TamHol

I spent my teenage years feeling the same way you do now ........ I can honestly say you'll find your way. I twirled in circles with Alcoholic parents, Manic depressive father in and out of Phyc wards and the worst choice of boyfriends known to man kind. It will all take time for you to find your way back to some peace and quiet. And let me tell you, it will be well worth the wait!!!!! Just deal with what you can ... when you can and nothing more. It's easier said than done ......... I know! But what you can throw away and doesn't deserve/need your attention or energy .... get rid of it. If it does that for you (your b-friend) take the offer handed to you. There is more time after all of this to go back later, or maybe that is his best contribution to your problems right now. I hope you find your peace and quiet ... or at least a way to control it, counciling will help. But knowing and working within your limits will help just as much. Tammy

Thank you Ned, for my Dad. I've been trying to explain my fathers own reaction to alot of people without truely knowing the right words. I certainly got a few good statements from you. It's hard for me to explain my acceptance and support for my Dad's daily attitude to the family. I'm told I should tell him to rest, and to book appointments all over Gods creation for a cure! I won't do that, I see my Dad's point and can't say I wouldn't feel the same in his shoes. It's been an emotional hell for him being a 20yr Manic Depressive. Alot of those days were not good to him and he dreads remembering and how many times he was forced into reliving them. Medication has been is partner in life all this time, and more of it for the side effects. Then the heartattack and even more medication given. Now this ...... and so overloaded with other med's his body just can't have more! He was pleased with that, because he's just plan and simply sick of being sick! Only a few of us around him understand that, others think he's just in denial. His schedule hasn't changed, or the weekly card games, playing pool and meetings. He doesn't want them to change either. He hasn't said the phrase "living with cancer" but I know that is what he's doing. I personally think he remembers my Mothers words of "ignoring it won't make it go away, but it will stop it from ruining your day." Of course that was usually her coping with his Manic depression episodes. But I think it suites the situation just as well. Thank you for your wisdom, Tammy

Hoping the best for you and your Dad. Tammy

It's stress ........... from everthing you mentioned! Please take some time for yourself to just sit and take in the peace and quiet! It may help for that brief while but something is better than nothing! After that and your typical excercise for release, counciling if you can get it for free, herbal stress releasers, and the hopeful encouragement of "hold on things will get better"! A good old fashion outburst will help too! Good luck to you. Tammy

You are a wonderful person and daughter. Your loss is great and with such a small amount of adjustment time ... if any! I don't know how you can help or where you can go!. But I admire your encouraging energy and emotions to educate anyone who will listen. What ever your efforts do and where ever they take you, I commend you! You are a true example of how to take a bad situation and make it good and great. Tammy

Hi Jill, So far from what I've seen, been told and read on radiation is more a guideline. My neighbour = pain relief about 3 days after the final treatment and it lasted short while. My Dad = clearer breathing immdediately but effects uncomfortable and still has them both. I think it's all how your body responds and reacts to it. That you don't know until you try......as for the heart it made me VERY skitish. My Dad's mass is directly infront of the heart and I was worried with radiation coming from the front and back. It worked out fine thankfully, those lazers are very precise and their placement was planned throughly. So throughly my Dad got annoyed and wondered if they actually knew what they were doing. That was the longest of all the appointments ..... after that it was in and out. Good luck in the coming days .... Tammy

My sympathy's to your whole family .... Tammy

We called the cancer specialist (I think you call them onc). They gave my Dad a mouthwash like medication to coat the throat and medicate it at the same time. He loved it's effect and made him much more comfortable. Hope that helps, Tammy

I am so sorry Don ............. A true hero, pure inspiration and spiritual proof will remain in legecy. My sympathy to you and your family ... Tammy xoxo

Hi there, You've come to a good place to share and discover your not alone in any of this. Hold on for the next few days while all the information is coming in. It sounds like your Mom has an equal fighter at her side .... Tammy

Lori, I'm very sorry for your loss. Tammy

I'm very sorry for your sister and the families loss ...... that is a huge loss. Take care please accept my sympathies. Tammy

A horrible thing to see and have to bare ........ Good luck in the coming days. The strength will come from somewhere, when you least expect it..... Tammy

Oh Don, I'm very sorry to hear about Lucy's condition. I will keep her in my thoughts as well as you and your family. My hopes are with you. Tammy

I'm so sorry for you Amy, there is nothing I can think of to say that will make that helpless feeling go away. I guess it comes down to trusting your Mother knows what is right for her and respecting that. My Dad has no choices as well due to his heart ... we think my Mom knew a cancer was causing her headaches and she kept it secret. After having cerivical cancer at 26, she swore no doctor would ever tell her she had cancer ever again. And she made sure no one would ... amazing for a known hypocondriac. We don't talk about "it" either, my Dad knows he can only deal with so much reality and knows his limit. He acknowledges he has cancer but other than that ignores it as much as he can. More like ignoring "the bully in the schoolyard" so not to give the impression they are effecting you, opposed to denial. I can only say you have to trust ......... trust they are comfortable with what they know. Attempt to understand that knowing is equally as hard, but yet talking about it makes it ( ) that much more real. I do the same, I often say "I know it and live it, I don't want to talk about it too" .... And that would be my reason! The upside is that if you have a good relationship with your doctor. Maybe they will give you more information out in the hallway out of respecting everyones needs????? I tend to walk away with Dad at the appointments and my two sisters stay behind to ask more questions. Tammy

