Debi

My first thought was lonely. And Rochelle, I will not comment.

strainer

convert

Hebbie, I have no advice to give you regarding the procedure. However, it sounds like you are really in a struggle regarding your diet and the reaction of your macro community and their fear that going off your old diet is going to be detrimental. I know sometimes these communities can become over zealous with the commitment to their, lack of a better word, causes and not want to weigh anything else. Right now, it sounds like your priority is getting some weight on. YOU have battled your cancer with all the weapons available to you, there is no reason to stop now. When the macrobiotic diet seemed the road to go, you went there. Now, is the time to take another road perhaps. You NEED to keep your strength up and if that means going off the diet you have been on, then that just means that. You owe no apologies to anyone, this is your life and your fight and to do what you need to do right now should come with no guilt. This is all about YOU Hebbie, no one else and 'scary skinny' isn't where you need to be. I understand that this post coming from someone that scarfs down a Big Mac here and there may not mean too much, but I have had healthy moments in the past. Although I know that red meat and certain foods are not good for you, I still eat them from time to time, and I am still doign okay as far as I know. So my opinion on diet and cancer is not a very strong one. Lots of good wishes for you to be feeling less stressed soon Hebbie-

Ginny, It seems like only a month ago when I was writing that I couldn't believe it was 2 years since the Duke was gone. Time seems to gain speed when you get older... I remember being new and reading about the Duke, your relationship with him always seemed like a modern day fairy tale. I'm glad you are still around, its always good to see your posts. You continue to remain the example of grace and dignity you always have been. I hope that this Saturday is filled with warm memories.

Oh Tom, I don't even know what to say. My sympathies to you and your family.

Becky, The world lost something special when David left it, but you already know that. Although its late, I will have some milk and cookies in his honor. I hope you are doing well Becky, we miss you too.

Being a woman, my opportunities are greater. I remember the disparity in men and women's salaries, if a woman was even lucky enough to manage to fight their way to a job that was equal to that of a man. This happened in MY lifetime. I no longer have to worry that my sex will be an obstacle to getting paid as much as a man for the same job. Yes, my opportunity to succeed is far greater.

I don't have much to add to the posts above but did want to say that although Relay for Life was a huge event with my company in the last few years, I never had the heart to participate. While I applaud the ACS efforts for their work with other cancers, their unyielding stand of using all lung cancer monies for smoking cessation programs sends me into a rage. I agree that fighting lung cancer is a twofold disease, smoking DOES need to be addressed, but the American Cancer Society needs to understand that people are DYING because of the low funding of lung cancer research. I resent the fact that the ACS is ignoring ME and others like me, who have been diagnosed with the disease of lung cancer and have limited choices for treatment in part because of their "you made your bed, now lie in it", approach. This always hits such a nerve, I just don't get it, or understand it. Almost 200,000 people a year are being diagnosed newly with lung cancer - how can the ACS not recognize that these people exist and need their help? They are supposed to HELP people with cancer- instead they turn their back on those diagnosed with lung cancer. Okay, someone take the soapbox...

and the drinks are virtual anyway, so they are already free. Except of course on the second Tuesday of each month which is the exact day that ...

Oh good God Lilly, I thought you were posting an announcement!!!!

I rarely have time to cook, but would take that option, since I actually enjoyed cooking once upon a time.

