Debi

I got a 48 also. It appears that I sit all wrong, otherwise I would have made the next level!!

John, Make sure you tell Ry that I am thinking of her!! I guess we will have to cancel our road trip till she comes out!! Tell her to steal the toilet paper from the hospital, we will need all that we can get.

Ry, as long as your son doesn't drive the getaway car, we will be all right. And Ginny lets not go overboard, okay??? You keep the red hat for yourself and ride shotgun!! I swear, I get absolutely no respect here....

Frank, I think I liked it better when you just lurked! Just kidding of course, I am SO glad that you are posting these days!!! And thanks for the highway idea, it actually sounds like fun!!

I don't have any answers for you since I am going through the same thing... I am convinced that every ache or pain I have is a symptom of a met somewhere in my body. As the time passes between my scans, my paranoia gets worse until when I finally go, I am a bundle of nerves. I don't even know if I am getting the right tests...my Onc has been giving me a chest xray..this time I have insisted on a CT. I had a bone scan and brain MRI back in August because I insisted but I have no idea what I am supposed to get regularly. Are those once a year or only if there is a need or what?? I seem to be under the self service plan here. Maybe since we are in the same space this is exactly where we are supposed to be post surgery. I will shut up now and let people that actually have the answers you are looking for reply!!

During my lifetime I always wondered what would happen if I was diagnosed with some life threatening illness. I pictured myself visiting rest homes, slowing down, being kind to strangers and patient with my family. WRONG!! I have done none of the above. SO much for some sort of life changing moment. Driving to work if someone is moving too slow for me, I still fantasize about running them off the road and am probably the only one in Oklahoma that uses NY hand gestures. I have no time to be patient to either strangers OR my family. I am still me with all the faults I had before I knew I had lung cancer. But, there are little things that I am doing now. I opened up a savings account last week because I want to save money (a new concept for me, it usually is only there for me to spend). Also, I happened to notice the other day that every dress, blouse or skirt I own is either black or shades of grey and had never even noticed it. I just went through life buying black things; I AM Morticia Adams in the flesh . So I went out to the store and bought a YELLOW dress. I had to forcibly remove myself more than once from black and grey dresses, but I did it!! I guess my realization is that we go through life doing the same thing over and over and never think of changing what we are doing because that is the way it always has been and we don't question it. I cannot believe that all my clothes are black...and that I never saw it!! I think that to change the big things in your life, you have to start small...

Thanks for the article on mold Hebbie. I have been fighting at my job since this summer about replacing the carpet because there is mold underneath. People at work are constantly commenting on how they have never been as sick as they are working in this building. Finally, to shut me up because I have gotten louder and louder, the company has had men come with petri containers and are taking tests of water retention, etc. From the websites I have visited, although no one seems to want to come right out and state definitely that mold causes this or that, it seems that there is at least a definite link between mold and a lowered immune system. And I can't really afford to have a lowered immune system. Pretty amazing that they have found a link between mold and lung cancer, but not at all surprising.

Eileen, Sorry I haven't posted before now.... I am SO happy for you.. you are a true inspiration that it can happen...

Karen, I am so sorry to hear of this setback but know that that is what it is. You will get through this just like before. Am thinking of you every day and sending tons of good wishes....

Wow Rick, I am with the others...this is touching and amazing.

I have seen this one before Becky, and it just gets funnier!!! Do you want to explain it to the boys or should I???

Thanks Ry...I have been thinking about Bob the last few days... Please let us know if you hear anything...

Cary, I guess no one knows better than us how words can change a life in an eyeblink....I bet we have more that a few stories to contribute from here.. Thanks for the idea and glad to see your post ...

Fay, You are such a strong woman, and such a power of example on this board for the rest of us... I go to my Oncologist because he is in town, and I would hope that between him and the lab (which is separate from the Cancer Center), they can't frigg up a test result. I don't trust him as far as I could throw him and I have so many red flags and alarms going off that if he happened to find anything, I would be on the 4 hour beaten path back up to Tulsa in a heartbeat. There is NO way that I would let this man decide a course of treatment for me, and put my life in his hands. Gone long ago are the days that I trust someone just because they have a medical license hanging on their wall. I have no doubt Fay, that you and your perfectly formed pumpkin head will be throwing Ed out on his ear once again. You are a goddess , and the sooner that Ed realizes this, the better.....

