Debi

Don, You have been a true fighter of this disease every step of the way. Congrats on the 4 years,and all my best wishes for many more.

I just wanted to add that I don't do contrast because of the dye- I am allergic to it. I have been told that although contrast does make things clearer, it is really done primarily to make it easier for the radiologist to read- in reality, they can read it just as well without contrast, they just have to look a little longer and more thoroughly. Not sure if its true or not, but I was told this both by a doctor and a CT tech on 2 different occasions.

One more Katie, I couldn't think of his name but I found it - Lenny, who died at 32 and had the avatar of his 2 little boys. Also, Jenny from Georgia.

Dr. Sam, Betplace and her happy dances, BobMc on the rope bridge in Costa Rica, Bluebayou (Francine) and her graciousness.

Rochelle, I am locked behind my office door right now because I can't seem to pull myself together. I am shocked and so sad. Please call if you need anything at all, know that you and the kids are on my mind. I'm so sorry that John is gone.

Alisa, Glad I had the time to stop by - you made my day. I understand how you feel about the year by the way, I am still on 6 months and sometimes that is hard- I start worrying around the 5 month mark. Anyway, congrats!!!

Teresa, I can only imagine your frustration and confusion. That is crazy, having 2 completely different opinions, however; it is good that you found the second doctor. Your father is so right to not go for the radiation at this point until they find out what exactly is going on. Please keep us posted as to what they find- glad that you were able to 'fast-track' his tests!

I love: the way the sky looks in the fall... The smell of fireplaces being lit for the first time.. the changing colors of the leaves... not having to have the lawn mowed as frequently.... the sun going down earlier so you don't feel guilty not doing something after work...the crispness of the air .. the open windows ... big fat pumpkins ... Halloween ... huge pots of mums for the front porch ... new fall clothes.. as you can see, fall is my favorite time of the year also..

Okay ladies, I thought alot of those men were attractive in their hey-day but I don't really find them that sexy anymore- they are too old. I do have to admit that I find Brad Pitt and Matthew McConaughey incredibly sexy and could probably watch them in anything.

The biggest adventure was when I locked myself out, not of my house, but out of my room when I was about 19. I lived in an apartment upstairs with a roommate and always kept my bedroom locked. Well, I left my bedroom key locked inside my bedroom one day. I had come home from the beach, with a car full of people and went upstairs while they waited outside. Finding my door locked, I went in my roommates bedroom, opened her window, and wearing nothing but her short terry cloth wrap-around robe that I had decided to throw on in the process, proceeded to walk the ledge to my open bedroom window. I remember stopping halfway and contemplating my possible error in deciding to walk the ledge since it was alot higher than it had seemed from the ground and alot longer and I wasn't exactly sober. My landlords, who had rented to me with reservations because of my age, happened to look out at that exact moment of reflection, dialed the police because they thought I was trying to jump and came running out to talk me down. Add to this mix 1 carful of stoned guys, and one of them who's voice resounded from the street "hey man, is she flying?". And of course all the neighbors who had decided to come out on their stoops to watch the half naked girl jump from the ledge. I only lived in that apartment for a year but I think I made a lifetime of crazy memories there... and probably a lifetime of nightmares for the poor landlords.

I'm sorry that I am posting update so late- I had work to catch up on so didn't get home until a little while ago. Well, I got through both my scans this morning and all is well. Of course, it was one of those Murphy Law days where everything that could go wrong, went wrong (I ended up spending over 4 hours at the doctors), but the important things went right. I am good to go for 6 more months... Thank you all for your concern and for keeping body parts crossed...

Like I'll believe that now.

Jack, The news of Cheryl's death made me cry tonight. Cheryl was the first lung cancer survivor that I ever met in real life and I remember the solidarity that I felt just talking to her. Cheryl was an extraordinary person and an incredible fighter. But even more than that, she was a sweet person who deserved so much more than this horrible disease. My sympathies are with you Jack, I know how much you loved her.

Okay, normally I don't post before my tests because I don't want to jinx myself. But I am SO stressed tonight..I'm not sure if I want to throw up or hyperventilate (can I do that with only a lung and a lobe?), or just curl up in a ball somewhere. I'm having a chest CT and a neck CT first thing in the morning. Normally I don't allow myself nervous time until the morning of the test but this time I am really spazzing out. I think there are a few reasons - it's really 7 months rather than 6, I have alot of other stress in my life (big changes at the job, daughter and family coming to visit, etc), its only my 2nd CT since surgery, my old Onc only did xrays. Also, the neck CT is new and in response to some symptoms I've been having. I feel like I'm on stress overload. My tests are at 8:20 am and I actually see the doctor at 9:45 for the results. I have never done this, gotten the answer the same day and although I really loved the idea, it's not giving me any breathing time to brace for the results. I wish there was a quicker way to get to around noon tomorrow from here, without having to go through this. Anyway, if you all could cross something for me this time around, I would be forever grateful.

I don't have an answer but Rochelle? You just said you liked my haircut the other day....

