TamHol

I don't think anything is predictable or regular about this. My Dad started with a mass 3.2cm that grew to be 3.8cm from Feb-June /06 with (presumed to be cancer'ed) lymphnoid on both lungs. To date no spread anywhere using dye, bone and brian scans. My neighbour started with a 2.3cm mass in Feb /06, after getting all the tatoos and tests for radiation he was changed to terminal. He passed away in July after it steadily spread to the brian. The mass never did grow with the radiation given for pain management etc. Bottom line both men were in the same general health but the cancer acted completely differently in each of them within the same time frame. I look at each of the postings comments and found not one of are simular outside of medications used. I came here to find out the same thing and maybe prepredict what this will do ........ I haven't gotten past Go on this one. Tammy

There is no requirement or quota of tears or days dedicated to the death of someone. Your still in shock, it was all of 5 months from beginning to end and no time for shock then. Don't be so hard on yourself or expect anything......everyone and every situation is different. Go threw the emotions as they come since they are hard enough to contend with as it is ... don't add standards and rules to them. Your kids are the purest form of humanity .... let them lead you and hear their words. Good luck to you, Tammy

I think it's an adjustment of priorities and if you need the time to work on yourself....take it. I think it depends on the amount that your mother requires, work requires etc that will determine how much time you can actually get. It maybe only a few hours a week, and if it is......soak it up. Become a sponge and soak up the solitude, cry, or listen to the quiet....take every minute you've got available to you. Heck sit in the closet if that is the only place you can find ... You don't want to take too much from work just because of the fact .... you'll have more need for that time off later! Just make sure work is aware of what your doing in a day so they are not surprised if you are cranky or even caught napping. Hopefully you have a job that will do that for you, maybe even offer you time off. We all have to do something to get US threw this....... Tammy

first ... in my profile there is a section for comments .... that's where you can put a quote or your experience to date. I agree with you about not letting your Mom worry etc. All you can do is deal with what comes up each time you go to the doctors office I suppose. It never seems to be the same way twice ... even if it is good ... you still have to go back for something. Good luck to your Mom. Tammy

I am used to it ...... it's not the first time she's turned a blind eye to anyone, a better word is "snubbed". She is the master of avoidance .... just like her father. It's actually a good pairing with them living together now ... both want to ignore the subject until it's absolutely neccessary. It works for them! At least my Dad knows, acknowledges and tells you he's doing this.......her???? She honestly has no idea what we are complaining about. She actually thinks we are teasing and picking on her! Cause we have nothing better to do.....dontchya know! Hehe, even my Dad shakes his head at her tactic's ... "oh that girl has to wake up one of these days." Uck! I'm just glad I'm not the one who all this will haunt one day! But you can bet I'll be there in the front row to watch the show......hahaha! Bottom's up! Tammy

It's horrible what your days are filled with these days. I hope your father is blessed with a quick relief and you a special time to recall all that was great with him. Thinking of you, Tammy

wonderful news ................. get to that wedding. Congratulations! Tammy

First of all my Dad is doing well and shows no sign of additional health problems. He is still at daily risk of a heart attack, now more so with 24/7 dyarrehia. I've spent the weekend laughing off my sisters call this weekend to buy tickets to Nova Scotia, we're in Ontario. She wants her and her daughter to go for a week during August and visit the family we have out there.....ummmm??? Now I'm just getting mad...it's playing on my mind and I'm getting madder and madder. My oldest sister and I have always known "this one is a flake", she talks a good talk....but has no intention of walking the walk. The middle sister (the flake) was so proud of herself, she was the only one with the room to have Dad move in. "I'll take care of him, I'll do whatever I need to and "PUT MY LIFE ON HOLD" to take care of him." What a joke then....and now! Everyone knows she is just another body in the house and of no real help if he were to get worse. He's completely functional and doesn't require daily care. We knew the real nuts and bults of the work would be done by us. The oldest and myself aren't stopping her from going, I looked and gave her a price for the tickets....heck I'll drive her to the airport. But god help her if I have to phone her and tell her Dad had a heart attack and died. If anything roles out of her mouth about how she missed out or it wasn't suppose to be like this!!!!! If I'm having a good day.....I'll laugh at her. If I'm having a bad day....I'll be in jail for the night. I'm just venting....I have no interest or care to stop her from going. She was born this way and been like this her whole life. It all comes down to what she wants and everyone else is just obsticals in her way. I'm embarrassed to be her sister...that's what makes me the most upset....even the oldest is more of a daughter to him, and she's not even his! Tammy

