TamHol

My your memory's keep you going and service as comfort for you and your children. Sorry for your loss. Tammy

I'm very sorry for your loss ........... I have nothing more to say that may even attempt to make sense of anything. Tammy

All hands for Ernie .......... You are a non-smoker and by all rights with 10 years healing a pack a day smoker you've earned a third lung. Wouldn't that be a wonderful thing .... here's your reward Ernie ... a brand new shinny lung ... just strap it on! Tammy

Oh my heart breaks for you ... it wasn't supposed to be this way. I wish you find some comfort that she is well now and free of all her pains ... small I know, but something has to stop the hurt from hurting so much. Good luck in the coming days. Tammy

I could give a long history of my family that smoked for 60+ years and never developed even a smokers cough much less cancer. Alot of things are to blame for this but smoking is the most immediate and tangable culprate to grab and strangle. Try and strangle a hot exhaust pipe ... I dare ya! My Dad hasn't stopped smoking, nor have myself (severely cut back in a small attempt) or my two sisters. Nor has my cousin with lung cancer or her siblings ....... Why? I don't know for the rest, but for me and my Dad (we've talked and he concurs). Smoking is our "blankie", it provides us comfort and a faithful friend to always depend on. That's a feeling all of us need right now .... maybe later when things aren't as demanding and we can find our comfort more constructively we'll all quit. Oh my, my family, my work, everyone and everything that demands something of me everyday .... and excuse? No! My reality and struggle with quitting ... Yes! Tammy

I completely believe in the power of suggestion and a positive mind etc.etc. It scares the begibbers out of me and I still battle nerves when my head and logic say the opposite. I also believe the mind will act on the words it hears from it's own mouth as if it were an instruction. Your mind is listening to you and taking it's instructions as per your voice and words. Hense the phrase "You can think it .... just don't say it .... Cause that is when you'll jinx it!" However I do think the phrase is just as much for a good as it is for a bad. This comes from deep born, personal determination and natural born sturbborness ... no where else. Not to be inturpted as "we all want this to go away and still the best of the fight are being taken"... To succeed in beating anything by mental status is not alone ... it only works with an equal partnered body able to complete it's task. OK, I can deal with it ......... I'm abit out there. But I've seen it work in the most unlikely ways .... My mother always said after her 1970 histdorectomy for certvical cancer. "There will NEVER be a day a doctor tells me I cancer ever again. If I have a cancer I want it quick and don't want to know about it." She got her wish in 1994, a quick growing (6mon's) cancerous brian tumour. As a hypocondriac she never told the family doctor about the cronic headaches she spontaniously started to have. hmmmmm! Sixth sense, someone pulling strings for her, or a flook? Who cares, she got her wish! My Dad is a Manic Depressive, the man has been man handled by police and hospital goons for over 20 years. My family was in a car accident where the driver turned ever so slightly so he didn't T-Bone us. Still hitting us hard enough for both the motor mounts on the engine to break clear threw. The simple idea and thought of "what could've happened" to his daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren threw him into a Manic episode. Lung Cancer is not a THOUGHT, it's a reality hovering over this mans head and threating his weak heart daily. Not one ioda of a Manic episode is apparent but he gives himself his daily dose of "I hope I can live longer and enjoy as much as I can, after that .... What can you do!" It's my conclusion with these examples as well as my pockets full of more to add.... including Lucie, Ron, etc etc on this board ........... Anything is possible and our wishes are our commands. There's my thought for the day ......... and I'll throw in the dime it's worth! Tammy

Hi there, It was prescribed for my father and a specific combination of medications. We were told it is done this way since each person is different and needs more of one medication etc than another may need. There is no name .......... and it's only available buy perscription. Tammy

Cheers to ........ Medical science and it's common courtesy, humanity and empathy ........ Have you ever said "if they didn't smoke "before" they wouldn't be in this mess?" or "never smoked....how could this be?" This is a report from this morning .... I know it will be available to view today for sure!!!! http://www.ctv.ca/canadaam Under "More Stories" ........... choose "Doctor, survivor take aim at lung cancer stigma"

