Debi

Roger, Just wanted to add my voice to the others before me. I think everyone here has felt like you do and needed to pull back at times, and then felt guilty becuase of it- you are only human like the rest of us. Glad to hear about your shrinkage, and hope you keep coming back to keep us posted when you can..

WOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Terrie!!!!

Joanie, My company does not allow it- people had volunteered last year to do it to help someone out and they wouldn't do it. I HAVE heard of others doing it though, and having to donate time back to the company besides giving the sick time out, sounds like a bit much. I mean 2 sick days should equal 2 sick days, most of the time you are doing it as a favor- shouldn't this just be done to promote teamwork and as a benefit to workers? WHY is the company getting any time besides? Are you sure you don't work for my employer??

1. boxing? 9. snowshoes?

Kelly, I know that some people find Lance Armstrong arrogant, etc but you know what?? The guy could have gone on with his life and not looked back after winning his battle with cancer. I read one of his books and I think he had a 1% chance if I remember right- I know it was less than 5%, of living, he went through hell and back to earn the right to be arrogant, if he actually is. Anyone who has achieved what he has achieved, and not only not forgotten what he went through to get there, but works at and uses his fame as a platform to achieve results for a selfless cause, needs to be applauded. At least that's the way I look at it (not that you asked ) I'm sorry I missed the show...

Donna, I take no meds, except Lasix (sp?) in the morning to help with slightly elevated BP. Barb- they also did an ultrasound of my heart to rule out heart problems (although I had a stress test not long ago that was okay). However, the doctor never mentioned the results the other day and when I asked for them, he couldn't find them. They called over to the medical center that did the ultrasound and found that they are still in the Dictation Department- apparently the transcriptionist must have had some days off since Friday was 9 days after the test . So, I'll be calling back to get those results sometime this week..

Thanks for all your replies, they really mean alot to me and have given me food for thought, keep them coming... Bruce, don't waste your worry, I am rebounding well, I'm just confused over the oxygen issue. I sort of brought this on myself since there are times I am slightly out of breath and thought that I should have a Pulmonary Function test since I hadn't had one since surgery, I was more curious than anything on what my breathing capabilities were (I seem to remember something about curiousity killing a cat ...)! Its not like I am waking up gasping for breath or anything, sometimes it just feels 'close', like there is not enough air circulating, and this can be anytime. Of course the fact that its about 105 degrees out and I am carrying around extra weight doesn't factor into my breathlessness... Very minor stuff, I don't want anyone to think that this is anything major..I just have issues with medical care here and the fact that I really don't feel like I need oxygen... I just badly needed advice and always know where to come to get it.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food. 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. 8. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

Wasn't sure where to post this, feel free to move if necessary... I went to the Pulmonary Specialist here in town for occasional SOB I've been having. Well, he ran tests, and one of them was an overnight thing where I had a monitor and had to wear one of those things on my finger that measures oxygen in your blood. Well, the night I wore it, I kept waking up, and every time the O2 level was between 94 and 97. Any time my 02 has been measured since my surgery, it has been in the high 90s, including during a 6 minute walking test last week when it stayed at 98% for most of the time. Today the doctor told me that my pulmonary function results are great, but almost as an afterthought he said that I could benefit from having oxygen at night. He said during the overnight test, my O2 was in the 90s but registered 88%, 1% of the time. By the way, when I originally had to schedule the test, I had to pick from one of 3 local oxygen companies - I didn't have a preference so the doctor's office just called one of them. When they called me to bring the stuff by, I had asked if my insurance covered it and the provider said it was complimentary, because if I needed oxygen, they would be the one who 'acquired' me. Okay, so I'm paranoid and hate the limited possibilities of medical care in this town. I just keep thinking this is some sort of scam to get insurance money and kickbacks. (Incidently, while I was in the waiting room today, one of the providers stopped by with a bag of fresh vegetables for the nurses and asked if they had any 'new business' for them.) All that said, is this normal practice of oxygen providers-providing free equipment for overnight screening in return for your business if you need oxygen? And do you normally need oxygen if you reach 88% oxygen level for 1% of 8 hours, which would be about 8 minutes if I'm figuring correctly. And can somoeone get used to oxygen and need it more?? Do I really need oxygen do you think?? And yes, you can tell me, I value all your opinions much more than I value this doctor's opinion. Within 15 minutes of leaving the doctor today, the Oxygen provider place was calling my cell phone. I told them I would get back to them.

Woooo Hooooo Kasey!!!! Good news always sounds so good...

Don & Lucie, I am just totally blown away, as always, by this great news!! Lucie, you keep on keeping on, you are such a power of example to so many.