Kathleen you are doing an excellent job and you know it....that is what is most important at the end of the day. Your sister will have to deal with her issues on her own when she's looking for support on a dark day. You want to tell her to bugger off, use anyone of these .... Everyone has their limits to what they can endure and they are making it well known where theirs are. Remind them this is your choice and for your own peace of mind when she is gone. Make it well known that you know your own limits and will adjust the arrangement when the time comes. If anything I think your sister is jealous that she sees her sister doing alot more emotionally than she can. That old saying of "they'll only tease you because their jealous and realize their shortcomings." She obviously cannot deal with any of the prolonged time your Mom has and works best with "out of sight...out of mind". Which is fine for her, she can have it.....but don't whine later or tell you your doing things wrong. I hear ya ....... I got me one just like her! Tammy

Kimberlie, I'm sorry your world is turning around and around! My Dad is in the same boat ... his heart is too weak to do chemo or the potant medications for his cancer. She's not giving up, she's accepted her circumstances way more faster than you. What else is there for her to do? She doesn't have a choice in this anymore, she's ensuring a longer time with you. If she pushs forward, she's taking a huge chance a heart attack will take her "today". Maybe when the doctors have a new plan, something that won't put her in immediate jepordy she will agree to that. My Dad's only offer was radiation ... and even that could've came with a price so soon after phemonia weakening the heart further. It seemed like a joke compared to all the other treatments. Even though it was the littlest pot of the bunch, my Dad did it as if it were is only life line. Your Mom sounds amazing ....... follow her lead cause it sounds like she is a strong woman who can help you threw this. I know it sounds funny to say that but the Mom's and Dad's still are the examples to us. Even in this time of her life. Tammy

Jay the only advise I have is from my Dad as a Manic Depressive. I know it seems harsh but in the world of denial and rebelious behaviour versus harm to yourself or someone else....it needs to be done. Is there anyone that can give and control the medication for her outside the family? Do you think she will listen if the doctor tells her that "So&So is the only one who can give you this". Hide the bottles if needed to make this work for you, hide the keys, hide the money for cabs. It has to be done. Do it and don't feel badly about it, even if you have to get nasty right back at her or walk away from her.... In and out of physciatric hospitals we had to do this lot with my Dad before he accepted he was mentally ill. Although this is for a different reason with your Mom ... she has not accepted she is ill yet. Until she can accept this situation and live according to it's rules, these are a few steps you may have to take. Maybe it's "someone else" that needs to tell her these things and new rules. Even now with the cancer we have to strong arm my Dad to tell the doctor things or call the doctor ourselves. When the doctor said he can't live on his own anymore, because he's deaf now and it wasn't said directly to his face.....it didn't happen. He felt he still had a choice to live alone or not ..... we called the doctor, told him the issue and he stood face to face and told him! The life line was "too much" in his books and unneccessary.....I mumbled that issue to the Cancer Assistant. She looked him straight in the face told him ... the next day they were hooking him up to life line. You are too emotionally connected and maybe feeling like the kid in this ..... if you can't bare to strong arm her and use tough love ... see if someone else is willing to do the dirty work for you. Hope that helps. Tammy

I hear you! My mom's been gone for 13 years, my last Grandparent just passed away 5 years ago. Now my Dad ..... the last of all the people I can remember caulking my head back to look at because they were gigantic to me. I'm 35 and feel like I'm 5 wondering which one of them will find me sitting in the corner by myself. We are still kids after all these years ..... but it's that feeling that will never go away that is strangly comforting. Because as soon as I feel that way...I feel the same way I did when I remember a time one of them did find me. That feeling doesn't go away either ........ and strangly I feel whole again. I don't know if that helps, but it helps me writing it down and knowing I'm not the only one. Tammy

Hi Troy, My father is in a simular situation ... not operable due to a weak heart. Waiting on all the tests was the longest time we've spent since we found out in Feb/06. Radiation wasn't bad for him surprisingly, a few minor discomforts and annoyance of going daily to be "nuked" as he called it. Your going to go threw the most confusing and frustrating right now ..... once the bulk of the questions get answers. Your experience will be turned to "get'r done" mode......hold on to the best sinario you can think of until you are told other wise. Best of luck to you in the coming days. Tammy

