.

As far as the 2 weeks go, when you have questions, need to blow off steam whatever...just hop on the board.

As far as negativity, I'll bet you can bring all the positivity to blot all of it out.

Good luck.

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I think you have every right to be afraid. I remember many times when I was alone with my mom when she was in very poor condition and I would be a nervous wreck, but I pushed past it and told myself that 911 was only a phone call away.

Make sure you take some time to communicate about the important stuff with whoever is caring for her now, like writing down her meds to make sure she gets them according to schedule, how often she is getting bathed, etc. and then you can put your own touch on it to make sure your mom feels the best she possibly can. You can do this. We are here for any questions/venting needed. XOXO

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I think you take it one step, ine bit at a time and trust your instincts. It will be a great time for you and your Mom.

Are you on the list at your mom's drs to receive info? It's a shame the others have been stingy with the details, but maybe you can find them out for yourself. These days I get a copy of the report from the drs, scan it and email it to my brothers. Maybe you can get a copy of the write ups, too, or at least get info by phone.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this on top of everything else. I just hope you have a good time with your Mom. Keep us posted!

:) Kelly

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I bet when your mom started out caring for you as an infant she was scared too. You will do fine, just as she did. It will be instintive. Love conquers all.

I agree with getting your name on the Hippa document to be allowed to get info on your mother. She should be able to request that and sign for you to do so while you ar there. Make sure you get on for each Doc she sees.

Try not to worry and concentrate on the time you will share with your mother!

Beat it!!

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Not sure what kind of relatives that you are dealing with that they need to be so difficult, but I'm sure that you can do this. In the last 2 years, I have done extensive care for both my Mother and a lifelong friend in their respective final months. I was especially scared in the case of my friend, because she had a complex set of meds and equipment, but I and my other friends got comfortable with it all pretty quickly.

Here are my suggestions:

- Make sure that you have all of the phone numbers that you may need for her physicians, etc.

- Make sure that your Aunt (or whomever the main caregiver is) gives you all fo the info that you need before you are on your own...things like med schedules and other care information. (I liked using a spiral notebook. )

- Make sure that you can call her usual caregivers with questions that may arise. You can't possibly anticipate in advance every question that you may have.

- Do comforting and special things for your Mom, like nice massages, manicures, etc. Whatever works for her.

- As Nick suggested, hop on the board when you need to. As you have seen, people here are all very helpful, and many are experienced at acute and ongoing types of care situations.

Don't be intimidated by the situation, or by any relatives who may have unusual agendas. Remember that

the time and companionship that you and your Mom will have together is as important as medical caregiving.

Caregiving in illness situations is one of the most compassionate things a person can do, and in the long run, it will enrich you personally.

Let us know how it is going!

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Definitely get your mom to add your name to the people with whom her case can be discussed in regards to the oncologist's office. She may have already done so. While you are home, call and talk to one of the nurses and explain your situation, and that you would like updates from them and how you would like to receive the updates.

I do not know how complicated your mom's care is, but just try to be as methodical as you can, writing every med dispensed and the time, etc in a notebook. This is so helpful when there are multiple caregivers, and hopefully someone will be able to relieve you for a few hours.

We're always here for you.

Bless you for caring for your mom.


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Hi Rochelle,

Very wisdom enriched advice from all the above members. You are a loving, bright daughter. We understand how frightening this new experience is to a young woman. We are here for you all the way. Take it one day at a time. Tomorrow will take care of itself when it comes. You may want to journal your feelings and the goings on.

I have every confidence that you will do well in your role as caregiver to your Mom.

Cindi o'h

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