I really don't know where to start.... I would like to address you all individually, but that would be too long a post. Each one of you that posted is an inspiration to me in some way...and I really mean that, I'm not one to just say something because it sounds nice.... Fay, denial is sounding good, since I have had so much life experience at that already . Frank, don't worry I am not about to become dark and brooding.. I wouldn't know how to, for any length of time . Humor is definitely a huge part of my life and lung cancer isn't going to take away my ability to laugh or to try to make others laugh. I'm probably a bit bleak because my quarterly check up with the Oncologist from hell is next week. I always feel good after my scan results but it starts wearing off before the next time, just around this time the trepidation starts setting in. I normally don't post that I am going for tests..I feel that I will jinx myself...so I just sit here and act bizarre and needy. Your collective words of wisdom help much, please keep them coming!

I know this has all been addressed before but I could use some helpful hints... I'm trying to figure out the balance between living my "normal" life and reading the boards every day and potentially becoming active in the fight against lung cancer. Although, yes, I have lung cancer, I don't want to be consumed with the fear of it and I can't seem to find my happy medium. Every time we lose someone here, not only does it sadden me but it forces me to look at my own mortality. Sometimes I can't read other forums and am content to go to "Just for Laughs" while I try to balance. There have been so many people that I have wanted to reply to, but was too exhausted to take the time to do so. I want to commit but I can't commit. I have had a dream several times over the last few months, it is so vivid.... I have to cough and I cover my mouth. When I take my hand away, it is filled with blood. Of course, I have to go to work like any other day after these dreams that don't let me sleep again and I try to not think about my dream, and the feelings left over from it while I go about what has somehow become my life. I do my best but then I have to cough, and am afraid to...I wonder if the dream is actually a premonition, instead of just only a bad dream. I guess my problem in life has always been that I cannot find a middle, it has always been all or nothing. So for me, it is either total dedication to something or none. I have ideas for support in my area, I actually may have connections for fund raising ideas through my job. At the same time, I have my job, my son, my daughter's family, my life. And in the middle of all this I have this huge fear, that threatens to start nibbling at me at any given moment, immobolizing me. IF it is not the remnants of a dream, it is a pain or an ache, or some feeling that I cannot quite put my finger on....... I know that my fears will never quite go away but how do you get that balance between facing it every day and putting it behind you at the same time?

Bob, Like everyone before me has said, get the feeding tube in so at least you can get some nutrition in your body. It doesn't mean that it is permanent, what goes in can come out!! Keep pestering everybody about what can be done to make that lymph node gone as soon as possible if that is the problem. Don't take no's for an answer. Don't MAKE me come up there and fight those doctors for you!!! This does suck Bob, there is nothing else to be said about it. But you have been "down" before and have gotten back up and not only survived but become a power of example for others... its time to do it again.....and I have faith that you will.... I'm with you in spirit.

Don... Lucie is truly an inspiration to us all.. please make sure to pass that on to her!! And your not so bad yourself!!!

Okay Bob..that'll teach you to leave the country without me!!! Seriously, please keep us posted. Glad you made it back and I hope you are out there golfing in no time (even if its the most boring game in the world!) Do you need any chickens????

Cindy, Oh, that stinks!! I don't want to insult your intelligence, but you are clicking the left mouse button and holding it down to drag??? I tried it again from here, and it worked for me. I'm not sure what could be wrong. Sorry!!

Okay, I failed 3rd grade... that is SO sad!!!!! Please make me feel better...someone..... http://www.madblast.com/funflash/swf/map_test.swf

Ry, I am so sorry that all that happened and your mom broke her arm. If you need anything, let me know!!! Dont' you worry at all about John...we will take care of him for you!

Thank you Katie and Rick

Hey Cookieman... Nice to meet you..am so glad that you decided to join us!!! Stick around and bring cookies !!!

Sorry you have to be here but welcome, Tricia!! And Frank Lamb, it is SO good to see you posting!! Hope your visit when your daughter came turned out great!!