Carleen Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Hello my LC Family, Well, it has been a long time since I've posted an update, and although very little has changed since my last post I thought that since I actually was able to get on the boards I would let you all know how we are doing. Well the old saying, into every life a little rain must fall, certainly holds true in WI. It seems like its been raining here every day since April. But I am refusing to let the gloom and storm clouds darken my mood. It may be gray outside, but in my mind and in my heart there are nothing but sunshine and rainbows. Why you may ask? Are there blessings at hand? Is Keith doing well? Or is it insanity that is finally setting in? The answer to the question is Yes on all accounts. There is no specific reason that I am feeling warmth and happiness. I just feel blessed and lucky in my life. I've been extremely blessed with love, family, friends. Every morning I wake up and the first thing I am aware of is that I am loved more than I probably deserve. God has given me so many gifts in my life, and if I feel any great hardship, anger, fear, and anxiety in it is because I am battling to keep the wonderful life I have been given the way it is/was. Keith is doing well; I think. We finished up the last of 8 weeks, 40 treatments, of radiation on June 15th. It really knocked Keith for a loop, and he was exhausted to every fiber of his being. He still managed to work full time, but he would go to work (he gets his treatment at the hospital he works at), come home and then sleep until he had to get up for work again. I would have to wake him to eat just a little bit. But now, he is starting to get his energy back and is feeling quite a bit better. Just in time to go to Summerfest here in Milwaukee. It's time for us to have some fun together. He is still having the same problems with profuse sweating with no exertion, and general ickiness/fatigue. But he says he isn't feeling any sickness and no pain. I think these problems might be caused by the sandostatin, but our onc has yet to offer any suggestions or advice on the subject. He is scheduled to have a PET/CT scan done on Tuesday July 6th. I am very nervous about that. Other than radiation for the one spot that was growing and pressing on his trachea he hasn't had any systemic treatment since Nov. He will start two cycles of low dose chemo following our results appt. After that we will rescan and decide whether it is time to start the clinical trial in New Orleans. I want more than anything for the radiation to have eliminated the central tumor. To date, it is the only one that has progressed. I can accept stable tumors, I just can't bear the growing ones. Please say some added prayers for us on Tuesday. As far as how I am doing, well, I have slipped into a state of insanity where stress and tension are the standard norms and are rarely even acknowledged. I've been at my new job now for about 3 months, and although I am getting more knowledgeable and better at it, I am still not enjoying it. I've gone from being in an office setting to doing outside sales (I hate trying to impose myself onto strangers to do sales). I really miss having computer access and having the available support from this site when the emotions hit. Now, I find myself in down times, I cry in my car for a while in the middle of the work day and think of what I want to say here, and imagine my LC family supporting me. By the time I get to log on, the mood has lifted (thank God). I'm also trying to deal with buidling a new home (which I don't know if we can afford any longer), with a nightmare of a builder. It's already been 9 months and he hasn't even put in any drywall or cabinets or finish work and every month over our contract date finds us with less money, more medical bills, and less to put to the house. Plus he is hostile and angry and difficult to work with. About a month ago we called with a question that made him defensive and he wound up swearing at me and telling me my husband was sick because God was punishing him for being a bad person. He said we were both sick and we both deserved this. I almosted committed homicide after that Because the building has taken so much longer than promised Keith and I were forced to move out of our house and are living with my parents and grandmother. I love them, but it is hard to transition to. Added to all this stress is the joy of starting a new business. My brother in law and sister decided to start their own trucking company (he's been in trucking for 10 years) but they couldn't do all the business stuff alone, so they've asked me to use my 9 years of corporate accounting experience to get all their corporation financials set up, payroll and accounting in place, and finally to act as Chief Financial Officer for the company. All this without pay, as the company isn't making any money yet and probably won't for the first year or two. I should have said no, I can't take it on, but they are family, and we are all so close I couldn't refuse to help them. So, our lives are filled with unending burdens and stress lately. But I can't seem to care. It's summer, and soon the sun will be shining and I will be walking in the grass hand in hand with my love. What do I have to complain about? I am renewed with hope, I am busrting with love, I have faith in God to bring us through this. I don't want this feeling to end. I know it usually does, and the dark times will come, but for now... I'm doing well. I hope you all are as well. I've missed you terribly. Lots of Love Carleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Carleen, Thank you for posting! You have been missed terribly. I am praying so hard for Tuesday and I hope nothing lights up on the PET. You have such a beautiful spirit. Please post after the PET results! We love you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fall54 Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Dear Carleen, What a wonderfully refreshing letter. I am so happy that you have such a great attitude and thirst for life. Keith is lucky to have you as you are to have him. Your love shines through your post like a neon sign I will be praying for you and Keith and I am so happy you have the faith that you do. It, in itself is the most important thing in the world. Even through your struggles you see the sunshine and that just brings tears to my eyes. I wish we were all like that. I can get clouded with sorrow and cry a lot when people I love are sick and hurting. I know you cry as you say so but then the rainbow appears and you see things through a different light. What a wonderful spirit you have. Give each other a kiss from me God bless you both always, Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nushka Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Carleen, I am so glad you posted. I have wondered time and time again how you two were doing. Glad to know that your spirits are up but it sounds like you have a full plate...Please don't take anything else on. You need to have some "you" time and energy for Keith. I will be praying for you tuesday and hoping that all goes well with the test. Keep us posted in your "spare" time. Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhutch1366 Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Carleen, It is a joy to hear news about you and Keith. I'll make sure and keep you in my prayers for Tuesday. We've missed you around here.... XOXOXOXOXOX Prayers always, MaryAnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hebbie Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Carleen, It is so wonderful to hear such a positive update on Keith and you can be certain that you will both continue to be in my prayers!! I am so sorry you are dealing with such a horrid builder. He is obviously a man without much joy in his life and you and Keith are kinder individuals than he could ever aspire to be. Please don't take his words to heart, and perhaps we should all pray for him while we are at it.... I hope your house situation resolves quickly and you and your love will be living in blissful happiness in your new home with nothing but a positive future ahead of you both!!! Always, Heather Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Carleen, welcome back. Good to hear Keith is doing fairly well. If his liver is clear, is surgery or RFA an option at this point? Hope the business does well. Sorry about the builder, they are hard to deal with sometimes. In Maryland at least there is a state licensing dept that keeps the builders in line. Maybe there is something similar in WI. Take care John Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Carleen, it is so good to see your smiling faces again! I was worried about you two when i noticed you weren't posting, and even asked where you were. You two are so busy, I can understand now why it is hard to post. But I'm glad you did to let us know how things are going for the two of you. Prayers said. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Carleen So happy to hear from you. SOunds like good times and I will say extra prayers for the scan. You never left my thoughts. I was just so hoping life was going well and I was mostly right. love elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
betplace Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Carleen, I am thrilled to see a post from you and to know that you and Keith are still doing well. It made my day! You are such a ball of sunshine for us all. You're in my prayers. Blessings Betty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Hey you, thanks for the update. Missed you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bean_si (Not Active) Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Wow Carleen, first I have to congratulate you on not murdering that builder. I hope I never see him. I'd pop his nose off and consider it good therapy for myself. It is wonderful to hear the sunshine in your voice despite all you've been through. I am amazed your husband still continues to work. You two are a wonderful couple. I hope you soon will be living together without your parents and grandparents - no matter how much we love them it's hard to live with our parents, kids, grandparents......... Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie Daughter of Bill Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Carleen It is sooooo good to hear from you. I often think about you and your hubby and wonder how the two of you are doing. Glad to hear that you can find the sunshine. Praying for yu and your sweet hubby. Angie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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