["You know, sometimes it is the artist's task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left." ] A humbling and true statement .... what an appropriate message for everyone everyday!!!! Tammy

Wonderful and double the good news. In my opinion as long as they are intending to keep an eye on it and make sure the phnemonia fades completely etc. They are doing their jobs. I'm sure you know a second opinion is an option, but it seems like your Mom is quite happy with what she has to this point. Yaaaay Tracey's Mom!!! Tammy

Hello, I can't help you with anything other than to say you've chosen a good place for information and the real truth. Tammy

Hi there, I'm sorry this is happening to you, being here you know how many others are in this boat with you. My only advice is don't get too far ahead of yourself. This is a trying time as it is and I don't see the sense in worring about the unknown. Your whole family is scared and going threw a normal shock to news of this horrible illness. You have more than enough emotions banging into each other and taking up your day...leave whatever you can in the corner! Like me your research made you very aware of how severe this illness can be.... But the lives shown here have seen successes that the research doesn't talk about and the stat's don't focus on. I don't come on much since my Dad is doing so well .... I don't feel I've earned my place here quite yet. But I know when I have ... I know where to go! Good luck in the coming days. Tammy

I'm crossing my fingers for you ........... keep the faith! Tammy

Lori, I'm very sorry if you took offence to the posting I made earlier. I changed my post because of the fact that I saw the circumstances had changed regarding the med's and medical opinion of them. My first mistake was allowing my emotions get the better of me. It wasn't an attempt to offend in anyway ... but to introduce a possible alternative theory to the actions of your SF. I live with a man (my husband) who thinks he knows his friends and family outside and in ... he's come to realize that everyone has hidden talents and characteristics. I don't know everything, I just barely know anything! All I know is every situation is different and any advice given or taken is done so by choice and bravery ...... cause we all know it could be the wrong one! I'm glad to hear you are comfortable with your Mom's care and things are getting done as needed. Cheers to the gatekeepers all around! Again, sorry if you were offended. I know better now! Tammy

Your right ....... I have no idea about you or your family, nor do I venture to guess. Everyone has their limits to what they can endure, support and emotionally take before they themselves break. Tammy

My heart goes out to you at this time and I understand your need to have as much quality time with your Mom. I'm glad that she is awake and aware enough for you to have your moments with her. As far as the SF goes .......... although I am like you and will support the process of dying by sitting with them to the last moment. I do think everyone needs to be reminded that no one is emotionally capable to watch another person die. It's not for everyone and I think it's harsh and wrong to set blame based on the actions and each individuals limits. There is no right or wrong way to do this....! If he were walking away I would be harsh ... but he's there and he's dealing with his loss the best he can. It may not be YOUR way, but it's better than nothing. I know of a couple where he walked away from his wife after doctors found the unterine cancer spread EVERYWHERE at the time of her surgery. "I can't handle this or watch you die" he said while walking out the door ........ she fought alone and didn't even begrudge him for leaving. Did he at least support her during her time of need? ...... No, actually he showed up with a date 4 months later at a mutual friends wedding where his wife also attended. Point is ........... it could be worse. Tammy

I'm so sorry to read everything going on in your day ... it's horrible for one person to hear all these things. As you know "vocal people" are the first people to point the finger and the last to lend a truely helping hand. They are exactly that ... talkers! I honestly don't know how you haven't blown and blurted all their faults to them ... you are better than I ... for sure! On the part of your sisters comments about the decision YOU made .... I detect a poor choice of words. The phrase I think she is blending with her thoughts is "you win some, you loose some", not realizing she has dug the whole for her words to be taken personally. Your wounded, heartbroken and extremely touchy with everything going on. Apparently your your own worst cridic as well ... your the one getting your hands dirty for no other reason than your mothers comfort and your own feeling of making this right when it's really all wrong ... that is to be valued and proud of. Don't add to the pressures of everything by worring about the family. If they wanted to know more ... they would've called to confirm or ask questions they felt weren't answered in the email, gotten in the car to attend the appointment etc, etc, etc. Your not their babysitter! If your sister is the only person complaining about the content and information provided in the email ..... look who's reading it????? She is treating you as she would herself .... take notes and you'll better learn how to make this all stop by her own example. Hang on, when this time is done you'll look back and be pleased with everything you've done! It's too fresh right now .... there is no soft spot to sit and reflect ..... but it will come. Cheering you on, Tammy

As hard as it is ............ you will get threw this. There is no advice to give, all you can do is deal with all of this as only you can do. Maybe that is anger, maybe that is the complete mind numbing feeling or confusion. Or everyone of them all at once! There is no handbook of proper reaction, feeling or expectation. Like you said "she's been marveled by everyone" to this point and seems to be doing so well .... that is a gift she's been given. Just do what you can with what you've got and you will find that is enough ... now or at least one day! Maybe quietly standing by waiting is your husbands best helpful contribution. Really, what else is he able to offer or provide you, I'm sure he'll be there to be your rock when you need it most!!! Tammy