shelliemacs Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 hi everyone. I have been responding to posts but have not posted about whats happening to dad in a while. well he has completed 2 second full chemo (3 days per week, every third week) and the week he has chemo (last week) it takes him about 9 days to bounce back. they x-rayed him after the first round and said there was a slight change, don't know if that means grew or shrunk because I was not there that day, my sister was, and she neither went in the examining room or asks any questions and neither did my dad. URGGHH he is getting his things in order financially and emotionialy I think, he is giving things away and talking about "when he isn't here" allot more. If he knows something I dont then he is keeping it a secret. He is in both grief counseling (over mom still) and cancer patients group therapy. he isn't able to go back to work because of the chemo schedule and the sickness that follows so he is bored, broke and bummed out. he cries when he doesn't know i watch and I know his fear must be overwhelming. I do everything I can to keep his mind off cancer but how can I succeed at that....i can't. he is down over 27 pounds and still coughs and gets tired very easily. I was just scrolling down the individual message boards here and it struck me again how many people we have lost just since I joined the board last spring. I was awstruck how many names I knew from email and these boards that are not here anymore. It hit home a little too hard. Now I am down too. I still take all my meds for anxiety and depression. I can't allow myself to think of my mom anymore. Mostly cause I miss her too much when I do, but I tell myself I am mad at her for leaving me and allowing my dad to get sick too. selfish....yes, misguided anger.....oh yeah, but still I have to justify it somehow. so, i am still here and dad is still somewhat fighting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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