Tears and all it will be a wonderful visit to have .... you've been guessing at alot. And now you can get some first hand observations and answers you seek. Not to mention give her an emotional boost and mental break from so many days of living around cancer. Don't forget to take a list of the "old days" and "remember when's". With the tears you may forget to laugh alittle with each other. Have a great trip ........ it's just 8 sleeps away! hehehe! Tammy

I'm sorry to read this ... grandparents are such wonderful people for all of us. No matter the reason or cause ......... it all hurts and is a loss of someone gigantic in your life. Your grandmother obviously was a strong woman to endure the discribed obsticals ..... great job done by her. Take care....... Tammy

I'm very sorry for your loss. A trying time it was, on so many levels. All those moments you feared would be horrible memories to keep .... are now peaceful and content. I'm very glad during such a horrible event you have at least those moments to hold onto and keep. I hope the last weeks have been good to you in among all your sadness. Tammy

I think you need some real support or explaination for all this new information. Is it possible to take the information that you have and ask your doctor where you live to "guestimate" it for you. Right or wrong, the answer that doctor is able to give you is better than your imagination. Maybe that will curve your panic of not knowing everything from moment to moment and why? It may also help you threw this process of literally "pre-grieving" as I would discribe it. The only other option is to brave the unknown and accept that this is most likely all due to the cancer. Him going blind is a likely increase of the cancer. Steaming from breast cancer (chosen not to treat for 10 years) a family friend lost her sight, then taste and so on ... Remember the brain holds alot of functions, apparently this is where it's chosen to take this "route". Good luck to tyou in the coming time. Tammy

Dar, I understand it's a catch 22 ...... There is no good advice other than the suggestions that have been given. Maybe a seniors group, a knitting club, book club, playing cards etc. I'm shooting in the wind, but there has to be something that she may be willing to do. Once the spark is lite there is a good chance that more activities will come. You may have her in your home for the rest of this time. Maybe there is there something that could at least break the time up for you both? Is there anything she did years ago that she's not doing now? She obviously wants to spend time with you, and as you've said she's afraid to be alone ... maybe something you two can embark on together????? It's not much but maybe it's just enough? Tammy

Thanks for all ............. I've talked to my sister today as she waits for her daughter to move out. She's OK with it now ... but also she told me her plans for when she has more time on her hands and missing her daughter. She wants to learn to knit and crochet again (she's forgotten over the last 100 or so years these skills unused) ... she wants to have game night like when we were kids. And we're doing Christmas baking like the ol' days where the cookies and pies pass by Dad for decorations and the good stuff.... I hope to keep her occupied so she doesn't use the drink as her band aid ........ I'm just happy for that alone. And I didn't get THAT much pleasure out of the visual I had. The one where I throw her over the funeral home banister when she comes in smelling of alcohol ......... So I guess it's a win win!! The good wishes and kind thoughts did it ..... chalk one up for the good guys! Tammy

I'm inexperienced ... well I have none with the chemo cocktails available and they're purpose. But it sounds to me like she is having an adverse reaction to this particular. Maybe she'd do better on something else??????? It's hard to think they'd say chemo would give her "quality of life" ....... In my experience that is radiation. It too comes with side effects, but slower and more managable as they appear. That being odd I would make the doctor aware of her reaction and side effects. If quality is what he's going for he should be asking her if she would like to seek other options available to her .. like radiation. Your right though, for some people the treatment for what ever the reason and purpose ... is worse than the illness itself. Take her back or call the doctor and explain exactly what you said on this post ... this is not QUALITY of any stretch of the imagination. Good luck to you, Tammy

