Jump to content

Mom diagnosed, doesn't want surgery

Recommended Posts

Hello everyone,

I have not done this before so I hope I do it right.

My mother was just diagnosed with lung cancer. It is a stage one cancer

and I think they also might have said something about T2. They have told her that she was lucky to have found it so soon.

She has been told that her best cure rate is surgery. But she does not want this. She has never had a surgery before and this one sounds like a pretty serious one. I was wondering if anyone else has been in this same situation. I am not pressuring her to have the surgery because I know that she is frightened. Plus he did tell us some of the side effects that could happen from it. I was wondering if anyone else here might have refused to do the surgery and how they are doing.

Thank You,


Link to comment
Share on other sites


Push, push, push for the surgery. It definitely offers your Mother the best chance for a cure.

If you read through these posts you will see that many LC patients go through chemo and radiation just to get their tumors small enough so that they can have surgery.

It is a tough surgery. But it is worth it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was a stage 1 patient--the surgery was not easy, but it was not as bad as they painted the picture to be. There are many, many drugs out there for anxiety and pain. We can walk her through the surgery. Two years later I am fine. I may not be able to hike Mt Everest, but I wasn't going to do it before, either. They removed 1/2 of my lung, and except for really humid days I don't notice it.

Feel free to email me:



Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hope mom can be convinced to have the surgery...it is her best chance of beating this disease. She is lucky to have had it caught at an early stage. Believe us, we know how scared she is and that she might currently be in a kind of "fog"...it is so hard to process all the stunning news, scary vocabulary and terms, etc. Stay tuned and let us know how things progress. I'll say some prayers.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know where you live or where the tumor is in your mothers lung or how big it is. You did not mention that she has had any chemo or radiation. She may be one of the lucky ones that would qualify for a VATS Lobectomy if the tumor is <5 cm, not near or wrapped around a major vessel, and she has not had chemo or radiation. Here in Minnesota we have a surgeon that takes out lobes or lungs by a scope. It is like comparing the old gallbladder surgery to the laproscopic method. They do not break ribs or make a big incision to do the surgery. They only make a small incision for a scope. No major pain after surgery , no permanent nerve damage. Home in comfort relatively quickly. The surgeon here is Dr Michael Maddaus. He is at the University of Minnesota Medical School, an associate professor in Minneapolis. There are only a few Doctors as yet trained to do it this way. Perhaps one is near you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How's this....my dad having stage IV without the option as of right now to have surgery....she needs to have it. She has a chance that a lot of people on here may not have! She is sooo sooo lucky you caught it this quickly and it is a blessing. It is scary! i would be scared shitless if that was me BUT she needs to for her health to do it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My dad has NSCLC, but extensive so surgery is out of the question. My mom recently had to have a complete hysterectomy-she has ovarian cancer and lucked out that it appears NOT to have spread. I told her this when she was saying she dosn't want surgery..."They have caught it early, you have an excellent chance of survival...if you don't have the surgery it would be like slapping God in the face." The fact that your mom caught the cancer so early is VERY RARE, and you must emphisize to her that there are MANY people here, on this board, that would give almost ANYTHING to be in her shoes (or to have their loved one be in her shoes), and if she dosn't follow through with the surgery to save herself, I don't mean to be harsh, but it would kindof be like slapping us in the face.

I am, and I think its safe to say that everyone here is, very happy for your mother that she is lucky enough to be able to have surgery, and tell her that if she were to turn the surgery down, she would be turning down a VERY PRECIOUS GIFT. Good luck. I know she is scared, but she can get through this. She will get through it. Keep us posted. I hope your mom is able to see the big picture, it is a beautiful thing. :D:D:D Take care, DEB

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Madison---I am not sure how old your Mom is----I was 52 when I had the surgery---after my diagnosis, I researched all on the web and had all the tests----I was praying that I would qualify for surgery----it was the happiest day of my life when I saw the surgeon and he said he would operate in two weeks----I knew I had a very good chance of beating this----so many of my friends were not so lucky -----

The operation sincerely was not that bad-(3 yrs ago) I was also lucky and really had no after pain to speak of-----my breath is not what it was, however, I am still breathing and commute 3 hours each day into Manahttan to work---

I know that all of this can change with my next scan---but I am luckier than most ---my friend , wanted the surgery , but her tumor was too big---she went through chemo to shrink it, but chemo did not work on her---

please give your Mom the research- and see if you can have the Dr. give her the statistics-----I know the operation is scary----

I have never had an operation (other than tonsils at 6 and oral surgery) and have never even given birth----but reading up on it, and communicating with others who had the operation alleviated many of my fears----

Regards Eileen

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks to everyone who has replied to my question.

Mom has to go in for some kind of a xray or scan on Friday.

I guess her breathing test wasn't quite right so he wants to

to check to make sure nothing else was wrong. I know her oxygen

level that day was not what it should have been. But the day

I went with her they checked it and it was fine.

My mom is 69, soon to turn 70. So with her age I am quite

concerned for her to go through that big of a surgery.

Then she may have to go through chemo and radiation after

that. They don't think it has spread but won't know until they

get in there. But I do know a big concern of hers is that she

will go through the whole surgery and then still have to have

chemo and radiation.

This is all so hard and everything is going way too slow. My mom

looks and feels healthy right now so it is hard to think of anything

being wrong with her. But I just feel like we should be doing

something other than waiting for doctor's appts.

Thanks again to everyone who replied.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.