Mskim

Hi Nick... I have been kind of 'checked out' lately but this really caught my eye. What a wonderful blessing to have something so powerfully positive to look forward to. Congratualtions to you and Keri. You are going to be wonderful parents...

I like Michele have a hard time staying away from this. My step father remarried 1 year and one day after moms death but was engaged just 3 months after her death. I learned (in my case) that blood is thicker than water. His actions over the last year and a half have, in my opinion, been self centered and selfish. I never wanted him to stay single or sad or unhappy, but the way he moved so quickly without regard to anyone hurt us all and prolonged much needed healing. He shoved it down our throats when we were still trying to digest the enormity of not just our mother being gone but her house and her things too. He got rid of it all. He even traded moms car in on one for the new woman. SHe has a teenage son who is no the new owner of my moms laptop! I too should keep my mouth shut, and everyone has the right to life liberty and the persuit of happiness until the way they go about it hurts others, especially those they call daughter. I need to add that my step dad is a peculiar kind of guy anyway, with poor communication skills... saying things TO ME such as: Everything is so different with Sue, she doesn't even take her teeth out at night! and my new favorite... Sue and I have had the best conversations of MY LIFE. He also needs to get off the phone very quickly if mom is even mentioned. I do want to say though how happy I am for those of you who have sisters, and I pray that yours will be healthy again soon. My parents are gone and I have a far away brother who is 5 years older and not very fond of me so it is a very lonely road to be an adult orphan. If there is anything you can do to save your relationship with your dad, even if it just a phone call a week to keep in touch and let him know you love him, do it. Someday, when the pain is not so fresh, you will all be okay.

It may be as simple as she is on vacation. Give one more try to the church secretary or receptionist. I know just what you are feeling with the no sleep and crying jags... I hope you find something that gives you some peace. Hugs and prayers, Kim

I've been trying not to cry through the posts today but thi sone poushed me over for some reason... maybe it is my 3 precious babes that I knwo can be taken from me anytime, by something as little as a bee sting.

I am so sorry Kate. Prayers for you.

I am so sorry. Another loved and needed mother lost to this evil evil thing. I pray for your broken heart.

Val... you always hit the nail with your words, so much for us and our mothers, it really always hits home for me... Thank you.

(((((((((((((Val)))))))))))))) I hope I can do the same.

((((((((((((((Lori))))))))))))))))) I wish I had advice. I was only given 1/3 of moms ashes... stupid huh? I had them buried at a cemetary with a head stone. I go there when I need to. I do miss them being here with me, but now there is something lasting that says she was here. Bless your heart.

awwww (((((((Michele)))))))) My heart aches with yours.

My mom was buried in Novemeber so they did sod right away and in the srping the grass grew. The stone was not placed until spring but took 10 weeks to be delivered. We picked a cemetery that is one that is maintained with sprinkler systems and groundskeepers. I had to beg to get the marker placed by moms anniversary date but they did do it. Good luck.... I know this part is hard, it was a battle or me as I really wanted a place to go honor her.

(((((((((((Val)))))))))) I am so sorry that these days hurt so much. Hang on to your babies and I pray the day goes okay for you.

I am so incredibly sorry... your broken heart has my prayers.

All I can say is that your post tears my heart and I pray for you and your daughter.

I know what you mean.. although my mom did smoke and we always said, one day it would get her, it is idle talk, never really thinking that nightmare may come to pass. I have 3 kids also, they were 3 5 and 8, when she died in April last year. Now they are 5, 6 and 10. Can it be they hvae grown so much without mom here?

I pray for you to find some peace Carleen. I hope you continue to come in here and write.