In answer to your question, my son is 7, he turned 7 in April. He knew 3 years ago that I had surgery, and that my lobes were removed, although he had just turned 4 at the time. I left for a week and then when I came home and was recuperating from major surgery, there's not much you can hide. He knows very basic things: that I have had cancer, and had 2 lobes of my lung removed and that you shouldn't smoke. Somehow he knows that people die from cancer, but has browbeat me into saying I won't. He asks about people dying and I'll say some people do and he'll say "But not you mom, right?" and I'll say "well eric, nobody lives forever" and he'll say "But your going to live for a long long time right mom?" and this will go on and on until finally I agree that I'm going to live forever and never leave him. Then he goes on his way. I struggle with a need to prepare him that I could get sick again but just end up wanting to alleve the panic in him when he starts these discussions. I don't think he needs to know what 'could' happen. So anyway, the conversation about my lung expanding was just because I thought he would think it were cool, he knows that my lung was taken, its a way of life- mommy has to stop and get her breath sometimes if we're walking outside, etc. If I happen to cough, he'll worry, and ask if I'm okay. I know what drives his behavior but we don't have specific conversations about cancer, there's really nothing to say at this point. That's why I'm glad the fact that my lung filling up the space somehow makes the world feel like a safer place to him.

Congratulations Joanie.. I have the same problem. Dr told me there was a spot on my lung in January, wasn't operated on till June. I count mine from June, only because I don't want to jinx myself by counting from the earlier date (okay, somehow this makes sense to me ) Anyway, this is great news, however long it is!!

Ralph, I just wanted to say that I'm a big fan of counseling and don't think that it ever hurt anyone. This isn't an easy thing to live, just with the fear and knowing that we had/have cancer. When you add on new limitations and all that, our body feels different and we have to adapt to alot of newness, both psychologically and physically. Why not get any help you can along the way? Just my attempt of armchair psychology , looking at your signature, I see that your coming up on a year in August since your surgery. Maybe the arrival of this "one year" anniversary date is in the back of your mind and triggering your emotions more than normal. Having been diagnosed with lung cancer when you were just recently married, and supposed to be 'happy', couldn't have been an easy deal to accept. You may be feeling alot of stuff now, that you haven't let yourself before. Hang in there, keep talkign to your wife, us and anyone else you find along the way..

Okay, I know I already posted my gripes but Wendy and Andrea have reminded me of my latest which is people complaining on and on about nothing. I have daily contact with someone who is convinced that the world is out to get them. IF they call to rent a house and it was already rented- they have no luck, here it goes again, they can never get a break, etc etc etc. This holds true for EVERYTHING that goes "wrong" in their life, they continually whine like its the worse thing in the world- meanwhile the things going "wrong" are pathetically trivial. (Like look its raining, it figures, now the grass will grow and I'll have to mow the lawn. It's just my luck, I just mowed the grass, it would only happen to me) On and ON and ON.. I mean... seriously.... Sometimes, just so the words won't come out of my mouth that are threatening to, I just visualize choking them till they stop whining. This seems to help.

Thanks for posting this - it's good to see we are part of a bigger movement !! Several parts hit home for sure!!

He really likes my haircut.

