missyk

You amaze and inspire me...thank you {{{Val}}}

Well, with "officially" 4 weeks left to go...It's HOT around here!! The county fair is starting at the beginning of next week, the state fair is at the beginning of August (both are things Sabrina loves to go to!) and we've been sitting in the mid-90's. YUCK! As of my last check-up I got my rear chewed by the doctor's for not taking my b/p medicine and, of course, it was elevated. I'm now on a weekly non-stress test schedule to go along with everything else. Xavier, however, is still doing just fine and I'm pretty sure that he's got to weigh at least a ton by now!!! The ultrasounds, unless there's something else that comes up in the next few weeks, should be done (hurray!) and we're now looking forward (is that the right word? ) to labor and delivery. I'm personally hoping to go a bit sooner than my August 17th due date...but it's not up to me, I guess!

My best friend's mother passed away 11 years ago and she asked me something similar recently. I told her, and I'm sharing with you the same...Go when you want to/need to. It doesn't have to be on certain days and it doesn't have to be at all! I don't normally visit on "anniversaries" because the hurt is more intense on those days...I go at other times when the hurt is more *sweet*, remembering the good times is easier on the other days. {{Donna}} Much love...

{{{{Val}}}}

I complain about the cost of tickets often and swore up and down I'd never pay more than $50 for a concert ticket... Until Tim McGraw and Faith Hill came through last summer and Mark told me to go ahead and buy tickets and he'd take me for our anniversary (he doesn't even LIKE country music!). I paid $120 each.

Hi Hawkeye and welcome. Your name drew my attention...I live in Iowa, "The Hawkeye State"! I'm so sorry to hear of your wife's diagnosis but glad you found us. Hopefully a chemo break will allow her cell counts to climb again and she'll be back on the treatment train soon enough! Much love and many prayers...

Anne- I wish I could take all the hurt and pain for all of us and carry it...just to give everyone else a break for a while because Lord knows we could use a break. I burned dinners for a while, didn't hear someone talking right next to me, even had to reevaluate driving sometimes because I just wasn't *here*. I was in my own head. Your struggles with *where* is she are not just you, either. I just did a blog about that very thing last night...well, this morning...at 3am...I don't sleep so well now-a-days either. We're with you...keep posting, vent, it does help!

Please DO complain! Dr. Jerkoff needs to pull his head out and realize your dad is more than "a cancer patient". **Deep breath** Sending prayers that he improves quickly and it's something as simple as a fall that he's kept to himself!!! I'm glad they have him in telemetry, though. Let it give you some peace of mind, too!

Sylvia... My mom, from the start, would flip-flop back and forth between wanting to continue treatment and not. Ultimately she chose to treat and do it aggressively throughout her battle. However, after her passing we were each given a copy of her journal entries and there, in black and white, over and over again, was the same flip-flopping. I can't imagine what it's like for the patients, to be having to make those decisions. I know wanting to "fix it"...but for now what you can do is love him, listen to him, and remind him when he's down that you're there. Much love and many prayers as you all adjust...

Val... First, I don't think you're werid to remember the days that led up to your Mom's death very specifically...I have a feeling I will, too because right now they're pretty well burned into my mind. That includes the "shot day". Bittersweet memories are still memories and there's nothing wrong with treasuring them just as much as you treasure the laughter and happiness in life. **Great big hugs to you**

Wow...sounds like you had every reason to have a "melt down". I get not liking to be emotional in public...I don't even like it in private. Sometimes we just don't get the choice, though. Hoping things ease for you soon!! Much love...

Every time I come over here to dump a little more emotional baggage! Here's the situation and any thoughts/ideas/suggestions are welcome, please! Before Mom's diagnosis I'd started a blog page that linked me to a wonderful circle of friends I'd met online...many of whom Mark and I have met in real life at least a few times. When Mom was diagnosed, all through treatment, and during her decline I continued to use the blog as a way to update my friends and vent my emotions about the whole situation. The last blog I posted about Mom was simply stating that she had died and my initial reaction to this fact. Since then I've been unable to write any blog that deals with the emotional side of dealing with this loss. I write about EVERYTHING in my life...but when I sit down to write about the grief that I feel...I blank out on the "emotion" and end up spewing facts and figures...then just delete the whole thing because they already KNOW the facts/figures of the whole thing. They walked the road with me. I just seem completely unable to share the PAIN of this loss with anyone...even in the way I've always been able to release it...by writing. Help?

I don't really know much about it myself but I *do* know that there are members here who use flaxseed as a supplement...so I'm sure someone will come along who has some more information for you! Many prayers and much love...

Hi Becky, and welcome!

Half of my "stuff"! Every time I go to clean out all the junk in the house I find myself thinking of how I came about that certain piece and I just can't get rid of it! I'm such a pack-rat!

Kelly... I'm sitting here, honestly, bawling after reading that because I SO GET IT! It's like every single thing in the world depends on getting those stinking patches sewn on...and getting them RIGHT! I know your Mom's SO proud of you for making it through, and for not sewing your fingers onto the cloth through the tears! And I'm betting your son was the most handsome Webelos scout out there!

I've been struggling with this lately, too. The loneliness, the things she "should" be here for, the terrible ache at her not being here...and the "what ifs" of what happens when those we love (and ultimately, we) die. Please, don't apologize for feeling like you do, as you can see, there are many of us who feel the same way and are walking with you. Many prayers and lots of love...

Teach ME not to stop on for a few days!!! Congratulations!! I'm so happy and excited for you guys!

SAJR... Welcome...but sorry you had to find us. As everyone else has said...time lines don't mean anything around here! Mom was told she'd "never see a year" and lived two (and she was stage IV with brain mets at diagnosis). There is ALWAYS hope!

Well, if the NAD was NED I would say it's "no evidence of disease". That being said...I know it's terribly hard and you're getting tired of hearing it already but try to keep the "what ifs" under control. Nothing says "cancer" right now... As an adult child I can say that Mom letting us help her from the very beginning and sharing what she was going through (including being terrified) helped us to deal with what came later. You might want to give your kids a call and just tell them what's going on so it's not such a shock that you're going through all of this. They could be a HUGE support to you! Many prayers that the biopsy will be negative for cancer!!! And...welcome!

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad.

You know, Val, as I was reading that I thought...why don't you save for a cruise for you and Andy some day?? (And, btw, happy anniversary a couple days late!!!) Maybe not Alaska if it's not your cup of tea...but I imagine it would feel good to take her along in your heart when you do "get rich" enough to go! Just a thought of my own...Wishing your parents a happy anniversary, too...cause it always WILL be theirs! (And I can just picture the wedding scene...reminds me of Mom's wedding pictures except hers was a light blue pantsuit! )

Here and Now (Gosh, I don't remember who did it!)

Your first question was "I wonder if anyone can understand where I am?" and I can give you a resounding "YES!! 100%" Flip it being my father passing 4 years before (and living half the country away) and my mother getting close to death 45 minutes away...and I was in the same boat. My husband and I have been married 10 years and had never fought the way we fought toward the end of Mom's life...and I think it was because I knew I was safe fighting with him when I really wanted to rage at the entire world. He was there and he took it on the chin (figratively) a few times...and he kept right on being there, as stressful as I made it for him. I can't give you any words other than to let you know that yes, I've been there...and I'm here if you need somewhere else to rage at for a little while. Keep posting, keep venting it off, it DOES help.

Do dolphins count? They ARE a mammal, after all! Yup, that would be me...Missy the Dolphin!