Lori, I am so sorry you are in so much emotional pain. As is suggested here, you need someone to help you work through the issues you have -- someone you trust. Threatening illness has a crazy effect on family members, and we all do foolish and unhelpful things. The word that comes to my mind is "forgiveness". You need to forgive your brother and your mother. You also need to give them time to work through their own pain and emotions. Everyone acts differently to crisis, even in one family. It is difficult for us to judge another if we have not walked in their particular shoes, and understand them better. But forgiveness we can do because it is a decision, an act. Even if we don't feel like it, we can say, "I want to forgive{, say it out loud, and, with God's help, live into it, and give it time. I pray for you inner peace and love, and after a time, even joy. Blessings. Don