shirleyb Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 Saturday would have been Randy's and mine 28th wedding anniversary. I have so many good memories of the years we spent together. But this year, I am so sad. I will not have the love of my life waking me up with the happy anniversary song for the first time in 28 years. We would race to see who could wake the other up with that song we sang to each other each year. It is the little things that we did together that I miss the most. This last week has been filled with memories that make me smile and at the same time, tears of sadness. Sadness for all the dreams we had that are now gone, all the plans we had, gone, all the hope for living a long life together, gone. What makes this harder is that there are people I know that think that after 8 months, I should be getting on with my life and not be so sad still. The sun still comes up every morning, and every morning I realize that Randy is not here. I miss him so much. I plan to open a bottle of "his" wine tomorrow and make the toast and sing our song to him. Thanks to everyone here who are the angels, that lift my wings when I don't seem to know how to fly anymore. I would not be able to make it without you. I know you understand what I am going through as you are or have gone through it too. Some day I will see him again, until then I guess I will keep putting one foot in front of the other. Love, Shirley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna G Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 You are in my prayers. I know Randy will be listening for the song. Donna G Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 Shirley, Just trying to help you getting through the next day, I did not have to face that anniversary yet, so do not know how I will react myself when I face it. But I will have to face his birthday the last day of April and it is already on my mind a lot. Open the bottle, belt the song and in your own way try to have a good day, tears are accepted if they are followed by smiles and happy memories of your life together. Healing wishes for you and your family. He will be looking for you and the acho of your song may be him answering you. Love J.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KC Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 Shirley, You will be in my thoughts and prayers. You were blessed to have had all those years with your wonderful husband and to be able to share your life together. I am sorry that this disgusting disease ended all of it, but may you somehow find comfort and peace in your memories. They will never be taken away and I know if you just close your eyes, he will be there right in front of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candy Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 Shirley, I feel so sad just reading your post. I will be thinking about you tomorrow. I know it will be a really hard day for you. Your right, I have found that people really think you need to be over it after a few months have passed. It seems more and more often now when I'm with friends or co-workers and not quite myself that they seem like they have lost patience with the whole thing. Its just a certain look you see pass across their face when you say something. It couldn't be plainer if it was a neon sign on their forhead - "Old news, lets move on" I guess unless you live it you can't possibly know how it feels. A family member of mine actually told me once that she thought she would do fine if she had to be alone because she loved to be alone in her computer room or have "alone time" when she got home from work. She honestly didn't understand that being alone that way and being alone my way is TOTALLY different. I'm trying to be more understanding now with people who just can't put themselves in my position. I honestly don't think you can understand how devestating it is if you haven't gone through it - its beyond imagination. That's why here is so good. I will be facing our 25th in June. Tomorrow I will keep you in my thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MO_Sugar Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 (((((Shirley))))), I am so sorry you have to face this. As with any big event the first is always the hardest but even knowing that doesn't help much. I will be thinking of you and I am sure Randy will be watching to see a smile from some happy memories! God Bless, MO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norme Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Well Shirley, at 2PM tomorrow I will be home and if you want I will toast with you. Of course I will have to use Coke for afraid one glass of anything just might put me under at 2PM. I will be thinking of you. Our 47th will be on the 26th of this month and I am not looking ahead to that day. If I can I will try to sleep the 24 hours away. Of course I know that will not work but maybe I could have a whole bottle of your wine and that may help me sleep those 24. I have tears forming right now for I know how bad tomorrow will be for you. Will say it again, sure wish we all lived nearby to help each through the bad days. When people say to me "I know how you feel", they may have lost a loved one, not a spouse, and I say right back as kind as I can be, "no, you can't possibly know what it feels like until you have lost your spouse whom you loved all your life." It is just not the same. It is the worse thing possible that can happen to anyone who really loved they partner and their partner them. We are not the first nor will we be the last to lose our spouses but for each of us that day was the worst day of our lives. We will all recover and endure but our life will never be the same. Some of us will go on and find another love and that is good for it will start a new life of joy and love but others of us will remain alone and that will just be the way it is. WE WILL SURVIVE with a broken heart...