shelliemacs

wow, so similar my mom was dx'd in January 2003 and passed August 2003, dad was dx'd 3 months later in November 2003 and passed June 2004. Dad told us he would NOT do treatment cause he saw what it did to mom, but after he was dx'd limited stage (but he really wasn't it was extensive) and after we begged, he did a few treatments, Unfortunately they did nothing for him and he passed in 7 months. When they say life is UNFAIR they really mean it. I hope your mom will change her mind.

He Jessica Wow did my emotions hit rewind when I read your post. I fealt every single thing you described. Its a sick feeling in you gut that you think will never go away. Ok so it won't but it WILL get better. Once treatment is defined and started you will take a deep breath. Your mom will probably have shrinkage quickly since Small cell responds well to chemo. I know me telling all of you to hit pause on the panic buttom is not possible but believe me it will calm down. No one wants the hear their beloved mom who is also their best friend has cancer. I know I didn't. I ended up hearing it twice mom and 9 months later dad. But as the days go by and your mom is getting her chemo and radiation it will get better. There are long term winners here. It can be controlled. Dont ever give up fighting or hope. BUT BUT BUT dont believe statistics your going to read on the internet. They will only make you feel faint. They are old, outdated and generic. Cancer drugs have come a long way. Help is available and your mom can get better. Maybe never cured but remission is possible. Get her on a healthy diet too if you can, nutrition is important in fighting the effects of chemo. Also you may want to think about some anti-anxiety meds for her and yourself. Breathe, go ahead, right now take a deep breath and BELIEVE your mom will respond well to chemo.

PLEASE do not let any doctor tell you when your wife will die. They are speculating with old statistics. Spend your time focusing on Today. What can I do today to make life better, happier, enjoyable. For your self as well as your wife. Who says your wife won't out live you? What I have learned is that Time is just the measure of how many happy moments we can squeeze in. Dont watch the clock or the calendar, they are man made items. Live through your heart and open it wide. If and when it feels like its breaking, well at least you know what you experianced was worth the pain. Let the treatments do their thing and you do yours, kiss her every day, hold her everyday, not just for her but for yourself. Miracles do happen.

My deepest sympathies for you and your family.

Fearing the unknown is absolutely normal. I went through those exact same emotions, "How will I be able to help mom", "What can I do to ease her pain", "How can I help her to get well", "How can I handle life without her" Well all the words I could say will be useless. I can say, you will find your way through it. One minute at a time, one day at a time. Its a constantly changing journey your now on. No two days will be alike. Soon though you will become used to the words and processes and terms that are being used. Once treatment is started you can take a deep breath. Unfortunately the unknown is a constant and if the worst does happen, again you will find a way through it. With tears, smiles, laughs and memories. Keep hope, it will mean the world to your mom to see your positive.

Please let her know I am thinking very good thoughts for her. Love the new picture Don and Lucie. Its very Cheerful.

Fresh Cut Grass margaritas out on the deck

I am so sorry about your kitty. All pets give is unconditional love and when they cross over, it leave such a hole because they dont say goodbye. I hope someday you can take another kitty into your home and love him like you loved Ollie. So many animals need homes now.

I am still shaking typing this so there will probably be typo's I had a reading with a medium this morning. I am trying to remember everything that was said but I am so freaked so bear with me. I went there to ask about my sister but my parents would not Shut up! mom is safely on the other side and get this...you can smoke all you want over there and it does NOTHING to you. the medium told me Mom has been waiting for me to try to connect with her and that she loves my garden. I only planted my first garden ever last year. Also the medium said mom was very very sick but fought until she just did not want to anymore and then the medium said did mom and dad pass from Lung Cancer because I feel like I can't breathe. I was like Oh MY GOD YESSSS. she said my mom was very happy that my sister and I were sticking together and dad was proud of all we did when they were sick for them. then she asked if there was a grand daughter and I said yes one. she said grandma wants her to get a huge hug for all the letters. (My niece leaves notes, holiday cards, birthday cards, valentines all year long on the headstone.) I told the medium I live in mom and dads house and that either I am crazy or sometimes I hear them. The medium told me well you are a little crazy like you mom who by the way is just as loud and outgoing over there as she was here, but that my mom definitely tries to get my attention when I am home sometimes. I know there is more, but i am so jacked up right now I can;t remember it. I want so much to know or believe that after this life there is another and its better and you can do whatever, whenever and its not harmful to you at all. wow I miss them. OH i forgot the medium kept hearing the birthday song in her head and she said your mom is making me hear this why. I said her birthday is Monday and my dads is Tomorrow. freaky huh.

