shelliemacs Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 hi everyone. I have been responding to posts but have not posted about whats happening to dad in a while. well he has completed 2 second full chemo (3 days per week, every third week) and the week he has chemo (last week) it takes him about 9 days to bounce back. they x-rayed him after the first round and said there was a slight change, don't know if that means grew or shrunk because I was not there that day, my sister was, and she neither went in the examining room or asks any questions and neither did my dad. URGGHH he is getting his things in order financially and emotionialy I think, he is giving things away and talking about "when he isn't here" allot more. If he knows something I dont then he is keeping it a secret. He is in both grief counseling (over mom still) and cancer patients group therapy. he isn't able to go back to work because of the chemo schedule and the sickness that follows so he is bored, broke and bummed out. he cries when he doesn't know i watch and I know his fear must be overwhelming. I do everything I can to keep his mind off cancer but how can I succeed at that....i can't. he is down over 27 pounds and still coughs and gets tired very easily. I was just scrolling down the individual message boards here and it struck me again how many people we have lost just since I joined the board last spring. I was awstruck how many names I knew from email and these boards that are not here anymore. It hit home a little too hard. Now I am down too. I still take all my meds for anxiety and depression. I can't allow myself to think of my mom anymore. Mostly cause I miss her too much when I do, but I tell myself I am mad at her for leaving me and allowing my dad to get sick too. selfish....yes, misguided anger.....oh yeah, but still I have to justify it somehow. so, i am still here and dad is still somewhat fighting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 Thanks for checking in with us, Shelly, and letting us know about you and your dad. You have had to endure a lot this past year. Know that we are with you. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gerbil runner Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 Shelly, I'll be praying for you and your dad. Hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 You've had a lot of stuff to endure, Shelly, and my heart goes out to you. I pray for you to find the strength you need to cope, and I pray for your dad too. Sometimes life s#cks, and it seems so unfair that you've recently lost your mom too. Just know we're thinking of you, and that you're in our prayers. XOXOXOX MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 OH Shelly I am sorry you have to go through this again. Once is too much.. I know how you feel about your mom, I try not to think of the last year as well, its way to painful, things for me seem to be getting a little weird, cant really explain it, dont know how, but I think I know how you feel. It just gets too overwhelming to think about our loved ones.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MO_Sugar Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 (((((Shell))))), Prayers and good wishes being sent your way. I know how hard it is to consider the loss of both parents (mine were 6 months apart) but your Dad is still here! Miracles happen every day and we are praying for one for him! God Bless, MO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddy Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 Dear Shelly, What a terrible time you and your family are going through. Your Dad is so lucky to have such a caring daughter. I wish the best for you all. God Bless, Paddy. PS. Grief Councillors say that anger is a stage of grief and it's quite natural you should feel this way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
berisa Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 Shelly, I am so sorry for your dad's current illness. This disease causes people anxious and down. Please encourage your dad taking more food to keep himself strong enough for chemo. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your father. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea B. Posted March 4, 2004 Share Posted March 4, 2004 Dearest Shelly, Thanks so much for the update on your dad. I am sorry things are so difficult and that you have to endure so much. Please know that you aren't alone on this difficult road. I am here if you ever need to talk or someone to listen. I always keep you and your dad in my prayers. I am sending you hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 Shellie, Keeping you and your dad in my prayers. Hopefully the change the onc noticed was in the right direction. I think it is great that he is in some type of counseling and therapy. I know you're there for him, too, and I think your mother is very proud of you right now. Hang in there, Karen M. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 Shelly, Will keep you and your father in my prayers. Not much I can say, you have been through enough already. Keep us posted on your father. We will be here for you. Hugs J.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted March 11, 2004 Share Posted March 11, 2004 Shelly, talk to your dad about filing for Social Security disability or is he getting retirement. don't know his age. he can file for disability so long as is onset isn't 6 months before he is 65. This is a very tough road both of you are going down. Grief is a hard item to deal with. But grief and lc I cannot imagine. I give your father credit for doing what he is doing. Getting out there and trying to get the lc in a stable mode. He and you both are in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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