When I low balled him and muttered "ask him about the runs" to the Cancer Assistant. A test was done, it was negitive. I do remember the phrase "bug" and she mentioned antibotic when talking him. The IBS is a deteriation of the bowel and muscles making an over active or (in my case) under active bowel. Still not good in the end since the runs are twice as worse now and the loss of water could be a danger. I'll phone the doctor and leave a message about what Dad has told me. I'm sure he has an appointment coming up soon .... I'll at least give the doctor the heads up and he'll ask more spesific questions. Dad won't admit it freely, but if he's asked something specifically, he'll be truthful about it. He can't have any other medications because the combination with water, heart, colesterial, and anti phsycotics with trimmer med's on the side could be lethal. Every medication has to be carefully scrutinized to make sure nothing will counter act or adversely effect one of the others. Not only is there an issue of the combination, but if the heart can't take to many changes. We didn't know if the heart could take the changes when receiving the radiation ... it was possibly a direct heart attack for him. Well it actually was a direct hit since the mass is directly infront of the heart. Tammy

Your Mom has fought a good fight .... and she's not loosing ...... she's just taking a rest and changing the angle. I hope the next few weeks are good to all of you. Tammy

forgetting my manners ........ thank you for the info you provided.

He's been on these med's for two years since his heart attack in combination with his usual anti- phsycotic's for the Manic Depression. There is alot, 14 assorted per day, some 2 or three times a day. Although this is not an uncommon amount to a cancer patient I'm sure ... Not one is for the cancer and no new med's can be introduced. He said the diarehia started a week before radiation treatments (likely nerves) in mid April. Immodium was doing the trick then and he even had to cut back from 4 to 3 each dose. Now he's taking 4 (the max) it's not touching it. He gets up and out and has to turn right around to go back again sometimes. In Canada we have Irritated bowel syndrome ... same as your C-diff ... my sister he lives with has an extreme case of IBS. That makes for a war somedays if both are having a bad day . My worry is the heart, lung specialist said from day one "the heart will give out before this cancer does anything." If he looses too much water too fast it could dehidrate him into heart failure. After 20 years of of hospitals (regardless of the reason) he's not in any hurry to go again. I want to respect that but don't want to leave anything for too long. As for other aches and pains, he's loosing balance when walking (could be being newly deaf), he will whinse once in a while when taking in air. Stuff like that, but it's nothing he's complaining about or not taking the ventilian for. If I call and the doctor agrees with my concerns, he'll call him in. Hahaha, I've got alot of practice at this ....... VVee have ways........ But since I can do that I don't want to jump the gun unneccessarily. That's why I posted, to see if after this amount of time it's common to have this going on? Thanks, Tammy

Waiting for anything is hard and makes you anxious and builds the frustrations by the day. But you know this with test results and answers to questions ... your well trained for this. You'll make sure your son grows and is healthy as he can possibly be, I don't doubt that for a moment. Wonderful things have happened in the kidney world .... they have more to offer now. Keep the faith! The kids should be kept an arms length away from Grandma, for their own sake and emotional well being. My husband is still haunted by his last visits with his grandmother remaining days. The pain in her head I would assume will be there regardless of the level or source of noise. Your a great "gate keeper", every family has one and for yours it's you. Don't let yourself forget that ... I hope a quick relief for your mother, and easy solution for your son. Tammy

whew ........ okay so it's common! Thank you!

My father's heart has been doing a great job and he says he hasn't had too many physical problems other than being easily tired. I hear a shake in his voice that sounds like nerves or even an effect of the cancer and part of this "voice change" I keep reading about. I'm worried since before, during and after the radiation treatments he had diarehia .. worse as time went on. Before it was most likely nerves, during was most likely nerves and treatment. But now? It's been a full 2.5 months since the last radiation treatment was given and it's getting worse. Again, I've been reading the effects of increasing cancer is diarehia. My Dad can't take any new medications ... that is out of the question forever and ever for his cancer. That means any changes could very well be part of the cancer, so the doctor proscribes Immodium and allows him to take at his discression. Has anyone had these symptoms? He doesn't want his day to be about doctor's appointments and worry ... I can respect that. He's had more medication over the past 20 years he swears there is nothing natural in his blood stream anymore ... and isn't interested in more. But if there is a home remedy to curve the aches and pains I'd love to know about it. Thanks, Tammy

