It Wont Be Long

[VegasMomOf3]

Hello everyone.

I'm not sure if I told you all that Mom had lost the use of her lower body. On 9/25 she was brought by ambulance to the hospital for a CAT scan to determine what was the cause. While on the way to the hospital her blood pressure dropped and we almost lost her. I flew that same night here to Washington. I went straight to the hospital and saw that Mom was having very distressed breathing. CAT scan determined that her tumor has compressed 2 of her vertebrae so the paralysis is permanent. I've been here ever since. As of this past Sunday Mom was lucid and eating great along with being in good spirits. Monday morning she went into respiratory distress so I began dosing her with Morphine - which helped. Her kidneys began shutting down yesterday. She hasn't eaten in 3 days but has taken small sips of juice. The main thing we are trying to do is keep her comfortable. It wont be long now before we lose this dynamic and funny woman. My siblings are here too which is causing some stress. Last night my older brother (who is not known for much tact) demanded to know why I was taking Mom's blood pressure. I told him it is part of caring for her. He then says right in front of Mom & Dad, "she's on her way out, why are you continuing this". I was floored by this so the only thing I could think to do was to tell him to shut up. He began arguing with me then Dad yelled at him to either shut up or leave the room. So my brother packed up his stuff, told my other sibs that Dad told him to "get the f--- out" and left back to California. Once my Dad found out that he had left he got very upset and started having chest pain. I took his BP and it was 177/117. I asked him to lie down and sip some water. Thankfully his BP came down, but it's still higher than I would like to see it. I can't even begin to explain how upset I am with my brother - he makes everything about him. He's just a brat in my eyes. All of my sibs don't agree with how Dad and I are caring for Mom. They think the nebulizer treatments are prolonging her misery. Dad and I have tried to explain to them all this it's just keeping her comfortable and it certainly wont prolong or save her life. At this point I'm not sure how to get through to them or if it's even necessary. I sent my brother a text message this morning asking him to come back but I've heard nothing. He did call my Dad a little while ago and I heard my Dad yelling at him again - I was so scared that Dad's BP was going to shoot up again!! So needless to say, I'm keeping a very watchful eye on Dad.

Be Blessed,

Donna

[Calintay]

(((Hugs and prayers for you guys during this difficult time)))

[Welthy]

Donna,

I'm so sorry that family issues are rearing their heads at a time like this. You are doing everything right. It's very hard to have every family member on the same page. It's pretty typical to see various types of stress, tension, and anger come to the surface during these situations. Just remember, we are all mere mortals. Keep doing what you are doing to make your Mom comfortable.

Prayers and hugs,

Welthy

[mamasbabygirl]

Oh Donna. This situation sounds so very familiar to me. Times like the one you are in cause so much stress. I am sorry you have to experience it. So sorry.

[shineladysue]

(((Donna))),

I just want you to know that as I see it you are doing everything as you should be doing it. Making your mom as comfortable as can be is all that can be expected of you right now. Sorry, you have family issues and their affects on your Dad to worry you too. God be with you and yours during this difficult time.

Sue

[RandyW]

I think YOur brother is having some Fear issues. SCared of Losing Mom. Peace and Love and Hugs to everyone right now. You are doin all you can do for everyone right now. FOcus ont he Love and Good times right now. PRayers Hugs and Love for all!!

[carolhg]

I am so sorry to hear the trials that you are having to endure along with this awful disease. I will pray for you, your mother and family.

Carol

[vespa68]

Wow, I think you and I have the same brother. In families I have learned to realize it's ok to agree to disagree. The way he responded however is totally inapropriate. He loves mom and is scared of losing her as well. People tend to use situations like these to lash out to make themselves feel better. I am sending big hugs to you from California. Take care of yourself.

[Nova]

I'm sorry you're having so much heartache right now, with caring for your Mom AND your Dad. I'll bet they're thankful they have you.

Take care,

Nova

[Suzie Q]

So sad to hear you have to deal with the added stress. Just keep doing what you and your Dad agree on...sounds like you have things in hand. Your mom's comfort is obviously your priority; I can see that.

Hugs,

Karen

[sharyn]

Donna,

To me it sounds like you are an incredible daughter who is doing EXACTLY what you need to do right now. Your brother sounds like an ignorant a--, and PLEASE don't spend these last moments with your Mom thinking about HIM. You are obviously the glue that is holding everything together right now - you are a very strong and courageous woman and I am praying for you. I know it is hard. God Bless you and may Mom find her way amongst the angels peacefully. Love, Sharon

[Brandyswa]

I am so sorry that your brother is acting this way. Sickness brings out the worse on people. You & your family are in my prayers. BRandy

[fillise]

I'm sorry you are having to deal with your brother and his "drama" while supporting your mom and dad through this difficult time.

Know that we are here for you. Venting IS most definatley allowed!

Susan

[tjrasMOM]

Donna,

When my grandma was dying in 2005 from congestive heart failure, a cousin of my mom's (whom I'm very close to) said to me, "Tova, your family is so close and so loving towards one another...but just take it slow and remember that people change when someone is ill and / or dying within the group.....the chemistry changes, things are done and said that you'd never expect to hear or see.....Just stay strong and keep loving your grandma."

It was the best thing anyone has ever said to me during such a difficult time. It made so much sense. And every time someone acted out in a way that I didn't agree with or understand, I remembered his words. Grandma was our queen. She was the leader of our "tribe". She was my hero. And she was always, always the role model of what to do or not do during crisis. So, while she was at the end, I just thought about what she had done for so many others when death was approaching. If she was close to the loved one, she sat, silently, for hours holding their hand. Never needed to say a word. Just her presence and touch comforted people. And if it was her friend who was dying, she sat by their bed, making them comfortable, holding their hand, until they were gone. She always said that no one should ever die alone.

YOU Donna, are doing what you need to do. And even though most of us are shocked at how your brother handled it, it is HIS way. Let him be. No one knows what's going on in other people's heads at a time like this. We all handle it differently. Concentrate on your mom and dad. You will have plenty of time to work things out with your brother. Some day you might find comfort healing together. But for now, you are being the perfect daughter to your mom when she needs you the most.

My heart goes out to you. {{{HUG}}}