The oncologist has told him that they are working on his quality of life now, not the quantity. (what does that really mean?). This means they are going to attempt slow the growth down and provide symptom and pain relief... radiation does this. In the end there is no medical intervention he can have and they will keep him comfortable from all symptoms and pain. That's a hard reality to take, it's no wonder he is using what ever denial or "buttering" to get threw the day. My Dad uses this handy tool as well. It seems he is using the technicalities to be able to say "it's not in the lung". Technically he may not have any masses ON/IN the lung but it's still lung cancer. He may not understand that technicality or may not want to acknowledge it ... My Dad will have a hard time understanding how you can have one without the other. To him it wouldn't be logical .... and hard to accept as an answer. As for what to watch for? Who knows, I was just caught by that this week and asked "why didn't you or he say anything?". My answer was solely "We didn't know it was a problem and we don't know what we're looking for." We've decided we'll give them everything and let them weed out what they can't use ... Good luck to you with this, just know ... your far from being in the boat alone. Tammy

Hi Nubar, I'm so sorry for your loss .............. relief is something very reasonable ... relief from worry, wondering and reacting to anothers pain. It's exhausting and overwhelming .... don't feel badly for knowing all of these are at rest. May your memories give you warmth and comfort in this time of need. Tammy

Thanks, I can ask for help easily .... I don't mind the help when I need it. I can explain alot of their reasons for not giving me what I need but it's mainly confusion...god I hope that's it. I don't wear things on my sleeve because often it just doesn't bother me. I'm not that good at being a girl, I only know the signs on other people. I'm an aggressive worrier and that drives me to make things right, sometimes pushing or aggressively demanding. But when I'm truely upset, all the people I'm talking about rally around me to keep the others away. I don't understand that .... how can they be my "protectors" and make sure I get my quiet and alone time to calm down. But they ignored me before that point happened....... I doubt I'll ever understand! But just like usual when they need the "bouncer" to jump start, guard or push something bothering them out of the way .... I'll be stupid enough to do it. And I'll still hear "I need your help, your good at this ... what do I do?" And I'll stay awake all night the topic will consume me for days. To give the answer and recieve my "oh man your so good at this, I didn't even think of that". That's where my friends come in, husband most times too (he reserves the right to "but I'm a guy and don't always know when or what") ......... These friends pick up and react where the rest have obviously fallen asleep .... I'm glad but embarrassed that they have to do that. Without it I'd be lost along time ago. Thank god for the good friends ........ And thank you for your efforts and generious ear (in this case eyes) ... it's just another day in the life of...

I'm always the last one to be thought of ......... why? When my Mom was around I always heard "Tammy can deal with this stuff, someone else can't". Although it's true and I'm not sentimental and logic plays in everthing I do .... I still would like the offer! I Often say "I'm OK, you help them, they're having a worse time" ........... but they never come back to me. I didn't say I don't want the help EVER, I just said I'll wait. Now that I'm 35 I've been taken out of the loop .... My Mom died sitting right beside me while I watched TV ... not a peep came from her, she tickeled my foot before she left. That tickel made it all OK, our talks before of "preferrance if I were to die", I knew it was OK. So I've never had a problem with that day ....... everyone else seems to and I don't understand why. It was the way it was supposed to be, what she wanted and what I wanted to give her and was happy to do. No one but me looks at that day the same as I do, or other situations that have come up. And now they've all decided "Tammy needs nothing, she has her logic and thick skin ..... she'll be fine." I'm not fine, there is not logic to why my sister has to drink after vowing as kids we never would. I'm ticked by that, she knows what it did to our parents and what we thought of them. I'm mad that my Dad has to endure so much physical and emotional pain over his lifetime and all that man ever did was try hard. He never wanted more than his fair share of a good life ... and the past 20 years has been sh**. So much so he never blinked an eye at cancer ... it's all just another day. And why when I pace because I have so much built up am I still waiting for that one person to come back and say "OK, it's your turn ... your the one that needs the most now". Do I honestly never get to the point? I don't know, I don't know where that point is but when it's there it breaks you. I don't want to get to that point anymore than anyone else ......... I feel like I'm being dangled out to dry as the test monkey. It's been this way for so long I have people I can call and dump on ........ It's something we've been doing with each other for years and understood. They call, you go! So that's tomorrow ....... but those people are friends of mine ... not my family. My family has always easily forgotten me, they've blamed it on "but you never ask", or "you always do better on your own and we just figure you'll do it again." Whatever, I don't ask anyone to agree, think or rationalize the same way I do .... just need a face to look like it's listening. All the ducks are in a row, but the one that puts them there .......... is expendable and easily left behind. I'll always do my "job", and they are usually honest and say "Tammy does way more for us than we do for her." They get mad at things that I don't even think is important on my behalf ... but they have no clue when is the right and needed time. And that just ticks me off ....... cause they don't know ... and they stopped asking!