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaKB Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Oh Shirley.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyjohn Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 There are no words that will comfort you but remember you are in all of our hearts today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Shirley, I am thinking of you today. Try to smile through the tears and remember the good times. Ginny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Thinking of you and your loved one on this especially tough day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glo Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Shirley, my heart breaks for you today. ((((Shirley)))) Wish there were something that could help. It will be 8 months for me the first of May and I passed the 40th anniversay on Dec. 21 -- just three months after he died. I feel your pain. Gloria Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam'swifeShirley Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 Dear ShirleyB, I wish I had the magic words to say that would make yours and all of our sadness disappear. I keep thinking that the next week and then the next month will be easier but, so far it has not. However, I do not apologize nor make excuses for my feelings. While I do not demeanor the sadness of anyone who has lost a family member to this dread disease, I must agree with Norme, there is a difference when you lose your soul mate. We will all move on at our own pace, in our own way and in our own time. I personally do not think you can just wish grief away no matter how hard you try. It is of enormous comfort to me knowing there are such wonderful folks here who do care how we feel. Shirley, I have yet to have a "special" day and try not to even think about it. I hope this day will bring you happy memories of the time you shared with your beloved Randy. May God Bless Us All. Sam'swifeShirley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 Oh Shirley, my heart is breaking for you today! I know all too well how it feels to spend a special day without the love of your life to share it with you! I am praying that you made it through today and found some joy remembering all the happy days that you and Randy spent together for 28 years. The emptiness in our hearts cannot be filled and there will always be a place in our hearts that no one can ever touch again! I had a glass of wine earlier and made a special toast to you and Randy! Hope you have sweet dreams of all the loving times you spent with the man of your dreams!!! Love ya, Shirley!!! I'm here for you!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirleyb Posted April 18, 2004 Author Share Posted April 18, 2004 Thank you all for your good wishes and heartfelt responses. Norme, Shirley, Candy, Ann, Glo, you have put into words most of what I have been feeling because you are feeling it too. I made it through the day and did remember alot of the good times we had. Our wedding day was something I will never forget and neither will those that were there to share it with us. The day we got married, Randy was so proud. He wanted everyone to know it too. So when it came time to say our vows, the minister told Randy, repeat after me, I your name. Since Randy wanted everyone to know he was taking me for his wife. So he repeated what the minister said in a voice that could have been heard for miles, I YOUR NAME. He did this not once, not twice, but three times! The minister finally stepped down and whsipered to Randy, No, say I Randy. Randy got this look on his face like a light bulb went off and responded OHHHHHHHHHH, okay. Needless to say, all of our family and friends were just dying with laughter. I can still see the best man and our mothers trying not to laugh out loud. It was a scream!!!! Our friends that knew us so well, they just let it out, stood up and gave him a round of applause. I will never forget it. Even at Randy's funeral service, my brother who was there brought it up. I still smile and chuckle when I think about it. It could have won on America's funniest except we got married before video tapping the wedding was the thing. I miss him so much. Thank you all for your kind responses. I know I am not the only one going through this, but you folks truely know what it is like. I could talk about him for hours, and with you I can. Thank you. May we all find some place of peace and comfort and know that others care about us. You have been my angels. Much love, Shirley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest blynch Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Shirley, I know your anniversary has passed now, I just had to write to offer you comfort as you have done for so many others on this site. I have only been registered for a little over a month, and you have truly been an inspiration. While I can't imagine what you are going through, my heart goes out to you. I am so very sorry for your pain. Thank you for the comfort you have been to us, and I hope I can return the favor some time. Warm thoughts, Bridget Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karen335 Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Shirley, I know your Randy heard your song on your special day! He even toasted with you as you raised your glass as you have done in the past and smiled and said, I love her so much and still do. I am so proud of you and could not have married a more beautiful woman. In your posts you are such a kind spirit and it shines through. I can see why Randy chose you to be his wife. You are always in my prayers... God Bless and hugs, Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Shirley, Sure wish I could just give you a big hug right now. I have no words....but feel a hug would suffice. Take care, and don't forget to breathe. Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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