I am so sorry.. about everything. I pray for you and your family.

okay... here goes.... Mom had to retire early, she was too sick especially after WBR. SHE always dreamed when she retired (when she was suppose to retire which was NOW, July 2007) we would rent a big house boat on Lake Roosevelt and spend the week together as a family. Her, Chip (Step-dad), My brother and his wife and 2 young girls, plus us (my family of 5). Mom planned bought and paid for the trip last year before she died in April, in hopes that she would live long enough into last summer for us to make the dream come true. As I said she died in April and we didn't go. Instead we postponed the trip until July 21 (2007). SO in a week we are going. My mom will not be there. My step dad has remarried and he will not be there nor is he really welcome. My brother will be there for part of the trip and my sister in law and the girls will join us for the entire trip. My mom would have been the catalist for peace and my step dad would have been the captain of the boat. Now we have 2 captains, no catalist for peace and a hard grieving daughter. My husband says I am going to ruin it for everyone and I really am afraid I might. How can I go on this vacation and try to put aside the fact that this was her dream, her trip and she should be there. Even last year I thought she would make it long enough, even if we had to hire a nurse to administer meds, and bring a hospital bed. I miss her so much as I write this I am sitting here sobbing. How do I get through this again. WHy is this so fresh. I just need her so much and feel so damn lost and alone. I am so tired of feeling guilty about my grief and sadness. I am so tired of the suggestion that I am depressed, that I need medication. I am not depressed, suicidal or otherwise. I have come to the conclusion that this is what it is. I feel like I have very little to look forward to as all the joy in living is clouded by the pain of losing. I have learned that as adults, as apposed to being children, we no longer get our way. We no longer can talk, yell, bribe or throw fits to get out from between a rock and a hard place. There are no deals to be had. There are no parents here to save me from myself. It is what it is and there is nothing we can do about it but get through it and try to grab the little joys that are presented to us. Sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself. I just want my mom. I don't want to be at the top of this family tree, I am not ready, I want to be someones kid.

(((((((val))))))) I know. Little details of things that are happening take me back and hurt me. I am experiencing so much of that right now too. I am glad you said something because I keep feeling guilty for being sad all over still and again.

You are doing the best things for yourself and although it doesn't feel good, you are doing what your mom would want you to to as well. I know my mom is glad in some small way that I am letting some things go (her death bed) and even though I miss the house so deeply, I have not driven by. I think I am finally realizing that it will nver be as it was and to try to make it so just hurts so much. I would do the same things if I were you and I promise, though my mom has only been gone over a year, my dad has been gone for nearly 4 and I do feel better. Not that it doesn't ever bring me to my knees, it is just not every day anymore. By the time you are 40, it will still hurt, sometimes be agonizing, but never as bad as it is now. Hugs to you, you are an amazing strong woman and your mother is proud, and that is all she thinks of you, she is proud and she loves you and she can see what a wonderful woman she raised. She knows you and your heart and knows everything you feel for her. AS a parent and a daughter, I just know she would want you to feel better and keep moving forward.. not move on, not forget, just move forward out of the intense pain. Also.. when I dream about my mom, she never talks directly to me either.

That was a touching thing to tell.. I totally get it too. I cried at the greenhouse. I had nobody to guide me through planting season, but i hope she is looking down at my yard...

(((((((((((Val)))))))))))

I go through bouts of anger at both my parents... my dad for taking the risk of riding a motorcycle and my mom even more. SHe was sick for A LONG TIME. She said she was stressed and blamed everyhting on work. I get mad becasue she smoked... I know I know... I did too, but I never would have if she didn't. She never was strong enough to quit and I did, why couldn't she? I know that my dad was just living life and enjoying what he loved. I knor that if mom had found out earlier she may have had an even worse quality of life for a longer period of time or may have even died sooner. I know the cigarettes are really a moot point... I am still pretty PO'd. I too am more distant from God. I find myself being judgemental and less generous. I find myself a little bit harder shelled. I still go to church and pray and try to do what he would have me do, but I try less than I used to.

I am so sorry you lost your wife. Even though I have been to the bottom of the barrel after losing my dad and then my mom, I cannot fathom losing my everyday partner in life. I am praying for your broken heart and for your children as well. May God's grace get you through.

awww (((((((((((Missy))))))))))) I know. You are a good mom.