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Got a Good Joke???

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HI all,

The week is quickly getting away from me!  I don't know about you, but with the grey weather (at least in Washington State) and cold temperatures, I could really use a good laugh.  Do you have any good (appropriate) jokes?

Unfortunately, I have never been able to remember jokes and if I attempt to tell one, I mess it up and people just stare at me.  There is 1 exception to this.  For some reason, I can remember a joke a 3rd grader told me many years ago and it's my "go to" joke.  Keep in mind that the school I was teaching at the time is a small, rural, farming community....here goes....

Where to cows go on dates?



To the mooooovies!

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The CEO of Big Oil Inc looked around the room before the meeting and noticed an empty chair.  He asked: "where is the staff geologist?"  The chief engineer answered: "Out forming a rock group."

What is the difference between a civil engineer and a lawyer?  A civil engineer gives concrete answers....

What is the difference between a mechanical engineer and a civil engineer?  A mechanical builds weapons while a civil builds targets.

What do civil engineers use for birth control?  Their personalities.....

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This is my go to joke (the only one I can remember, usually). If I can remember any more, I'll post them.

A guy walks into a bar with a giant toad on his head.

The bartender says "What's up with this?"

The toad says "it started out as a wart on my behind."

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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

(You're gonna love this.)

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

(You sang it, didn't you? Yeah, I know you did.)

Never take life too seriously.

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Two Aussies were out hunting in the outback and came upon a huge hole in the ground.

They approached it and were amazed at its size

The first said, "Wow, that's some hole. I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is."

The second said, "There's an old gear box over there. Let's throw it in and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

So, they picked up the gear box, carried it over to the hole, counted one-two-three, and heaved it in.

As they were standing there looking over the edge of the hole, a goat come crashing through the underbrush, ran up to the hole and without hesitation, jumped in head first.

While they were standing there staring at each other in amazement, they peered into the hole, trying to figure out what that was all about.

Just then an old farmer sauntered up. "Say, you fellers didn't happen to see my goat?"

The first hunter said, "Funny you should ask. We were just standing here a minute ago, and a goat came running out of the bushes doing about a hundred miles an hour and jumped head first into this here hole!"

The old farmer said, "Naw, that's impossible! I had him chained to a gear box.

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An elephant and a kangaroo went into the bank to rob it.The elephant told the teller behind the screen, this is a stick up ,put all your cash on the counter.The teller terrified put all the cash on the counter and the elephant pushed his trunk through the gap in the screen and sucked up the money up.He then blew all the money into the kangaroos pouch,they then made their escape.Later the police interviewed the bank teller to ask her to describe what happened.Well she said, an elephant just came into the bank took all the money and escaped with thousands of dollars.The policeman then asked ,would you recognise them again? no, the bank teller replied. Why not? asked the policeman. The teller replied, they had silk stockings over their heads.

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