Ann

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.' One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off,she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend. He asked her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him. Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.' This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations. Life Is a Gift. Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak. Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat. Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion. Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven. Before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet. And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job. And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around.

Great news, Becky Snowflake. I'm so glad I heard from you, as I was just about to dump everything out of my bag and give up on the trip!!! As I said in an earlier post, I've been waiting by the roadside every day and people are really starting to give me funny looks! So...put the pedal to the metal and let her ROAR. I can't wait to see you in hot, sunny Florida!!!

THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds". Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this take?" I asked. "They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies. I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts la rger over the years?" Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?" He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

Becky Snowflake......you totally ignored the bus and I don't think you can fit all of us on your monster truck!!! Does this mean you don't want to travel with us any more??? Boo-Hoo !!!!

Psychiatrist vs Bartender Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for 1 year," said the shrink. "Come talk to me 3 times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears." "How much do you charge?" "$80 per visit," replied the doctor. "I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see about those fears you were having?" asked the psychiatrist. "Well 80 bucks a visit 3 times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money I went and bought me a new Armada!" "Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!!!"

What is the one thing someone taught you how to do best?

CREATIVE PUNS FOR 'EDUCATED MINDS 1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. 6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. 12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.' 14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.' 16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.' 17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it. 19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 21. A backward poet writes inverse. 22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. 23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. 24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

That Obama dude keeps talking about "change". Well dagblamit!!!! I've been through the change...... and you do not want to go there.

Thinking of this, I should have screamed out the answer.........BUS!!! I need a bus so that Becky Snowflake can finally get her rear in gear and pick us up. I've been standing by the roadside for so long now that I'm beginning to get really funny looks!!!

You go right ahead and borrow it, Bud.

http://www.atom.com/spotlights/inaugura ... _generator

Oh...a pedicure! Those words sound so good right about now that my feet can almost feel them!!! Hope you enjoy, Judy! This morning I took time to notice my feet and realized how rough sandals are on your feet in this land we call Florida. My feet love sandals and flip-flops and that's practically all I ever wear. I had to dress up the other night for a shindig and my feet absolutely killed me in those closed in heels. What was really funny was trying to get into panty hose. I hadn't worn panty hose in so long that I actually had to remember how to get into the darned things. I was so glad to get them off!!! So...enough about me. It's another hot and dry day here on Florida's Space Coast. We haven't had any measurable rain since April 14th and we are parched. There is no rain in the forecast for the next 7 days. Please say a little prayer for us, as it was 1 year ago on Mother's Day that we had all of the fires set in our little town. While you're at it, a good rain dance couldn't hurt! Hope everyone has a wonderful day in their little corner of the world.

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives 1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. 2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name. 3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. 4. A dog's parents never visit. 5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across. 6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day. 7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk. 8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing. 9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?" 10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away. 11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert. 12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting. 13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck. And last, but not least: 14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

Judy & Kasey.... Come on you two....get with it. What if you feel that "need for speed?" It's hard to reach the steering wheel, shifter and especially the radio from the back seat...lol!!!

I would like to have a completely restored classic car from the 50's. Maybe a 55 Chevy. On second thought, I would really like to have an original red T-Bird. Can I have both????

If money wasn't a concern, what car would you drive?

Although I'm posting this on Wednesday, I have to thank Judy for posting yesterday, per my request. I know Judy has those boxing gloves on and is ready to give this monster a big double punch!!! Pow ....Pow I know that everyone on the MB will be there to support and encourage her and here, at this forum, we'll be here to make her laugh!!! So....I think we all need to come up with a joke a day to post here just to make Judy laugh her way through this!!!!

If you were lost on a desert island and could take with you one book, one CD (they have a player there), and one outfit of clothing, what would you take?

Well, on Saturday we bought a new motorcycle. We had Harley Heritage Softail and loved riding that bike but I have to tell you that my back has really bothered me lately when we ride. So...we bought a Harley Ultra Classic. It's the touring bike, like many of the cops ride. She's pearl white and riding on her is a dream!!! We figure we're spending the kid's inheritance but are having a ball doing so!!!

What is the last thing you bought just because you wanted it? I know there are lots of things we buy because we need them, but there are those things that we just want to have. So....what's your last purchase that you made just for fun???

Fred and Kasey.... I can only imagine how very happy this news has made both of you!!! I know I'm doing a Happy Dance right now...and I'm at work!!!

This is the best news I have heard in a very long time!!! It's so good to be reassured that our prayers are heard!!!

Randy....car shows make me smile and a 2nd place trophy would make scream out loud!!! Ellen....you're so lucky to have that rain!!! Can you take a deep breath, blow hard and send that rain to Florida??? We're bone dry here!!! Bruce....so very glad you found your dog. I love dogs and I get so worried when I hear of someone losing their dog!!! Judy....Hope labs went well this morning and that onc visit is full of only great news! The main thing I need prayers for right now is RAIN....and lots of it. It was last Mother's Day that some sicko decided to start several fires here and it was very dry. So many people lost everything in those fires and I pray we get some rain soon to avoid a repeat!

I guess I might qualify as a good neighbor to some on my street and bad to others. I have never had any problems with any of my neighbors....except one. This neighbor lives four houses down the street from me. He owns a lawn business and I have a really hard time even speaking to him because of a grudge I'm holding. When Dennis was very ill, he couldn't mow the lawn and I didn't have time. I was always driving Dennis for chemo, radiation or doctor visits and holding down a job because we had to keep the health insurance in effect. I knew what several friends of mine in the area were paying for lawn care, so I approached my "neighbor" and asked him for a price. The price he gave me was outrageous, compared to other people I had spoken to. As a result, an older neighbor of mine brought over his riding lawnmower and mowed my grass. I've never been able to get past this, since this man knew how sick Dennis was.