Good luck to you and your Dad ........ It's all I know to say that has any worth. Tammy

I agree ............. My neighbour had an experience where her husband became very verbally abusive, it was the first sign of the cancer invading the brian. The abuse worsened as the cancer entered more of the brian. At 2am he man handled and shoved her into a closet, tried to lock it while slamming the door on her hand. This is not your average 83yr old man ....... she knew it was time to have him in a hospital. Either way you have to start looking at you and the kids safety ... you can't keep quiet about the possibility of this. If he has any ability to restrain himself he likely will do his best. You must start looking at the options ahead. Tammy

It sounds like your house is very crowded .... but the crowd is well worth it. You are a very strong woman and many could learn some valuable lessons from you. Good luck to you and your family. Tammy

Hi there, I have no wisdom ....... just hoping the best for you and that you and your sister can get threw this. hugs hugs, Tammy

My sister called in tears and said "but Dad's OK" ....... The three of us had a "pow wow", sadly/gladly her 18yr old daughter is too afraid to stay at the house with my Dad. She's moving to her Dad's ... for now. #1 - I sympasize with her and I'm glad my niece is getting out...it's hard not knowing what she'll find on the other side of the door. But my oldest sister and I know our niece is embarrassed and stressed over her mothers drinking. She's started to drink alot more in the past year since Dad's moved in. We don't doubt that part of this decision to move to her Dad's includes her Mom's drinking etc. I've appealed to her by letter to tell her Mom this since I think the drinking is a hobby that she can turn back. But that time is now and any longer it maybe a habit ... and hard to break. Our parents were alcoholics, and this one isn't in the habit of reading all signs on the road. I can't do this if she's going to be drunk ....... I can't be the one to tell her since I'm the "smarty pants" sister and just telling her what she's done wrong AGAIN. #2 - I called the cancer center not knowing if these new symptoms are a problem or not. Turns out that they are a possible indicator that the cancer is active again. Not neccessarily in the brian, but effecting the motor, speach and memory .... maybe due to lack of oxygen. We have to talk to him and ask him to agree to an assessment to see if he needs any supports. We have to do this because it's usually done by phone ... he's deaf ... so we have to explain what the assessment could give him and if he agrees he needs to call in his consent. #3 - I called the phsyciatric doctor to for warn her of any these huge changes and possible phsycological changes. Not only are they important to the cancer and it's effect and growth ... but if Manic rears it's ugly head. Hopefully she will take the warning and my request to increase his phsyciatric schedule as a support and preventative measure. Any ideas of how to explain the "assessment" and it's purpose to a man who is a typical "mans MAN"? I'm tackeling the sauced up sister first for now..... I can only do one thing at a time and I've made those calls ......... now to sit and wait to see what everyone does ....... the part that I REALLY hate. I'm more of a do'er .... not much of a wait'er .... and to wait for someone else to get the job done .. WOW .... I'm soooo not good at that! It's going to be alot of arguements and stress .... I have the migrain med's bought and waiting! Tammy

Flowergirl ......... complain all you want on here, find someone to complain to face to face if needed. It's unfortunately part of the process ... it's hard without the medical tests. It could be his anger or it could be the cancer changing this function and perception in the brian. It sounds easier than it is .... to explain it takes a moment ... to endure it takes alot longer. You have a very long time to forgive him, just remember that. Find your anger release somewhere by jogging or walking or sitting in the backyard ... what ever works. Remember you only have to endure this for a short time, but you have the rest of your life to forgive and forget. Good luck to you, Tammy