OH good... an invitation to whineeeeeeeeee!!! And I'm not apologizing for it either..... Where to start, where to start... Well, when I need to vent or whine, I come here, therefore, quite a few of my posts have 'whines' in them. I learned a long time ago that "regular" people don't want to hear it - or maybe it's not that they don't want to hear it - they just are uncomfortable with hearing it. My daughter doesn't say anything, but I can tell she is thinking that I'm a hypochondriac, and in some ways, I am. But like my doctor once said, with this disease, I need to be a hypochondriac. I talk to my sister somewhat, but just surface stuff about my worries, nothing too deep. I even hate to whine in here sometimes because I feel like there are so many people who have had months of chemo, radiation, all types of challenges and here I am whining about not being able to wear a bra comfortably. I mean, I imagine people saying, suck it up for chrissakes!!!That's why when I create a post, most of the time it is in Early Stage. As far as friends, co-workers, etc - I was talking recently about how I was going to Dallas to meet my online LC buddies to a bunch of people at work who asked what I was doing over my vacation. I was excited about the trip so forgot the unspoken lung cancer rule of only saying so much to civilians . Within minutes, people started avoiding my eyes, shuffling paperwork, etc - they do not want to HEAR the word lung cancer. I think they want me to keep it my dirty little secret- and most times I do. Far be it for me to make their lives uncomfortable, its okay if I joke about myself at work having one lung, etc- that is okay, they love my jokes. But I can't speak seriously about it. I can almost hear them thinking "Get over it"- to them my cancer is something in the past. To me, it now is part of who I am. Since you asked -I guess one of my beefs is when people talk to the cancer patient as if they have suddenly turned into a drooling idiot because they have cancer. I know when I went up for surgery, my daughter kept insisting that I go to her house to recover and couldn't understand why I didn't want to. I could tell she was almost resentful because I was putting her a bit out of the way by her having to drive me 4 hours home and then she having to drive back 3 hours. Well, you know what? I love my daughter and all, but tough shi_. I ran her around her entire teenage years -stack up those rides to the damn mall and the movies - too bad I was being 'stubborn' and wanting to recuperate in my own damn house. My daughter lives in a small house that at the time overflowed with THREE kids under 6 and she was due with the fourth one. Sorry I didn't want to recover in a day care for crying out loud. They kept saying how it would be so much easier for me, but in reality, it would have been easier for them. I love my grandkids to death, and my daughter, and even my freakin son-in-law but my surgery was MY time, to do what I wanted. YES, it was all about MEEEEEEE!!! Sorry KIDSSSSS!!!!! I have never really mentioned that time, and how I apologized all the way home from the hospital because she had to drive me back from Tulsa. And don't get me wrong, my daughter acted fine, but I could tell they were upset that I wasn't willing to stay up by them. But I needed my comfort, I needed my home, my things. IT was important for me to know everything around me was still the same. I'm the 'crawl under the porch when sick' type of person and I need MY porch. I don't think they still understand- they sort of shake their heads over mom's 'stubborness' to come home. Mom the moron. Another complaint, the standard - the question, "Did you smoke?" , asked primarily by strangers but could be anyone. I mean the implication is so out there, like "So did you deserve it?". I keep trying to get the cohonas to say "why do you ask" as a reply like someone once suggested here. But for some reason, that dormant guilt or whatever it is, maybe it is just good manners, prevents me from making the person feel uncomfortable. So I answer the question with yes, and feel somehow smaller. Another whine - my constant - leaving my job, leaving my life insurance behind, leaving really what is one of the only stabilities in my life, even though it is not a good place to be. I've stayed there the last 3 years in case the lung cancer came back, I have bought up extra disability there, extra life insurance. When I leave, I walk from those. I hate having to think of that every day. I know I have alot more whines in me, but this is way too long already. I'll come back and add if I think of any pressing ones. Good post Connie!!!!

I'm a damn elephant. What kind of a joke is that?? Who told the World Wide Web I gained 35 pounds??? Anyway, 25% will come back as a higher life form. What are they, saints for crying out loud??

Ice Cream, in particular anything with Ben & Jerry on the outside!

Ivory soap??? And is it, "Have you had your break today?" from McDonalds Bruce? Next- "Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman"

ONE lousy ticket, that ticket I got for speeding about a year ago. ON my way up to see my daughter on some country highway about 2 hours from here, I was PASSING someone and they started speeding up, so I had to speed up to get in front of them. THe policeman, coming the other direction, behind a hill, saw me on radar and waved me over. That's the one where I go to a courtroom in some backwoods town feeling like a character actor in "My Cousin Vinnie". This is NO exaggeration, the courtroom is packed and the judge gives EVERYONE probation before me- an 18 year old kid doing 75 in a school zone is one memorable case and another guy who the judge actually knew by name because he had been to court so many times. The Judge asked everyone who went before him if they ever had a speeding ticket, he never even asked me. I go up there and after I finish explaining my case, the judge (I SWEAR) says, "You aint from around these parts are you?". And I said "No, I'm from Ardmore, Oklahoma" (which by now is looking like a Metropolis to me), and then he fines me $180.00. I said to him "I have always had a clean driving record and he said "Well, now you don't". I was livid. In retrospect, I think he thought that I was being smart when I didn't say NY when he asked me where I was from, but I wasn't trying to be. I live here now, and have for almost 6 years.

Gee Geri.... You're English???

Rob, Once the cell phone service is disconnected, most likely the message will not be saved as it normally saves to the network's voice mail system, not the phone itself. Also, please check with your provider, I know my network 'dumps' the saved messages after 28 days. At least this is how Cingular does it. I'm not sure how to save the message unless you can record it onto a tape recorder or similar device. If you have a home phone with answering machine, maybe you could call the network's voice mail number, retrieve the message and record it on that. Someone else probably has a better idea on how to do this, just my 2 cents.

Dorothy, I'm no doctor, but sounds like a cold or an upper respiratory illness to me, especially if your voice came back after antibiotics!! I've been fairly healthy since my surgery so when I get a normal, run of the mill cold, I assume its the worse (see Early Stage forum, full of my neurosis! ). If you're still not feeling well in a week or so, then I would go back to the doctor. Have you been getting scans/xrays every few months or so?