Thank you all for the support and advice. I feel kinda guilty today for my behavior but I am still glad I didn't roll over and just let him put blame on my parents. My sister called me last night and told me "Sheesh why were you so hard on him" my only response to her was "why weren't you, this is your life, you have to fight for all your medical care and question the how, whats wheres whens and whys. let the doctor know your life matters to you. In the doctors defense though the hospital was PACKED. there were people on beds in the hallway. I guess the moon was full that day. Becky, yes I know you love me and I appreciate your words. your right, he wasn't a oncologist and he was under very stressful difficult situations at that time and I took my fear out on him. We find out today about the mets. shelly

Sher, although I do not know your exact pain of loosing a spouse, I lost mom, dad, F/I/L to LC and cousin to cancer of the mouth all within the last 3 years. It is an unthinkable situation with impossible odds. All I or anyone else expect from you for the next few weeks/months even is Breathe in ....breathe out....breathe in....breathe out.... when this becomes bearable then we can move onto possibly something mundane like laundry or eating. Don't do more than you can handle at this point, the amount of days your counting means nothing. It could take 3 months, 6 months a year to feel like you can breathe without it killing you inside. just remember one thing I keep telling myself and try to share with others. where your love is...is literally 1 breath away. One deep breath. He is still alive in your heart. Love does NOT die, you don't have to stop loving him or put those feelings away simply because he is no longer physicially here. He is alive inside of your heart and will stay alive there as long as you need and want him to be there.

I will try to summarize this. Yesturday I got a call my sister was taken by ambulance from work for a possible heart attack (she is 40), I rush to hospital and tests for that come back "no sign of heart attack" so the jack *ss ignorant doctor starts asking very familiar questions, 1) do you smoke - no 2) do you have a cough - yes 3) are you having trouble swallowing - no 4) is the pain in you shoulder going around to your back - no 5) do you have or have you had fevers - no anyway he takes a family history ok both parents died of LC so he immediately assumes my sister now has metastic breast to lung cancer because my parents smoked in the house 15 years ago. I freaked out and said "How the hell did you make that leap without a net?", (it gets better now I have to insult the man) "Look mr. $300,000.00 education I am sure you have been able to get by just fine before I walked in here and my last name surely doesn't end with MD but how can you blurt something like that out without something more than "well your parents smoked in the house" I further say "Hey ever hear of Dana Reeve, she didn't smoke and she got LC can you tell me why you just assume that my sister has LC now because my parents did" he comes back with "wow that hurts" So he sent her for a chest x-ray and his words "I am not a radiologist but I don't see anything so you will have to follow up with your GP and ONC tomorrow." I again have to open my fat mouth and say "hey can I see the x-ray cause I am sure if your too busy to take a good look at it I can find something there or not since I have seen about 50 xrays of my parents lungs with LC" my sister tells me to shut the hell up and stop insulting the dr. my rant is WHY, this medical man himself who knows there is no explaining WHY someone gets any cancer let alone LC WHY his jackass of a self assumes passive smoking caused my sisters possible metastic breast to LC that he could not or would not even bother to take further than an x-ray. I wanted to shake him and say your a man of medicine and to assume that if it is LC she got it from my parents smoking in the house 15 years ago. ever hear of asbestos, radom, enviromental hassards hmmm JERK!!!!!!!!!! if some doctors are out there assuming that people who get LC are only due to smoking than we have made no progress in this battle. sorry, i just have been up now for 47 hours and this is probably exhaustion talking. anyway we don't know about metastic anything yet, she is seeing the dr. today.

maybe its just like anemia or something like that. I know I should not wish for that, but in the scheme of things, wouldn't you love to hear that over something else.

I am too sorry that your in this awful situation. I lost my dad to SCLC very quickly in 2004. It only took 6 months from Dx to his passing. I lost my mom to NSCLC in 2003. She too was only 6 months. My father in law to SCLC in 2005, his was weeks from dx to passing. This is almost the most unbearable situation you will ever be put into. It changes you. It makes you .... less you. Its like cancer not only robs us of our loved ones, a part of us is gone as well. I can't speculate on your dads condition or how long he may be here since no of us knows. My dad was doing great and it was like a switch flipped and within weeks he was gone. Don't feal any guilt. It will consume you if you let it. This is hard enough so if you get a chance to "forget" cancer for a few hours, do it.

I read on her website in February that she was not well. She was having difficulty swallowing, allot of mucus and very weak. When I checked her website today it still had the same letter up. Just wondering.

I just read this too. I am blown away. wow that was fast.

The BAR is OPENNNNNN at Ginny's

gosh I am an idiot I only got 11

I have no words.

My nicest memory is my mom crying at my wedding. No one knows that I secretly want to try ___________.

safe and speedy journey my friend. Save a seat for me when you get there.

just sent my request up Ginny. I KNOW it will be ok, I just know it.

I was just wondering how he is doing. I have not seen him post in a while. Any moderators ever hear from him???

I am so shocked. I knew she was having a hard time. I had no idea it was to this point. I am so very very sorry for your loss and the loss to her kids and husband. I am stunned...without words.

welcome if you dont hold on to hope, you will fall over the edge of insanity. Hope is what keeps everyone here alive. Hope is what we all hold on to so tightly our knuckels turn white. hold onto hope, even through the darkest of moments, and Never Ever let go of it. Your mom will watch your every expression now and I don't care how much acting you have to do. Never let her see you give up on that hope. She needs to know YOU believe in it, that it is a living thing. that it will get her through this. keep hope alive in your life no matter what.... shelly