Larry's Wife Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I’ve been so emotional these last couple of days. Mind you, I haven’t yet lost myself in those wrenching tears that I feel I should be crying for Larry, my dear husband and soul mate who I have loved for lo, these many years. But I have cried because I haven’t cried. And I have cried for dear friends who are hurting. And I have cried with joy as I see God working in my life and in the lives of those who I hold dear. And I am crying as I write this because I am just so darn proud of our son, Nick, who is turning into a man before my very eyes. He has grown so much in these last couple of months. We just passed one month since Larry died. And Nick is doing so well in school. He is showing leadership and is standing up for a couple of classmates who are being picked on. He has plans to talk to the principal of our school tomorrow to let him know what is going on. Because he understands it is the right thing to do. I am so very grateful that Larry lived long enough to see the first seeds of this transformation in our son. And I know in my heart that he sees how Nick is progressing and is bursting with the same pride I am. And I am crying because, by golly, I do have emotions. I’m not the cold fish I was beginning to think I was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muriel Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 (((((LYNN))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I am sorry for your tears, but I am proud of your son too. Sounds like a great kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraL Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Oh Lynn. I am so sorry for your tears. I am so proud of your son as well...I have one that I am so very proud of as well so I know what that feels like. Larry is looking down on you both with love and pride. Positive thoughts for both of you as you work your way through this difficult period. Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry's Wife Posted August 29, 2008 Author Share Posted August 29, 2008 I am not sorry for my tears. I welcome them. I pray that I will shed many more. Because it has been weighing on me heavily that I haven't cried. I was beginning to think that I was dead inside. And I didn't want that. That doesn't honor Larry or God. I WANT TO LIVE!! I want to live as a whole, vital person. I want to be a good mother. I want to be a woman of God. I WANT TO LIVE!! I want to laugh and to cry. I want to dance and to be still. I want to experience joy and sorrow. I WANT TO LIVE!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 ((((((Lynn))))) I am so sorry that you need to go through this. You know you have all of us. I am also so proud of Nick. They grown up fast sometimes, don't they??? He sounds like he is becoming a wonderful young man. I am sure Larry is smiling!! Hugs to you and Nick- Patti B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Lynn, this is a very traumatic experience you have been through Let the tearsd flow whenever grief hits everyone in different ways at diffferent times I am quite proud of ya for posting this note. You are doing good in dealing with this. Its not easy and no one says it will be easy either. Let things happen when they happen. Its perfectly normal. I used to cry at the grocery store and the girls were like how can we help cause they all knewDeb and I we shopped the same store every wek for years so everyone knew us. (We used to laugh so loud they could hear us at the registers!! Reeally Remmeber You are Living every day by being strong enough to get out of bed and do things!! (There is a lot of copouts out there and Vices!!) Hugs and thoughts and prayers for strength and tranquility!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laban Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Lynn, I understand perfectly how you feel. I too, welcome the tears. I welcome the pain in my heart before the tears come. I welcome God's love getting me through these days. You'll do just fine. Tears are good. God bless you and Nick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teriw Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 ((((Lynn)))) Lynn, I remember some months back -- approaching 6 months and my wedding anniversary, I was very upset that I couldn't cry. I felt like I needed to let things out -- it was an especially difficult time. About 2 days after I publicly complained, the floodgates unexpectedly opened and didn't close for some time. Tears are strange -- they come out when they need to -- a bit like rain I guess, and they are healing waters. You will go through all sorts of emotional changes, most of which will probably be unexpected when they arrive. Go with them... Numbness and denial are necessary sometimes too. There is a time for every emotion. Hugs, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Lynn, You're emotions will change from day to day until you reach a new normal. You seem to be handling yourself well considering you lost a part yourself. The tears will come in floods, I know that. I am proud of your son too. You are blessed to have him in your life as he is to have you. Please know that I care about you and keep posting and getting those feelings out. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsC1210 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 (((((Lynn))))) You ARE living and you are coping and learning to handle life with all of the changes you've endured and continue to endure. Please remember this, and I think it is something many of us lose sight of along the way. We all have our own unique way of grieving and there is NO right or wrong to it. Just take things as they come. As for Nick? I am very, very proud of him AND you. It must be such a wonderful feeling for you to see the values you and Larry have instilled in him shining through. I am the parent of a child who was harassed and bullied so badly at one point that she tried to take her own life. There were no Nick's to stand up for her back then. To read this post from you about Nick doing the right thing makes me smile and warms my heart. You should be so very proud. Please give him a hug for me.... Much love and many hugs to you both, Christine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbride Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 Dear Lynn, Yes - Sometimes tears won't come for the reasons you think they should come. Emotions and feelings are like that. They come unbidden without ryhme or reason or logic. Feelings are neither good nor bad, they simply are...it's how we REACT or respond to our feelings that can be positive or negative. The fact that you can cry about anything is a good sign. The tears will come, when your soul knows it's time. Be patient with yourself, my dear. It's only been a month. You will heal and over time you will know without a doubt that you ARE ALIVE! Your son Nick sounds like a good kid. You should be very proud of him. Hugs, Shannon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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