adela

Melinda I am so sorry that you have arrived at this part of your journey. Adela

I am so sorry for your loss. Adela

Thank you all for the support. Carleen your flowers are beautiful thank you very much. When I got home yesterday my son had a bouquet of roses waiting for me. That was wonderful and special to me. Adela

Ed would make a big deal about my birthday. Flowers and dinner. The first gift I recieved from him was sexy lingere from Nordstrums in the Nordy box. I have cried every night for the past week. Thinking about Ed's last days and our life together. I miss Ed and my father. On this day 55 yrs ago my Dad told me he held me before they cleaned the gunk off of me. Well I am 55yrs young. My hair is thining, I have brown age spots on my face, my hands look old and I have the stomach pouch. But I have started to hike again. I have hiked every weekend for the last month. I am a kind of a Young/medium old goat scampering up the hills. Adela

Dad says its funny how those who are so far away have so much advice to share! But where have they been? Ain't it the truth. I had the same thing happen to me.My stepson was the smartest medical expert in the world. His father must have "professional care givers". I became very angry and that was not good for me or my husband.The dying person wants family to take care of them. You and your father are your Mother's best supporters,best caregivers. Your siblings have all kind of emotions going on and it is easier to strike out at you. It is ok to have your space also, it is ok to say "I & Dad are doing what needs to get done and I will communicate whatever news I have in the manner that is the most productive for me" Getting into a merry go round with them will not do you any good. It will just make you feel badly. When they come visit and they start the mechanical mouth part just tell them at this time I will not discuss it and there will be plenty of time in the future to have a mature discussion. Please don't get caught up in their anger and whatever..... give your energy to your Mother. Hold her, love her, comb her hair, laugh with her, ask for her young stories, ask her about her fears and joys, tell her what makes her a mother in your eyes, May this journey you are on be as peaceful as possible. Adela

What could help your Dad and brother is a transition (grief)support group from the Wellness community. I live in Torrance California. There are 6 men in the group. PM me and will foward information.

I am so sorry. Adela

Missy so sorry. This is the most difficult and at times the most peaceful of times you and your family are going through. Adela

I know it's very frustrating when others SEEM to think they know whats best. But I can assure you they wouldn't trade places with you for one week. That is very true what Connie B wrote. I too had others seem to know what was best for my husband. Stepson accused me and my son of not being a professional caregiver. That my husband was depressed, not eating and not clean. This son would spend a hour at the most every two weeks with his dying father. I was there when his father was afaird, there when he was choking on water, there to bathe him, there to hold his hand. The son called everyone he could and told him his father needed a professional caregiver. My husband only wanted me and his stepson to take care of him. My husband couldn't talk, couldn't eat, had difficulty standing. So you do what you think your mother wants, you and your father have been there with her. The others are going to react very ugly to you. It will be hard to take and you will have much difficulty with it. But remember you are there for both of your parents. This is a difficult time for you and your parents. A book that helped me tremendously was "Final Gifts" it gave me the courage to understand what my husband wanted. Please try to rest and not to think of the siblings at the moment. Hospice could help you calm them down. Take care of yourself as much as you can. Adela

Peggy you have helped me on my journey through this job called grief. I feel your anguish and I feel sad for you. I wish I could be beamed to you and have dinner with you and just sit around and talk about our husbands. Cry a little, laugh a little in general rejoice that we were able to have them be part of our memories and lives. Take care of yourself Adela

Carleen, it is very painful. Each day is torture at times you just want to cry out to anyone that you are hurting. This journey all of us on this site is made a tad easier with all of us reaching out and touching someone and letting them grieve. It will be 5 months come August and the days just change the pain is still there. I think of you often and hope you are taking care of yourself. Adela

Sorry for the news. Very hard times for your father.. and the family. Adela

Thank you all very much. Adela

My husband also lost his hearing due to WBR. We purchased a pocket talker. The cost is about $110,this devise amplifies the sound. Adela

Lori glad your Mom is home and SF is stepping up to the plate. You are such a wonderful daughter. My thoughts are with you. Adela

Peggy thank you so much for the guidance and insight. I stifle my tears a lot. I have not cried buckets of tears as of yet. Like Ann said our stubborn guys did know how difficult it would be for us. Ed told me I would be just fine......he could not have believed how hard this is. Love to all.....Adela

Your sister loved you very much, she kept all of your letters and cards. It is like the Color Purple no one can take that sister bond away. And in the end the controlling person has no one to control anymore. I admire you for not sounding bitter for the time lost. You were able to see her and able to hold her. As for him I suppose he is not worth a second of your thoughts. He has his own demons to chase away....whatever that maybe. Adela

Thank you for the post. I am still all over the place. I talk to Ed constantly and it is a great comfort. The hardest part was to lose contact with the friends we had together has a couple. I just need to make new friends, to me that seems to be a daunting task. During my teen years I was quite a loner and only depended on a boyfriend. I have not cultivated friends. Now is a good time to start. Peggy thank you so much Adela

Hospice will help you and your family. This time is the most difficult. The good byes are the most difficult.... but so important. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Adela

Kat, Sorry for your loss, this must be very hard for you. May you and your Mother have strength and peace in the coming months. Adela

I am so sorry.......my deepest condolences to you and your family. Adela

Dear Carleen, Ask for help your church or the hospice has volunteers to be with you. You are such a wonderful caring wife and caregiver to your husband. My husband could not say good bye to me he did it thru a song "Beyond The Sea" maybe this would be comforting to you. Of course everytime I hear that song I cry, but my husband just knew I would see him Beyond the Sea......and we will love again. You take care of yourself Adela

Linda, I am so sorry. The running around and trying to stay calm and taking care of buisness is so hard. You are a wonderful daughter and everything you do now is what is needed for your Mother. Adela

Carleen and Keith, I am so sorry, may the love you share give you strength. Adela

so sorry for the loss of your Dad Adela