My father's heart has been doing a great job and he says he hasn't had too many physical problems other than being easily tired. I hear a shake in his voice that sounds like nerves or even an effect of the cancer and part of this "voice change" I keep reading about. I'm worried since before, during and after the radiation treatments he had diarehia .. worse as time went on. Before it was most likely nerves, during was most likely nerves and treatment. But now? It's been a full 2.5 months since the last radiation treatment was given and it's getting worse. Again, I've been reading the effects of increasing cancer is diarehia. My Dad can't take any new medications ... that is out of the question forever and ever for his cancer. That means any changes could very well be part of the cancer, so the doctor proscribes Immodium and allows him to take at his discression.

It's a terrible illness ...... it has way to much power and control over our bodies. Good luck with the treatment to come and best wishes to your father for his still unknown strength. Tammy

I've re-read the posting in this topic and haven't found one that says "Awww, it's all in your head ... go have a smoke and be happy". I saw nothing but people supporting the fact that smoking is a contributor and one of a few that are voluntary. The true message is, as I read it "get your head out of the sand and see the whole picture." As well as "past and 'what if's' are done ... deal with what you have NOW." Passionate beliefs are a personal belief or standard, all of which is fine to have ... It's when you take that personal belief and use it against another to make them feel something, usually a form of pain or humilitation. Often people forget that the message is there and well known to that person. But tend to forget ... no one can kick or blame a person harder than themselves. When we stepped out of the office after my Dad was told, I asked him "you okay!" It was the first thing out of his mouth "after 50 years smoking, what can you expect." Sounds to me like that's one person taking responsibility for his actions. I'm a smoker myself (quiting? - yes slowly getting there. Not in the house and respectfully move away from others!) So I have nothing but respect for his comment. Although Goodrich employees, still 20 years later, are rittled with cancers and nirological conditions -- non smokers included. He doesn't take that fact into concideration as a possible added contributor ... he just says "I knew the risks everytime I lite one." Doesn't any of it make me angry? No! Everyone of us will die ... some will walk across the road, others will die in our sleep. On a lighter note ...... why is it okay to make comments to me directly about smoking and it's smell and second hand smoke. But it's "not nice" if I tell someone their perfume/colone reicks to high heaven or they're wearing W-A-Y to much of it as it literally chokes me and instantly gives me a mirgrain????? I know ..... there is little sympathy but those mirgrains hurt and the lingering taste in your mouth cause you have no choice but to inhale the crap. I would L-O-V-E a "one spray" limit on all the bottles! Tammy

That is alot of work, I'm tired just reading it all. I hope the best for you and your family. My only advise is remember to do one thing at a time if you can swing it. And make time for yourself to recoup, you'll need your rest as will everyone else will too. Ask and take the help that is available to you...realitor included.....your only one person, you can't do everything alone. Good luck Tammy

This still blows me away that in 2006 common sense hasn't entered the daily lives regarding this topic. Cancer research as a whole has found that every person has the cancer cells in them. It is a tause in the dark of when and IF they become active or not. Not to mention we live on a plant that chewed a big hole in the ozone layer sitting right over top of us????? If polution is able to do that what is it that makes you think our lungs are safe? 20% of the typical "smokers lung cancer" are non smokers and growing. Medical science says after 10 years off the cigarette a lung is back to normal. How many people have more than 10 years off the cigarette and still visit this site??? My neighbour quit 16 years ago and passed 2 weeks ago from lung cancer of which the doctor himself said did not cause this. I personally have smokers on both sides of my parents families. They must all have lungs of steel since they live well into their 80's and die of dementia before even a smokers cough devlopes. My Dad's lung cancer maybe from working at Goodrich before they announced their chemicals were toxic back in the mid 80's. This is not about smoking .... although it is at the very least an aggrevator, it's by far a single cause. I'm glad you are taking a step back and seeing your feelings as they truely are ... fear of Mom gone. Getting mad in this situation is normal ... example is my Grandfathers nursing home. All they had to do was get him out of the bed more often or turn him a few more times. Then maybe he wouldn't have gotten the bedsore that became gangarine and finally posioned him to death. Point is .......... No death regardless of it's cause is without anger and a mountain of "what if's". Tammy