Well, I saw my new doctor today. This guy is Director of Pulmonary Medicine at a huge cancer and research hospital in the area- So the guy's really good, and I'm not really used to good. The hospital is huge, its' like this giant metropolis that crawls over I don't know how many blocks and resembles a city. I was expecting to see hovercrafts above and the Jetsons waving at me. I mean, I'm in the big time now. And I'm nervous as hell because if there is anythign to find, these people will find it. Long story short, I have to go for a CT in September, this was just a 'get acquainted' appointment. One thing that came up that I found interesting - I have been walking around for 4 years saying that they took out 17 lymph nodes and all were negative. Well, new Doctor drew me a picture (thankfully he chose medicine and not art as a career) and it appears that the lymph nodes that were taken were all close to where the lung was removed (at least he read my file). He pointed to these dots somewhere in the middle of my chest and said that he would have taken some lymph nodes that were further away also. He said that there is a 1 in 6 chance that the cancer migrates to those lymph nodes without showing up in the closer ones. Although 1 in 6 isn't a great chance, he said that it is still a chance and they don't like to leave chances. It bothered me a little to know that and why he felt I needed to know that at this point. But then he went on to say that if they did find something in my CT in September, that it would most likely be a new primary. He also told me that in most cases, if my cancer was going to met to somewhere else, it would have done so by now. His words hit home somewhere and made me realize that its gone. All this time, learning to cope with the fear, going forward but always having that dark place. I never felt that it was gone, I felt it waiting, but I feel its gone now. He somehow made me feel that. I hope it lasts. Anyway, the Scheduler TRIED to schedule the appointment for September 11th at 9:00 am until I told her that there is no way that I am going to have a CT done on 9/11, it is just not a good date. At this point I don't even care if I look stupid, I have earned the right to look stupid, thank you very much. The one thing I do like is that I get the CT and then see the doctor immediately after for the results. You gotta love that!!!!

I have enjoyed reading all the responses to the post also-some got me annoyed, and some made me laugh. I have to add another that just happened last week. I had to have my records from my old Oncologist in Oklahoma faxed to the new doctor here in Ohio. My appt was today, so they needed the records and I had been trying for a month to get them here. I spoke to the nurse last week and she told me that they STILL hadn't received them. I called the Cancer Care place in Oklahoma and spoke to the records clerk again. She told me that they wouldn't see them on the fax because she had to mail them "BECAUSE (very indignant tone here)your file is WAY too thick". I didn't have an answer so in the silence she kept muttering about 'too much to fax' and 'dont understand why it was so large' etc etc. Finally I had to butt in with "UMMMM, maybe its because I've actually stayed alive for 4 years?" There was dead silence from her end and then she replied unapologetically "oh, you know, you're probably right - I didn't even think of that!" My file is a celebration of my life; to her, its just an inconvenience.

For some reason the first thing that came to my mind was skydive. When I think about it, I think that if I were able to force myself to skydive, I would never be afraid of anything again.

Newly divorced mother with a 3 year old daughter. Driving a taxi and dispatching, living paycheck to paycheck to say the least. Fresh out of rehab and trying to stay sober a year before the Betty Ford clinic opened and made sobriety popular.

Nina, Once again I have benefitted from not being able to check the board regularly. I just saw your original post and while my heart was in my throat, read that you would have the results July 30th. Scrolled down and got the good news 20 seconds later. Wouldn't it be great if life were like that sometimes? No worrying time! Anyway, I am soooooo glad to hear that things are okay with you.

Orlando, Florida

Couldn't decide where to put this but decided to put it in Survivors, since that's where it applies - What's the dumbest thing someone has said when told that you had lung cancer? Mine has to be (just recently) - I told a neighbor that I was a 4 year lung cancer survivor and she said "oh my God, I never would have guessed - you have beautiful skin". I must have looked puzzled because she quickly stammered- "Well, I would think if you had lung cancer your skin wouldn't have such good tone". Ummm yeah. Maybe it makes some sort of sense somewhere and would if I was ill today, but would that be your first response for crying out loud? Like wow, I may have lung cancer, but damn it, my skin rocks.

Connie, So glad you stuck around to prove to everyone it can be done! Congrats on the 12 years, I know it hasn't always been an easy ride.

My cat Casey was an independant cat (we suited each other), he would sleep in my bed but not on top of me. However when I was sick or sad, he would come up on my chest, make a little noise and lay right there. I always knew that HE knew when something was wrong. I'm afraid the cats I have now aren't as intuitive and would rather something did happen to me so they could take over the whole bed...

Every year I make it to my next birthday, my birthday wish has come true.

I always tip when I get curb-side service. Figure the waitress/waiter has to take their time to put my food together and bring it out. I usually tip at Chinese Restaurants if they have a cup there with the subtle "tips" written on it - I don't mind rewarding good customer service when I find it.

Used to not even want to try it- Now I love it. Go figure!

Eileen, Congrats on the quit!! You are past the physical addiction part, its' easier to handle the mental part without the physical craving. Just keep thinking it through. And hey, you are one of the strongest people I know.