Pam, I can't believe that it has been THREE years - holy crap!!! I am SO glad that I have met you on here, and SO glad that you have stuck around. I know that I have been busy, and have become an email slacker, but you are one of the people I always think of, and I look for your updates. Pam, I don't have to tell you that being one of the 'lucky' ones comes with its own price. But after my 3rd anniversary, I started finally believing that maybe I had escaped this thing that had killed so many of my friends on here. I hope that you begin to spend days where you don't think of cancer for more than a moment or even better, totally forgot to think about it at all! And then comes the day when you get a sore throat and that's ALL it is to you- a sore throat, not the onset of throat cancer. My third year was a turning point, and my fourth year brought it home (most days! ). I wish the same gift for you!

I had been out of NY 3 years and was in Oklahoma. I had just gotten to work and the employees were telling me that a plane had hit the WTC. I called my son-in-law since his mom works on Wall Street and told him to turn on the news. He turned it on just in time to see the 2nd plane hit during the news broadcast. Since I work in a call center, with customers calling in to place orders, we were all kept updated with reports around the country. We had all sorts of rumours coming in, the Space Needle in Seattle had been hit, the mall in Minneapolis was a target. We heard about the Pentagon and the plane in PA from our customers who didn't even care anymore about placing orders, they just wanted to talk to somebody for comfort. I had a regular phone on my desk and continued to keep a connection with my family, to keep people as calm as I could with updates. A little before 10 am one of the other managers had gotten the training TV to get some reception in one of the conference rooms. I walked in just in time to see, through the poor reception, the tower crumble to the ground. Needless to say, I was totally devastated and for the first time, felt really far away from home.

Don't have time to read the paper daily, I am one of those 'sleep till the last possible moment' people and start my day running. I did order the Sunday only paper 4 weeks ago but so far have not taken it out of the plastic sleeve. I bring it in on Sunday and it sits on my counter until around Thursday when I accept the fact I'm never going to read it and toss it out.

This is perfect! I'm going to steal it and send it to everyone I know!

Jeesh Pam, forget about the cancer, you have one more PET scan and you're going to grow another head from all the radioactive stuff they inject into you. Anyway, am glad that your mind is at ease and that all is okay. I know how it is.

Nova, I never really come in this forum but ventured in today and feel the need to comment on this post. I always thought that I would be one of those people to get closer to those I loved, tell everyone what they meant to me, etc if I found out that I had cancer or some other life threatening disease. I fantasized about writing books to my grandchildren, taking trips with my kids, and so on. The fact of the matter is that, for me, that wasn't the route it all went. After I had my surgery and it was confirmed that I had cancer, I started withdrawing from my daughter and my grandchildren. My son is 8 so I didn't have much choice but to be here for him at the time, but I think emotionally, I withdrew some from him too. None of this was for me - because I was sad or any other reason- I had always said that if I was diagnosed with cancer and had no one, I wouldn't really care much if I lived or died. My pain, my withdrawal was for them. If I was going to die, I felt that I needed to start leaving them now, so that they could start to manage on their own, because that was the way it was going to be after I was gone. I didn't want to grow even closer, I didn't want to spend more time with them - why - so it would hurt them even more when I was gone? I wanted any memories they would have after I was gone to be distant ones, not fresh and as soon as I heard that I had cancer I started detaching. It was my job to protect my children and the very least I could do is make my own death less painful for them, and to make myself the least missed I could. I can only imagine how I would have felt if the cancer continued to grow. I know this probably doesn't make sense to some people but that's okay, because dealing with cancer puts you in a world that makes no sense. I am still not as close to my daughter as I was before cancer, my detachment continues in some form, just in case it comes back. Cancer carries some huge psychological tolls, and all of us are victims in some way. Nova, I wish you the best. I wanted to give you another possibility of where your husband may be at, but my heart goes out to you and your family, no matter what the case.

I went to NY on business in June and the whole team went into NYC to a comedy club on Thursday night. We were walking down 34th Street and there was this tanned, buff man, leaning up against a building, with long hair, wearing a leather vest with nothing underneath and tight jeans. The guy looked like he just stepped off the cover of one of those romance novels, standing there completely aloof and expressionless. Well, my friend from Oklahoma who never has been to NY stopped so short that it was comical. Her and I just stared at him like he was a TV, trying to come to grips that something that beautiful could actually be real. We finally had to move ahead so we wouldn't lose the group we were with. I remember glancing behind me a few times because it was so hard to stop just looking at him.

Thanks for your post, this will certainly come in handy for alot of people. I agree 100% with alot of what you have said. If there is one message that I would like to get out to people it is that they need to be responsible for their own health care. Time after time I speak to people (not even cancer related) who tell me they have gone to the doctor for something and they aren't satisfied with what the result was. When I ask them if they told the doctor that or if they are going somewhere else, they just say, "well, he's the doctor, I'm sure he knows". NO!!! Doctors are not psychics, sometimes they don't know. Or they aren't taking the time, or it could be a million other reasons. My original doctor that found my cancer used to have no problem saying, "you know, I don't really know, I'm going to have to make some calls". The fact that he admitted that he DIDN'T know everything, actually made me feel more comfortable with him. Anyway, thanks for the reminder!

Mike, I moved your post to this section only because I thought more people would see it here, along with your other post, it explains whats going on. Hang in there, sometimes all you can do is put one foot in front of the other. There are lots of survivors here, even though I hate the fact that you and your wife have to be here, I'm glad that you found us! Lots of support here... like Randy said, its a 3 day weekend so there may not be alot of responses until Tuesday!

JC, When they ask you where you're going, just tell them that you're running away to join the circus, it's a lifelong dream and you've decided to go for it.